Could you help a new gal??

[believeil]

http://www.literotica.com/s/opportunity-for-pleasure I'd love some feed back on my story... It's my very first attempt at writting anything fun. I compose formal letters and business stuff all the time, but writting just for the joy of it???? ya.. this is all new to me.
I read ALL THE time & know what I like and what I don't... but when it comes to ME WRITTING?? Golly Molly.... this stuff is hard! lol
& When it comes to dialoge??? I'm terrible at it, and prefer my characters to shut up and just have sex I guess.
I have it open to public comments & would love some imput, suggestions and constructive critisism.

Oh... & it's straight, girl comes to town and has affair with old lover.

 

[DeeJay2609]

Who am I to criticise, it was a great story and I just wanted to be him. I really enjoyed the story line.
As a poster still afraid to go live in SRP I have nothing but admiration for your initiative.
Lets see more of your work.

 

[PennLady]

Hi. Thanks, btw, for noting it was a straight scene -- nice not to be surprised when you click on the story.

I read this and it's fine. There are a number of what I'd call "tiny" errors, such as the wrong word used -- you have "week" when you mean "weak" at one point. Of course the problem there is a spell check won't catch it; a grammar checker might, but I don't know. Also "burry" instead of "bury."

Numbers should be spelled out, so it should have been "thirty minutes," "three o'clock," that sort of thing.

I have to admit, I would have liked names for the characters, but no big deal there. It can be fun to keep it more anonymous. I did have to wonder, though, if the sex is so great and they seem to care about each other so much, why they haven't made more of an effort to be together. Guess that's another story.

 

[DeeJay2609]

http://www.literotica.com/s/opportunity-for-pleasure I'd love some feed back on my story... It's my very first attempt at writting anything fun. I compose formal letters and business stuff all the time, but writting just for the joy of it???? ya.. this is all new to me.
I read ALL THE time & know what I like and what I don't... but when it comes to ME WRITTING?? Golly Molly.... this stuff is hard! lol
& When it comes to dialoge??? I'm terrible at it, and prefer my characters to shut up and just have sex I guess.
I have it open to public comments & would love some imput, suggestions and constructive critisism.

Oh... & it's straight, girl comes to town and has affair with old lover.

If and when you get a chance send me a pm, yours isn't switched on yet I have some ideas about some story lines we could maybe work on together
DJ

 

[believeil]

I wanted to use an editor to help find those little gramatical things, but the choosing an editor thing was completely overwhelming to me. There are a zillion of them & I didn't know how to choose, so I just gave up. If any of you have suggestions for editiors, I'd sincerely appreciate it.

&& yes.. I struggled with the character naming... finnally deciding that the reader could immagine whatever guy and girl they wanted. I guess it was really personal preference because IRL I know exactly which two names to use, hahaha. But.. perhaps I should go back and name them??

The story isn't really finished. In the story line, she doesn't fly outa town until the next morning, so there is plenty of time for a lot more fun, BUT I thought I should get some feedback on the first part before I continued on. && I haven't decided exactly which dirrection I wanna go with it...
As one of you pointed out, these two lovers seem to have a "thing" going on, So- do I go lovey dovey and put some emotions in it? or do I just let them have wild crazy sex until the next morning?? or do I focus on the struggle between the two??? But I do know I certainly don't want it toooooo overly emotional, because well... It's literotica not a romance novel. lol

eh... IDK... BUT I'm open to suggestions!!! (including what kinds of sexual activites they do as well).

Thank you all very much for your input!!! I appreciate it!

-Veil

 

[CarlusMagnus]

It's literotica not a romance novel.

Does the former really exclude the latter?

 

[roomfor1more]

Overall I liked the story, structure wise it was fine, and I liked the length. The one problem I had with it was it read, "rough." By "rough" I mean the story did not flow and it was apparent to me that it more editing could have been done on it. For example, "She was actually thrilled; because that meant an over night trip, and perhaps she could visit her old lover while she was in town." This sentence to me demonstrates where taking more time to edit would help. In my opinion, even though you use a semi-colon it is a long sentence and breaking it down might down might have helped. A possible way it could be written: Actually, she was thrilled. Since, it meant an over night trip and the possibility of visiting her ex-lover. Therefore, if you had taken the time to edit it and focused on having the story read smoother, I feel, it would have made it a better story. This comment should not take away from the fact that overall you did a good job at writing the story.

 

[PennLady]

It's literotica not a romance novel. lol

They're not mutually exclusive. I've done romance "novels"on here, with sex, and so have a ton of other people.

 

[meshylee]

Let's not get our panties in a wad... literotica/romance novel- Of course they are not mutually exclusive.

I was refering to MY WORK. It was a short story with a sexual focus, not a romance novel! Just me, calling my work what it was...And I have no interest in turning it into a romance novel.

Thank you for the constructive critism on the flow & roughness. I agree... I felt it could have gone smoother. I am hoping to findsomeone to work with me on future pieces and/or an editor. By the time I've written it and read it 100 times I get bogged down... Plus, I find that my formal writting skills that I have to use so often IRL at work, really get in the way of creative writting. Your absolutely corret- Who uses semicolons?? ...no one. lol && I tend to get overly descriptive and have way too many run on sentences.

 

[PennLady]

Let's not get our panties in a wad... literotica/romance novel- Of course they are not mutually exclusive.

I was refering to MY WORK. It was a short story with a sexual focus, not a romance novel! Just me, calling my work what it was...And I have no interest in turning it into a romance novel.

Thank you for the constructive critism on the flow & roughness. I agree... I felt it could have gone smoother. I am hoping to findsomeone to work with me on future pieces and/or an editor. By the time I've written it and read it 100 times I get bogged down... Plus, I find that my formal writting skills that I have to use so often IRL at work, really get in the way of creative writting. Your absolutely corret- Who uses semicolons?? ...no one. lol && I tend to get overly descriptive and have way too many run on sentences.

Didn't mean to sound annoyed with that. Just saying -- there's lots of romantic stuff out there, even short romantic and erotic stories (though I wouldn't say they're necessarily my strength).

I do hope you can find an editor -- best way might be to request on the Editor's forum.

As for semi-colons, well, I use them. But I can see where it'd be hard to leave the formal training behind. Loosening up is easier said than done. On the other hand, maybe you could take the opposite way and try to make the skills you have work for you.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Overall I liked the story, structure wise it was fine, and I liked the length. The one problem I had with it was it read, "rough." By "rough" I mean the story did not flow and it was apparent to me that it more editing could have been done on it. For example, "She was actually thrilled; because that meant an over night trip, and perhaps she could visit her old lover while she was in town." This sentence to me demonstrates where taking more time to edit would help. In my opinion, even though you use a semi-colon it is a long sentence and breaking it down might down might have helped. A possible way it could be written: Actually, she was thrilled. Since, it meant an over night trip and the possibility of visiting her ex-lover. Therefore, if you had taken the time to edit it and focused on having the story read smoother, I feel, it would have made it a better story. This comment should not take away from the fact that overall you did a good job at writing the story.

Not at all smoother, given that this statement isn't a sentence.

 

[CarlusMagnus]

Just saying -- there's lots of romantic stuff out there, even short romantic and erotic stories (though I wouldn't say they're necessarily my strength).

I've read some of your short romantic and erotic stories, PL, and I thought they were some of the best I've read. If those come from your weakness, then I'd better read all the rest of your stuff.

 

[believeil]

Funny... no one has pointed out my huge comment F-A-I-L. lol

 

[Ozone32]

Looked to pm you but did not have turned on

 

[PennLady]

I've read some of your short romantic and erotic stories, PL, and I thought they were some of the best I've read. If those come from your weakness, then I'd better read all the rest of your stuff.

Thank you, CM. I think what I mean is that based on scores, they're my "weakest," and the truth is that more than once I've set out to write something short or short-ish, and then next thing I know, it's at least three parts long with all that character and plot development stuff.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Funny... no one has pointed out my huge comment F-A-I-L. lol

You have to understand that we in the AH are mostly a bunch of lazy post-modernists. We skim, and use threads as excuses to get into discussions among ourselves.

 

[CarlusMagnus]

...next thing I know, it's at least three parts long...

I reckon anything less than half-a-dozen parts long is "short".

 

[believeil]

You have to understand that we in the AH are mostly a bunch of lazy post-modernists. We skim, and use threads as excuses to get into discussions among ourselves.

What?? Thread jacking my post by turning my thread into shameless attempts for people to get their own stories read??? lol!

Baahahaa.. It's all fun game. & I enjoyed reading some of the other stories.

 

[PennLady]

I reckon anything less than half-a-dozen parts long is "short".

Oh, well then, I only have one "long" story up by those standards.

 

[sr71plt]

A "full-length" short story currently is considered to be 3,000 to 5,000 words. All of these long, rambling--often self-indulgent--stories at Lit. are novellas or novels by industry standards. Let's not be changing the definition of a short story--it's a story that can be read at one setting. In today's world, what folks will read in one setting is getting shorter, not longer.

A story that takes just one or two Lit. pages is well within the "short story" zone.

 

[PennLady]

A "full-length" short story currently is considered to be 3,000 to 5,000 words. All of these long, rambling--often self-indulgent--stories at Lit. are novellas or novels by industry standards. Let's not be changing the definition of a short story--it's a story that can be read at one setting. In today's world, what folks will read in one setting is getting shorter, not longer.

A story that takes just one or two Lit. pages is well within the "short story" zone.

Well, by that standard I guess I'm in novella territory most of the time, if not novel. I can't seem to stay under 17-20k words most times.

 

[sr71plt]

Well, by that standard I guess I'm in novella territory most of the time, if not novel. I can't seem to stay under 17-20k words most times.

Try selling that length to a commercial literary journal (or even Web site) or entering it in a mainstream contest.

Lit. authors can certainly be self-indulgent about lengths, but they get the raspberries when they try to say what's good here flies anywhere in the mainstream world. (Good to go in e-booking, though.)

 

[PennLady]

Try selling that length to a commercial literary journal (or even Web site) or entering it in a mainstream contest.

Lit. authors can certainly be self-indulgent about lengths, but they get the raspberries when they try to say what's good here flies anywhere in the mainstream world. (Good to go in e-booking, though.)

Well, wait, I'm agreeing with you. With stories of that length, I'm obviously not writing short stories, and that's fine. The stories are as long as they are, and when I edit, I'm deleting more than I'm adding. I haven't sent any of my stuff to mainstream pubs, e or otherwise, and if I did, I'd adhere to whatever rules there were.

 

[CarlusMagnus]

Well, wait, I'm agreeing with you. With stories of that length, I'm obviously not writing short stories, and that's fine. The stories are as long as they are, and when I edit, I'm deleting more than I'm adding. I haven't sent any of my stuff to mainstream pubs, e or otherwise, and if I did, I'd adhere to whatever rules there were.

On the other hand, sr71plt likes to impose commercial standards on everything. If he's consistent, he prefers supermarket tomatoes---fresh from the strip mine---to home-grown.

One of the beauties of Lit. is that we aren't selling anything, and we may therefore make our own standards. I personally consider "one sitting" to be several hours---say, an evening. (Not counting pee breaks, of course, or time to splash more scotch over more ice.) And I am well aware that I am, shall we say, unusual.

I gave my rules of thumb for how long a story should be in another thread just the other day. Here they are again:

• If it goes past the end, it's too long.
• If it doesn't get to the end, it's too short.

 

[PennLady]

On the other hand, sr71plt likes to impose commercial standards on everything. If he's consistent, he prefers supermarket tomatoes---fresh from the strip mine---to home-grown.

One of the beauties of Lit. is that we aren't selling anything, and we may therefore make our own standards. I personally consider "one sitting" to be several hours---say, an evening. (Not counting pee breaks, of course, or time to splash more scotch over more ice.) And I am well aware that I am, shall we say, unusual.

I gave my rules of thumb for how long a story should be in another thread just the other day. Here they are again:

• If it goes past the end, it's too long.
• If it doesn't get to the end, it's too short.

LOL Those are good rules.

See, one sitting for me is far less than that; I just don't have that kind of time. So to me, a "short story" on Lit is one that's four screen pages or less, which I know translates to about 10-12k words, roughly.

However, SR is right in that there have been standards established as to what is a short story, a novella, a novel, etc. By these counts, the only "short story" I've written here is "Morning Sun," which I think was about 2500 words.

Now, I found this on Wikipedia, which obviously isn't the be-all and end-all of sources, but it's a decent starting point for finding info.

Here's one about word count in fiction: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Word_count#In_fiction

Here's one about short stories specifically: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Short_story#Length