My First Literotica Story

[CameronQuick]

Hey All,

I posted a true story and I hope you read it and like it. It'll be an ongoing diary and you'll know after reading it that I'm having fun for the first time in years!

http://www.literotica.com/s/the-lars-and-paula-diaries

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Cameron

 

[roomfor1more]

Hi Cameron,

I found the story to be a typical group sex / threesome story. This means it was not amazing, it was not a story that I included in my favorites but at the same time it was not bad. If you want improve my feeling you need to find a way to make your writing flow smoother and include details. By details, I do not mean describing things. Instead I mean including things that draws out the details of the story. This means including things such as thoughts, feelings, dialog, sights, smells, sounds, and other descriptions to pull the reader into the story.

 

[CameronQuick]

Hi Cameron,

I found the story to be a typical group sex / threesome story. This means it was not amazing, it was not a story that I included in my favorites but at the same time it was not bad. If you want improve my feeling you need to find a way to make your writing flow smoother and include details. By details, I do not mean describing things. Instead I mean including things that draws out the details of the story. This means including things such as thoughts, feelings, dialog, sights, smells, sounds, and other descriptions to pull the reader into the story.

Thanks Roomy......I was trying to be succinct and just tell what happened, but I will make an effort to be more of an author.

 

[40ishCouple]

As a happily married couple who are group sex lovers, we liked the story a lot....is it really true? The third section is very hot....

Bob n Pat

 

[kissmeXY]

the first story i read here on lit is in mature section category..
about a professor ..how he took the virginity of this girl..they both attracted to each other..but at first the girl hesitated so in their first sex,they mostly do oral...and then the girl like it soo much she decided he wants the real thing..and the next day day..when the professor came for work..she found the girl in his office in her uniform but with no panties and her bag with a dozen condom.lol..and then they do it..i forgot the title..and i have to find it again.lol

 

[CameronQuick]

As a happily married couple who are group sex lovers, we liked the story a lot....is it really true? The third section is very hot....

Bob n Pat

Thanks!....

 

[CameronQuick]

the first story i read here on lit is in mature section category..
about a professor ..how he took the virginity of this girl..they both attracted to each other..but at first the girl hesitated so in their first sex,they mostly do oral...and then the girl like it soo much she decided he wants the real thing..and the next day day..when the professor came for work..she found the girl in his office in her uniform but with no panties and her bag with a dozen condom.lol..and then they do it..i forgot the title..and i have to find it again.lol

Not sure I understand the "feedback" nature of this post....but.....thank you?

 

[lovecraft68]

Hey All,

I posted a true story and I hope you read it and like it. It'll be an ongoing diary and you'll know after reading it that I'm having fun for the first time in years!

http://www.literotica.com/s/the-lars-and-paula-diaries

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Cameron

I agree with "room" the sex was hot and the premise fine. See what I think is you are writing it like a journal. You were there so know all the little things that were going on but just writing the "meat and potato's"

Well see the reader was not there and we want everything to go with the meal. Little things, what's going through their minds, how exactly do they feel etc...

The way you wrote it was like watching a porn, I see it but what's going on in the background.

I think it has potential just needs fleshing out. Go back to the first story and write it again but add things as you go. Use what you have as the skeleton and add meat to it as you go. It will be easy because you have done a lot of the work already.

 

[CameronQuick]

I agree with "room" the sex was hot and the premise fine. See what I think is you are writing it like a journal. You were there so know all the little things that were going on but just writing the "meat and potato's"

Well see the reader was not there and we want everything to go with the meal. Little things, what's going through their minds, how exactly do they feel etc...

The way you wrote it was like watching a porn, I see it but what's going on in the background.

I think it has potential just needs fleshing out. Go back to the first story and write it again but add things as you go. Use what you have as the skeleton and add meat to it as you go. It will be easy because you have done a lot of the work already.

Thank you Lovecraft....I think that rather than rewrite an already posted story I will try to embellish my future posts....I already have had another encounter that I can write about. I actually was trying to write the story as a journal...hence the title.
I love HP Lovecraft, BTW.....

 

[lovecraft68]

Thank you Lovecraft....I think that rather than rewrite an already posted story I will try to embellish my future posts....I already have had another encounter that I can write about. I actually was trying to write the story as a journal...hence the title.
I love HP Lovecraft, BTW.....

HP is my all time fav. if you want to see how dedicated I am check my pic in my profile. I also like the double entendre the name has for erotica. I'm born and still reside in Providence and go to the tour of his grave every year.

 

[MichaelWest]

I enjoyed it. You crafted several engaging scenes that painted a picture; however, I felt I was getting raw facts and these were rushed.

Perhaps you could frame it as you telling the story. This would make me the reader a listener to your recollecting the fragments of memory, certain things vivid and detailed, others fuzzy or forgotten.

I would like to see it broken into three stories. And develop how the narrator is apparently conflicted by the homoerotic developments. I think it adds a tension to the story that speaks to temptation and how lust can overwhelm inhibition.

I hope that helps.

 

[CameronQuick]

I enjoyed it. You crafted several engaging scenes that painted a picture; however, I felt I was getting raw facts and these were rushed.

Perhaps you could frame it as you telling the story. This would make me the reader a listener to your recollecting the fragments of memory, certain things vivid and detailed, others fuzzy or forgotten.

I would like to see it broken into three stories. And develop how the narrator is apparently conflicted by the homoerotic developments. I think it adds a tension to the story that speaks to temptation and how lust can overwhelm inhibition.

I hope that helps.

Michael, thanks for your feedback.
It is me telling the story, and it is actually happening and I am truly conflicted. It is not in me to make love to another man, but I have a pretty high tolerance to being around other guys making love to women or other guys too, apparently. I'm just not joining in on it. My friend Paula refuses to eat a pussy, she really does not enjoy it. She does allow a woman to eat her, however, and can enjoy that. I can't seem to even make that leap, although if you read my diary you already know that Lars and Mark have eaten my cum.

This is by far the best time I've had since my 20's....i was married in my 30's, which wasn't bad but less adventurous.

 

[MichaelWest]

I forgot to vote when I first read it, so I did that today.

I could see this being expanded greatly. Perhaps a developing romance with Paula? Perhaps taboo in this scenario, both being the more conservative players who feel an alliance against the peer pressure of the others.

Perhaps a relationship between Lars and Mark? Leaving you extra duties to please the wives?

Many plot twists and conflicted emotions. Intrigues and politics between these sexual partners, spouses and you.

Perhaps an exploration of how you would feel if you fell to their temptation? A male-male-male scene. It could be just a what-if. A straight guy trying to figure out if it arouses you enough or you just can't get into it. Fascinating I would imagine.

 

[CameronQuick]

Been away.....thank you Michael, for your feedback and ideas.
I should be getting back to writing some more diary entries next week.

 

[EmersonLP]

I just got here so I don't know.

 

[CameronQuick]

I just got here so I don't know.

Well, if you don't know how am I supposed to know?