Threesome questions

[SnappyPepper]

My partner would really like for us to participate in a threesome. (MMF). I had a horrible experience when I was in college with a threesome, and haven't tried it again since. I am wondering if anyone has any good experiences to share, tips on how to make it as enjoyable as possible, etc. I would really like to move past my bad experience in the past and do this for me and him and be able to fully participate and have fun at it. I guess I am looking for success stories as well as things to be aware of. The threesome that I had was very spur of the moment and I was not at all prepared for the ramifications. I feel like I'm better prepared now, but have a bit of an attitude that it cannot work. I would really like to get past this if possible.

Thanks in advance!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Forgive me for asking, but it can make a difference-- are you also a man, or are you a hetero couple? Because if you are a man and woman you have to figure out how to deal with a male newcomer to your dynamic- men can get territorial. If someone doesn't want other-dude cooties getting on him then-- you've got problems. And if the two guys forget their manners then you feel like a piece of meat while they make dude remarks to each other.

if you are two gay men, I would council you to NOT try cunnilingus first thing, as the unusual smells may put you both right off. Start with your fingers when you start exploring a woman.

 

[Ladybugsjoy]

I would recommend discussing things before hand so you know what to expect. What is off limits and what's fair game... it'll help avoid hard feelings afterwards since you'll know what the rules are. It can be hard because you can get really involved with that third person and you have to do your best to not make them feel like a third wheel. I was thankfully in a mmf threesome that went well and nothing bad came of it, but I also call us lucky. We also didn't see that third on a regular basis so there's not much of a chance for awkward moments if things hadn't gone well.

 

[roomfor1more]

My partner would really like for us to participate in a threesome. (MMF). I had a horrible experience when I was in college with a threesome, and haven't tried it again since. I am wondering if anyone has any good experiences to share, tips on how to make it as enjoyable as possible, etc. I would really like to move past my bad experience in the past and do this for me and him and be able to fully participate and have fun at it. I guess I am looking for success stories as well as things to be aware of. The threesome that I had was very spur of the moment and I was not at all prepared for the ramifications. I feel like I'm better prepared now, but have a bit of an attitude that it cannot work. I would really like to get past this if possible.

Thanks in advance!

If I were to give some advice, I would say communication is probably most important thing. Communication goes beyond asking your partner how was their day or what are we having for supper. Instead it goes to talking about subjects many couples do not discuss such as your previous threesome experience in some detail that includes why you feel it was a bad experience, feelings about watching while your partner has sex with someone else, having sex with someone else while your partner watches, boundaries for a threesome, safe-sex in a threesome, risk to the relationship, the type of person you want to invite, who to invite, and how to keep feelings from being developed. This means the conversations happen over time, usually weeks or months, sometimes years. The important thing is talking about it and working through the issues. By talking it through it will help you move past the bad experience and it might make you closer to your partner because you were able to communicate at a such a deep level. While there is no guarantees that communicating will give you a good experience, it should help you improve your chance.

 

[Ladybugsjoy]

Also, many people are like the elephant that never forgets.. learn from the past but don't hold a grudge. If something doesn't go quite completely well, remember that it's a learning experience. Just because last time didn't go great doesn't mean the next time can't be fantastic. And if something does happen... then you know what to work on! Or you may just learn that it's not for you. Just because even a LOT people people like something doesn't mean that everyone has to like it. To each his or her own! And also, if you aren't comfortable with it, don't force yourself to do it just because your partner wants to... because then it will suck.

 

[where]

Forgive me for asking, but it can make a difference-- are you also a man, or are you a hetero couple? Because if you are a man and woman you have to figure out how to deal with a male newcomer to your dynamic- men can get territorial. If someone doesn't want other-dude cooties getting on him then-- you've got problems. And if the two guys forget their manners then you feel like a piece of meat while they make dude remarks to each other.

if you are two gay men, I would council you to NOT try cunnilingus first thing, as the unusual smells may put you both right off. Start with your fingers when you start exploring a woman.

if it's MMF isn't it a given that swordplay isn't going to be an issue?

Also, Stella sweet darling, women can also be territorial. When I've done it, the biggest issue for me was keeping my cool and not trying to turn it into MFM because I was anxious that I may become redundant.

ETA: general advice would be both of you get to know the potential playmate, establish ground rules and use condoms.

 

[roomfor1more]

Also, many people are like the elephant that never forgets.. learn from the past but don't hold a grudge. If something doesn't go quite completely well, remember that it's a learning experience. Just because last time didn't go great doesn't mean the next time can't be fantastic. And if something does happen... then you know what to work on! Or you may just learn that it's not for you. Just because even a LOT people people like something doesn't mean that everyone has to like it. To each his or her own! And also, if you aren't comfortable with it, don't force yourself to do it just because your partner wants to... because then it will suck.

Ladybugsjoy gives some good advice. I will expanded on it by saying when you have a threesome you will need to put feelings to the side. This does not mean you cannot feel hurt because a boundary was violated. However it does mean, you need to rely on your knowledge of your partner in light of what you are experiencing. Also, it means you need to be opened minded and willing to share your partner with another. Thirdly, it means you have to accept the consequences of the decisions you make. Finally you have control over how you view things and how you react to them.

Moving on, like Ladybusjoy said just because a lot of people enjoy threesomes does not mean you have to enjoy it or do it. Many people prefer to be exclusive both emotionally and physically with their partner, which is fine. The challenge for you is to determine what do you want for yourself and then communicate that to your partner.