so i am a 22 yo female and i come from a very conservative background. My whole teenage years have been thinking that sex is done only inside marriage and that it is a certain way. This is based on a strong faith that I have. One day i was online looking for something and I stumbled across a master/slave story on this website. It got me intrigued and I have noticed that I can't help but come back for more. Not only that but I have found myself thinking about these stories for hours and picturing myself in the place of the slave. I guess my question is- how do I attempt to start to reconcile this in my head? This is just all very new and confusing and all my friends are very conservative Christians so I don't really know where to go.
confused
- Thread starter urh0227
- Start date
Welcome
Welcome to Literotica.
I do not know if it well help, but my suggestion is continue to read stories, do research, and talk (or chat) with people in the lifestyle. I have found BDSMers are very open-minded. I would be happy to continue to chat with you.
I get my head around any new idea by thinking about it, examining it, and pulling out the things I like about it. I also try to see the reasons for the other way of thinking.
Christian sex is for making babies. Man on top is a the BEST way to make sure the sperm is deposited near the egg and the angle keeps them swimming in the right direction.
However, the other positions are about pleasure. It is also for making babies, but the sperm has a more difficult journey.
I had to work through things also. I hope this helped.
Welcome to Literotica.
I do not know if it well help, but my suggestion is continue to read stories, do research, and talk (or chat) with people in the lifestyle. I have found BDSMers are very open-minded. I would be happy to continue to chat with you.
I get my head around any new idea by thinking about it, examining it, and pulling out the things I like about it. I also try to see the reasons for the other way of thinking.
Christian sex is for making babies. Man on top is a the BEST way to make sure the sperm is deposited near the egg and the angle keeps them swimming in the right direction.
However, the other positions are about pleasure. It is also for making babies, but the sperm has a more difficult journey.
I had to work through things also. I hope this helped.
welkin
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2010
- Posts
- 232
What of it do you need reconciliation for? While it is true that many BDSMers engage in casual play, that does not have to be the case. D/s relationships can be exclusive between the two people. As for sex before or after marriage, once again that is a choice you make yourself. Just because you are interested in being a submissive doesn't mean anyone can force you to do something you do want to do.
Though, without some experimentation beforehand, you lower your chance of finding someone sexually compatible with you. Is this what you are conflicted about, that you want to go beyond reading and fantasizing, and trying it out for yourself? (in other words, what bothers you more, the bdsm nature, or the premarital sex aspect?)
Though, without some experimentation beforehand, you lower your chance of finding someone sexually compatible with you. Is this what you are conflicted about, that you want to go beyond reading and fantasizing, and trying it out for yourself? (in other words, what bothers you more, the bdsm nature, or the premarital sex aspect?)
I guess both parts bother me
The premarital aspect has been a perpetual struggle for me but the bdsm is the part that really concerns me because i guess it feels wrong to want that. I dont know know if that makes sense
welkin
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2010
- Posts
- 232
There's nothing wrong in pursuing sexual pleasure, as long as everything is -- there's that word again -- consensual. And if you can keep the boundary clear, i.e. during play you can be used and degraded, but once play time is over, you are treated with full respect and care. In which case, why is it so wrong? You aren't hurting anyone by engaging in a bit of sex role play. Try ask yourself why you think this is wrong, check your assumptions, and go from there.
JustaSCOUNDREL
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2010
- Posts
- 1,750
Here is a link to a thread in the Authors Hangout for Christian readers and writers to meet and discuss things. I think you will get better responses there then here. Give it a try.
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=310134&highlight=christians+meet
Hope this helps.
Mike
the captians wench
sewing wench
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2005
- Posts
- 12,258
One thing I will suggest is don't get caught up in this "it's just sex" attitude if that's not how you feel.
Until we seperated, my ex husband was the only man I had sex with, and there are others here that have only had one partner their entire life. There is nothing wrong with that. It is a wonderful, and beautiful thing, and if you want to save yourself, there is nothing wrong with that.
Word of caution there, I have seen people get married to have sex, and if that is what you're thinking then you're marrying for the wrong reason.
If it is what you want, a D/s relationship can coinside with a Christian one. They don't have to be seperate, and there are those who again fit into this.
There are others here who would be happy to share with you, but as being Christian is not always a popular choice, they don't speak out as much.
seela
Quark Thief
- Joined
- May 14, 2010
- Posts
- 10,455
There are a lot of Christian people over in Taken in Hand. Some of the TiH crowd incorporate bdsm in their sex life, for others it's just a power dynamic. But there you might find people, who understand where you're coming from and the contradictions you say you're dealing with at the moment.
Thank you to everyone who has responded so far.
I have spent the last couple of nights reading as much as I can on the forums to try and read and learn about other people's perspectives and experiences and I have to say it has been very enlightening. A lot of it helps me to understand more about myself and what effect my way of thinking has had on previous relationships.
I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share their experiences of when they first dipped their toes in the water of submission and how it made them feel etc.
I have spent the last couple of nights reading as much as I can on the forums to try and read and learn about other people's perspectives and experiences and I have to say it has been very enlightening. A lot of it helps me to understand more about myself and what effect my way of thinking has had on previous relationships.
I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share their experiences of when they first dipped their toes in the water of submission and how it made them feel etc.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
You want to hear about the grunts, groans, sweat, spunk, and screaming orgasms?
You do understand that "submission" as you're calling it, is really a fancy form of sex, right?
welkin
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2010
- Posts
- 232
I'm new to bdsm as well, so I can sympathize with some of your feelings (though I'm not religious so that's one fewer thing to worry about).
I was scared, extremely scared. Now looking back (a bit more than half a year ago), I'm not sure what there is to be so scared about. But I do remember feeling like I was standing at the edge of a cliff and the next step I take would change me forever.
But it was exaggerated in hindsight. Half a year later, I don't feel like I have changed into something different. Just like learning a new instrumentvor trying out a new cuisine doesn't change who I am, just adding to my experience.
Things that helped are:
- Reading as much as I can on the topic, especially the safety tips, the warning signs. For a while it had the adverse effect of making me feel like I was a lamb about to walk into a pack of wolves, but, better be safe than sorry =)
- Going to local munches. It helps normalize everything when I met friendly bdsm people who were really just ... normal people. Also, I ventured into a dungeon once... While all the flogging and fire play etc were really scary, it put things in perspective. The little bit of D/s that I wanted? That's so vanilla in comparison!
- Reading posts here and Dan Savage. I think it's a huge relief when you realize that so many people, more than you'd previously think, engage in some form of bdsm. Dan Savage particularly helped by putting forth the idea of a GGG (good giving game) partner. Being kinky not only wasn't wrong, it is part of being a loving partner, part of the give and take in a relationship where the two people tend to each other's needs, including sexual ones.
- Starting out online. I wouldn't necessarily recommend this, but in my case, I was lucky that I stumbled across a Dom who was very understanding and helpful. The anonymity and the distance, the assurance that I am always safe and I can disconnect at any time, were what I needed to test the water.
I hope that helps a little.
