What do you expect from a Dominant?

[HottieMama]

Pretty straight-forward question... What are your personal expectations of a Dominant?? For the Dom's that might be reading this, what do you think are your responsibilities to a sub??


I'll post my answer after I see some others...

 

[Bluedragonfly16]

Besides the obvious that happens in the bedroom, He also handles everything else on the outside like finances... But also it's what he wants in the day to day life like where might go eat or movie we see and if He wants to see friends. He knows what i like so we wouldnt go eat at some restaurants or make me wear something crazy in public. He knows there's mutual respect and that i am better when i can be me. He would rather have a companion than a mindless robot with no personality.

 

[WastelandVoice]

It is about mutual respect and understanding and most importantly- trust.

There is and/or can be a dark and dirty component to it, mostly in the sexual sense, but no two d/s relationships are a like.

A lot of it has to do with control and the ability to control someone else- also their ability to let go and allow themselves to be controlled as well. There's comfort in both situations and the truly successful relationships know this fully.

To varying degrees it is about dictacting/controlling daily activities, what you are to wear, how you are to act, what activities you do, etc.

Again, no two d/s relationships are alike and with a lot of amateur endeavors into the lifestyle there's really a lot of ways to answer the question.

 

[satindesire]

I expect him first of all to be emotionally stable and mature, to handle stress with grace and strength and to be able to control his temper.

I expect him to tell me what he needs and wants, when he needs and wants it, and not expect me to read his mind. No matter how much of a good submissive I am, I am not Deana Troi and never will be.

I expect him to be fair to be, to never expect what I cannot provide. To understand that I do not say no often, so when I do, it's a serious no not to be pushed. My limits are few but incredibly important to my sanity and emotional health.

I expect him to never punish out of anger. To provide me with clear expectations and direction and never set me up to fail.

Finally, I expect him to realize that he is more than just my Dominant, he is my husband and my best friend, the father of our children, and the monetary provider of the household, therefor he needs to be responsible with money and self motivated to work hard so that we can pay our bills.

 

[HottieMama]

Thanks to all who have answered so far. I realize there are a variety of ways to answer this question, and that's part of the reason why I posed it to begin with, and why I asked as plainly as possible...

 

[redslady]

If you had asked me a year ago I would have come up with the Uber Dom. Someone who takes care of everything, who controls all aspects of our life together. Who issued orders and sat back and expected perfection.

I'm sure there are lots who would want Mr. Controlling. But I've learned that is not for me.

Now I know what it is I really want and need. I need a person, someone who is real, warts and all. Someone who admits that they have faults and works on them. At the same time someone who knows I have faults and warts and helps me work on them and become what he needs in a submissive. Someone who doesn't expect me to read his mind, but rather speaks his mind, who is clear on what he expects.

 

[intothewoods]

My D-person is my husband. We live together and have a family together. So my expectations of him are kind of wrapped up in that stuff, I think. I don't know -- I really just expect him to do his best and show up. Be engaged. We are partners and we are D and s. Sometimes it's more balanced, and sometimes it's more heavy D/s.

 

[CutieMouse]

I expect him to have a clue as to how to best utilize me - for the betterment of everyone involved.

 

[BiBunny]

I expect him not to be a total fucking idiot.


...As you can see, I'm still waiting.

 

[CurvAppeal]

I'm strong, authoritative, demanding and domineering.... but I'm nothing if not fair and caring and protective. It's THAT combination of things that make me your Master. If I were lacking any one of them, I'd not be worthy of the title. Even if I take and use and degrade and humiliate... I do so knowing that it pleases you as much as it pleases me. You need to understand that.

I'm getting to know someone very well, and I crave him dearly. That is what he told me, and that is what I expect out of a dominant.

I know many people whose view on a dominant is a person that is selfish, controlling issues, and abusive. Absolutely not. I get so upset when I hear or see that. The dominants who knows what they are doing are far from selfish, controlling, or abusive.

 

[WastelandVoice]

I'm strong, authoritative, demanding and domineering.... but I'm nothing if not fair and caring and protective. It's THAT combination of things that make me your Master. If I were lacking any one of them, I'd not be worthy of the title. Even if I take and use and degrade and humiliate... I do so knowing that it pleases you as much as it pleases me. You need to understand that.

I'm getting to know someone very well, and I crave him dearly. That is what he told me, and that is what I expect out of a dominant.

I know many people whose view on a dominant is a person that is selfish, controlling issues, and abusive. Absolutely not. I get so upset when I hear or see that. The dominants who knows what they are doing are far from selfish, controlling, or abusive.

I could not agree more.

I rather wish I lived on the west coast, dear.

 

[seela]

I think CM pretty much hit the nail on the head for me, too.

My interest in kink is quite low, so play type things don't really rank my list at all, but I want him to want and know how to use me and my abilities.

Other than that I think what I expect from a Dominant is what I expect from any other person with whom I'm in a romantic relationship.

 

[YourCaptor]

My responsibility to a sub? A sub or THE sub?

A sub, if we are cool and s/he is one of my peeps I keep an eye out for them. I think I have more patients with them than I have with other friends, and I promote their ideas more if I think they are good ones. If you're in the circle and in a mess, I'll go in and get you out.

THE sub, I think I'd be responsible for feeding her and keeping her safe. Collecting nice things for her, you know all that woman in house stuff. Other than that, I'd be responsible for not letting her go to waste, by my hand or hers. Also to keep the dynamic in a good place, that's pretty important.

 

[ecstaticsub]

My expectations from my dominant is that he uses me like a piece of property but loves me like a soulmate.

That he trusts my love for him. That he respects the trust I have in his love.

I expect him to be honest with me. Honest about what he expects from me. Honest about what is on his mind. Honest about others in his life. I expect him to want to be a part of my life and I want to be able to know what is going on in his life.

I expect him to be accessible to me when I need him. Doesn't have to be right away. I just need to know that when I send him an email or text or voice then he will receive it and get back to me as soon as he can.

I expect during play that he will not harm me. If I emotionally crash I expect that he will proceed with compassion and tenderness.

I expect him to remain firm when I desperately need his control.

I expect him to keep to the same values and priorities that he had when I first fell in love with him.

 

[CurvAppeal]

My expectations from my dominant is that he uses me like a piece of property but loves me like a soulmate.

That he trusts my love for him. That he respects the trust I have in his love.

I expect him to be honest with me. Honest about what he expects from me. Honest about what is on his mind. Honest about others in his life. I expect him to want to be a part of my life and I want to be able to know what is going on in his life.

I expect him to be accessible to me when I need him. Doesn't have to be right away. I just need to know that when I send him an email or text or voice then he will receive it and get back to me as soon as he can.

I expect during play that he will not harm me. If I emotionally crash I expect that he will proceed with compassion and tenderness.

I expect him to remain firm when I desperately need his control.

I expect him to keep to the same values and priorities that he had when I first fell in love with him.

Wow....that is also what I expect and my soon-to-be Master meets every one of those requirements which make me tear up like a little child.

 

[RownaIrishNalio]

I expect him to dominate me, but know when to stop.
I expect him to trust me and allow me to trust him.
I expect him to be honest.
I expect him to respond to a need as soon as he can.
I expect that he will never physically or emotionally harm me.
I expect him to be controlling when I need it.
I expect him to be patient while I am trying to learn how to do something.

To go the other way, I can easily think of what he would want from me.
He would want my love, trust, honesty, commitment, ect. I have probably left out much of what he would expect.

The really annoying thing is that I have found him, but I don't know how to approach him.

 

[RownaIrishNalio]

I expect him to dominate me, but know when to stop.
I expect him to trust me and allow me to trust him.
I expect him to be honest.
I expect him to respond to a need as soon as he can.
I expect that he will never physically or emotionally harm me.
I expect him to be controlling when I need it.
I expect him to be patient while I am trying to learn how to do something.

To go the other way, I can easily think of what he would want from me.
He would want my love, trust, honesty, commitment, ect. I have probably left out much of what he would expect.

The really annoying thing is that I have found him, but I don't know how to approach him. I mean, I am just so shy.