slave/sub???

[curiousbbw39]

What is the difference? I have been told and read so many different things... What do you prefer and why??? Please can someone help me?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Subs submit to their dominant's will because it's what gives them pleasure-- even doing the things they don't want to do gives them pleasure. In theory at least.

Slaves are owned, like property. They do what their master says whether or not they want to, whether or not that gives them pleasure.

I'd like to point out that it's perfectly possible to not be either one of those roles and still have lots of attention paid to yourself in BDSM ways.

I really hope someone isn't telling you that you HAVE to submit to him or you won't every be a fulfilled submissive woman. If someone is telling you this, I hope you've known him more than a few days.

I am about to join a sub rescue and rehab group. And I am not joking, either-- one young lady we just met with is recovering from ligament damage because her dom told her that if she used her safeword he would be very upset-- so shes crippled for at least six months. And he trained her in some dumbass protocol so that she doesn't know how to behave in social settings any longer.

She never had a chance to play with any other men. Don't you do this. BDSM is about sex. Make sure you are sexually compatible-- before you lose your heart.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Subs submit to their dominant's will because it's what gives them pleasure-- even doing the things they don't want to do gives them pleasure. In theory at least.

Slaves are owned, like property. They do what their master says whether or not they want to, whether or not that gives them pleasure.

I'd like to point out that it's perfectly possible to not be either one of those roles and still have lots of attention paid to yourself in BDSM ways.

For a mainstream article, the wiki on bdsm actually does a really decent job of saying that there's more to life than being a slave or sub. Specially the bit under 'roles'.

I was surprised. I know it's not what the OP is looking for, but I saw it and was all 'hey, that's what Stella tells folks!' and thought you might appreciate it.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I am a owned submissive. I do what my dominant says whether I like it or not. I don't always enjoy it. Sometimes I hate it. In truth i don't even enjoy it because it gives him pleasure.

But I do what I do because I made a commitment to a relationship. That relationship as a whole gives me great pleasure. Being submissive to my dominant in general makes me happy.

Our relationship as a love affair is more important to us then our relationship as Owner and property. Perhaps that is one of the things that makes it different from M/s.

I see a M/s relationship as one where there is no discussion and no limits. I do have some hard limits. More of them have been set by my dominant then myself. He set them because even though it was something he wanted he could see the turmoil inside me when the things were brought up that he decided it wasn't worth it.

We also do not live together.

I can see a future if we did ever live together our relationship may appear more M/s. Though I will always have the option to ask for my release.

 

[curiousbbw39]

Thank you all.... Anyone else with advice?

 

[urh0227]

What is the difference? I have been told and read so many different things... What do you prefer and why??? Please can someone help me?

there is so many answers to this question it's not funny....i'm relatively new to the scene and have been doing some digging myself and thus far have seen that GENERALLY a slave is usually more permanent than a sub and sometimes being a slave means that they are submissive outside of just scenes...however that's a complete generalisation and by no means what is applied all the time...

In reality....just find something that works for you and your relationship and go with that.

That's why often on this board PYL and pyl are used....
PYL- dom, domme, top, master etc
pyl- sub, slave, bottom etc

People use these so everyone feels included...its less about the name and more about the attitude....hope this helped

 

[HottieMama]

It's really about what resonates with you personally. For some the difference between the two is subtle, and almost imperceptible. For others, it is as different as night and day. At best, I am a submissive. In reality, I am a masochistic bottom who will occasionally service top in certain areas. I have found that just using the general term submissive is accepted a lot more by other people than saying I'm a bottom. For some reason, "bottom" has a very negative connotation to it.

Like Stella said, I think exploration at this point is very helpful and necessary. Do not take one person's word as gospel on this lifestyle. There really is very little that is black and white. Above all else, have fun.

 

[xperia2995]

Subs enjoy being dominated. There is also a major confusion between submissives and masochists. You dont need a leather clad domme with a whip to be submissive. You just enjoy to be told.

 

[eastern sun]

Thank you all.... Anyone else with advice?

What kind of advice do you need? What kind of help are you asking for? Are you confused about who you are? And what label to attach to yourself?

If so, I would recommend listening to yourself. What do you call yourself in the privacy of your own mind? When no one else is around.

Then, try it on, and wear it out in public, like a new pair of clothes. See how it makes you feel, recognizing - of course - that nothing feels great 100% of the time.

You probably won't fit into any one category neatly. Very few of us do. That's why the categories are all so porous and confusing as neat semantic maps.

Ultimately it's your journey. Don't get too fixated on the billboards and miss the great landscape you're moving through.

 

[graceanne]

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