Question...

[ali0610]

I've talked to a few 'Masters' in my search for one...and all three of them have said that the first two weeks are 'very hard'...but don't really explain it for me. Can someone shed some light for me? either here or in pm? Thanks so much!
Ali

 

[ali0610]

Oh. and I should say that I am very new to this and don't have much experience. My only thoughts would be that since this is something brand new, that I would have a difficult time adjusting. Or is there something I'm missing?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Beats me. My take on it is if they are not willing to let you know what they are referring to, perhaps they are not a good choice for you...I would even suggest perhaps they are not as experienced as they are making you believe. Be careful, there are a lot of wannabes and fakes out there, not to mention some who can be dangerous.

Catalina

 

[Stella_Omega]

What Catalina said. It sounds to me as if they've all read some book or another.
If they can't explain to you what you're in for, it means that
1) they don't actually know, or
2) they can't communicate well, or
3) they don't think you need to know (probably read that in that book. )

None of which bodes well for you.

Here's my boilerplate lecture for newbies to BDSM: "Submissive and "slave," "Master" and "Dom" for some reason, have come to be the default terms in heterosexual BDSM. I would love to know why. Those terms have implications that you might or might not be aware of, including long-term possession in the case of slavery, and giving up your will to your dom in the case of submissivness. These may be fine things but you had damn well better be sure of whom you are giving what to.

In the vanilla world, do you marry the first guy you date? Or kiss? NO! DON'T hand over your entire life to the first guy who happens to have a penis and a flogger!

Call yourself a bottom, and do the BDSM equivalent of dating for a while. O even-- of sleeping around. BDSM is as much about sexual preferences as anything else, and you want to be sure you're compatible.

 

[subwannabe]

I agree. Don't get involved with any one of these three. There are a whole lotta preditors out there.

 

[Primalex]

I've talked to a few 'Masters' in my search for one...and all three of them have said that the first two weeks are 'very hard'...but don't really explain it for me. Can someone shed some light for me? either here or in pm?

The first two weeks is the time where they need to get you to strip and pose for them. As you might have objections with this, it will be just because it's so very hard. After the two weeks they have lost the interest, either because you are boring or they've got what they wanted and so you have it much easier after the two weeks. Simple.

 

[DiscusDave]

Call yourself a bottom, and do the BDSM equivalent of dating for a while. O even-- of sleeping around. BDSM is as much about sexual preferences as anything else, and you want to be sure you're compatible.

I agree with all of what Stella said, but I feel like the quoted section is probably some of the best bits of advice I've heard on entering into the "realm" of BDSM for the first time.

People who submit to a Dom/me or slaves who are owned by as Master/Mistress do so because they get as much out of it as their counterparts. If you ain't happy with who you were talking to, ditch 'em.

I don't know if there is a cliched BDSM term for "finding the one," but I still feel like the regular phrase "You'll just know when you find them," rings true regardless.

 

[Stella_Omega]

The first two weeks is the time where they need to get you to strip and pose for them. As you might have objections with this, it will be just because it's so very hard. After the two weeks they have lost the interest, either because you are boring or they've got what they wanted and so you have it much easier after the two weeks. Simple.

Okay-- now that's the true truth from a guy that knows the truth.

 

[ali0610]

thanks

thanks, guys! It's so frustrating not being able to find someone :/

 

[Stella_Omega]

thanks, guys! It's so frustrating not being able to find someone :/

I hear you. It's hard enough to find a boyfriend -- it's worse if you can only accept the boys who wear yellow socks.

If you don't know about fetlife.com-- it's like facebook for pervs.Look for your area, and see who is there in real life, and try to go to a munch or two-- start meeting the people around you. Pervs are everywhere!

Hopefully, you're close enough to Portland to go to some of the big events. Oddly enough, they can be less intimidating to go to than small dungeon parties. Look for munches in your area, too. there's some decent networking among BDSm folk, in my experience.

 

[midwestyankee]

Ali,

It's hard to find a good partner regardless of the power dynamic involved. Treat your venture into BDSM the same way you would treat entering into any other kind of relationship.

You're people first and tops/bottoms/doms/subs/etc. second. Do not forget that a relationship is a relationship is a relationship.

And, as Stella said, not every guy with a dick and a desire to make your ass red deserves the chance to do so. The more you know about how you respond to some of the activities you engage in with a BDSM-y partner, the better able you'll be to select the right partner for you at this time in your life.

Good luck, and stick around for the conversation here. You'll learn some valuable stuff from the good folks in this neighborhood.

 

[Sir Victor]

People are different but a two week period seems to match well with what some call sub frenzy. Generally girls that have a decent amount of sexual experience and have been fantasizing about D/s for a long time sometimes get their heads spinning with the lust and excitement of actually experiencing it for real or even online. They will sometimes do far more in such a lustful state than they would have if not all worked up. I also believe that guilt sometimes sets in after this period and the sub may strongly back off at that point. Subs are usually easily manipulated during sub frenzy and so it is not often a difficult period for the Dom but he may loose her if he pushes too hard and has her do things that she later regrets ... it's complicated! Perhaps those Doms were referring to a girl with much less experience that have to take things much more slowly and are easily scared off due to the shock factor.

There is certainly a period where the experience causes a huge rush for the sub that eventually wears off as it becomes more familiar.

 

[Sir Victor]

Here is your personal where you tell very little about yourself and what you are looking for:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=737765

You're putting all the work on the Dom to figure out what you want. Compare yours with this one:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=745185

Why spend time on someone who does not even know what she wants?

 

[Stella_Omega]

is Sir Victor one of the Doms who've told you how tough it would be? He sure sounds defensive!

 

[Sir Victor]

Try looking at the links I showed and see if you think she is putting in the effort, she also has very few posts.

Amusing AV by the way!

 

[Primalex]

is Sir Victor one of the Doms who've told you how tough it would be? He sure sounds defensive!

Well, you often sound like you have PMS.

*scratches his chin*

 

[NomadLady]

Stella and Midwestyankee have both posted very GOOD ADVICE!!!! Since you are so very new to this I also suggest fetlife to find a "play partner" so you can work out that "i likes" and "i don't likes" part of yourself as a sub. You should also look at a checklist and fill one out to give to a play partner. I think there is a good one at the website "souls haven". The checklist will offer you the ability to say if you are even interested in a particular activity, and you can express your level of interest as well.

Good luck with your journey but stay away from the three "two week" doms...and any more you might encounter..

 

[DVS]

I've talked to a few 'Masters' in my search for one...and all three of them have said that the first two weeks are 'very hard'...but don't really explain it for me. Can someone shed some light for me? either here or in pm? Thanks so much!
Ali

It's a good thing you put the word Masters in quotes because not every "Master" can stand up to the label. Neither do all Doms, slaves, submissives, etc. In fact, take it all with a grain of salt when someone gives themselves a label. Labels are thrown around a lot, these days. The Internet has caused that, because it allows someone to be whoever they want to be, without any of the experience or ability.

So, look for a partner you can relate to. If you find he's being less than open about anything, that should be a red flag. He should have no reason to be deceitful or secretive. He should have no reason to keep you in the dark about anything. In fact, he should be acting more the opposite.

Any new relationship is a time to be learning about each other. If he doesn't want you to find out something about him he's going to be secretive. He will use his so called "Master" status to keep you in your place. He will say it's how things are and because you don't know any different, he's counting on you believing him. This is how fakers and posers control new submissives.

So, anyone new to this BDSM thing needs to know about these creeps and how they work. And a new submissive is even more vulnerable to their tactics. It's difficult enough to find someone you can relate to and have compatible sexual fun with, without some guy clouding your judgement with a line of pure bull. Inform yourself with the necessary tools. Know what to expect, so when you find such an asshole, you don't waste your time.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Try looking at the links I showed and see if you think she is putting in the effort, she also has very few posts.

Amusing AV by the way!

I agree-- she doesn't know what effort she should be putting in. She's coming from complete newbie standpoint.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I don't know why the first two weeks should be difficult. Shouldn't it be fun, getting to know someone and exploring their psyche and body and them exploring yours?

 

[where]

Here is your personal where you tell very little about yourself and what you are looking for:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=737765

You're putting all the work on the Dom to figure out what you want. Compare yours with this one:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=745185

Why spend time on someone who does not even know what she wants?

ummm... the OP has already said that she is new and doesn't know what to expect and the second personal ad you linked which you imply is much better is from someone who has been involved in BDSM for some time. it's a bit like comparing a sex worker's views with those of a virgin's.

I don't know why the first two weeks should be difficult. Shouldn't it be fun, getting to know someone and exploring their psyche and body and them exploring yours?

Same here. maybe it's one of those 'old european houses of BDSM' things.

 

[RawHumor]

The biggest advice I can give you is TAKE YOUR TIME.

As Stella suggested, the first guy who may vaguely resemble what you're looking for isn't necessarily the one you want to submit to.

Also, try finding someone whose non-sexual interests suit you as well. There's only SO much time a girl can spend tied up, after all.

 

[Stella_Omega]

ummm... the OP has already said that she is new and doesn't know what to expect and the second personal ad you linked which you imply is much better is from someone who has been involved in BDSM for some time. it's a bit like comparing a sex worker's views with those of a virgin's.




Same here. maybe it's one of those 'old european houses of BDSM' things.

ali0610, you need to know that the "old European houses of BDSM" is a joke-- people talk about them all the time as if they were the promised land, but they were really just whorehouses.

 

[RawHumor]

it's a bit like comparing a sex worker's views with those of a virgin's.

Kybele just called Minxy a whore!

 

[minx1]

Kybele just called Minxy a whore!