Turning vanilla

[shy slave]

Used to post regularly, various reasons for disappearing.

Now back and have recently started dating a vanilla man. Its early days but made me think about if you can go back. Not just in personal life but perhaps a return to a career you previously left or a hobby previously grown out of.

Have gone back in life? Walking away from something that had been integral part of your life, what was it like? What did you miss and did you change your mind again?

 

[DVS]

You can never go home, again. The world is changing too fast. What once was, is no more. Even if it seems the same, there are always new variations that weren't there before.

If you get back together with a former lover, sex might be close to how it once was, but time has passed and both of you have experienced life since you were last together. It doesn't necessarily mean it will be bad, but it will have its differences. It's sometimes referred to as baggage. Sometimes I think I'm too much of a realist.

But, you can have your cake and eat it, too. I've done that.

EDITED TO ADD:Now I have met up with a former lover and it turned out quite well. What we both experienced while apart actually made things better. So, I guess life can be good, even if you are a realist.

 

[minx1]

Hi Shy!

So good to see you back and to hear thing are going well

I've actually been in a similar situation, although didnt go as far as having a regular vanilla date.
When I broke up with my ex M, I couldnt decide whether D/s was right for me. I suppose I attributed the strength of how I felt at the end to the dynamic, and wasnt sure I would ever be able to give yself so comletely to someone ever again. Now I realise it was simply the terrible way it ended that made me feel this way and the relationship knocked my confidence in my own beliefs in ability to be a submissive.

So I dithered about a bit lol and dipped my toes into both worlds.

I joined a few vanilla dating sites only to end up asking the men on there two of the preset questions questions in order to try and find one who seemed remotely like they might be into or consider D/s. The first was about traditional male and female roles in the home/relationship (I know lol) and the second was similar but in terms of sex. I dont know if the where trying hard to be PC but all with the exception of one wanted to share or have a fair balance in those areas.

I looked at the men around me; the ones I know here who I really like and who I coud be attracted to and as lovely as they are, they are also very PC because of our work environment and I just couldnt imagine being with them.

The actual vanilla dates I went on sucked basically. To be fair though perhaps my heart wasnt in it.


I ended up advertising for a Dom and have recently met one that I really like. This was after a fair time sifting through some wannabes and I am enjoying seeing where it takes us. I have high hopes.

To answer your question can you back I would say never say never. People can and do.. I have myself in terms of my career.

This time round for me returning to vanilla wasnt to be, but I have an open mind and heart and someday in the future who knows.

I wish you the best of luck and much happiness chick!

 

[Sean]

"You can never cross the same river twice."

"Of course you can, they have these things called bridges
"
Terry Pratchett

 

[rosco rathbone]

If I were to turn vanilla, it would look a whole lot like the vanilla of a long time ago, not the vanilla of today.

 

[minx1]

If I were to turn vanilla, it would look a whole lot like the vanilla of a long time ago, not the vanilla of today.

Yeah I think thats the vanilla I was hoping for

 

[Sean]

If I were to turn vanilla, it would look a whole lot like the vanilla of a long time ago, not the vanilla of today.

If you were to turn vanilla I'd take it as a sign the end times were upon us.

 

[shy slave]

I agree DVS you can't go back in the sense it will be the same. Memories alter reality. Glad you had opportunity to be with an ex and found it ok x

Minx its fun being back. Its hard getting over an ex. Like you, I felt could not easily submit to another, Andante was amazing during a very difficult time, I loved him for that. Found the end hideous. Tried submitting to others but it didn't work. Have no idea if vanilla will work, but its working right now.

Sean since when did pratchett make sense?

Rosco, glad your still around, can't imagine you being vanilla. It would break hearts across the globe

 

[Sean]

Pratchett always makes sense. He's one of the best observers of the human condition extant. The fact that he dresses it up in the best humourous writing since Wodehouse is just a bonus.

 

[shy slave]

Pratchett always makes sense. He's one of the best observers of the human condition extant. The fact that he dresses it up in the best humourous writing since Wodehouse is just a bonus.

Pratchett is beyond me.

I have no sense of humour.

 

[Sean]

Pratchett is beyond me.

I have no sense of humour.

Now that is total bollocks.

 

[CutieMouse]

Lately I end up meeting men who either inform me that I'm not submissive, or not kinky [enough].

Does that count?

 

[intothewoods]

Hi shy, good to see you back.

Can you return to vanilla? I think it depends on you and the partner in question. How's that for an answer, lol.

As far as kinky sex goes, if you and the other person are pretty flexible in terms of your sexual needs, then you could be perfectly satisfied. On the other hand, if you have a pretty specific kink and the other person isn't into it, it's less likely you'll both be satisfied.

If you need heavy D/s in your 24/7 relationship, I think that's even harder to find in a vanilla relationship. Most people do not really do intense D/s all the time in their fulltime relationship. And then again, you could find someone very traditional and/or controlling and maybe you click and it works out.

So, in conclusion, we need more details.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Lately I end up meeting men who either inform me that I'm not submissive, or not kinky [enough].

Does that count?

Maybe this is an example of something I've noticed: men being attracted to BDSM because they think that the rules-based nature of (some of) it will make women easier to deal with (since they are supposed to be following a predetermined pattern), especially in the awkward early phase of a relationship.

 

[CutieMouse]

Maybe this is an example of something I've noticed: men being attracted to BDSM because they think that the rules-based nature of (some of) it will make women easier to deal with (since they are supposed to be following a predetermined pattern), especially in the awkward early phase of a relationship.

Possibly... all I know is that if I don't flat out list off what I'm "into" within the first 15 minutes or so over a glass of wine/etc, men who think spanking is the epitome of D/s often comment that I'm "obviously not submissive."

50% of the time I respond with "Interesting; thanks for the drink."

The other 50% of the time I take a moment to list off the foundation of what I'm "into" before thanking them for the drink [just to see the look on their face].

sigh

Is it terribly obvious that I'm missing [dark and twisted] sex lately? A lot?

 

[rosco rathbone]

Possibly... all I know is that if I don't flat out list off what I'm "into" within the first 15 minutes or so over a glass of wine/etc, men who think spanking is the epitome of D/s often comment that I'm "obviously not submissive."

50% of the time I respond with "Interesting; thanks for the drink."

The other 50% of the time I take a moment to list off the foundation of what I'm "into" before thanking them for the drink [just to see the look on their face].

sigh

Is it terribly obvious that I'm missing [dark and twisted] sex lately? A lot?

Ug. Could anything be less sexy than having to tick off a laundry list like that?

 

[CutieMouse]

Ug. Could anything be less sexy than having to tick off a laundry list like that?

Thank you; my point exactly! But by the time I'm doing going "Actually, ABCDE; thanks for the drink" they're trying to backtrack on the "not submissive" comments.

Enough hijacking... time for a glass of wine. LOL

 

[intothewoods]

Maybe this is an example of something I've noticed: men being attracted to BDSM because they think that the rules-based nature of (some of) it will make women easier to deal with (since they are supposed to be following a predetermined pattern), especially in the awkward early phase of a relationship.

Really? Are women that much of a pain to deal with?

Oh, never mind, don't answer that.

 

[ImOnIt]

"You can never cross the same river twice."

"Of course you can, they have these things called bridges
"
Terry Pratchett

Experiments with a small river and a long legged wizard say you can cross a river forty, fifty times per minute.

 

[naxalite0906]

I don't think it is a question of whether or not you can go back to vanilla as I am sure that anyone can. I guess it is more a case of whether you will be truly happy doing it. Only you know if you can control the desires that you crave for during sex that would be kinky. Some vanilla guys still have a kinky side to them, but the relationship would not involve the intensity that D/s relationships have outside of the bedroom too. I would say that most relationships always have a level of compromise from both sides as nothing can be perfect, what you need to decide on is what to compromise on.

Maybe not looking as hard may result in a chance encounter you would never expect, the world works in funny ways sometimes

Hopefully this helps in some way. Maybe it is just me babbling, but I wanted to offer my 2 cents to you. It is wonderful to see you posting again

 

[shy slave]

Now that is total bollocks.

I have spent today doing an extensive search of my body.
I can confirm that I could not find a sense of humour, nor a set of bollocks

 

[shy slave]

Lately I end up meeting men who either inform me that I'm not submissive, or not kinky [enough].

Does that count?

Rosco makes a good point on this.
In past three years I have been told:
I am not submissive
I am too submissive
I am not kinky enough
I am too kinky
I am fake
I am to real (did not want to role play)

It all gets dull and annoying, except annoying probably isn't submissive enough either!

 

[Chiara_searches]

Used to post regularly, various reasons for disappearing.

Now back and have recently started dating a vanilla man. Its early days but made me think about if you can go back. Not just in personal life but perhaps a return to a career you previously left or a hobby previously grown out of.

Have gone back in life? Walking away from something that had been integral part of your life, what was it like? What did you miss and did you change your mind again?

I went back in life, but not on something that was an "integral part of [my] life". So perhaps my opinion should be taken with a whole cellar of salt. Regardless, I will say early in my life there were acts of submission, but I ran and hid from them. They weren't submission in the way I would define it today, but they were acts that implicated my true nature. I ran from those desires and was vanilla for far too long. I have now "gone back" in a sense to those early desires, am exploring them, am braver today trying to face them. I describe my lost years as a void that I would caution you about; hiding or ignoring or quashing a part of yourself can hurt, at least IMHO.

I wish nothing but fulfillment for people, so I hope you find something that works for you and that you stay aware enough to recognize if it ever becomes something that doesn't. Refusing to recognize my own self, I failed to see for far too long that my life wasn't working.

 

[shy slave]

ITW and Nax think your right, it does depend on all kinds of elements and no one knows what can happen.

Used to think I could never go back, but also believe in 'never say never '

Five years ago I said I would not work in care again, yet ended up back doing just that. Its ok but it doesn't give me the joy it did, which picks up on DVS post.

And ITW, as for details.....nope, you will have to fill in the blanks yourself lol x

 

[shy slave]

Experiments with a small river and a long legged wizard say you can cross a river forty, fifty times per minute.

I am sure Pratchett fans find this really funny, but for the rest of us plebs, translation please!