Dom/sub relationship question

[xhardchick]

Hey everybody,

I'm really confused and so I desided to write a thread in here. I'm with my Master for about a month and a half now. The problem is that we have to keep it online as he lives far away from me. The last couple of weeks, he barely appears online though. It's really painful because I worry about him and I got no clues whether he lives or not. My questions are

1) Since he agreed in training me, shouldn't he keep his promiss? Why he goes away without saying a word?
2) Shall I quit?

Thank y'all in advance

Annie.

 

[ImOnIt]

Apply your ordinary sense to this situation (pro tip: it's right)

 

[subtle_Dom]

Apply your ordinary sense to this situation (pro tip: it's right)

I agree, it is a two way street with responsibilities both ways. Use your common sense. Assuming you have allowed a reasonable amount of time to pass with no contact and you have not been notified of that fact, at some point you have to consider that the commitment has been breached. He should summon you at some point if he is able and if he has not, just listen to your common sense, it will give you the correct answer.

I am sorry if you are experiencing any pain over this... I hope it works out with him, but if it does not, I am sure you will be fine and find someone very special who is right for you.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

If you have not spoken to him yet (and are just coming to us first), talk to him about it. Leave him a message you know he'll received so he knows how his absence is affecting you. It could be he's just overwhelmed by "real life" problems and either hasn't had time to get to you no matter how much he wants to, or thinks you can manage without him while he gets things ironed out.

If you have spoken to him, or put in an honest attempt to do so, and this is continuing, then you need to decide how much waiting and nothing you want to do.

 

[masterdrakin]

If you have not spoken to him yet (and are just coming to us first), talk to him about it. Leave him a message you know he'll received so he knows how his absence is affecting you. It could be he's just overwhelmed by "real life" problems and either hasn't had time to get to you no matter how much he wants to, or thinks you can manage without him while he gets things ironed out.

If you have spoken to him, or put in an honest attempt to do so, and this is continuing, then you need to decide how much waiting and nothing you want to do.

I have to agree 100% with this reply best advice you could get and best thing to do is follow it.

 

[Chiara_searches]

Hey everybody,

I'm really confused and so I desided to write a thread in here. I'm with my Master for about a month and a half now. The problem is that we have to keep it online as he lives far away from me. The last couple of weeks, he barely appears online though. It's really painful because I worry about him and I got no clues whether he lives or not. My questions are

1) Since he agreed in training me, shouldn't he keep his promiss? Why he goes away without saying a word?
2) Shall I quit?

Thank y'all in advance

Annie.

My concern is that he's been out of communication for nearly 1/3 of your relationship (a "couple of weeks" in your month and a half relationship). If your gut is questioning whether he should keep his promises, it indicates a part of you already recognizes he is not.

The advice to listen to yourself is spot on. If you aren't ready to just quit on your own, the advice to talk to him (or try to) is equally spot on. However, even if real life has interfered, one would hope he could at least find a minute or two to write and say "hey, life's got me by the balls right now."

Remember, just because you may take the pyl* role does not mean you shouldn't be treated with a measure of respect. Just dropping you a quick note would have shown even a bit more respect than it sounds like he's been exhibiting.

* pick your label = submissive, slave, bottom

 

[Etoile]

Is it cynical of me to think his wife found out?

 

[xhardchick]

Thank you for this words.. Really helpful!

My concern is that he's been out of communication for nearly 1/3 of your relationship (a "couple of weeks" in your month and a half relationship). If your gut is questioning whether he should keep his promises, it indicates a part of you already recognizes he is not.

The advice to listen to yourself is spot on. If you aren't ready to just quit on your own, the advice to talk to him (or try to) is equally spot on. However, even if real life has interfered, one would hope he could at least find a minute or two to write and say "hey, life's got me by the balls right now."

Remember, just because you may take the pyl* role does not mean you shouldn't be treated with a measure of respect. Just dropping you a quick note would have shown even a bit more respect than it sounds like he's been exhibiting.

* pick your label = submissive, slave, bottom

 

[redheadedtxn]

Is it cynical of me to think his wife found out?

My thoughts exactly.

I don't understand how the online thing works, how you can trust someone enough to submit only online?

 

[CookingDom]

..........

 

[CurvAppeal]

Not sure if anyone else has said this, if so, I apologize.

Follow your instincts about this situation, usually your instincts aka common sense leads you on the right path, does for me at least. Hope everything works out with you and him.

 

[the captians wench]

Is it cynical of me to think his wife found out?

That's the first thing I jump to when I read these too.

 

[ChainedEros]

My thoughts exactly.

I don't understand how the online thing works, how you can trust someone enough to submit only online?

Agreed.

This is just one of the limitations of online relationships. I typically avoid them because it is difficult to be fully engaged, aware and responsive to the needs of the relationship.

Not to mention that disapproving wife problem ....

 

[Lilac_Sky]

I don't want to just repeat everything everyone has said here. You have gotten great advice.

My reaction when I read your post is that any relationship needs to be built on trust and respect, and it doesn't particularly sound like that is present in this relationship at this point.

 

[subwannabe]

I also don't understand the online dom/sub relationship - unless it is with someone you already know and know you can trust. Otherwise, I really don't understand what exactly happens, unless you are doing things with a complete stranger that you are better off not doing. Find a real man to dominate you, not a stranger over the internet. It's really not that hard.

 

[Etoile]

I also don't understand the online dom/sub relationship - unless it is with someone you already know and know you can trust. Otherwise, I really don't understand what exactly happens, unless you are doing things with a complete stranger that you are better off not doing. Find a real man to dominate you, not a stranger over the internet. It's really not that hard.

Treading dangerously close to "twoo subs" and "twoo doms" territory there...

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

I also don't understand the online dom/sub relationship - unless it is with someone you already know and know you can trust. Otherwise, I really don't understand what exactly happens, unless you are doing things with a complete stranger that you are better off not doing. Find a real man to dominate you, not a stranger over the internet. It's really not that hard.

That isn't really the point of the whole conversation. This could easily have been about two people in the same town. This is about some people just not understanding that dom/sub relationships are just like any other relationship, they require trust, and that it is a relationship not a contract.

So for the original poster, if you're feeling ignored, abandonned, whatever, treat it the same way you would any other relationship, use your common sense, instincts and communicate. Just because it is a dom/ sub relationship doesn't mean you can't leave.

 

[jewelz_diamondz]

From my own experience...go with your gut. Not getting the time or the attention and all the sudden is gone for extended time...you can try bringing it to his attention if it helps awesome....if not let it go. I was where you are a few short months ago and I know it's hard to think about letting go when you have connected with someone but I don't want to see you end up like me waiting for weeks to even get a word from him.

 

[yellow_zinnia]

I have experienced something, somewhat similiar, with my Dom. This month (May), He hasn't been in touch as much as before and W/we had agreed to let each other know what's going on with the other, just to keep each other informed and he hasn't been doing that. i was able to get in touch with Him today about it and W/we talked for quite awhile. With His job, it's just been extra busy and He wasn't meaning to neglect, He just got involved with what He had to do. So the best thing, is to first try to get in touch with Him, to see if you can talk about it and find out what's going on. If that doesn't work, then He's not committed to the relationship.