Ya know what burns my ass?

[EmeraldKitten]

..a flame, about three feet high.

Just basically wanted to waste some space and say hello, I've missed you guys!

No, but seriously. I have decided that people, as a whole, are mostly useless.

They're impatient. Rude. Unfriendly.

When I tell someone to have a nice day, I hate when they stare at me, or when they grunt, or when they don't reply.
Usually, its a combo of any of the above.
My answer to that is now, "Thanks, I will too." Maybe it will get them thinking. Or, maybe I'm just a bitch. Who knows?

Don't question me. Your straw is in the bag, I assure you. This ain't my first rodeo.

Oh, and one last thing. It's pronounced 'onion'. There is no 'g' in that word. Nowhere to be found. Stop sticking it in there.

 

[kimbalee]

chuckling. EK, you are cracking me up. lol

(hug) missed you. good to see you back.

 

[The_Fool]

I would have said the answer was spicy food.

 

[rgraham666]

Hi Kitten. Nice to see you again.

There's a reason I'm agoraphobic.

 

[TE999]

Lighting farts?

Good to see you again, Kitten.

 

[Handley_Page]

Welcome back, Kitten.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Hi you guys. Thank you!

So I'm my own woman in the hairdressing world nowadays, and I do what I want!
Well, I scheduled myself in at 8 this morning... I think I need to talk to my boss.

Woke up a minute before my alarm, at 5:44. Why? Because I was having a crazy ass dream that felt like it took all night.
There was a bear and my boyfriend used our dogs to lure it to the yard...? Why he didn't just leave it alone is beyond me. Anyway, he got it to the gate, and went to butt it with the gun- hello! It's a freaking gun! Shoot the damn thing!- and the bear kicked his ass, lol.
Meanwhile, I'm watching through the windows, my bf is laying on the sidewalk, and I'm calling 911.. only no one answers. Tell me why I am getting an answering machine? lol. Well, the bf wakes up, gets inside, and the bear starts attacking the windows.

Sounds crazy, right? Well yeah, it is...but I woke up scared, lol. It was pretty realistic. As of right now, about 40 minutes later, I'm still on edge. Weird huh?
Must've been that smoothie last night, lol.

Good morning world! May no bears attack your windows today!

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Boyfriends, dogs and bears, oh my!

 

[rgraham666]

Bears never come to downtown Toronto.

Morning Kitten.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I read Bear as Beer, and was quite confused the first time through

And VM doesn't attack the windows, he knocks on the door and sweet talks his way in

 

[TE999]

I read Bear as Beer, and was quite confused the first time through

And VM doesn't attack the windows, he knocks on the door and sweet talks his way in

Then he will cook you dinner.

 

[TxRad]

Morning EK

No bears in this neck of the woods. Of course down where I am on this job, you can see over the trees for the most part.

Now if you want to talk coyotes and rattle snakes.... Got lots of them critters.

 

[oggbashan]

Chicken Vindaloo burns my arse.

I still order it, knowing that there will be fiery consequences.

But only two or three times a year. My insides can't take a Vindaloo scouring more often than that.

 

[bigReadingMan]

I don't even know you and I'm missing you already.

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

Forgetting the sunscreen?

 

[Series 6]

Oh, and one last thing. It's pronounced 'onion'. There is no 'g' in that word. Nowhere to be found. Stop sticking it in there.

I've never heard "onion" pronounced with a "g" in it. Where, pray tell, were they putting it?

 

[LunaEroticaMystica]

Oh EmKit, you know I could have so much fun interpreting this dream for you, right?

Yay for being your own boss! But you've always been your own woman.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Morning EK

No bears in this neck of the woods. Of course down where I am on this job, you can see over the trees for the most part.

Now if you want to talk coyotes and rattle snakes.... Got lots of them critters.

Family reunion?

 

[estragon]

EK, Welcome Welcome Welcome

but did you have to bring the troll with you?

 

[TxRad]

but did you have to bring the troll with you?

No, comes without any help from anyone except himself. Interpret that any way you want.

 

[mynameisben]

..a flame, about three feet high.

This might seem like an obvious question, but have you considered keeping your ass clear of three foot high flames? It works for me. I am left to wonder, though, where it is you live that three foot high flames are a common hazard. Hmm... maybe that devil emoticon is a clue.

Just basically wanted to waste some space and say hello, I've missed you guys!

Don't think for one moment that all of us guys haven't missed you, too. Hi Emerald! Good to see you!

No, but seriously. I have decided that people, as a whole, are mostly useless.

Is that to say you only have use for dismembered or processed people? I suppose people parts are always good for making Soylent Green.

They're impatient. Rude. Unfriendly.

Fuck you.

When I tell someone to have a nice day, I hate when they stare at me, or when they grunt, or when they don't reply.
Usually, its a combo of any of the above.
My answer to that is now, "Thanks, I will too." Maybe it will get them thinking. Or, maybe I'm just a bitch. Who knows?

I think the problem most people have with "Have a nice day" is that every pimple-puss'ed automaton working at McDonald's or Burger King passionlessly drones the exact same expression to everyone they meet, every day, for no other reason than fear of getting fired. The greeting drips with all the sincerity from which courtesy at gunpoint can aspire. Overuse, long ago, has wrung the last atom of meaning from "Have a nice day" forever.

Another problem with the expression is, even if taken for its literal meaning, most people simply do not know how to have a nice day. A complete stranger (You) has just instructed them to perform a task they haven't the murkiest clue how to accomplish. That may account for some of the blank stares you get in return, or snarls of resentment. For you have implied that you know how to have a nice day, so everybody else must possess your gift as well. But they do not, and they resent you for flouting your superiority right in their faces.

I think the world would be a much happier place if sentient people like yourself abandoned "Have a nice day" for good. Even a subtle change like "Have a good one" is light years better, because there is no pressure implied. Have a good what? It's entirely up to them, and everyone is good at something. The subtly modified greeting plants the seed in their heads that there is some good that they can do, and you wish them well in aspiring to it. No one but a complete ogre would ever resent you for saying that. And secretly, you want the ogres to fuck off and die anyway. Post processed, they makes for mighty good Soylent Green.

Don't question me. Your straw is in the bag, I assure you. This ain't my first rodeo.

Always check the bag, and don't ever worry about challenging their integrity by doing so. They have none. They're only working there long enough to scrape up the money for their next crack fix. If you come back to the same drive-thu window two weeks later, there is no chance at all of seeing them again.

Oh, and one last thing. It's pronounced 'onion'. There is no 'g' in that word. Nowhere to be found. Stop sticking it in there.

I've never heard of anyone pronouncing "onion" with a g, no matter where I choose to stick it (be nice). But if you stick two g's in there and scramble the letters a little, you get "ongoing". I'll still pronounce "ongoing" the way I know you prefer it, though, just to avoid any possibility of an onion feud.

Please forgive me for all my rants. I hope you realize I meant "Fuck you" only in jest. And...

Have a nice day!

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Hello again, some of my favorite people.
This thread has cracked me up. Yay!

As far as the bear issue goes- if one was to come a'knockin, I'd definitely want it to be VM. Thanks for the suggestion!

No Vindaloo, so that's not it, and my ass has probably never seen the sun, so lack of sunscreen wasn't a factor either.

Luna, knock yourself out interpreting it, lol, though I'm not sure I wanna hear the results! lol.

They stick the 'g' so it sounds like they're saying 'un-guh-ion'
Must be an Ohio thing. Stupid hicks. But it makes me insane!!!!!! lol.

Hey, I left my troll at home. This one found it's way all by itself.

Ben... that was a lot of effort you put into your reply. Let's see here.
1. The devil might be a clue. but mostly it was me being my precious self.
2. I missed you guys too. Thank you!
3. I don't like people as a whole, so I doubt I'd enjoy them in any other form.
4. Fuck you back.
5. I'm with ya there on the have a nice day thing. As a manager, I've actually told the crew to say it like they mean it. It does mean nothing if some douche bag is mindlessly saying the same thing to every person.
I do switch it up, and I am also a big fan of 'have a good one.' But, I also infuse my voice with such warmth and friendliness, and they probably think I mean it, even though I could give a rats ass what kind of day they have.
Some people I even secretly hope bad things happen to. Nothing drastic, but maybe a flat tire or perhaps a wedgie.
I do try to sound happy to be doing what I'm doing. I made the career choice- it's not their fault I work in fast food. But I could call them a bitch and make it feel like a hug.
6. I always check the bag when I go through a drive thru. I know all the bad things that can happen from window to window to make your order wrong. But I give a glance myself, not ask the person at the window every tiny thing about my order. They don't give. a. fuck. if your straw is in there, and don't ask if there is pickle on your sandwich. Don't know, didn't make it.
(I think I'm a lifer. I've worked at this restaurant off and on for twelve years. This time, I'm climbing the ladder. I am going to wear pretty clothes and sit in a office and think up ways to make the peon miserable. Muahahhaa!)
7. Thank you, for pronouncing ongoing correctly. It makes my day bright.
I too, meant fuck you back in jest. Unless ya wanna meet up later...?
Have a good'un!

 

[TxRad]

Onion with a "G" would be Ongin, and yes, I've heard some people pronounce it that way on purpose no less.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

but did you have to bring the troll with you?

ESTROGENT

I add testosterone...

 

[jomar]

What's wrong with ongin? I check books out from the libary and used to listen to alblums.