One size dose;nt fit all?

[slave_]

I feel like my journal has back fired on me. That I've revealed a bit to much about i feel about him. The problem being of course that once its written you cant take it back. His comments on it were reassuring and fair. But i regret sending it. Like I've bared my soul a bit too openly.

Another case of keep your mouth shut woman because your too open about how you feel! lol

Sometimes I think this is just a bit too hard.

If you're planning on continuing and already have a relationship with this person, especially if he is already your Dom or Master, there is no such thing as too much information.

For me, and I know this does not apply to everyone, to be in that position of trust and to serve another completely (hard limits known etc.), that person would know all about me... who I am, the good, bad and ugly, and they accept who I am, and in that comfort of acceptance I can serve with all I am.

As I mentioned, I am aware not many think like I do. When it comes to a serious relationship, this is how I think.

Are you doing ok? What happened?

 

[callinectes2]

Shear dumb luck gets us all a long way :-D

Ha! So true. That has certainly been the case for me.

 

[kimuk]

If you're planning on continuing and already have a relationship with this person, especially if he is already your Dom or Master, there is no such thing as too much information.

For me, and I know this does not apply to everyone, to be in that position of trust and to serve another completely (hard limits known etc.), that person would know all about me... who I am, the good, bad and ugly, and they accept who I am, and in that comfort of acceptance I can serve with all I am.

As I mentioned, I am aware not many think like I do. When it comes to a serious relationship, this is how I think.

Are you doing ok? What happened?

I supose I'm afraid of showing him the ugly. I have this urge to be perfect every time and to act well. When I reveal my feelings I become needy and thats not an attractive trait. But he does understand and was kind and thoughtful about everything that was in there.

I supose i feel like I have to put myself into boxes. The sex toy. The lover. The slut. The woman , The sub. But in truth you cant seperat them as they all overlap and are who you are.

Any way he accepts my emotional madness as part of me and my fears arnt in any way confirmed by him. Its just how i feel. When you tell someone how you feel your emotoinally vunerable.

I think like most. When I'm on form I'm fun and sexy and challenging and exciting and when i'm down because I'm brooding on things he may or may not think the i'm a pain in the ass! lol

At least I can run things past you lot and often put things into perspective.

Someone told me I have to own my emotions and that there my responsibility not his and I think thats very sound advice

 

[wicked woman]

In my relationship we expanded into a BDSM relationship, realizing it was fairly new to both of us. We kept that as our starting point. We were on a journey together. Our starting point was that while we might have an idea about what we might like, that we wouldn't really know until we tried it.

Have you two completed a BDSM checklist each and then discussed it? That might be helpful. We did that in the beginning and then as we progressed, we'd revisit the checklist and update it. Interesting how it changed.

Our relationship already had a good basis in communicating, that we continued. It was important to us that for the most part that we treated each others as equals...other than when we were playing. I know for me that made it easier to communicate...not getting caught in the 'sub mentality' that satindesire mentioned. Our relationship was a LDR but we only played in person, so that helped by not adding the difficulty in communication from not being in person.

His imagination is much stronger than mine...I'm more of a follower...so it matched our personality traits for him to lead with what he would like to try. He was generous and added what he thought I might like...but not aexclusively. If there was something in particular that I would like to try, I would share that with him, and he would decide when or if, we'd try it.

Part of it is knowing what you want/need in a big picture way...service, SM, equal plus, 24/7. Part of it is just keeping an open mind to both your desires and your partners, realizing that it's a journey so not cut in stone.

Don't be hard on yourself. If we knew from the start where we would end up, it wouldn't be half as much fun. But with the fun comes lots of trial and error.

And sometimes what you learn about yourself can surprise the hell out of you. Each time I let go and felt my submission to my core, I surprised myself. That I could push past tears of pain to please him. And so many others.

Enjoy your journey.

 

[MedicalMuse]

Be confident in yourself to say "no", because you are the first tool to effective communication and relationship building. If you can't be confident to say "I don't like this shirt" you're going to end up with an awful large wardrobe of clothing that doesn't fit.

This is simple, yet true. Ive not been into this lifestyle much, I'm more vanilla with a nice smattering of kink thrown in, but it fascinates me. It's interesting to see some subs who don't realize that even though they're submissive, they still have some control. And they have to trust their Dom to not push beyond the boundary that the sub puts up. Don't be afraid to say what you need. I have a feeling once you start opening up more, your Dom will be able to give you what you need, and vice versa.

 

[slave_]

I supose I'm afraid of showing him the ugly. I have this urge to be perfect every time and to act well. When I reveal my feelings I become needy and thats not an attractive trait. But he does understand and was kind and thoughtful about everything that was in there.

I supose i feel like I have to put myself into boxes. The sex toy. The lover. The slut. The woman , The sub. But in truth you cant seperat them as they all overlap and are who you are.

Any way he accepts my emotional madness as part of me and my fears arnt in any way confirmed by him. Its just how i feel. When you tell someone how you feel your emotoinally vunerable.

I think like most. When I'm on form I'm fun and sexy and challenging and exciting and when i'm down because I'm brooding on things he may or may not think the i'm a pain in the ass! lol

At least I can run things past you lot and often put things into perspective.

Someone told me I have to own my emotions and that there my responsibility not his and I think thats very sound advice

Your self awareness is very good and very important. I am glad you are at that place within yourself... it is ever growing.

While being open with another takes bravery, it is wonderful that he appreciates you for WHO you are and hopefully your fears will subside and will allow you to be more open. And when someone accepts you when you are up or down, that helps you to be more comfortable... they are caring about who you are and not seeing you just in the physical sense.

Seems like you both doing well learning about one another. And in my opinion, that's just it, you both caring to learn... beautiful.

 

[smallgirl]

No its not a thread about butt pulgs! lol

In my never ending search for enlightenment it occurs to me that the concept of a D/s relationship differs depending on the needs of each individual.

That in essance, one size dosent fit all.

That there is much trial an error, lots of blips and glitches along the way. That ofen you can get the wrong end of the stick and totally get wrong what the other one wants ,needs and desires.

So how did you find out what fitted you?

What methods, tools and means did you use to allow your Dom to know what you needed ? To express your desires to your sub? To find the "perfect" fit?

i do not think there is a "perfect fit" for some of us.

i seriously doubt there is for myself anyway. i think i am way too jaded, and just plain fed up...

 

[kimuk]

Your self awareness is very good and very important. I am glad you are at that place within yourself... it is ever growing.

While being open with another takes bravery, it is wonderful that he appreciates you for WHO you are and hopefully your fears will subside and will allow you to be more open. And when someone accepts you when you are up or down, that helps you to be more comfortable... they are caring about who you are and not seeing you just in the physical sense.

Seems like you both doing well learning about one another. And in my opinion, that's just it, you both caring to learn... beautiful.

Oh God we learn something new about each other every day. He even said he likes the threads I write ( i was a bit worried that they might offend him) because it gives him more insight into me and allows him to know how to make our relationship work.

Hes perfect for me, as a man, as a lover , sexually, interlectually. I guess i want to be perfect for him.

A few posts above Wicked Woman said that her man was the leader , that he had more ideas and she followed. Thats very much how i feel to. But also very much how i want it to be. Yes I throw things into to pot now and then or sugest variations to a theam. Bur it feels right for him to be the instigator of things and me to follow.

You do learn so much about yourself. I told him the other day that No dosent always mean No to me. Sometimes he tells me what he wants and i say no. Because I think I cant do that or its too difficult. I know that I dont want him to say Ok thats fine. What i want is for him to say , Ok, so lets talk about this and find a way for you to do it. Or tell me why your so scared of doing this. I want to be cohearced, enticed, pursuaded into things that push me futher. And he understands.