how do you take this leap?

[angelwithadirtymind]

I am a bit confused. I definitely have submissive tendancies and all my fantasys revolove around control (or lack of actually). I have spoken with two different men on two separate occasions that seemed to want to try that with me and neither one panned out. How did you find your Dom, Sir, and/or Master? How did it evolove? I don't want just sex.... I want it to mean more can't seem to find the right person at the right time.

 

[seela]

I am a bit confused. I definitely have submissive tendancies and all my fantasys revolove around control (or lack of actually). I have spoken with two different men on two separate occasions that seemed to want to try that with me and neither one panned out. How did you find your Dom, Sir, and/or Master? How did it evolove? I don't want just sex.... I want it to mean more can't seem to find the right person at the right time.

The same things apply as in vanilla dating world. You meet a person you find interesting, you get to know them, you like them, they like you, things more often than not somehow find their own track. Talking helps a lot. A lot. Be open and honest about what you want from the relationship, but don't be too picky, because perfect people are very few and far between.

You don't need to submit to anyone straight away, not even if they tell you should. Especially if they tell you shoud. It doesn't make you a bad submissive, just a person, who wants to know what they're getting involved in.

People meet each other in all kinds of places. It's easy to get to know new people online, but attending munches and events in your area is not a bad idea. It's also possible to meet people, who are into BDSM, in places that have nothing to do with sex or BDSM. IMO it's more about finding a person you're comfortable with than it is about finding a person, who shares all the same kinks as you do.

I think the most important thing is to take your time to get to know the person. And if your gut says run, run.

 

[subwannabe]

I agree. It's not easy finding a right partner in the real world. Unfortunately you can't just order up the right person. I think it's hit and miss, luck, planning, etc. The same holds true for the BDSM world. You might get lucky and find the right person right away or it may take a while, or it's possible you may never find the right person.