Thread Propriety

[CJontherocks]

Okay, I have a confession. I think women are beautiful. I think two women together are even more beautiful. And to that end, I do occasionally visit the woman-to-woman oriented threads. I believe that's called lurking. I've only posted one time on one of those threads, and was ignored. But my comment didn't elicit a response, and I didn't expect one... my comment was simply a "you go girls" kinda thing.

Here's my issue, and I'd like us all to discuss it here in this thread, rather than hijack a thread that's designed to discuss something else.

Can we all agree that there can be proprietary threads?

I'm talking mostly of the women-only threads that are popular, but of course there can be men-only threads as well, and if transsexual people would like to have a thread to talk about transsexual stuff, then I see nothing wrong with respecting that.

I doubt there are many guys out there who would complain if a woman posted on the "Men Who Like Men" thread. But if there was an issue that I wanted to discuss with other men, I'd like to know it wouldn't turn into something else with the intrusion of unrelated comments that spin the conversation into a discussion on whether that person should be allowed to comment, ad nauseum.

I believe if people wish to have their own thread to discuss their own issues, or to turn each other on, or whatever, they should be left alone to do their thing. It's not difficult to determine which threads those are. Just respect that.

In hindsight, my comment on the "Women Who Like to Masturbate with Other Women" was probably unnecessary, unwarranted, unwelcome and distracting. If I walked into a room where two women were getting it on, I certainly wouldn't climb into bed between them. So why do we feel it's okay to do that here in the forum?

Can we agree to just take a careful look before posting our random comments in a thread that doesn't invite us?

 

[Kitkat103]

So let me get this straight, from now on if I create a thread in this forum I have to specify if I want men or women to respond? What is this Yahoo!Answers?

 

[Safe_Bet]

Okay, I have a confession. I think women are beautiful. I think two women together are even more beautiful. And to that end, I do occasionally visit the woman-to-woman oriented threads. I believe that's called lurking. I've only posted one time on one of those threads, and was ignored. But my comment didn't elicit a response, and I didn't expect one... my comment was simply a "you go girls" kinda thing.

Here's my issue, and I'd like us all to discuss it here in this thread, rather than hijack a thread that's designed to discuss something else.

Can we all agree that there can be proprietary threads?

I'm talking mostly of the women-only threads that are popular, but of course there can be men-only threads as well, and if transsexual people would like to have a thread to talk about transsexual stuff, then I see nothing wrong with respecting that.

I doubt there are many guys out there who would complain if a woman posted on the "Men Who Like Men" thread. But if there was an issue that I wanted to discuss with other men, I'd like to know it wouldn't turn into something else with the intrusion of unrelated comments that spin the conversation into a discussion on whether that person should be allowed to comment, ad nauseum.

I believe if people wish to have their own thread to discuss their own issues, or to turn each other on, or whatever, they should be left alone to do their thing. It's not difficult to determine which threads those are. Just respect that.

In hindsight, my comment on the "Women Who Like to Masturbate with Other Women" was probably unnecessary, unwarranted, unwelcome and distracting. If I walked into a room where two women were getting it on, I certainly wouldn't climb into bed between them. So why do we feel it's okay to do that here in the forum?

Can we agree to just take a careful look before posting our random comments in a thread that doesn't invite us?

I got NO problem with there being proprietary threads. My late wife created "The Isle of Lesbos" thread specifically for that reason. In fact, she mentioned that in her very first post:

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=30513672&postcount=1


That said, there ARE a couple of other things that come into play:

1.) You CAN'T keep anyone out in reality. As you saw, you will usually get ignored by the group if you are the wrong gender/orientation, depending upon the intent of the thread. A couple of guys have attempted to join in on "The Isle" in the past, but were politely asked to not to continue. That is just respect for others I guess.

2.) If you post a NON-LGBTQ thread in this forum expect somebody to ask about it. It might be titled the "Men who like women who wear red shoes, but aren't gay - If you ain't one of us stay the hell out" thread, but SOMEBODY (quite possibly me) will post there and suggest that your thread is inappropriate for the GLBT chatter forum, because it about a fetish, not an LGBTQ sexuality/orientation thread). The reason that will happen is because there are damn few places we can call our own in this world and we are protective of them. (which I'm guessing is the same thinking when taken down to a thread/post level).

That said, nobody can do anything other than suggest, except for the mod. If she decides it's in appropriate, then the rest of us need to just suck it up. (no pun intended)

 

[Stella_Omega]

Regarding the threads that don't really belong in GLBT-- all you have to do is click the "report this post" link, and say that it doesn't belong here. Etoile will be on it in a jiffy, and you don't have to post a thing in the thread.

regarding thread propriety, yes. And in fact, that's usually the case. I think we are kinda reeling from our unexpected changes-- I really was NOT expecting laurel to give us any shrift, frankly-- and the lesbian crowd especially, are fiesty because we've never SEEN so many women oriented threads on the front page-- not in years, since the fetish bunch made themselves so comfortable here.

I would ask that we settle down a bit, and remember that our morality is not the true measure of gay or bi-ness-- especially when we are not gay or bi men ourselves.

Like I keep on saying, the different sexual minorities have very different needs and expectations, and we are all shoved into one place here. I don't know if we can do much about that.

 

[CJontherocks]

So let me get this straight, from now on if I create a thread in this forum I have to specify if I want men or women to respond? What is this Yahoo!Answers?

No, that's not at all what I meant. All I'm suggesting is that if we see a thread titled something like "Women Who Like to Talk to Each Other About Their Fantasies," and we're not a woman who likes to talk to other women about our fantasies, then perhaps we have nothing constructive to add to the conversation and should let them continue on without .

I have no problem discerning which threads do not invite me to offer my comments. Usually, if it's not immediately apparent in the title, it becomes apparent with some cursory investigation of the content. With that one exception I mentioned, I do not interject my own two cents where it is not productive to the intent of the thread/conversation.

Stella has mentioned a time or two that we're not truly a community here, or at least do not act as one. I'm thinking something thread etiquette-like such as my idea might further our community identity.

And just because I have your attention... your photo threads rock!

 

[CJontherocks]

1.) You CAN'T keep anyone out in reality. As you saw, you will usually get ignored by the group if you are the wrong gender/orientation, depending upon the intent of the thread. A couple of guys have attempted to join in on "The Isle" in the past, but were politely asked to not to continue. That is just respect for others I guess.

You're right. You can't keep anyone from reading what you wrote. In fact, I googled my screen name and was surprised to see my Literotica posts come up. I got ignored, but as I said, my comment was a simple complimentary sentence or two, along with an apology for intruding. So I didn't expect a response. But the reality is, responses all too often are not polite.

What prompted me to start this particular conversation was that there was some heated discussion in one of the girl-oriented threads when a male (or was it two?) added some commentary. The response from the girls was not polite, at least not at the point where I began reading. I suppose I could check that fact, but that's not the point. The point was the feeling I got that first, these guys weren't married women and weren't girls so really it didn't make sense to me that they were insisting they should be included in the conversation. And second, the girls could have asked him (or them) politely to let them be by themselves for a while.

2.) If you post a NON-LGBTQ thread in this forum expect somebody to ask about it. It might be titled the "Men who like women who wear red shoes, but aren't gay - If you ain't one of us stay the hell out" thread, but SOMEBODY (quite possibly me) will post there and suggest that your thread is inappropriate for the GLBT chatter forum, because it about a fetish, not an LGBTQ sexuality/orientation thread). The reason that will happen is because there are damn few places we can call our own in this world and we are protective of them. (which I'm guessing is the same thinking when taken down to a thread/post level).

That said, nobody can do anything other than suggest, except for the mod. If she decides it's in appropriate, then the rest of us need to just suck it up. (no pun intended)

I don't disagree with you at all that many of the threads in this forum got to be fetishisticish (yeah, I just made up my own word). And those being the most popular of the threads, remained at the fore. I did not like it when this forum was more masturbation fodder than discussion of LGBTQ issues. Not that I don't enjoy a visit to a great many of those threads... it just made the forum seem a bit seedy.

My intent here is to determine if we--the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, and queer members of Literotica--can begin to act more like a community by respecting each other more. I'd like to believe we don't need a moderator to make us agree on something like this.

 

[CJontherocks]

Like I keep on saying, the different sexual minorities have very different needs and expectations, and we are all shoved into one place here. I don't know if we can do much about that.

I'd like to try to do something about that. My thought is that not many people have a choice in their community. We don't pick who moves in next door to us. A great many of us don't pick where we can and can't afford to live. So if people who are forced together through economic conditions or ethnicity can create real communities, why can't we?

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'd like to try to do something about that. My thought is that not many people have a choice in their community. We don't pick who moves in next door to us. A great many of us don't pick where we can and can't afford to live. So if people who are forced together through economic conditions or ethnicity can create real communities, why can't we?

Indeed. And, there's the thing-- there are other forums out there in internetland. And tons of people have left this one to find a place more suited to their needs-- Google canlink you to dozens of lesbian oriented forums, with moderators who can shove troublemakers off the site-- along with anyone who turns out to be male. There are dozens and dozens of men's forums, where the guys can be as raunchy as they want without offending women's sensibilities.

There are forums out there for straight queers, gay queers, cross dressers-- male and female alike. Diaper-wearers. forums for BDSM. Better forums for BDSM.

So-- why do we stay here folks? gotta be a reason... think about it.

 

[Kitkat103]

No, that's not at all what I meant. All I'm suggesting is that if we see a thread titled something like "Women Who Like to Talk to Each Other About Their Fantasies," and we're not a woman who likes to talk to other women about our fantasies, then perhaps we have nothing constructive to add to the conversation and should let them continue on without .

And just because I have your attention... your photo threads rock!

Yeah I have gotten on men in The Lesbian Pic Thread because they violated posting rules and tried to call me a hypocrite. (Which I am not, direct links to expletive pics only)Yeah I may have slipped and let one in but either follow the rules or leave. Luckily they have not come back or just lurk instead.

I don't mind sometimes if men comment but be real its a Lesbian Thread. Some of the readers do not want to know how hard the image made you. Same for the Gay Pic Thread, ladies some of the readers do not want to know how wet the image made you (I lost subscribers saying that in a post) )

Oh and thanks for checking out my threads.

 

[lustatopia]

My intent here is to determine if we--the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, and queer members of Literotica--can begin to act more like a community by respecting each other more. I'd like to believe we don't need a moderator to make us agree on something like this

.

Good point. Being the asshat who recently hijacked a thread that had just been hijacked by someone intent on dividing us into proper and improper expressions of GLBT sexuality, I think the GLBT is definitely a strongly united community and like any community it has share of bullies.

Of course there is a thread propriety. Common sense and respect would inform a man not to post into a lesbian conversation unless specifically invited to do so. It's equality unwelcome for a Lesbian to break into a timidly bi-curious thread and announce that she's offended by the mere existence of bi-male sexuality and it should be banished from the GLBT forum. As Stella points out the proper etiquette would be click on "report this thread," and let the moderators decide.

My own experience working in real world GLBT communities in NYC, Sydney and Melbourne is that we are a strongly united scene, culturally, politically and highly supportive of each other. We don't live in ghettos or assume the role of victim inside the larger national society and conversation anymore. That's so last century. The fact that so many more young people now identify as bi-curious or bisexual or alt sexual or gay or poly or pan or whatever represents the cultural success the GLBT community has achieved.

This blossoming of diversity should be celebrated as what we have always been about, yet some feel threatened by the growing acceptance mainstream culture has for alt sexuality. This is what I believe is the subtext of attacks on sexuality that aren't purely gay. The fall of the iron curtain which once divided het and gay cultures and the subsequent blurring of sexual identity threatens old-school conservatives on both side of the divide who have an emotional investment in keeping the two worlds isolated and antagonistic.

 

[Stella_Omega]

.

Good point. Being the asshat who recently hijacked a thread that had just been hijacked by someone intent on dividing us into proper and improper expressions of GLBT sexuality, I think the GLBT is definitely a strongly united community and like any community it has share of bullies.

Of course there is a thread propriety. Common sense and respect would inform a man not to post into a lesbian conversation unless specifically invited to do so. It's equality unwelcome for a Lesbian to break into a timidly bi-curious thread and announce that she's offended by the mere existence of bi-male sexuality and it should be banished from the GLBT forum. As Stella points out the proper etiquette would be click on "report this thread," and let the moderators decide.

My own experience working in real world GLBT communities in NYC, Sydney and Melbourne is that we are a strongly united scene, culturally, politically and highly supportive of each other. We don't live in ghettos or assume the role of victim inside the larger national society and conversation anymore. That's so last century. The fact that so many more young people now identify as bi-curious or bisexual or alt sexual or gay or poly or pan or whatever represents the cultural success the GLBT community has achieved.

This blossoming of diversity should be celebrated as what we have always been about, yet some feel threatened by the growing acceptance mainstream culture has for alt sexuality. This is what I believe is the subtext of attacks on sexuality that aren't purely gay. The fall of the iron curtain which once divided het and gay cultures and the subsequent blurring of sexual identity threatens old-school conservatives on both side of the divide who have an emotional investment in keeping the two worlds isolated and antagonistic.

You sound like third wave feminists-- who criticised the older generation for being too fierce and are, right now, blankly facing the fact that the right is attacking everything the first and second wave fought for. You really think GLBT culture is integrated into the het world? Really?

That iron curtain has not fallen as far as you think it has, sorry to say. Last year, eight young men were bullied into suicide in eight separate instances. Last year, two young women of my acquaintance were raped to cure them of their gayness. In Los Angeles, which is one of those cultural meccas you're so proud of. This year, elderly couples will die without the comfort of marriage.


New York, Sydney, and Melbourne are these wonderful meccas for culture, indeed. Along with many another large city. But-- you'd better get out there and investigate a whole lot more of the world before you tell us all what is "last century" or "newer and better." We do live in ghettos. You lived in three of them-- you just didn't think a big bustling city could be a ghetto. You go live Out in Marrietta GA, or West Chester PA or Sacramento CA and see how accepting and supportive the larger society is around you.

And then come back and tell me that I'm "conservative." Or that I've taken on the role of "Victim," you ignorant little twit. I'm the warrior who fought for your current freedom to be yourself. Who hasn't stopped fighting-- making it that bit less necessary for you to do any heavy lifting yourself.

And so is Amy, for that matter. You have no clue.

 

[Safe_Bet]

...My own experience working in real world GLBT communities in NYC, Sydney and Melbourne is that we are a strongly united scene, culturally, politically and highly supportive of each other. We don't live in ghettos or assume the role of victim inside the larger national society and conversation anymore. That's so last century. The fact that so many more young people now identify as bi-curious or bisexual or alt sexual or gay or poly or pan or whatever represents the cultural success the GLBT community has achieved.

as what we have always been about, yet some feel threatened by the growing acceptance mainstream culture has for alt sexuality. This is what I believe is the subtext of attacks on sexuality that aren't purely gay. The fall of the iron curtain which once divided het and gay cultures and the subsequent blurring of sexual identity threatens old-school conservatives on both side of the divide who have an emotional investment in keeping the two worlds isolated and antagonistic.

This is possibly the most absurd thing you have written to date.

When you are talking about the happy "young people" do you mean the ones that are STILL committing suicide daily to escape the harassment or the ones who have the "happiness" beat out of them after being tied to a fence post?

When you talk about the "growing acceptance mainstream culture has for alt sexuality" maybe you can explain why I had to move to the fucking ghetto of Iowa to marry the person I loved and why the fucking fundie assholes are trying to take even this ghetto away from us.

Your comments make it perfectly clear that your "own experience working in real world GLBT communities" is exactly fucking zilch, dude. You don't know "real world" from jackshit.

P.S. don't tell me let me guess... you are a life member of the HRC and go to NYC cocktail parties with Solmonese.. LOL!!!!

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

You sound like third wave feminists-- who criticised the older generation for being too fierce and are, right now, blankly facing the fact that the right is attacking everything the first and second wave fought for. You really think GLBT culture is integrated into the het world? Really?

That iron curtain has not fallen as far as you think it has, sorry to say. Last year, eight young men were bullied into suicide in eight separate instances. Last year, two young women of my acquaintance were raped to cure them of their gayness. In Los Angeles, which is one of those cultural meccas you're so proud of. This year, elderly couples will die without the comfort of marriage.


New York, Sydney, and Melbourne are these wonderful meccas for culture, indeed. Along with many another large city. But-- you'd better get out there and investigate a whole lot more of the world before you tell us all what is "last century" or "newer and better." We do live in ghettos. You lived in three of them-- you just didn't think a big bustling city could be a ghetto. You go live Out in Marrietta GA, or West Chester PA or Sacramento CA and see how accepting and supportive the larger society is around you.

And then come back and tell me that I'm "conservative." Or that I've taken on the role of "Victim," you ignorant little twit. I'm the warrior who fought for your current freedom to be yourself. Who hasn't stopped fighting-- making it that bit less necessary for you to do any heavy lifting yourself.

And so is Amy, for that matter. You have no clue.

I fucking LOVE you.

This is possibly the most absurd thing you have written to date.

When you are talking about the happy "young people" do you mean the ones that are STILL committing suicide daily to escape the harassment or the ones who have the "happiness" beat out of them after being tied to a fence post?

When you talk about the "growing acceptance mainstream culture has for alt sexuality" maybe you can explain why I had to move to the fucking ghetto of Iowa to marry the person I loved and why the fucking fundie assholes are trying to take even this ghetto away from us.

Your comments make it perfectly clear that your "own experience working in real world GLBT communities" is exactly fucking zilch, dude. You don't know "real world" from jackshit.

P.S. don't tell me let me guess... you are a life member of the HRC and go to NYC cocktail parties with Solmonese.. LOL!!!!

Yeah and you too...but in a purely~you are such a mega bitch~ kinda way.

Now, on to the topic of conversation. I don't go into threads that do not speak to my particular interests, period. If it doesn't say Lesbian in the title, more than likely I won't be visiting there. That is not to say that I don't read to get other points of view (as I used to date only bi boys, years and years ago) but the fact of the matter is, I don't see how my POV would be helpful for most bi guys or even bi girls who are only talking about wanting a little something extra on top of their primarily hetero lifestyle.

I am queer and I self identify as such. I prefer women but I can't claim the 100% dyke title because I am not. I think that this forum has accomplished quite a bit when it comes to self expression and I am pleased to be a part of it. All of that being said to say this~most of us do monitor when and where we post because we don't want the trouble and drama of not doing so. Divvying us up even more than we are isn't cool for any reason~ other than respect. And most long standing members do give respect to certain threads by staying out...probably for reasons much like mine.

What else can we do to engender community besides continue to treat each other like adults?

 

[Safe_Bet]

Yeah and you too...but in a purely~you are such a mega bitch~ kinda way

Yeah, well I love you MORE, even though you were the chick Rick James was thinking about when he sang that song...

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Yeah, well I love you MORE, even though you were the chick Rick James was thinking about when he sang that song...

Dammit I spit coffee across my bedroom floor just as my 16 year old turned on Super Freak! Fuckin` Amy, you stop that shit Right now!

 

[Safe_Bet]

Dammit I spit coffee across my bedroom floor just as my 16 year old turned on Super Freak! Fuckin` Amy, you stop that shit Right now!

[Rick James voice]

"Room 714, I'll be waiting"

[/Rick James voice]

{sets up incense, wine and candles, after putting on nothing but a one piece spandex jump suit and sprinkling glitter in my hair...}


P.S. Oh, I almost forgot: YOW!

 

[CJontherocks]

Was that true hostility, or simply heated debate?

Why do we not acknowledge that some strides have been made, thanks to great warriors like Stella, toward accepted plurality? Isn't there much more acceptance today (I hate the word "tolerance" because it's condescending) than in the past?

I realize each and every attack on a person because of their sexuality is equal in repugnance to the sum of all previous attacks, plus one. But the haters have been reduced, I think. Isn't that important?

 

[Safe_Bet]

Was that true hostility, or simply heated debate?

Why do we not acknowledge that some strides have been made, thanks to great warriors like Stella, toward accepted plurality? Isn't there much more acceptance today (I hate the word "tolerance" because it's condescending) than in the past?

I realize each and every attack on a person because of their sexuality is equal in repugnance to the sum of all previous attacks, plus one. But the haters have been reduced, I think. Isn't that important?

Sure, I'll gladly acknowledge that strides have been made. We've worked our way all the way up to 3rd class citizens! Hell, maybe someday we will even be able to love one another just like the str8 folks do!

In fact, we've made so many strides that now the people who aren't truly invested in or dedicated to the struggle are saying that the journey is nearly over, when actually we've only taken the first few steps.

'Course those "strides", also don't mean much to people like Tyler Clementi (but then again, his suicide was "so last year"), any more than they do to people like Kobe Bryant who thinks it's okay to call somebody a "faggot" just because he was mad.

And no there ISN'T more acceptance today then there was before. The only difference is that we have better lawyers and are willing to fight it out in public court. The haters haven't been reduced, they've only be delayed. Anyone that thinks otherwise, never has really encountered then.


P.S. and if you think that I sound hostile towards people who cavalierly blowing off dozens of wasteful and shameful LGBTQ deaths and brutal attacks you'd be right on the money. I AM.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Was that true hostility, or simply heated debate?

Why do we not acknowledge that some strides have been made, thanks to great warriors like Stella, toward accepted plurality? Isn't there much more acceptance today (I hate the word "tolerance" because it's condescending) than in the past?

The kid isn't acknowledging "strides. He's denying the entire walk. It's been one step forward, two back as far as I can see, and each step back hurts worse because we have dared to invest a little bit of hope each time-- which gets dashed yet again when we see how heartless the general public really is. That's the price you pay for activism. it really hasn't made my life a happier one. Sticking my head in the sand would have led maybe to fewer antidepressants in my life.

I realize each and every attack on a person because of their sexuality is equal in repugnance to the sum of all previous attacks, plus one.

That's a beautiful way to put it.

But the haters have been reduced, I think. Isn't that important?

I can actually give you one hater who stopped hating;
http://www.glaaforum.org/glaa_forum...uis-marinelli-endorses-marriage-equality.html

isn't that nice? A guy who made a career for five years, of getting in our faces has very kindly apologised for his interference.

And here are a lesbian couple who have experienced just as much hate now as ever;
http://www.shewired.com/article.cfm?id=26602

In very practical and life-involving ways. They have experienced the effects of Marinelli's prior hobby.

 

[CJontherocks]

It's been one step forward, two back as far as I can see, and each step back hurts worse because we have dared to invest a little bit of hope each time-- which gets dashed yet again when we see how heartless the general public really is. That's the price you pay for activism. it really hasn't made my life a happier one. Sticking my head in the sand would have led maybe to fewer antidepressants in my life.

I honestly hate that I hide my head in the sand. Funny how I never worried about getting shot or blown up back then, but the thought of someone rejecting me because I happen to be attracted to men makes me cringe.

I can actually give you one hater who stopped hating;
http://www.glaaforum.org/glaa_forum...uis-marinelli-endorses-marriage-equality.html

isn't that nice? A guy who made a career for five years, of getting in our faces has very kindly apologised for his interference.

The lesson I take from this is that all it takes for people to see the good is to meet the people who are good. (Sadly, that's not always the case.) And I am all the more despicable for hiding. That's not to say that I don't join the fight when I can. But I'm more of a subversive than a warrior.

And here are a lesbian couple who have experienced just as much hate now as ever;
http://www.shewired.com/article.cfm?id=26602

In very practical and life-involving ways. They have experienced the effects of Marinelli's prior hobby.

The cruelty of humans almost always amazes me. Humanity has not progressed as far as we say we have, in my opinion.


And I don't mind at all that this conversation has drifted from its original topic. I like that, in fact. Should we start a Topicless thread?

 

[Etoile]

Everybody has the right to post anywhere they want. It's an open forum.

Everybody else has the right to ignore posters they don't feel contribute the discussion.

Quite simple really!

 

[CJontherocks]

Everybody has the right to post anywhere they want. It's an open forum.

Everybody else has the right to ignore posters they don't feel contribute the discussion.

Quite simple really!

M, you know I've loved you for years, but I have to respectfully disagree here. I can appreciate the effort to maintain the tenets of free speech and even freer (is that a word?) thoughts. But sometimes, I think it's just rude to butt into a conversation. Most of the conversation here is random, and rarely in real time. So yeah, in that respect it's not really butting in.

But I can't let go of the notion that if a group is having a conversation, one can either offer something useful in the furtherance of that discussion, or stay out of it. There's nothing I would suggest we do about it except, as you said, ignore the superfluous/impertinent/thoughtless comment and proceed with the discussion as if the comment had not been made.

My idea was to bring up two issues for thought. First, to those who are on the cusp of sending that "Submit Reply" button, knowing their comment is out of place... just think twice about what you're offering to the discussion. Is it valuable? Is it necessary? Is it thoughtful? Second, to those who see the comment after the person just couldn't resist the button... an angry or insulting response is only going to interrupt the discussion further, so again think twice. Ignore the offending comment or ask nicely for the person to not interject where they are not wanted. I did see what appeared to be an honest question from a male to women who were discussing a relevant topic. Their response to his query was less than amiable, and unnecessary in my opinion.

So my issue here is to entertain the idea that we can respect each other while still enjoying the freedom to share our uninhibited thoughts.

 

[Etoile]

M, you know I've loved you for years, but I have to respectfully disagree here. I can appreciate the effort to maintain the tenets of free speech and even freer (is that a word?) thoughts. But sometimes, I think it's just rude to butt into a conversation. Most of the conversation here is random, and rarely in real time. So yeah, in that respect it's not really butting in.

But I can't let go of the notion that if a group is having a conversation, one can either offer something useful in the furtherance of that discussion, or stay out of it. There's nothing I would suggest we do about it except, as you said, ignore the superfluous/impertinent/thoughtless comment and proceed with the discussion as if the comment had not been made.

My idea was to bring up two issues for thought. First, to those who are on the cusp of sending that "Submit Reply" button, knowing their comment is out of place... just think twice about what you're offering to the discussion. Is it valuable? Is it necessary? Is it thoughtful? Second, to those who see the comment after the person just couldn't resist the button... an angry or insulting response is only going to interrupt the discussion further, so again think twice. Ignore the offending comment or ask nicely for the person to not interject where they are not wanted. I did see what appeared to be an honest question from a male to women who were discussing a relevant topic. Their response to his query was less than amiable, and unnecessary in my opinion.

So my issue here is to entertain the idea that we can respect each other while still enjoying the freedom to share our uninhibited thoughts.

I understand quite well why you feel this way. Indeed, I agree with you completely. But as a moderator, I have to say that what you propose is not practicable or enforceable. It's an ideal situation. In reality, this is such a transient forum, that you'll never reach everyone with this message. There are core regulars, of course, but most people only come here when they want to get their rocks off, and they don't care about politeness and propriety.

I have seen boards that are moderated in a way that ensures what you describe actually is how the board is run. Honestly, I don't like 'em. Maybe it's because I've been on here so long and I'm used to it, but I don't like moderators telling me to be nice. I am usually exceedingly nice, as most people here know, but it's of my own accord. That is, I already try to practice what you suggest - but I don't like the idea of someone telling me I have to.