Serious Discussion: The Mental Health of Vanillas

[FurryFury]

Seriously though, mental health issues seem to be rampant and out of control for all age groups and sexes right now.

I know quite a few people out there looking for someone who is at least marginally sane to have various relationships with, straight, gay, 'nilla, kinked or whatever.

What's up?

Is it all the plastic that surrounds us?

I think it might be.



I'm waiting for relative sanity to be the new black. I can't wait. I think I have some way in the back of my closet . . .

 

[unregistered]

 

[catalina_francisco]

There is a saying amongst psychiatrists and psychologists that if you think you are sane and have no mental issues, quite likely you are not.

Catalina

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I just think that with the serious efforts to de-stigmatise mental health issues and disorders, then there has become a bit of an oversaturation of coverage on them.

It'll all level out eventually, and it'll get the same response as someone with any other ongoing but not life threatening ailment.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't know, I wonder if it is more about mental illness being a more advanced field with a lot more knowledge available. both to patients and practitioners. Many of the most commonly heard about conditions of today, were either unheard of (or not known to exist) or managed badly 30 years ago. With that knowledge, and discovery of newer conditions such as Aspergers, more people fall into the realm of having a mental illness where once they were just dismissed as stupid, strange, or a problem.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I just think that with the serious efforts to de-stigmatise mental health issues and disorders, then there has become a bit of an oversaturation of coverage on them.

It'll all level out eventually, and it'll get the same response as someone with any other ongoing but not life threatening ailment.

Suicide kills more people than war per WHO records. I'd say mental health issues are pretty serious. The wrong things are covered, as usual. The saturation in the west is met with a blackout in the second and third world. The crisis for GLBT people is dire. The cultural barriers to treatment are enormous. The stigma isn't over.

 

[Netzach]

The mental health of vanillas is probably utterly average. The *sexual* health of most people is dismal, and I think it's possible that self ID'd BDSM people are paying more attention on average, but who's counting?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Suicide kills more people than war per WHO records. I'd say mental health issues are pretty serious. The wrong things are covered, as usual. The saturation in the west is met with a blackout in the second and third world. The crisis for GLBT people is dire. The cultural barriers to treatment are enormous. The stigma isn't over.

Oh, they are serious, yes.

But from what I've observed lately, there's a definite push for people to be more open and understanding. I learned recently, that after much discussion etc with various bodies, the media in Australia, in most cases, don't actually report on the things that happen when related to mental health, patricularly schizophrenia and psychosis, because they *don't* want the stigma to be highlighted.

Naturally, this leads to under informing people of the seriousness of such disorders, and that lack of knowledge creates it's own stigma, but that is more likely to be overcome than the sensationalisation of the bad stuff.

 

[FurryFury]

If you see mental illnesses as a list of things on a spectrum going from barely there and barely affecting daily life to severe and chronic, you will be able to see at least some mental illness in everyone you get to know well enough would you not?

Still the huge number of people that can't seem to carry on a romantic relationship resembling anything healthy these days just boggles. I hate it for my single friends and family that want to find someone in the green - yellow slide of the spectrum.

 

[graceanne]

I don't think there are more mental health issues, I just think that they're getting diagnosed. My aunt, who is nearly 60, is highly functioning autistic or severely aspergers. We're pretty sure on it. She was not diagnosed as a child, though, and is one messed up, anal retentive, pain in the ass. My son, however, is highly functioning aspergers, and will be just 'fine' by the time he's a teenager because he was caught early and got all sorts of extra help because of it.

My point? Sixty years ago, when my aunt was a child, lots of children who had issues were just considered 'weird' or something like that and weren't diagnosed like they are now. Do I consider it over diagnosis? Eh. It's possible, but it's also very likely that they're using labels to get children the extra help they need so they can be functional adults. (My aunt, btw, has never lived outside my grandma's home or held down a job. She's never dated, either. If you move the furniture in the living room she won't go anywhere near it for months and has been known to shun family gatherings because she doesn't like the flower arrangement.)

 

[ImOnIt]

It's well proven that an authoritative figure telling someone they have an issue could alter that person's behaviour.

 

[Betticus]

It seems to me that vanillas are much more repressed and closed off than bdsm'ers. I have and associate mostly with vanillas who are quite a bit younger than I am.. mainly due to circumstances related to my interests and doing the club/event photography. I hold back quite a bit but every once in a while one of them will have an issue or problem and will either talk with me about it or I will notice subtle changes in their behavior or body language and I will let them know that I see something that they need to deal with.

One observation is that they are usually very surprised that I can notice these things. To me they are almost screaming for help but to the rest of the group they are either being moody or want attention. The general conclusion I've come up with is that vanillas view themselves as whole.. as complete entities unto themselves who don't necessarily need a partner so much as want to be with someone to alleviate lonliness. I think that bdsm'ers are more open, sharing and view themselves as part of a larger whole that while capable of independent operation also know that this is not an ideal situation.

If this makes no sense, I haven't slept in a while and just got home from work.

 

[FurryFury]

You know your aunt sounds a bit like my girl. She says that anyone moving anything in her room causes her pain and feels like a violation.

I'm always trying to decide with her, is this another one of her issues or just teenage behavior?

I'm all for helping people ASAP but mostly what I was talking about was people who can't have a healthy relationship at all because they have so many issues.

I don't think there are more mental health issues, I just think that they're getting diagnosed. My aunt, who is nearly 60, is highly functioning autistic or severely aspergers. We're pretty sure on it. She was not diagnosed as a child, though, and is one messed up, anal retentive, pain in the ass. My son, however, is highly functioning aspergers, and will be just 'fine' by the time he's a teenager because he was caught early and got all sorts of extra help because of it.

My point? Sixty years ago, when my aunt was a child, lots of children who had issues were just considered 'weird' or something like that and weren't diagnosed like they are now. Do I consider it over diagnosis? Eh. It's possible, but it's also very likely that they're using labels to get children the extra help they need so they can be functional adults. (My aunt, btw, has never lived outside my grandma's home or held down a job. She's never dated, either. If you move the furniture in the living room she won't go anywhere near it for months and has been known to shun family gatherings because she doesn't like the flower arrangement.)

 

[FurryFury]

Makes sense to me.

It seems to me that vanillas are much more repressed and closed off than bdsm'ers. I have and associate mostly with vanillas who are quite a bit younger than I am.. mainly due to circumstances related to my interests and doing the club/event photography. I hold back quite a bit but every once in a while one of them will have an issue or problem and will either talk with me about it or I will notice subtle changes in their behavior or body language and I will let them know that I see something that they need to deal with.

One observation is that they are usually very surprised that I can notice these things. To me they are almost screaming for help but to the rest of the group they are either being moody or want attention. The general conclusion I've come up with is that vanillas view themselves as whole.. as complete entities unto themselves who don't necessarily need a partner so much as want to be with someone to alleviate lonliness. I think that bdsm'ers are more open, sharing and view themselves as part of a larger whole that while capable of independent operation also know that this is not an ideal situation.

If this makes no sense, I haven't slept in a while and just got home from work.

 

[DVS]

Of course...pent up anger, repressed sexual desires and unfulfilled fantasies can all lead to an angry mentality. At least it would be my mental state, if I didn't have BDSM for sexual release.

If I wasn't aware of the reasons for my condition, I'd also assume I was really, really strange, or even perverted, thinking nobody would ever find me sexual appealing. This would then result in my stalking, kidnapping and eventually keeping some poor female captive in my basement and repeatedly raping her in various demented ways. Of course, her refusal to submit willingly would eventually heighten my desires, because I would grow to hate the female gender for not accepting me and my sexual desires, taking my aggressions out on her.

Now, if I happened to be aware of the BDSM community...nothing much would change except for the part where I would hate the female gender.

 

[FurryFury]

I hear ya!

And what you had to say was hawt to me!

Yes. I'm mentally ill that way.

Of course...pent up anger, repressed sexual desires and unfulfilled fantasies can all lead to an angry mentality. At least it would be my mental state, if I didn't have BDSM for sexual release.

If I wasn't aware of the reasons for my condition, I'd also assume I was really, really strange, or even perverted, thinking nobody would ever find me sexual appealing. This would then result in my stalking, kidnapping and eventually keeping some poor female captive in my basement and repeatedly raping her in various demented ways. Of course, her refusal to submit willingly would eventually heighten my desires, because I would grow to hate the female gender for not accepting me and my sexual desires, taking my aggressions out on her.

Now, if I happened to be aware of the BDSM community...nothing much would change except for the part where I would hate the female gender.

 

[DVS]

I hear ya!

And what you had to say was hawt to me!

Yes. I'm mentally ill that way.

My porch light is always on.

 

[FurryFury]

My porch light is always on.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't think there are more mental health issues, I just think that they're getting diagnosed. My aunt, who is nearly 60, is highly functioning autistic or severely aspergers. We're pretty sure on it. She was not diagnosed as a child, though, and is one messed up, anal retentive, pain in the ass. My son, however, is highly functioning aspergers, and will be just 'fine' by the time he's a teenager because he was caught early and got all sorts of extra help because of it.

My point? Sixty years ago, when my aunt was a child, lots of children who had issues were just considered 'weird' or something like that and weren't diagnosed like they are now. Do I consider it over diagnosis? Eh. It's possible, but it's also very likely that they're using labels to get children the extra help they need so they can be functional adults. (My aunt, btw, has never lived outside my grandma's home or held down a job. She's never dated, either. If you move the furniture in the living room she won't go anywhere near it for months and has been known to shun family gatherings because she doesn't like the flower arrangement.)

You are fortunate your son was diagnosed early. For us, it was not such a known condition when my son was younger...was something new and for many in the mental health field, unheard of. Doctors knew he was different, especially in his non-reaction to medications including anaesthetic, but most put it down to something in his metabolism which was different and went no further.

We went to mental health clinics for children in hospitals and government health and all they wanted to do was give him IQ tests to see just how much of a genius he was and little else....even the government health doctors gave up and didn't have a diagnosis but passed him as needing an invalid pension due to his inability to cope with the world. We are trying to move forward here now we know what the problem is, but even though the agency who helps specialises in autism, they have not made progress. He doesn't work, doesn't date, barely speaks, and except for walking to to the shops a couple of times a week (or the occasions I get him to come for a drive or outing with me), he lives in his room in front of the many computers he has built.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

*HUGS*

You are fortunate your son was diagnosed early. For us, it was not such a known condition when my son was younger...was something new and for many in the mental health field, unheard of. Doctors knew he was different, especially in his non-reaction to medications including anaesthetic, but most put it down to something in his metabolism which was different and went no further.

We went to mental health clinics for children in hospitals and government health and all they wanted to do was give him IQ tests to see just how much of a genius he was and little else....even the government health doctors gave up and didn't have a diagnosis but passed him as needing an invalid pension due to his inability to cope with the world. We are trying to move forward here now we know what the problem is, but even though the agency who helps specialises in autism, they have not made progress. He doesn't work, doesn't date, barely speaks, and except for walking to to the shops a couple of times a week (or the occasions I get him to come for a drive or outing with me), he lives in his room in front of the many computers he has built.

Catalina

 

[twister947]

Excellent thread. Thanks to all.

My step daughter has Asperger's. It's a daily struggle for her, and to a lesser extent, her mother and me.

We attended a support group for parents, and noticed something interesting: I was the only man in attendance. I was put on the spot repeatedly, looking for a male perspective. This must take a heavy toll on marriages, and I wonder if men as a group lean towards denial. Thoughts?

 

[Tilia_Fondi]

I have just posted this in the other thread but think its more relevant here, so here it is again!

Speaking from a perspective in the UK, over here in recent years there been a huge increase in the number of people with mental health problems. There are a number of reasons for this, one is that it is (becoming) largely more accepted and therefore people are more open and it is more widely diagnosed.

On the other hand, I feel that (in this country) things get a bit out of hand and it seems as everyone has some kind of mental health problem. But how can we define something as an 'illness' when it is so common?

Its easy to say that dominants and submissives must be mentally ill due to the nature of their relationship but most vanilla relationships also appear 'normal' on the surface but delving deeper, partners involved are also often depressed, dependant, neurotic etc. They are just human traits, not specific to those in bdsm relationships, although being in such a relationship, I believe, is a way for some to mask their problems.

The whole of society isn't going to be happy ALL of the time and people have to stop thinking that it is their 'right' to be happy. If their lives are shit the first thing people do now is head to their GP for anti depressants, and GPs give them out like smarties!

I STRONGLY believe that in the developed world we are so lucky to have the opportunities that we do and most people can achieve anything they want if they just put in the effort. The problem is here, people are lazy and don't want to make any effort and believe its the government's job to make them happy with their lives.

It's far too easy to blame 'past issues' for having a shit time in life but at the end of the day its your own life you'd be wasting away wallowing about it.

You make your own happiness in life and if your not happy with something... change it!

I did, I used to be down all the time, went to my GP etc (refused anti depressants though). And then one day a friend of mine said something that just clicked in my head and I realised I can make myself happy.

Now I have an amazing life and couldn't ask for more. I totally appreciate everything I have and anything I want to achieve in life I know I can if i put my mind to it.

That all said (as a mental health nurse), I am more than aware of the serious nature of mental health illness and would obviously not place everyone in the same category as me. I am purely talking about mainstream society 'feeling a bit down' as a whole. Many people do have SERIOUS problems stemming from a number of things in their biology and previous history. But I think this makes me all the more aware of how good I have it and not to get caught up in silly things making me 'depressed'.


That was longer than intended!

xx

 

[FurryFury]

Wonderful post.

*hugs*

FF

 

[Tilia_Fondi]

xxx

 

[brioche]

I don't know if it's related to stress or what, but a hell of a lot of teachers have mental health issues. Not ones to make you go this person is in charge of my kid! but rather anxiety disorders, depression, etc. The Union knows full well that I have mental health issues because they need to know to evaluate whether or not my workplace is hostile but the Board doesn't, and the Union told me "Damn right you don't tell them." Over the last 7 or 8 years there have been a few parents who I have told, for various reasons (one, for example, was going through a horrible reaction to an anti-depressant that I had gone through about 4 years earlier) but on the whole, it tends not to come up. If it gets brought up in the staffroom one usually discovers that up to half of the staff are on meds of some kind. Two weeks ago the other teachers were embroiled in a discussion as to whether a teacher who was experiencing PPD should go back on her meds when she was still breastfeeding. (I didn't participate because I didn't know the particulars; I didn't know the woman so and hadn't gone to the shower.) Currently I am helping another teacher get through a rather tough time as she is very private and doesn't want anyone to know that she's having trouble. She won't really talk to anyone other than her counselor. I don't know if that's a vanilla thing - last year before I went on the stress leave everyone and their brother knew that there were problems and I was having issues, just not that they were mental and physical ones. I told the kids I was sick. And I suppose I was.
Last century there were people with hysteria, melancholia, and nerves, and everyone had that crazy aunt or uncle who never came out of their room, and crazy people were sent off to institutions and never heard from again. Some became addicts of various substances in an attempt to self medicate a la Sherlock Holmes. Some of them were locked in attics. In one way or another (by force or by choice) they were often completely isolated from society. Now through medication they/we can be contributing members of society, hold down jobs, have relationships, etc.
It's only natural that more become prevalent as a result. Or should I say rather that more become visible.
I don't think we're dealing with anything new - we just know what to call it now.