Turning vanilla

[shy slave]

A comment not just deserving its own thread, but possibly its own board.

Where is the calendar thread when you need it!

 

[shy slave]

I went back in life, but not on something that was an "integral part of [my] life". So perhaps my opinion should be taken with a whole cellar of salt. Regardless, I will say early in my life there were acts of submission, but I ran and hid from them. They weren't submission in the way I would define it today, but they were acts that implicated my true nature. I ran from those desires and was vanilla for far too long. I have now "gone back" in a sense to those early desires, am exploring them, am braver today trying to face them. I describe my lost years as a void that I would caution you about;
(snip) I hope you find something that works for you and that you stay aware enough to recognize if it ever becomes something that doesn't. Refusing to recognize my own self, I failed to see for far too long that my life wasn't working.

This, and Minx post, resonate with me.

Right now, its very early days, but it works. I just hope we both recognise should that change

 

[shy slave]

Really? Are women that much of a pain to deal with?

Oh, never mind, don't answer that.

(Bloody phone, net posting is hard work!)

This is the post that I think needs its own corner of the net!
Its the perfect question

 

[catalina_francisco]

A comment not just deserving its own thread, but possibly its own board.

Where is the calendar thread when you need it!

Nice to see you here again, and from the little I have seen, happy. The calander thread always seemed to stall and not get finished, so I didn't bother resurrecting it....but, I thought we should have somewhere to place those worthy quotes, so started The "Quotable Quotes" Thread.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

As to the original question, I am in the never say never camp usually on most things, and for this one think it is about timing, circumstances, and the people involved. If something were to hapen to F, I am not sure what I would do once I recovered enough to feel alive again and capable of thought and actions. Perhaps the best thought I can offer is to live in the moment so you can fully appreciate and enjoy it instead of giving part of your consciousness to dwelling on the future or in the past.

Catalina

 

[ecstaticsub]

I'm wondering if it is possible for a D/s relationship to slowly transition to a semi-vanilla relationship without it all falling apart. Going vanilla shouldn't cause someone to fall out of love. Should it?

 

[Etoile]

As we've talked about in the Blurt thread, sometimes it's about valuing the love above the kink. I know there are some who would say they couldn't be with someone who wasn't kinky, that they would end the relationship and find somebody else. But man, love is funny...sometimes it's more important. That's where I'm at right now. I'm hoping maybe the kink will return when we get more comfortable with each other again. Meanwhile, I'm just getting by on love, or the hope thereof.

 

[Bandit58]

I'm wondering if it is possible for a D/s relationship to slowly transition to a semi-vanilla relationship without it all falling apart. Going vanilla shouldn't cause someone to fall out of love. Should it?

There's not a lot of kink going on in our house. But my little service oriented heart is quite fulfilled.

I think I love Him even more now. I could get a spanking if I wanted it, it just doesn't seem to be a necessary thing. The dominance and submission is still there, it's just being expressed differently

 

[Netzach]

I've done love without kink.

Five years.

It's fine for five years.

Then two to contort and question your desires. And one to implode.

Sorry to be non-sunshine.

 

[shy slave]

Hi Cat, it is good to be back even if its from a phone connection. I am happy, strange woke up last october and realised I felt ok, it was quite odd. Having had so many tears had forgotten how 'ok' felt. Was about the same time I really started to wonder if Ds was still healthy for me. I think you are right about living in the moment, something many aspire to, but few achieve Its impossible to imagine how we would be without someone and reality is never as we imagined it x

I think Ds is like vanilla in that it melds into comfort and intensity of the moment settles. Life can give security in that way.

It's fine for five years.

Then two to contort and question your desires. And one to implode.

Sorry to be non-sunshine.

Hi Net, its not non sunshine, its reality!

I admit I fear the imploding at a later date, hurting him and myself.
Although he has known me years, this is still new. He is on the GB, but in real life he is ok.
I am shocked I am in this situation.

 

[Allyourbase]

That's such an interesting question!

I regularly wonder about this exact same thing. Quite some kinkiness has come up during the years me and my SO have been together. It's grown 'organically', so to speak, it's a patchwork of stuff and we're not part of any community. There is no way we'd leave each other, as I see it now, but I still wonder what would happen if something unfortunate would cause us to break up. Could I turn back to 'vanilla', whatever that is?

In a radical way there's no turning back, of course. In the sense that all those things one did, one has done. Whether I would tell a vanilla lover or not, whether I'll do those things again or not, I have enjoyed them immensely.

I tend to think about sexuality as a somewhat fluid concept. Some things are hot for some time and they might become a thing of the past later on. Still, I can't shake the thought that for me, personally, a sex life without at least some 'spice' would leave an important part of me unexpressed. Then again, that happens everywhere in life.

Turning 'back' means leaving something behind, so you might see it as a form of loss, I'd say. How great a loss it is to you and how well you can cope with loss might determine a lot.

 

[gypsy*seer]

I've done love without kink.

Five years.

It's fine for five years.

Then two to contort and question your desires. And one to implode.

Sorry to be non-sunshine.

I hear you loud & clear, Net...

*sigh*

 

[blunt_trauma]

does he have a nice cock?
and does he like getting blowjobs?

if the answer to both of these is yes,
what the fuck are you whining about?

*sensitive*

i know what matters to you.

 

[Passing]

It sounds as if you have had enough of something and you’re ready to move on. Just know that sometimes moving on isn’t all that easy.

It really depends on you. What your needs are and how deeply ingrained they are. I will be the first to admit that our needs change over the years, but I know that some of them will always be the same. Only you can answer your question. You have to do your own soul searching. Only time will tell If he is able to meet your needs in a way that both of you can live with.

I can tell you this: It is hard for ‘nice’ guys to change. I was wise enough even in high school to avoid them like the plague. Then I married a sheep in wolves clothing. I can tell you from personal experience that it has repercussions you can’t imagine.

 

[shy slave]

Thanks Allyourbase and Passing. I like the idea of sex being fluid and it's good to know I am not the only one who ponders. I have no wish to change him, has always made me smile when I seen threads on how to change someone from vanilla to kink. He is secure enough in himself to say that won't happen, and I am happy about his honesty

Dolf! you are gorgeous, but the moustache.....!

Yes he has an ok cock (most men do lol). I think he likes getting oral, but hurt my jaw again sm not been able to really explore yet

Besides you would know about him.... x

 

[blunt_trauma]

i would?

 

[shy slave]

i would?

Yep x

 

[blunt_trauma]

oh ffs

 

[aThorne]

You can never go home, again. The world is changing too fast. What once was, is no more. ....

Agreed. If you go back, I at least, tend to find it too different to be acceptable. That, or my memories were more nostalgia than reality.

 

[Allyourbase]

Thanks Allyourbase and Passing. I like the idea of sex being fluid and it's good to know I am not the only one who ponders. I have no wish to change him, has always made me smile when I seen threads on how to change someone from vanilla to kink. He is secure enough in himself to say that won't happen, and I am happy about his honesty

No, for sure you're not the only one. I even think that it's healthy to honestly wonder about these things once in a while, even if it's for fun, just to try and avoid becoming rigid and locking yourself up in your own concepts of yourself.

Reading your comment, I think I agree with Passing. It sounds a bit like turning 'back' feels more like moving forward for you, at this point in life? Not wanting to change him is admirable, and, I think, something that'll help having a happy dude and, probably, a healthy relationship. Also: if you ask me, there's lotsa fun stuff that falls in between serious kink and vanilla. Hell, I don't know your guy, but I get the idea you'll have fun anyway

 

[Allyourbase]

I can tell you this: It is hard for ‘nice’ guys to change. I was wise enough even in high school to avoid them like the plague. Then I married a sheep in wolves clothing. I can tell you from personal experience that it has repercussions you can’t imagine.

That sounds sad!

 

[Passing]

That sounds sad!

(Passing nods)

 

[shy slave]

Stepping back to vanilla but every relationship is different.

I realised a couple of years ago normal Dom perverts were pretty rare and I was getting too set in my ways to want to do certain things:
Sitting on the floor when it's my furniture.
Wandering naked when it's cold.
Pushed into exhibitionism when I hate having any part of me on display.
Having rules about contact.
Etc etc etc

Alot to be said for vanilla, but weirdly stressful because it is without rules.

Interesting times

 

[Passing]

Stepping back to vanilla but every relationship is different.

I realised a couple of years ago normal Dom perverts were pretty rare and I was getting too set in my ways to want to do certain things:
Sitting on the floor when it's my furniture.
Wandering naked when it's cold.
Pushed into exhibitionism when I hate having any part of me on display.
Having rules about contact.
Etc etc etc

Alot to be said for vanilla, but weirdly stressful because it is without rules.

Interesting times

Nicely put and all too true.