Breaking Taylor

[turner28]

I am looking for 100% honest feedback on this novel. You can view it here, see my sig for the link.

Here are some of the things I am looking for specifically:

1. readability, ease of flow
2. believability of the story / plot
3. characters - like 'em hate'em
4. would you recommend it to a friend?
5. did I accomplish putting you right there with her? Could you feel what she felt?
6. Her complex relationship with one of her captors - after you read it you will know what I am talking about - how did you like that twist?
7. This one is more of a poll - should I kill off the other captor so the story can progress? Or would you like to see more of him? (once you read it you will know which one I am talking about)




Now, before it gets started - this is NOT about portraying women as victims at all. I just didn't have enough space to put more in. That issue is resolved in part 2 which I am working on now. If I had put it in BT the book would have been over 1000 pages, so I chose to break it into parts instead.


OH - I posted in another thread asking for suggestions about a character I briefly mention in BT, Rico. I worked it out. But I lost that thread, so if you have a link to it please post it here. I am making him a recurring character so suggestions that are posted may be helpful in creating his story line. I think you will LOVE what I have done with Phillip and Simon (where is the devil smily when ya need it)!!!!

Anyway, any and all comments are appreciated. Read it then give me 100% honesty please. Good Bad and Ugly I want to hear it all.

ET

 

[sr71plt]

In another thread, you say that the posting to Literotica is incomplete. It's complete now? Discussions on Lit. are for material posted to Lit., unless you are a Lit. author advertising an e-book. There's a permanent thread for those over in the Author's Hangout section.

 

[Firebrain]

I would advise you to repost this as chapters and request feedback on specific chapters. You'll be exceptionally lucky if anyone goes through 32 pages on a whim!

I read the opening page. What struck me regarding readability is that your sentences are generally very short, and thus there's no rhythm to the prose as a whole. It makes it quite hard to get through. I can understand that the opening paragraph may have been done for stylistic reasons, but after that, you'd do well to use some dashes, semicolons or even just commas to vary your sentence structure. You might find this useful: http://agencygatekeeper.blogspot.com/2010/03/overutilization-of-protagonist-names.html

I can't comment on anything else since it was difficult to judge via the first page, though it struck me that the piece was very much in the style of a Harlequin romance, judging by the descriptions and the voice of the main character. I'm not sure if this is what you're aiming for, but first impressions are important etc!

In summary -- what is there is not bad per se, but I'm not sure you're pacing or pitching it as you aimed to.

 

[turner28]

Ok the style used is deliberate and no it is still missing pages I THINK. There should be 389 pages total and there are not that many.

Yes I am a LIT author, yes there is an Ebook. I apologize if Iput this in the wrong thread - just trying to get some feedback to see how readers would like the sequels to go.

ET

 

[sr71plt]

Ok the style used is deliberate and no it is still missing pages I THINK. There should be 389 pages total and there are not that many.

Yes I am a LIT author, yes there is an Ebook. I apologize if Iput this in the wrong thread - just trying to get some feedback to see how readers would like the sequels to go.

ET

I'm surprised that you are asking for feedback on a story that's missing pages. I would think that you'd wait until it was fixed.

 

[Saucydisher11]

I read the opening page. What struck me regarding readability is that your sentences are generally very short, and thus there's no rhythm to the prose as a whole..

Hmm interesting!

 

[elfin_odalisque]

In another thread, you say that the posting to Literotica is incomplete. It's complete now? Discussions on Lit. are for material posted to Lit., unless you are a Lit. author advertising an e-book. There's a permanent thread for those over in the Author's Hangout section.

sr, don't be even more stupid than normal. Your reply is complete garbage and you are getting above yourself.

Discussions on Lit are about writing (within the guidelines) and your ridiculous rant just exposes you as even sillier than BFW. Lie down for a bit. Please stop threatening writers and undermining the site by barking nonsense that is denied by the site.

Have you forgotten your medicine?

 

[billy5]

huh...

 

[sr71plt]

huh...

Just ignore her. She's in her periodic backbiting mode. It's just me she backbites, though, so no harm done.