Flexibility in what's submissive behavior

[Yourfriendsfriend]

I like to play with submissive/dominant roles a bit, and I notice that what I interpret as submissive or dominant isn't always the case in popular BDSM culture or often it's the reverse. I have heard of others with similar views but it does seem rare in my own experience.

Anal sex can go either way for me and when I first started to wonder about it, I was sure that putting my cock into someone else's ass would make me submissive because you always hear the expression "kiss my ass" as a dominant sort of gesture. Not to mention topping in anal sex seems like it would be the riskier and dirtier position. I can definitely see how it can be interpreted as a dominant position now, and I'll probably explain why in another thread. so at the moment I tend to share the popular view on that.

Oral sex is always opposite for me. The dominant should be the giver in my opinion. How is having your teeth so close to such a sensitive region submissive? Not to mention submitting to something means receiving it.

Personally, I also don't like the slave or servant attitude either. I love submissive women who are confident and a little selfish, even a little bossy. Of course I am happy to be pleasured by a submissive girl but I see the dominant partner as the giver of pleasure, and when I am submissive I love to just relax and receive pleasure without too much pain. If I am dominant I want to give pleasure to the sub. that's a major part of BDSM for me I believe.

Do you ever interpret something differently than how it is defined in the mainstream BDSM culture?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yes indeed!

Let me offer you two more words, which the mainstream doesn't seem to use very much: top and bottom.

These words describe (more or less) the physical side of sexual play, while dominant and submissive describe the emotional side.

Top is the active party, bottom is done unto. top pitches, bottom catches, top leads, bottom follows, top does all the hard work, bottom enjoys (or not) the results...

You can suck someone off in a submissive way or dominant way. You can receive oral sex helplessly, or control your licker. You can take a spanking or flogging as a dominant or submissive... They are four great tastes that taste great together-- in any combination that suits you best.

 

[Patchouli]

this is an interesting thread, especially for someone who doesn't know much about this stuff. i've never really thought about there being a difference between top/bottom and dom/sub. is there really? can you be a sub and a top? how would that work, if at all? lol. ahh, so much to learn...

 

[seela]

this is an interesting thread, especially for someone who doesn't know much about this stuff. i've never really thought about there being a difference between top/bottom and dom/sub. is there really? can you be a sub and a top? how would that work, if at all? lol. ahh, so much to learn...

An easy way to understand how one can be a sub and a Top at the same time (or a Dom and a bottom) is a situation, where the D-person tells the s-person to tie them up and spank them. The s-person is then administrating the physical topping, but while doing that is submitting too, because it was the D-person's wish that they do so.

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

Personally I just found that I don't like the term "mainstream BDSM" do we actually have the underground BDSM scene, with those people who are cooler and edgier than other people into the BDSM lifestyle?

But that is neither here nor there, and not on subject.

On subject...

It's not about the position that determines what is more dominant and what is more submissive, as you've shown you can make arguments for either side, some people see giving as dominant, some people see receiving.

It's about context, who's participating and their thoughts, the act itself isn't really the deciding factor.

 

[Stella_Omega]

An easy way to understand how one can be a sub and a Top at the same time (or a Dom and a bottom) is a situation, where the D-person tells the s-person to tie them up and spank them. The s-person is then administrating the physical topping, but while doing that is submitting too, because it was the D-person's wish that they do so.

And they'd better not get it wrong or else!

Personally I just found that I don't like the term "mainstream BDSM"

I fucking hate it that there is a "mainstream BDSM!" Especially since mainlines tend to streamline a lot of subtleties and incidentals right out of the picture.

But it isn't some conspiracy, yanno. It's just demographics. The danger is that it could become a genuine mainstream, the way commercial porn is-- anything that controls what we see and hear can control the way we think about things, however inadvertant.

 

[KoPilot]

One of the lines I run into a lot (and see others run into as well) is what the s-type's role in keeping the d-type healthy is.

Is insisting that your D eat right and take care of themselves bossy/unbecoming behavior for an s? Or is it serving their best interests and helping them be the happiest, healthiest D they can be? Is it your job to let them smoke or drink as much as they want, or try and get them to quit/cut down? I, for one, take the latter position, but opinions will vary depending on how one defines the roles and what their philosophy is.

 

[Bandit58]

One of the lines I run into a lot (and see others run into as well) is what the s-type's role in keeping the d-type healthy is.

Is insisting that your D eat right and take care of themselves bossy/unbecoming behavior for an s? Or is it serving their best interests and helping them be the happiest, healthiest D they can be? Is it your job to let them smoke or drink as much as they want, or try and get them to quit/cut down? I, for one, take the latter position, but opinions will vary depending on how one defines the roles and what their philosophy is.

Because Sir has chronic health issues, I sometimes find myself in the position of having to be "the bossy one"

I struggled with this a bit early in our relationship but then I reasoned that when I was telling Him what He needed to do it was part of my service to Him. He still smokes, but has cut down a lot. He's diabetic and has renal failure, so I cook healthy meals and we do haemodialysis at home. We basically work as a team with equal input which works for us

 

[izod]

And they'd better not get it wrong or else!
I fucking hate it that there is a "mainstream BDSM!" Especially since mainlines tend to streamline a lot of subtleties and incidentals right out of the picture.

But it isn't some conspiracy, yanno. It's just demographics. The danger is that it could become a genuine mainstream, the way commercial porn is-- anything that controls what we see and hear can control the way we think about things, however inadvertant.

You've stated nothing besides "the sky is falling."

BSDM becoming "mainstream" - either in part or whole - can only increase the public's acceptance of those that choose to participate. Whether or not individuals choose to ignore the "subtleties" and go for what suits them is entirely irrelevant. To simply cry "sellout" because more people are trying to incorporate some form of BDSM into their lives is foolish and ignorant. There will always be people that are more dedicated than others, but that does not minimize or belittle what the "mainstream" crowd incorporates into a more standard practice.

Might want to reconsider the "better than thou" stance.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You sure did a heap of reading into my words there, little buddy....

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

You sure did a heap of reading into my words there, little buddy....

There's a bee in his bonnet, dear Stella, dear Stella.
There's a bee in his bonnet, dear Stella, a bee!

Then fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry, then fix it dear Henry, dear Henry fix it!

 

[laceNlthrgrrl]

To the OP: Physical position doesn't matter, who is giving or receiving doesn't matter...it's ALL a matter of headspace. (IMHO)

Sir can tie me down and inflict oral on me until I'm a gibbering idiot. He can also command me to give him the best blowjob I possibly can, his hand tangled in my hair, controlling every inch of my mouth on his cock.

OR

My hands could be in his hair, guiding him, telling him fast or slow, deep or clit. Or I could be settled between his legs, teasing him, bringing him to the edge with my mouth and hands, making him buck and sweat until he begs for release.

The only thing that really matters is who is thinking/feeling what. The rest is just very well coordinated friction.

 

[Stella_Omega]

There's a bee in his bonnet, dear Stella, dear Stella.
There's a bee in his bonnet, dear Stella, a bee!

Then fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry, then fix it dear Henry, dear Henry fix it!

GodDAMN it earworms augh!

 

[YourCaptor]

Ya know I get what you're saying, but... no.

Getting fucked in the ass is inherently getting subdued.

And oral, I don't know, chicks are nice and compact so whatever but a guys kind of out there.

 

[CurvAppeal]

And they'd better not get it wrong or else!
I fucking hate it that there is a "mainstream BDSM!" Especially since mainlines tend to streamline a lot of subtleties and incidentals right out of the picture.

But it isn't some conspiracy, yanno. It's just demographics. The danger is that it could become a genuine mainstream, the way commercial porn is-- anything that controls what we see and hear can control the way we think about things, however inadvertant.

Its kind of like Mainstreem music, annoying and useless. What has happened to the old world of BDSM....when people knew what they were doing and morals still were lived. Not saying that they aren't now...but it is alot less.

 

[Etoile]

Its kind of like Mainstreem music, annoying and useless. What has happened to the old world of BDSM....when people knew what they were doing and morals still were lived. Not saying that they aren't now...but it is alot less.

I still Old Guard rules.

 

[CurvAppeal]

I still Old Guard rules.

yes....