is it wrong to miss Sir so much you cry?

[princesssuzanne]

....

.....

 

[ninser]

Its totally normal LOL at least it is for me too.

I find it very hard when he does not have time for me

 

[princesssuzanne]

.....

 

[catalina_francisco]

Do you see each other in the flesh to at least give you something to look forward to?

Catalina

 

[princesssuzanne]

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[catalina_francisco]

OK, then my advice from past experience is to look forward to being together and keep busy while apart. It seems simple but it takes a lot of work psychologically, but it gets you through the down times a little better. F is going to be away on business soon, and yes, he asked if I wanted to go to Vegas with him and stupidly I declined for all the right reasons, but I have plenty planned to keep me busy while he is away so I though I will miss him, I won't have time to wallow in it if that makes sense.

Catalina

 

[JMohegan]

So i am a new sub and my Dom is amazing. He is able to anticipate what i need and when. He is so kind and compassionate with me. He is very loving and caring. He has tons of patience with me when W/we are in a scene and i am struggling. i honestly want to tell Him what He means to me but i am afraid of being hurt again.

Every time that He ends our phone call at night, i cry like a baby after the hang up. i don't want Him to hear it because i don't want Him to think that i depend on Him that much. i guess i just honestly miss Him alot.

Is that wrong??

Are you asking about the guy you're in a relationship with, who is currently serving in Iraq? Or the guy you found online about a month ago, to help you and the Iraq guy get into D/s?

 

[princesssuzanne]

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[CutieMouse]

i am trying so hard to keep busy with school but i still find my thoughts wandering to him (i am ADD). what do you do when you can't keep yourself busy enough?

You put on your big girl panties and do the grown up stuff grown ups have to do every day.

 

[catalina_francisco]

i am trying so hard to keep busy with school but i still find my thoughts wandering to him (i am ADD). what do you do when you can't keep yourself busy enough?

Use my head and realise wallowing is wasting my time and his, and not what he would want as he likes me to be productive and positive and keep things going when he is not here. It works to think more about what he would want than allow my self indulgance and have to explain it when he gets back.

Catalina

 

[JMohegan]

You put on your big girl panties and do the grown up stuff grown ups have to do every day.

This would be my general advice as well.

However, if it's the Iraq guy she's talking about, I'd add the acknowledgment that most grownups don't have to deal with the deployment of an SO every day, and make the related suggestion to get together with the spouses and SO's of other active service members for support.

But if it's the guy she contacted to help introduce her to D/s (with the goal of helping the Iraq guy turn D when he gets back), then I'd suggest taking a step back and pondering how this intense emotional investment in the coach may be affecting the general poly plan.

 

[Primalex]

This would be my general advice as well.

However, if it's the Iraq guy she's talking about, I'd add the acknowledgment that most grownups don't have to deal with the deployment of an SO every day, and make the related suggestion to get together with the spouses and SO's of other active service members for support.

But if it's the guy she contacted to help introduce her to D/s (with the goal of helping the Iraq guy turn D when he gets back), then I'd suggest taking a step back and pondering how this intense emotional investment in the coach may be affecting the general poly plan.

Where is the "drama troll" option?

 

[chy_girl]

i am trying so hard to keep busy with school but i still find my thoughts wandering to him (i am ADD). what do you do when you can't keep yourself busy enough?

Ask for a daily task. It doesn't need to be time intensive or of a sexual in nature, simply something to do because he wants it of you. That way you have something to do with the excess energy and a specific time each day where your thoughts and energy are his and his alone. For the rest of the time, put on your big girl panties and do what needs to be done. If you let everything else in your life go to shit because you're obsessed with him he won't be please. At least if he's a good PYL.

And if you are in a committed relationship I would seriously consider how healthy such a strong attachment to the Dom is. For everyone involved. If you aren't in a committed relationship I would still seriously consider how healthy such a strong attachment is. If it's enough to derail your entire day now you will be totally non-functional when it ends.

Where is the "drama troll" option?

Gracie borrowed it for the Cafe.

 

[princesssuzanne]

......

 

[Chiara_searches]

You put on your big girl panties and do the grown up stuff grown ups have to do every day.

Use my head and realise wallowing is wasting my time and his, and not what he would want as he likes me to be productive and positive and keep things going when he is not here. It works to think more about what he would want than allow my self indulgance and have to explain it when he gets back.

Catalina

Great advice. Think of relationships like fine, red wines. Taking time to let it just sit and breath can make it all the more complex, subtle, and fulfilling.

 

[princesssuzanne]

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[chy_girl]

It's good to know that, given the information, there isn't a storm from the 9th level of polyamorous hell brewing. Those suck ass.

My suggestion is still the same though. Especially the part about examining how healthy such a strong connection is for you at the very beginning. That's not to say run away now, simply monitor it. It'll either wear off a bit when you settle down or it won't. If it's getting worse or not settling down after a few months I'd suggest taking a very long, painfully honest look at how healthy the relationship is and how detrimental it will be when it's over.

And for the love of all that is holy, talk to your PYL about it. Tell him what's going on in your head. Tell him where the struggles are for you. Then ask for his help and guidance. As much as I may joke about PYLs being "the bossy ones" it's a vast understatement of their job in a D/s dynamic. And let's face it, if someone is worth submitting to and handing your power and control over to (even temporarily) there is a responsibility - if not necessity - for them to know what the hell is going on in your head. It's also a way to keep both of you safe.

That's just my $.02, though. Others around here with more time and experience may have something better to add.

 

[JMohegan]

Here is the rundown:
i joined fetlife and met a fellow sub in the same city. we became friendly and i discussed my then situation. she had some really great advice and i was able to speak with the guy in Iraq and we discussed how maybe this isn't the best situation for either of us. she then helped me to get the claws of the "teacher" out of me before permanent damage was done. Situation resolved.

Met another sub and through her met a Dom who lives where i am going after i graduate. i have met with Him on more than one occasion and W/we clicked. So as of right now, i am wearing His collar of consideration.

This is where i am at now.

All this in less than two months, huh. You work fast.

To answer your original question: under the circumstances, as described, yes. I do find something amiss in your apparently fragile emotional state.

Just met this great person, got together a couple of times and we really clicked, omg this is so exciting, hard to think about anything else, new relationship energy = normal. Crying like a baby after every phone call is not.

 

[the captians wench]

Just met this great person, got together a couple of times and we really clicked, omg this is so exciting, hard to think about anything else, new relationship energy = normal. Crying like a baby after every phone call is not.

Gotta agree, and I'm a very emotional person.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Here is the rundown:
i joined fetlife and met a fellow sub in the same city. we became friendly and i discussed my then situation. she had some really great advice and i was able to speak with the guy in Iraq and we discussed how maybe this isn't the best situation for either of us. she then helped me to get the claws of the "teacher" out of me before permanent damage was done. Situation resolved.

Met another sub and through her met a Dom who lives where i am going after i graduate. i have met with Him on more than one occasion and W/we clicked. So as of right now, i am wearing His collar of consideration.

This is where i am at now.

You don't take on a collar of consideration after "more than one" meeting.

No more than you would wear an engagement ring after three dates.

GIRL WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!

 

[princesssuzanne]

.......

 

[princesssuzanne]

.......

 

[ultramarineblue]

Slow down before you do something you regret.

 

[Stella_Omega]

ummmm...... nothing other than i have never been normal

I don't want you to be normal, sweetheart.

I want you to be smart, self-preserving, and less reactive.

See this Dom, if you want. But see him as if you're dating, not as if you're engaged.

You need an interim top, IMO. Not a dom. Not yet.

 

[quimsical]

I don't want you to be normal, sweetheart.

I want you to be smart, self-preserving, and less reactive.

See this Dom, if you want. But see him as if you're dating, not as if you're engaged.

You need an interim top, IMO. Not a dom. Not yet.

Basically, what Stella_Omega said. She's smart, that one. You sound young-ish. When I was younger, I flipped really hard for my first submissive partner, who happened to be an older woman. When we find the things we crave, it's like a total shock to the system, and we get swept up in illusory tides. I don't regret it much, save for the time I should have spent getting to know myself better. Good luck with everything