revealing transgendered status on line

[destined]

I am a 9 year post op transgendered woman. Am married and am a submissive woman. My husband is my Dominant (obviously a very convenient relationship!) who allows me, actually encourages me to occasionally get into intimate or erotic on line chats or conversations.

However, he is insistent that when chatting on line with other men, if the conversation becomes intimate at all, that i be up front about being a transgendered woman. He was initially uncomfortable with this being my past and feels any man deserves to know this up front. (SINCE POSTING THIS IN 2011 my Husband has backed away from from insisting but he still encourages me to share)

I can understand his rationale but it does seem to make some guys uncomfortable, even though we are only on line?

Is my husband being reasonable? If so, other thoughts about how to mention this while chatting?

 

[Stella_Omega]

How do you feel about it? Do you figure that some dude who wants to type words about licking your pussy into his computer to send down the line to you-- is going to be able to tell that you had an operation nine years ago? You've always been a woman. You paid a lot of money and spent a lot of your life your tears your energy your courage, becoming one on the outside as well as on the inside. Now-- it's really nobody;s business, especially not some cyber chatter's. Your husband needs to stop shoving HIS issues into other people's faces.

Hell, nine years ago I broke my arm. I could tell everyone about it, I suppose-- I just don't see that it has anything to do with the sexy talk I do this evening.

I talk pretty regularly to an FTM individual and it's really hard to tell the difference between him and any other man. He'll interrupt my chat to him to tell me he's coming-- and then he wants to roll over and go to virtual sleep.

He can't even be enough of a gentleman to keep his internet hardon going until I'm done.

 

[hottchic]

LOL, on one anonymous social networking site I presented myself with a female profile and continued for quite a while like this just for the buzz I got from being actually considered female.

Eventually I felt a bit guilty about my subterfuge and outed myself as a T-girl.

Suprisingly all my on-line friends were very supportive and said it made no difference to how they felt about me except one guy who initially was mad at me for my deception. In the end he talked to a friend about it and was persuaded that basically on an anonymous website I had the right to present myself as I wished. After that we were good friends.

I have to point out though that it was not a sex forum and I was not trying to hook up with guys. Most of my friends were women but for all I know one of them could have been a T-girl like me.

 

[destined]

thanks

thank you both for your comments... I have your perspective but need to convince my man of the same. He is really hung up on thinking that others need to know if they are interacting with me in an erotic way.. I did like the perspective on the broken arm nine years ago being inconsequential.

Also, the life experience of presenting as the opposite gender on line is good too

 

[Stella_Omega]

I don't want to get into the spousal abuse issue that I see here. That's your business. But-- he can't just let you relax and be a female, huh?

I am sorry for that.

 

[Noira]

I post on one site that has absolutely nothing to do with sex. (Actually, a few of them, but I digress.) On one of them, one of the frequent posters is MTF. It got mentioned once and everyone had a 'whoa, trippy, we didn't know that!' spaz moment. Kind of like when on another site, I found out that two of the moderators were lesbians.

It really didn't matter. It's the internet and you can present yourself how you want on the internet. The whole point is that there's this big wall between you and the people you interact with... that's why there's so many jokes about "GIRL" (Girl In Real Life) because most women in chatrooms are really men, apparently. That's why people spaz when, in a game, I reveal that I have a vagina.

Huh.

Any man, if you're intimate in real life, yeah... they should probably know up front. In chat, though, it's a whole different story. Why do you have to bring potentially uncomfortable and intimate details when the party involved probably just wanted to chat for a bit? I think unless someone merits your trust, you don't have to tell them anything online that you don't want to... it's you the one chatting, not your husband.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Sounds like hubby may have a cuckold fantasy (especially with the "encouraging" part) and the additional perceived "humiliation" of people finding out he is married to a post op MTF turns him on.

Perhaps he's married to you not JUST because he loves you but because of what you externally were in the past.

 

[Etoile]

I agree with Noira. Knowing your pink bits got inverted is an issue for RL, not online. Online we can be anything we want. If I want to advertise myself as a double ATK amputee and pick up guys for chatting who are into that, it doesn't hurt anyone. We can be whomever we want online. You want to be who you really are... a woman, without the baggage of announcing your history before every interaction.

So yeah, I'd say it's unimportant, except you did mention you have a D/s relationship. If he orders you to tell, you should comply or face the consequences. If that's the case, there are definitely chat partners who will seek out a transwoman (though I think pre-op is more popular), so you could announce yourself as that. That complies with the order while limiting the number of disconnections from surprised guys.

 

[Louise_Loves]

The only reason I could see for telling them is for some sort of safety concern. Some guys hook-up online and it gets very real for them (look up the Thomas Theorum). Feeling as if there is a real connection (even if you tell them a bajillion times there isn't) they begin to get jealous and could degenerate into stalker behavior. It isn't inconceivable that such a person would become vengeful if they thought you were "lying" to them about being a woman (I agree with the previous answer that you were always female and simply had to adjust your body accordingly).

What's the real risk of this? Hell I don't know. Incredibly small, I would guess.

Other than that - I'd guess somewhere close to half of all people claiming to be women online are not. So...I don't see that it matters. But it's your relationship, and if it (the relationship) matters, then I would suggest trying to discuss it.

 

[hottchic]

I agree with Noira. Knowing your pink bits got inverted is an issue for RL, not online. Online we can be anything we want. If I want to advertise myself as a double ATK amputee and pick up guys for chatting who are into that, it doesn't hurt anyone. We can be whomever we want online. You want to be who you really are... a woman, without the baggage of announcing your history before every interaction.

So yeah, I'd say it's unimportant, except you did mention you have a D/s relationship. If he orders you to tell, you should comply or face the consequences. If that's the case, there are definitely chat partners who will seek out a transwoman (though I think pre-op is more popular), so you could announce yourself as that. That complies with the order while limiting the number of disconnections from surprised guys.

Yeah, based on my own experience as an open T-girl, the problem is not being short of potential chat partners but rather unwanted attention. I am on here looking to meet friends by getting to know people on the forums before communicating through PMs or chat. I am not here for cyber sex or to get picked up.

So anyway, if you are open about who you are you will get plenty of chat opportunities anyway.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yeah, based on my own experience as an open T-girl, the problem is not being short of potential chat partners but rather unwanted attention. I am on here looking to meet friends by getting to know people on the forums before communicating through PMs or chat. I am not here for cyber sex or to get picked up.

So anyway, if you are open about who you are you will get plenty of chat opportunities anyway.

She'll do even better if she lies and says she still has that penis.

 

[hottchic]

She'll do even better if she lies and says she still has that penis.

Probably, maybe she should say she is intersexed, best of both worlds LOL

 

[Etoile]

I am on here looking to meet friends by getting to know people on the forums before communicating through PMs or chat.

If only more new posters were like you!!

 

[goodsonformom]

Honesty is always the best route to friendship.....

 

[Teman01]

My wife is also post op. We met and dated when she was pre-op. I told her that the operation was her and her decision alone and I would support her either way. Today who she tells or doesn't tell is totally up to her. I wouldn’t dare force her to tell anyone.

 

[CandiCame]

That seems really inconsequential to me- I wonder why it means so much to your man. Do you know?