First Night at Monica's (Cougartastic)

[brigel]

UPDATE: My story got approved! http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=510013

I've been writing for a long time, but I've never really felt driven enough to finish a piece properly. I mean, to a real standard that I'm happy with. Until now, that is. This is my first attempt at a short bit of erotica, and I think it's gone well. It's pending approval now, but I'm anxious to get feedback on it, so hopefully it'll be okay to post here?

Don't worry, I won't flood this post with the full text, so here's my story. Please leave any comments you may have! If you're a chronic lurker then I think there's a comment box on the story page. Thanks in advance.

So yeah, that's a fantasy I've had for years now. You can probably tell, since I never shut up about it when I'm on here (sorry)! Thanks go to my girlfriend, who I recently got together with, for being a great motivator. Even if my story gets rightfully panned, I'm glad I finished it.

 

[ClassyGirl]

oooh, I loved it. I like your writing style, it was very descriptive.

 

[brigel]

oooh, I loved it. I like your writing style, it was very descriptive.

Thanks, that means quite a lot coming from you! Was very impressed with your story.

 

[RedguyTx]

Story Feedback

Thanks for using Free Text. Never heard of it and it looks like a great resource for me.

Here's some feedback for you:

Great first line!!!
Very nice story: sensual, descriptive, hot, and, at the end, romantic.
Keep it up!

 

[brigel]

Thanks for using Free Text. Never heard of it and it looks like a great resource for me.

Here's some feedback for you:

Great first line!!!
Very nice story: sensual, descriptive, hot, and, at the end, romantic.
Keep it up!

Thanks very much! I wanted to add a bit of romance at the end because I've been a bit of a soppy git lately. Hope you make good use of that host!

 

[crimson_curves]

So proud :')

Anyway, you know my reaction to that story, and it was very favourable

Write me some more yeahhh?

 

[brigel]

So proud :')

Anyway, you know my reaction to that story, and it was very favourable

Write me some more yeahhh?

Soon, I promise.

 

[brigel]

Yesss! Here's my approved story:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=510013

Haha, I'm so proud!

 

[bwallard]

I agree with the other posters here, but your story points to a problem I struggle with in my own stories that feature aggressive women: The flat passivity of the man.

Without some action by the purported antagonist, we have no Story.

With the beginning of your story, we see him there, hear him there, but then he disappears and becomes the anonymous recipient of pleasure.

I have tried various approaches: ambiguity, paranoia...

Congratulations on actually finishing it, though. I haven't been able to for the reasons given above.

 

[brigel]

I agree with the other posters here, but your story points to a problem I struggle with in my own stories that feature aggressive women: The flat passivity of the man.

Without some action by the purported antagonist, we have no Story.

With the beginning of your story, we see him there, hear him there, but then he disappears and becomes the anonymous recipient of pleasure.

I have tried various approaches: ambiguity, paranoia...

Congratulations on actually finishing it, though. I haven't been able to for the reasons given above.

Reading it back, I can see the problem now. Thanks for pointing it out.

 

[kromen]

Very good for a first timer. Welcome to Lit and hope to see more.

 

[brigel]

Very good for a first timer. Welcome to Lit and hope to see more.

Thanks very much! I'll try not to disappoint.