I'm feeling very owned

[Kajira Callista]

It ia a very calm and easy place for me to be but my goodness it was one hell of a struggle to get here. Im sure that both my Daddies are now understanding that this is the place I need to be for them to have my absolute best as their girl.
I don't feel afraid and I trust both of them with all of me. They will never ever hurt me in bad ways and I feel a bit guilty that I didnt know this all along.
I have waited so long to get here again and I'm so glad it is with the two men I adore.

What does owned or owner feel like to you...in your heart?
Do we all struggle with it at times or am i just weird?
How do you know it's the right place to be with the right person?

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I'm glad you're in such a good place right now I hope you will stay that happy

 

[intothewoods]

So happy you're doing well KC, and glad to see you starting a Talk thread.

I've definitely struggled with the concept of ownership, but I end up at a different place than you. It's just never really resonated for me, for whatever reason, although my husband says he owns me and I'm his slave all the time.

Lately I've been really into thinking of D/s as a fragile agreement that could change at any time. I am constantly choosing submission and choosing him. That makes it hot to me, and tangible and so real I can taste it. Different strokes...

 

[Kajira Callista]

So happy you're doing well KC, and glad to see you starting a Talk thread.

I've definitely struggled with the concept of ownership, but I end up at a different place than you. It's just never really resonated for me, for whatever reason, although my husband says he owns me and I'm his slave all the time.

Lately I've been really into thinking of D/s as a fragile agreement that could change at any time. I am constantly choosing submission and choosing him. That makes it hot to me, and tangible and so real I can taste it. Different strokes...

I also chose to be where I am...every day. A little differently, but every day
I dont know exactly where my hot button is on this one. Will have to think about that one.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I'm glad you're in such a good place right now I hope you will stay that happy

In general, I am a pretty happy person when I am not at war with myself lol.

 

[DVS]

I'm glad you're in such a good place right now I hope you will stay that happy

Ditto to that. All warm fuzzies everywhere.

 

[intothewoods]

I also chose to be where I am...every day. A little differently, but every day
I dont know exactly where my hot button is on this one. Will have to think about that one.

Recently I also like thinking that I'm not necessarily submissive or a slave at all. Again, the idea that I am constantly bending to his will hits all of the right notes for me. In reality, I'm married and not really about to bail, but like I said, I like the head space. It works for me.

Again, the flip side totally works for my husband/PYL and I don't exactly pipe up and argue with him!

ETA - just thinking...on the idea of ownership and the fact that it could change at any moment...the owner can always sell or give away his or her property. Perhaps I like thinking of my choice in it all because I want to retain some power. Not sure.

 

[chaoticDeviance]

i struggle with "ownership" mostly because I am a flaming narcissist. I have a hard time believing that someone can possibly know what is best for me that, is well, not me. I have a horrible track record with men. They are often not smart enough to keep up with, let alone surpass my intelligence enough to make me feel comfortable with their decisions. Yes, I know this makes me sound like the biggest narcissist on the face of the planet, but whatever. I also have trust issues that I can't even explain. So putting my faith in another is not a feat easily earned. '

I also have problems with "ownership" because typically speaking I do not want to be OWNED. I'd prefer that go unsaid. Show me. Make me feel it. Beg for it even. Don't TELL me you OWN me. If you can't make that known without words, then you aren't any man that owns my ass.

I am complex as fuck and not easily dealt with. You can call me not submissive, but you have not seen me in my moment of true submissiveness. Many people think that to be a submissive is to be a doormat and give in instantly to the desires of your Master and Mistress, but I am old school. Respect is earned.

In the rare moments, that a man has owned me heart and soul. I felt a plethora of emotions. I am happy, safe, scared and furious. You have been able to make me feel happy and comfortable, but for that I hate you. I am furious at you for making me "weak." I am scared you will use me, then leave me like all the others. I am a ball of chaos. I am nothing but raw energy, both positive, negative and neutral to all others. You have become my center, the center of my univers and in your shadow I sink into the unsafe places because you are there and allow me to venture into the things I would not normally. You open me up and close me off. That is ownership to me.

But I am a crazy narcissistic bitch. <3

 

[BiBunny]

i struggle with "ownership" mostly because I am a flaming narcissist. I have a hard time believing that someone can possibly know what is best for me that, is well, not me. I have a horrible track record with men. They are often not smart enough to keep up with, let alone surpass my intelligence enough to make me feel comfortable with their decisions. Yes, I know this makes me sound like the biggest narcissist on the face of the planet, but whatever. I also have trust issues that I can't even explain. So putting my faith in another is not a feat easily earned. '

I also have problems with "ownership" because typically speaking I do not want to be OWNED. I'd prefer that go unsaid. Show me. Make me feel it. Beg for it even. Don't TELL me you OWN me. If you can't make that know without words, then you aren't any man that owns my ass.

I am complex as fuck and not easily dealt with. You can call me not submissive, but you have not seen me in my moment of true submissiveness. Many people think that to be a submissive is to be a doormat and give in instantly to the desires of your Master and Mistress, but I am old school. Respect is earned.

In the rare moments, that a man has owned me heart and soul. I felt a plethora of emotions. I am happy, safe, scared and furious. You have been able to make me feel happy and comfortable, but for that I hate you. I am furious at you for making me "weak." I am scared you will use me, then leave me like all the others. I am a ball of chaos. I am nothing but raw energy, both positive, negative and neutral to all others. You have become the my center, the center of my univers and in your shadow I sink into the unsafe places because you are there and allow me to venture into the things I would not normally. You open me up and close me off. That is ownership to me.

But I am a crazy narcissistic bitch. <3

Why are we the same person? 'Cause I feel the same way.

 

[chaoticDeviance]

Why are we the same person? 'Cause I feel the same way.

Yes, Yes. I think we may be my dear friends.

 

[HottieMama]

Why are we the same person? 'Cause I feel the same way.

I think all three of us are the same damn person... LOL.


Fundamentally, I struggle with if I am submissive or not. I know I am a bottom. I know I can switch in play if the situation warrants it. I know I do not care for the way mainstream heterosexual D/s portrays ownership... It's SO foreign to me because after 4 years of attempting it, I KNOW it is not what I want for my life...


Ehh...sometimes I think this would all be easier if we just shut up, did what felt good, and fucked.

 

[chaoticDeviance]

I think all three of us are the same damn person... LOL.


Fundamentally, I struggle with if I am submissive or not. I know I am a bottom. I know I can switch in play if the situation warrants it. I know I do not care for the way mainstream heterosexual D/s portrays ownership... It's SO foreign to me because after 4 years of attempting it, I KNOW it is not what I want for my life...


Ehh...sometimes I think this would all be easier if we just shut up, did what felt good, and fucked.

I so completely agree with you!!! I think sometimes we place way to much emphasizes on things like labeling and figuring out what to CALL what we are feeling. ><

 

[pussyg]

Now that's what i love about this site - so many different points of view and discussions on subjects that i, personally speaking, couldn't possibly have over coffee with vanilla friends. If i mentioned ownership they'd probably go running to the human rights brigade!!

For me ownership is a really interesting concept. i completely belong to my M(husband), no questions, we fit together, we belong together - i am utterly, utterly His. Having said that, He feels the same way about me too - and there are times in our lives where, at least on the outide, i have to take Him by the hand and lead Him through situations - we are human beings after all! Life just does that.

i think maybe the idea of ownership in a lifestyle sense has been somewhat distorted by wonderful pieces of very stimulating writing with tales of strong, wealthy Masters owning and dominating slaves/submissives in their power. You don't get that many stories where the Master is desperately trying to make ends meet, the kids are constantly in need of new clothes or shoes - and someone forgot to go and get the milk last night so there's a fight over the last piece of bread because no one can have cereal!!!!

Personally speaking, you find the balance that works for you - the headspace where you are most comfortable and do your best to stay there for a significant proportion of your time!!! i'm constantly getting back there - i don't seem to be able to stay in that wonderful, dreamy, happy place for any prolonged length of time - but it's getting easier to get back there. i guess it will just keep getting easier... lol x

 

[EbersMoll]

Now that's what i love about this site - so many different points of view and discussions on subjects that i, personally speaking, couldn't possibly have over coffee with vanilla friends. If i mentioned ownership they'd probably go running to the human rights brigade!!

For me ownership is a really interesting concept. i completely belong to my M(husband), no questions, we fit together, we belong together - i am utterly, utterly His. Having said that, He feels the same way about me too - and there are times in our lives where, at least on the outide, i have to take Him by the hand and lead Him through situations - we are human beings after all! Life just does that.

i think maybe the idea of ownership in a lifestyle sense has been somewhat distorted by wonderful pieces of very stimulating writing with tales of strong, wealthy Masters owning and dominating slaves/submissives in their power. You don't get that many stories where the Master is desperately trying to make ends meet, the kids are constantly in need of new clothes or shoes - and someone forgot to go and get the milk last night so there's a fight over the last piece of bread because no one can have cereal!!!!

Personally speaking, you find the balance that works for you - the headspace where you are most comfortable and do your best to stay there for a significant proportion of your time!!! i'm constantly getting back there - i don't seem to be able to stay in that wonderful, dreamy, happy place for any prolonged length of time - but it's getting easier to get back there. i guess it will just keep getting easier... lol x

True words Pussyg. FWIW, our experience is that having the faith and trust in another to completely subjugate oneself to them, or indeed to have complete control and, therefore, responsibility for another, in your normal everyday context, requires that the relationship be built on strong, even loving foundations. Furthermore, it seems to enhance the strength of those foundations as time passes.

Of course, there are moments when things don't quite work out or the gears don't quite mesh. However, viewed positively, these become shared learning experiences and over time, we have found they actually become part of the secret language shared between myself and my wife. A language that allows us to make the world go away briefly by reminding ourselves of that secret, which of all of the 6 billion of people on the planet, only we two know!

Also, there have been occasions when I have been the sub, during which I have been punished for some minor misdemeanour around the home, which has added, spice to the role play and allowed my wife to vent some frustration without it degenerating into an argument.

It is unfortunate that societal norms cause this approach to maintaining a relationship to be considered as, 'wrong' or, 'transgressive', but IMHO as long as all parties affected by the activities consent, are able to consent, and understand the joys and pitfalls, then the benefits are great indeed.

That's my 2p's worth anyhow.

 

[Kajira Callista]

i struggle with "ownership" mostly because I am a flaming narcissist. I have a hard time believing that someone can possibly know what is best for me that, is well, not me. I have a horrible track record with men. They are often not smart enough to keep up with, let alone surpass my intelligence enough to make me feel comfortable with their decisions. Yes, I know this makes me sound like the biggest narcissist on the face of the planet, but whatever. I also have trust issues that I can't even explain. So putting my faith in another is not a feat easily earned. '

I also have problems with "ownership" because typically speaking I do not want to be OWNED. I'd prefer that go unsaid. Show me. Make me feel it. Beg for it even. Don't TELL me you OWN me. If you can't make that known without words, then you aren't any man that owns my ass.

I am complex as fuck and not easily dealt with. You can call me not submissive, but you have not seen me in my moment of true submissiveness. Many people think that to be a submissive is to be a doormat and give in instantly to the desires of your Master and Mistress, but I am old school. Respect is earned.

In the rare moments, that a man has owned me heart and soul. I felt a plethora of emotions. I am happy, safe, scared and furious. You have been able to make me feel happy and comfortable, but for that I hate you. I am furious at you for making me "weak." I am scared you will use me, then leave me like all the others. I am a ball of chaos. I am nothing but raw energy, both positive, negative and neutral to all others. You have become my center, the center of my univers and in your shadow I sink into the unsafe places because you are there and allow me to venture into the things I would not normally. You open me up and close me off. That is ownership to me.

But I am a crazy narcissistic bitch. <3

The outcome is the same for me, the geting there a bit different. I am ok with being submissive and I know it is hard for a lot of people to say that. Im not stupid,nor do I need someone to direct my every day living. I am a productive member of society and oddly no one in my real world would ever suspect sub or slave. My job, my ability to parent a teen and a tween, giving up my material things to leave a bad sitiation and restart my life, taking care of mom and my every day life struggles say different. Some women understand my reactions to the Daddies (we do see each other in public settings quite often and they are both very visible figures in the community) as a crush or me being in love or respect for him, but never that I am a doormat. Not one in th real world would ever think of me as that. I am strong, stubborn, smart and beautiful, which is something that both my Daddies remind me of every day.
I struggle with the trust. Ive watched my mistrust hurt people and that in turn hurts me. Once I really understood that this very odd relationship was going to be very difficult and even sad sometimes but was never going to hurt me in a bad way I was able to take a deep breath and be who I need to be for them. Both of them, never ever being labled "Dom" before in their lives, took me very gently through the scary and set me in this place of wonderful, safe, "ahhh I am home" feelings. Its kinda like they guard my door (one of my poems explains that) and they know whats in there and how important she is to all of us.

I, for so long, just wanted a Master and look at me now... Two Daddies. I feel like someone thinks I am a very very good girl to be able to have that

 

[Kajira Callista]

Recently I also like thinking that I'm not necessarily submissive or a slave at all. Again, the idea that I am constantly bending to his will hits all of the right notes for me. In reality, I'm married and not really about to bail, but like I said, I like the head space. It works for me.

Again, the flip side totally works for my husband/PYL and I don't exactly pipe up and argue with him!

ETA - just thinking...on the idea of ownership and the fact that it could change at any moment...the owner can always sell or give away his or her property. Perhaps I like thinking of my choice in it all because I want to retain some power. Not sure.

I love to watch aha moments and it seems you are about to have one

 

[Kajira Callista]

Now that's what i love about this site - so many different points of view and discussions on subjects that i, personally speaking, couldn't possibly have over coffee with vanilla friends. If i mentioned ownership they'd probably go running to the human rights brigade!!

For me ownership is a really interesting concept. i completely belong to my M(husband), no questions, we fit together, we belong together - i am utterly, utterly His. Having said that, He feels the same way about me too - and there are times in our lives where, at least on the outide, i have to take Him by the hand and lead Him through situations - we are human beings after all! Life just does that.

i think maybe the idea of ownership in a lifestyle sense has been somewhat distorted by wonderful pieces of very stimulating writing with tales of strong, wealthy Masters owning and dominating slaves/submissives in their power. You don't get that many stories where the Master is desperately trying to make ends meet, the kids are constantly in need of new clothes or shoes - and someone forgot to go and get the milk last night so there's a fight over the last piece of bread because no one can have cereal!!!!

Personally speaking, you find the balance that works for you - the headspace where you are most comfortable and do your best to stay there for a significant proportion of your time!!! i'm constantly getting back there - i don't seem to be able to stay in that wonderful, dreamy, happy place for any prolonged length of time - but it's getting easier to get back there. i guess it will just keep getting easier... lol x

Daddy E and I are like this. We are both struggling to raise kids and participate in their lives and still make time for the things we need/want. Not easy, but then you have Daddy J (who has one in college) who is filled with the been there done that, got the tshirt-ness that balances things out lol

 

[eastern sun]

The outcome is the same for me, the geting there a bit different. I am ok with being submissive and I know it is hard for a lot of people to say that. Im not stupid,nor do I need someone to direct my every day living. I am a productive member of society and oddly no one in my real world would ever suspect sub or slave. My job, my ability to parent a teen and a tween, giving up my material things to leave a bad sitiation and restart my life, taking care of mom and my every day life struggles say different. Some women understand my reactions to the Daddies (we do see each other in public settings quite often and they are both very visible figures in the community) as a crush or me being in love or respect for him, but never that I am a doormat. Not one in th real world would ever think of me as that. I am strong, stubborn, smart and beautiful, which is something that both my Daddies remind me of every day.
I struggle with the trust. Ive watched my mistrust hurt people and that in turn hurts me. Once I really understood that this very odd relationship was going to be very difficult and even sad sometimes but was never going to hurt me in a bad way I was able to take a deep breath and be who I need to be for them. Both of them, never ever being labled "Dom" before in their lives, took me very gently through the scary and set me in this place of wonderful, safe, "ahhh I am home" feelings. Its kinda like they guard my door (one of my poems explains that) and they know whats in there and how important she is to all of us.

I, for so long, just wanted a Master and look at me now... Two Daddies. I feel like someone thinks I am a very very good girl to be able to have that

 

[eastern sun]

It ia a very calm and easy place for me to be but my goodness it was one hell of a struggle to get here. Im sure that both my Daddies are now understanding that this is the place I need to be for them to have my absolute best as their girl.
I don't feel afraid and I trust both of them with all of me. They will never ever hurt me in bad ways and I feel a bit guilty that I didnt know this all along.
I have waited so long to get here again and I'm so glad it is with the two men I adore.

What does owned or owner feel like to you...in your heart?
Do we all struggle with it at times or am i just weird?
How do you know it's the right place to be with the right person?

The feeling you describe is familiar to me. And I also associate it with being owned.

It hasn't been a fixed state though. And when I've lost that comfort zone, I've still been owned. And not at all at ease.

Owned is not one feeling. It is a state of being that encompasses many feelings and many experiences. Sometimes I feel trapped. Sometimes I feel bliss. Sometimes I feel restless. Sometimes stubborn or angry or sad. Sometimes I feel loved.

Owned feels, in my heart, like a steadiness, a throughline, a commitment. Like an act of engagement. Like a "be careful what you ask for" challenge. Like a set of walls that I've placed around myself.

Like the body that I sometimes feel trapped, restless, relaxed, blissful within.

But unlike my body, being owned extends beyond the boundaries of my own experience. It ties me always, in all ways, to another person.

Every action that I take resonates not only through myself, but through the space we occupy together. And similarly, every action that he takes resonates through me as well.

That's why it isn't always comfortable.

It's also why I associate that calm and easy place with ownership too. Because, when I cease to "fight against the ropes" and accept profoundly the reality of those bonds. I find that I can accept as well the boundaries and limitations of my own physical existence and begin to enjoy this world for what it offers.

 

[Jack199]

I'm glad you're in such a good place right now I hope you will stay that happy

I second that

 

[Kajira Callista]

It's also why I associate that calm and easy place with ownership too. Because, when I cease to "fight against the ropes" and accept profoundly the reality of those bonds. I find that I can accept as well the boundaries and limitations of my own physical existence and begin to enjoy this world for what it offers.

I feel like you pulled that out of my heart and wrote it for me
Thats exactly it. Trusting enough to let it happen.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I second that

Thank you. I am watching a bunch of online friends finally sit back down and take a deep breath knowing I have finally gotten to the place I need to be. lol

 

[KoPilot]

I think I may struggle with it... more or less until the day I die. :T

 

[SirLeo]

I think ownership only comes from the willing submission of one to another. Even though I amd the D in our relationship, m owns me every bit as much as I own her.

I am happy for you Kajira. I hope you feel as you do now for a lvery long time.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Thank you. I am watching a bunch of online friends finally sit back down and take a deep breath knowing I have finally gotten to the place I need to be. lol

:: breathe ::
:: breathe ::
:: breathe ::