Defining relationships

[Kajira Callista]

I'm discovering lately that I can't just go with the flow. Daddy wants me to just have fun and let Him and Uncle J do the worrying about things. I am trying but without at least a one time spoken definition of boundaries I alway find myself dangling my foot off the edge of the undefined cliff.
So could you all help me define what *type* of relationship I am in for starters so I can maybe put some things in lil boxes inside my head and get more focused.

So here goes.
I have a Daddy.
He is laid back and likes to have fun and knows that the word no will never come from my lips when it comes to him. I am very attached to him partly because he was there with me through all the nonsense that goes with leaving a marriage that is bad for you. There is a strong sense of loyalty to him and a bond that I don't think either of us can explain. Hs doesnt understand my need to hurt as well as i would like and structure to him is a bore. I do know what he expects and as long as I am behaving properly he is cool. When i don't he ignores me. He seems to understand lil' girl me and is ok with it. He is dominant in a different way than I am used to.

I have Uncle J.
He is a strong authority figure in the community and is the same with me. He is a no nonsense, no games kind of guy. If I misbehave a simple "Stop" from him works wonders. He is kind and caring and just sorta does what needs to be done without a second thought. Without a doubt in my mind he can keep me in check without batting an eyelash. He knows I am a masochist and knows what my hot buttons are without me really telling him (like tone of voice and ouchy sexy things). He understand D/s but not so much M/s. I am for his use but haven't really been used yet. I think we are going slow so this doesnt end as a one day fuckfest and I think He and I are both liking building this thing. He is dominant in every aspect of his life... more of the type of Dom I am used to. He treats lil' girl me like she is in military school lol and I am not sure she likes that all so much just yet.


I was on fetlife looking at daddy/lil discussion and realized that i dont know how to even define my lil' girl. I don't think i am a lil' but i do behave that way often. I dont have an age when I'm lil' and I dont see sex as a real daddy or uncle having sex with me.

So how would YOU define this mess?
How do you define your relationship/s or do you not really need definition?

 

[BiBunny]

I have no idea how to define it, but you definitely don't need an age to be little.

 

[shy slave]

So how would YOU define this mess?
How do you define your relationship/s or do you not really need definition?

Is it a mess?

It sounds like you have met two different people who allow you an opportunity to explore two different aspects of the same 'lil'

It could be that there are ten different types of 'lil' inside you. All them them 'you' and all of them who are able to give out what is required to satisfy themselves and the other person.

Hmm no matter how I put that it sounds as if I think you have multiple personalities!

Remember those stupid diagrams from school where we had to write all the roles we play in life? Daughter/sister/friend/etc etc

I see at as the same sort of thing, different parts of 'you' are being fed by Daddy and Uncle J.
That doesn't seem like a bad thing, it's a great thing.
You get the opportunity to really understand different aspects of 'you.'

I think Etoile could probably answer this better than I can

As to the second question...

I used to need definitions/roles explained and felt safe within those boundaries. I had a experience with a Dom last year which I did not realise had affected me until just a few weeks ago (maybe not even that long).
Since last year I have not wanted definitions, have felt the do not make me feel safe, instead they limit the relationship and all possibilities.

But I admit I have changed alot in last few years, so maybe that has more to do with it than any specific incident.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I don't think you're trying to define your relationships-- you're trying to define your role and persona. Your lil girl may very well behave differently around different people-- your adult self probably does too. Mine certainly does-- Depending on what the expectations are around me, I'll act aggressive or stay buttoned down, for instance. With your lil girl, you get to exaggerate those behavior differences, and your grownups exaggerate their personas for you.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I have no idea how to define it, but you definitely don't need an age to be little.

Thanks for this. I was feeling like I couldnt participate in D/g discussions because I didnt have an age lol. Little girl me is intertwined with grown up me.

 

[BiBunny]

Thanks for this. I was feeling like I couldnt participate in D/g discussions because I didnt have an age lol. Little girl me is intertwined with grown up me.

Nooooo, don't feel that way. Lots of us don't have a set "age." Mine fluctuates depending on what kind of mood I'm in. The more pitiful and whiny I feel inside, the younger I am. And no matter what they say, NONE of them are little all the time. Well, outside of an asylum, anyway, LOL.

But I know what you mean. I don't participate in most of the discussion because I don't do the Daddy thing. I have a big person who doesn't really have a title. Not a Daddy.

I'm glad you have found people who make you happy, KC. You deserve it.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Is it a mess?

It sounds like you have met two different people who allow you an opportunity to explore two different aspects of the same 'lil'

It could be that there are ten different types of 'lil' inside you. All them them 'you' and all of them who are able to give out what is required to satisfy themselves and the other person.

Hmm no matter how I put that it sounds as if I think you have multiple personalities!

Remember those stupid diagrams from school where we had to write all the roles we play in life? Daughter/sister/friend/etc etc

I see at as the same sort of thing, different parts of 'you' are being fed by Daddy and Uncle Joe.
That doesn't seem like a bad thing, it's a great thing.
You get the opportunity to really understand different aspects of 'you.'

I think Etoile could probably answer this better than I can

As to the second question...

I used to need definitions/roles explained and felt safe within those boundaries. I had a experience with a Dom last year which I did not realise had affected me until just a few weeks ago (maybe not even that long).
Since last year I have not wanted definitions, have felt the do not make me feel safe, instead they limit the relationship and all possibilities.

But I admit I have changed alot in last few years, so maybe that has more to do with it than any specific incident.

I am changing quickly (not in bad ways) in this relationship. I dont even see it as two different relationships even though it clearly is. I havent felt the need to run away or be miserably behaved since Uncle stepped in. I feel in a good calm safe place. LOL I am just waiting for myself to be my worst enemy because in the past i have been. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

 

[minx1]

Thanks for this. I was feeling like I couldnt participate in D/g discussions because I didnt have an age lol. Little girl me is intertwined with grown up me.

I had recently started to identify with the D/g dynamic, at least I thought I had...but you kind of summed it up for me KC, mine too is intertwined with my adult me. When I was reading some of the threads it made me a bit confused. I didnt feel like I fit because I dont have an age and Im not into colouring books and stuff that the other littles seem to be.

Its bloody confusing this labelling lark lol

 

[Kajira Callista]

I don't think you're trying to define your relationships-- you're trying to define your role and persona. Your lil girl may very well behave differently around different people-- your adult self probably does too. Mine certainly does-- Depending on what the expectations are around me, I'll act aggressive or stay buttoned down, for instance. With your lil girl, you get to exaggerate those behavior differences, and your grownups exaggerate their personas for you.

I do know which lil they expect when i am with each lol that doesnt mean that is the lil i am with them though. This relationship is going to be one instead of two separate as it grows. Now i am wondering how that is going to be if what you say is true.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Nooooo, don't feel that way. Lots of us don't have a set "age." Mine fluctuates depending on what kind of mood I'm in. The more pitiful and whiny I feel inside, the younger I am. And no matter what they say, NONE of them are little all the time. Well, outside of an asylum, anyway, LOL.

But I know what you mean. I don't participate in most of the discussion because I don't do the Daddy thing. I have a big person who doesn't really have a title. Not a Daddy.

I'm glad you have found people who make you happy, KC. You deserve it.

Daddy started out as just a grown up person and more and more he felt like Daddy to me. He is also Sir and sometimes in real hot moments the title Master slips out. Uncle Joe is Uncle Joe or Sir. *shrug*

 

[Kajira Callista]

I had recently started to identify with the D/g dynamic, at least I thought I had...but you kind of summed it up for me KC, mine too is intertwined with my adult me. When I was reading some of the threads it made me a bit confused. I didnt feel like I fit because I dont have an age and Im not into colouring books and stuff that the other littles seem to be.

Its bloody confusing this labelling lark lol

I agree. That is why I came home (here to lit) to ask for help

 

[BiBunny]

I made an ageplay thread on the fetish board the other day. I didn't put it here because I doubted anyone would be interested. Maybe I should've, LOL.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Enjoy what you have today, and if the universe permits tomorrow, without spending too much time trying to put a label on it which will make others happy. While you take time and energy to try and fit into those boxes, or find where they are, you are losing precious moments when you could simply be enjoying where and who you are and where it takes you. Few of us can predict the future, so why not enjoy the pleasure of discovering it as it happens and maybe in the process discovering more of you instead of agonising over the what ifs and wheres of it all? You have deserved happiness for a long time, don't let this opportunity to find it slip away over a few definitions based on what and how others have experienced and defined what they do. You are an individual, and strong, you can be whoever you feel in the moment without having to fit into anyone else's box.

Catalina

 

[Cattypuss]

Enjoy what you have today, and if the universe permits tomorrow, without spending too much time trying to put a label on it which will make others happy. While you take time and energy to try and fit into those boxes, or find where they are, you are losing precious moments when you could simply be enjoying where and who you are and where it takes you. Few of us can predict the future, so why not enjoy the pleasure of discovering it as it happens and maybe in the process discovering more of you instead of agonising over the what ifs and wheres of it all? You have deserved happiness for a long time, don't let this opportunity to find it slip away over a few definitions based on what and how others have experienced and defined what they do. You are an individual, and strong, you can be whoever you feel in the moment without having to fit into anyone else's box.

Catalina

I was about to post "if it ain't broke, don't take it apart just to try to find out how it works"... but Catalina says it so much more eloquently!

 

[Stella_Omega]

I do know which lil they expect when i am with each lol that doesnt mean that is the lil i am with them though. This relationship is going to be one instead of two separate as it grows. Now i am wondering how that is going to be if what you say is true.

Unless your two grownups magically turn into the same person, you will always have differences in the way you are with each of them. Every child knows this...

 

[eastern sun]

Unless your two grownups magically turn into the same person, you will always have differences in the way you are with each of them. Every child knows this...

Yes! I love this comment.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Enjoy what you have today, and if the universe permits tomorrow, without spending too much time trying to put a label on it which will make others happy. While you take time and energy to try and fit into those boxes, or find where they are, you are losing precious moments when you could simply be enjoying where and who you are and where it takes you. Few of us can predict the future, so why not enjoy the pleasure of discovering it as it happens and maybe in the process discovering more of you instead of agonising over the what ifs and wheres of it all? You have deserved happiness for a long time, don't let this opportunity to find it slip away over a few definitions based on what and how others have experienced and defined what they do. You are an individual, and strong, you can be whoever you feel in the moment without having to fit into anyone else's box.

Catalina

I waited a very long time to feel this kind of happy. I feel like I am swept up in it all and wanted to slow down and try to look at it. Maybe I shouldn't

 

[Kajira Callista]

"if it ain't broke, don't take it apart just to try to find out how it works"

I love this lol ty

 

[Kajira Callista]

Unless your two grownups magically turn into the same person, you will always have differences in the way you are with each of them. Every child knows this...

Why is this statement so steamy hot to me?

 

[Kajira Callista]

So Daddy told me today that he did not want Uncle J to be my uncle any more.

My heart sunk, my tummy was in knots and tears filled my eyes as tried to ask if I could know why.




He said because he wanted Uncle J to be my Daddy too. I wasn't and still am not so sure I understand how that would work or how it makes me feel.
I know it makes my heart beat very fast and it makes me feel nervous and kind of shy. I don't know my new daddy as well as i know Daddy 1 but he expects me to be the same thing to both of them.
I'm sure glad I didnt define my relationship last night lol because this is a totally new and still undefinable one.

help

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Sorry, but I just canNOT resist:

http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x95/Sir_Winston54/twodads.jpg

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sorry, but I just canNOT resist:

http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x95/Sir_Winston54/twodads.jpg

Oh, man, you beat me to it!

kajira sweetie, you kinda have to let your relationship definitions be what they are, don't you think? You have to grownups and they seem to be exactly the people you needed in your life. As long as that's true-- let it be.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Sorry, but I just canNOT resist:

http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x95/Sir_Winston54/twodads.jpg

You are MEAN old one...and lucky I love you as much as I do

 

[Kajira Callista]

Oh, man, you beat me to it!

kajira sweetie, you kinda have to let your relationship definitions be what they are, don't you think? You have to grownups and they seem to be exactly the people you needed in your life. As long as that's true-- let it be.

But then my nice shiny new thread will have to end

 

[CutieMouse]

How about this-

You're happy.

That's about as much "definition-ing" I bother with for myself these days, and while other people might find it confusing, the people who matter, don't.

Who's ___?
Daddy.
Oh. So who's ___?
Daddy[Uncle J].
Umm.... so how does that work?
We make each other happy.
Yeah, but what's the relationship?
We make each other happy.
Oh. But how...
We make each other happy.

Make sense?