One size dose;nt fit all?

[Kurokami]

I could tell you stories that would make you gasp in shock and awe...
I have three boys all under the age of 7. Life is FUN some days...and I don't mean that in the "C'mon kids we're going to the amusement park" type of way...

Oh, I think the capitalized 'fun' made it pretty clear which way you meant it I can't wait for the FUN to start, since I really got dropped in the deep end here, being a first time father of twin girls. I have no experience in that! There aren't any handholds for me to grab onto there, what the hell do I know about girls?

 

[GrimsPet]

So how did you find out what fitted you?

What methods, tools and means did you use to allow your Dom to know what you needed ? To express your desires to your sub? To find the "perfect" fit?

Exploration, several years of it. Lots of communication as well. Master and I talk constantly about what we like and don't like so there are no surprises. He doesn't expect me to be a mind-reader and I don't expect him to be either. We share our fantasies and our turn-ons, we share what turns us off as well and out soft and hard limits. For example - I know Master would never let me use a strap-on on him if we decided to switch roles for a night. Just will never happen. It's a hard limit for him and I respect that. We figured it out through communicating our needs and desires. Just as he knows there will never be any cutting, needle play or anything really hard-core done to me as those are hard limits for me. Again this was learned through communication.

I met Master oddly enough on a board devoted to a mutual hobby of miniature painting. He had a love affair with painting figures of women in bondage. It kind of screamed, "Save me from my vanilla life!" So I did.

 

[goddamhippy]

yeah, exactly-- it's the supreme argument stopper!

Dittoed

 

[slave_]

Everyone is different, every relationship is different!!!

It is NOT black and white.

It always annoys me, and no, I am not referring to anyone here, just a general pet peeve... when people think there is some script to follow. That in order to be Dom or sub, Master or slave one has to act, behave, run thier life and actions based on some profile.

It is always what is best for you and your partner... ALWAYS! It is not right or wrong and does not make you more or less of a Dom or sub... or Master or slave if you do or do not do X, Y or Z that works well for others.

In any relationship, vanilla or otherwise, it is what makes those in the relationship happy and communication... period!

 

[callinectes2]

How did I find what fit me? A slow process of realizing I was submissive throughout the course of several long-term vanilla relationships and then having the sheer dumb luck of meeting THE man. When we met it all slid into place.

 

[goddamhippy]

How did I find what fit me? A slow process of realizing I was submissive throughout the course of several long-term vanilla relationships and then having the sheer dumb luck of meeting THE man. When we met it all slid into place.

Shear dumb luck gets us all a long way :-D

 

[Stella_Omega]

Everyone is different, every relationship is different!!!

It is NOT black and white.

It always annoys me, and no, I am not referring to anyone here, just a general pet peeve... when people think there is some script to follow. That in order to be Dom or sub, Master or slave one has to act, behave, run thier life and actions based on some profile.

It is always what is best for you and your partner... ALWAYS! It is not right or wrong and does not make you more or less of a Dom or sub... or Master or slave if you do or do not do X, Y or Z that works well for others.

In any relationship, vanilla or otherwise, it is what makes those in the relationship happy and communication... period!

In leather, and to a much smaller extent in het/pan BDSM, the labels of Dom, sub, master, slave, top and bottom have meaning. They describe roles. There is a lot of variance within those roles, but I heard a whole table of people talk about a guy who calls himself Master-- every one agreed that his new "sub" girlfriend is calling the shots all the way, driving his social career (and making him some enemies) and he is losing his cred. If a Dominant doesn't dominate, if a Master won't master, if the buck doesn't stop with the boss... then you've rendered the terms meaningless and laughable. Which IMO, is quite often the case, and usually can be fixed by a better understanding of which terms fit what circumstance-- but you all know my opinion already

 

[slave_]

In leather, and to a much smaller extent in het/pan BDSM, the labels of Dom, sub, master, slave, top and bottom have meaning. They describe roles. There is a lot of variance within those roles, but I heard a whole table of people talk about a guy who calls himself Master-- every one agreed that his new "sub" girlfriend is calling the shots all the way, driving his social career (and making him some enemies) and he is losing his cred. If a Dominant doesn't dominate, if a Master won't master, if the buck doesn't stop with the boss... then you've rendered the terms meaningless and laughable. Which IMO, is quite often the case, and usually can be fixed by a better understanding of which terms fit what circumstance-- but you all know my opinion already

mmmmm... Beautiful Stella!

Thank you for this. I wrote what I did, with what you made so clear, already in mind. From the get go, absolutely, roles have meaning and is the core of who one is. Without that, as in the "master" you described above, it is laughable. I have come across this with the "dom" or "master" stomping their feet like a child (well, figuratively) insisting who they are and I just shake my head and think "OK... whatever gets you through the night."

 

[Stella_Omega]

mmmmm... Beautiful Stella!

Thank you for this. I wrote what I did, with what you made so clear, already in mind. From the get go, absolutely, roles have meaning and is the core of who one is. Without that, as in the "master" you described above, it is laughable. I have come across this with the "dom" or "master" stomping their feet like a child (well, figuratively) insisting who they are and I just shake my head and think "OK... whatever gets you through the night."

Actually, now that I am moving about in my local circles? I'm watching doms and dommes, masters and mistresses stamping their petulant little feet in real time and physical space.

I'm not surprised, you understand... just impatient to get though all of the flotsam and jetsam.

 

[slave_]

Actually, now that I am moving about in my local circles? I'm watching doms and dommes, masters and mistresses stamping their petulant little feet in real time and physical space.

I'm not surprised, you understand... just impatient to get though all of the flotsam and jetsam.

Oy! That sounds VERY trying and I give you credit for even witnessing this for more than 2.5 seconds.

One reason why I never went to a local munch. I tend to listen, may raise an eyebrow, then walk. Doesn't bode well for an extensive social life; but then again, it keeps my blood pressure down.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Oy! That sounds VERY trying and I give you credit for even witnessing this for more than 2.5 seconds.

One reason why I never went to a local munch. I tend to listen, may raise an eyebrow, then walk. Doesn't bode well for an extensive social life; but then again, it keeps my blood pressure down.

yeah.. and I'm looking exactly, for a social life. it doesn't have to be extensive, eventually. But ya gotta kiss a lot of frogs and all that..

 

[slave_]

yeah.. and I'm looking exactly, for a social life. it doesn't have to be extensive, eventually. But ya gotta kiss a lot of frogs and all that..

Very true Beautiful Stella. One reason why I have secluded myself. The frogs kicking me one too many times. I know it is not a way to live, it is a way to protect oneself... but not living.

 

[HottieMama]

Actually, now that I am moving about in my local circles? I'm watching doms and dommes, masters and mistresses stamping their petulant little feet in real time and physical space.

I remember this all too well from when I was involved in the community, and it is one of the things I am least looking forward to about going back...

That and the sub/slave/little letter herd mentality that makes me just want to vomit on my f'ing shoes...

 

[Stella_Omega]

I remember this all too well from when I was involved in the community, and it is one of the things I am least looking forward to about going back...

That and the sub/slave/little letter herd mentality that makes me just want to vomit on my f'ing shoes...

fucking shoes, what did I tell you about that?

 

[HottieMama]

fucking shoes, what did I tell you about that?

*giggles* That's actually a force of habit from being around my sons so much. I actually say that. It's always "What the f?" or "I can't f'ing stand Spongebob" etc..etc...

However, point taken. I will do better next time.

 

[Stella_Omega]

or, you can spell it out: "effing shoes, can't effing stand spongebob"

I'm an ABCDarian. I can't help it.

 

[HottieMama]

I'm an ABCDarian. I can't help it.

You know I had to EFFING Google that right?!?!?!?


(Don't beat me......Wait.......Nevermind..........Scratch that......)

 

[Stella_Omega]

You know I had to EFFING Google that right?!?!?!?

I didn't know you COULD google it, I thought I'd made it up!

I meant it as "one who has an unhealthy fascination for, or a tendency to worship, language trivia"

(Don't beat me......Wait.......Nevermind..........Scratch that......)

Umm, yeah. That's... a good idea, actually.

 

[satindesire]

So how did you find out what fitted you?

Once I found out that I was interested in "the lifestyle" of 24/7 BDSM relationships, I took my happy ass to the interbone and started reading voraciously. I came here, this very site, back in '05 as a matter of fact, and this site has been one of the very best learning resources I have ever had. I've also read some books and talked to people in person about it, my favorites are The New Topping Book, and The New Bottoming Book, because they're fantastic why-for books as opposed to your usual How-To.

What methods, tools and means did you use to allow your Dom to know what you needed ?

I understood very early on that just because I was a submissive woman in no way meant I could not talk to my partner as normally as I ever did, expressing my desires as I had them. A lot of people who are new to BDSM, bottoms/submissives/slaves especially, seem to think that somehow they cannot communicate normally anymore once they take on the mantle of a BDSM label. I, GRATEFULLY, never felt that way. So to end this verbal diarrhea, never did anything different to ask for what I needed. I just asked.

flotsam and jetsam.

That made me think of The Little Mermaid. I swear to God I'm over 18. I swear.

 

[midwestyankee]

Once I found out that I was interested in "the lifestyle" of 24/7 BDSM relationships, I took my happy ass to the interbone and started reading voraciously. I came here, this very site, back in '05 as a matter of fact, and this site has been one of the very best learning resources I have ever had. I've also read some books and talked to people in person about it, my favorites are The New Topping Book, and The New Bottoming Book, because they're fantastic why-for books as opposed to your usual How-To.



I understood very early on that just because I was a submissive woman in no way meant I could not talk to my partner as normally as I ever did, expressing my desires as I had them. A lot of people who are new to BDSM, bottoms/submissives/slaves especially, seem to think that somehow they cannot communicate normally anymore once they take on the mantle of a BDSM label. I, GRATEFULLY, never felt that way. So to end this verbal diarrhea, never did anything different to ask for what I needed. I just asked.



That made me think of The Little Mermaid. I swear to God I'm over 18. I swear.

Going back to the real ass av would go a long way toward supporting this supposition.


On point: finding another who is a good fit is as much about discovering yourself as it is about finding the right frog. I'm 60 years old and I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. It's a life-long search for some people.

 

[HottieMama]

I didn't know you COULD google it, I thought I'd made it up!

I meant it as "one who has an unhealthy fascination for, or a tendency to worship, language trivia"

From what I gather, it's a method of reading education first began in the old one room schoolhouses...


And I think it sounds like a great idea...

 

[Stella_Omega]

Going back to the real ass av would go a long way toward supporting this supposition.


On point: finding another who is a good fit is as much about discovering yourself as it is about finding the right frog. I'm 60 years old and I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. It's a life-long search for some people.

True dat! I've changed up a couple of times since I began posting here.

 

[kimuk]

Ok so the same old story ....talk about it to him. He should be home today and has 6 days worth of journal e- mail to wade through. Very much about how I see my postion and his and how I'd like our relationship to be. It should open the doors to LOTS of talking. Cant wait for him to come home!

 

[kimuk]

Ok so the same old story ....talk about it to him. He should be home today and has 6 days worth of journal e- mail to wade through. Very much about how I see my postion and his and how I'd like our relationship to be. It should open the doors to LOTS of talking. Cant wait for him to come home!

I feel like my journal has back fired on me. That I've revealed a bit to much about i feel about him. The problem being of course that once its written you cant take it back. His comments on it were reassuring and fair. But i regret sending it. Like I've bared my soul a bit too openly.

Another case of keep your mouth shut woman because your too open about how you feel! lol

Sometimes I think this is just a bit too hard.

 

[HottieMama]

I feel like my journal has back fired on me. That I've revealed a bit to much about i feel about him. The problem being of course that once its written you cant take it back. His comments on it were reassuring and fair. But i regret sending it. Like I've bared my soul a bit too openly.

Another case of keep your mouth shut woman because your too open about how you feel! lol

Sometimes I think this is just a bit too hard.

What happened?