When she asks "what do you want me to do?"

[Susano]

I'm always caught flat-footed. I have no problems tying her up, holding her down, causing pain and pleasure in all sorts of subtle and un-subtle ways.

But I'm never thinking in the mode of things I'd like her to do, and when she asks I can think of nothing to say. Also, the fact that she asks me to tell her to do things indicates to me that I should be ordering her around more often.

 

[JMohegan]

I'm always caught flat-footed. I have no problems tying her up, holding her down, causing pain and pleasure in all sorts of subtle and un-subtle ways.

But I'm never thinking in the mode of things I'd like her to do, and when she asks I can think of nothing to say. Also, the fact that she asks me to tell her to do things indicates to me that I should be ordering her around more often.

Next time she asks, tell her that what you want her to do is to quit asking that question. If you want something done, you'll let her know.

If she wants to be ordered around more than you want to do the ordering, well... that's why you have a front door.

 

[Susano]

Next time she asks, tell her that what you want her to do is to quit asking that question. If you want something done, you'll let her know.

If she wants to be ordered around more than you want to do the ordering, well... that's why you have a front door.

Heh, that'd work for some relationships--but I'd actually like to order her around, I just never seem to have an order on the tip of my tongue when we're playing. Perhaps I should take some time beforehand and make a list of orders appropriate to various situations.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Heh, that'd work for some relationships--but I'd actually like to order her around, I just never seem to have an order on the tip of my tongue when we're playing. Perhaps I should take some time beforehand and make a list of orders appropriate to various situations.

That *would* be a good idea, especially if she is (as she seems to be, from your original post) at least somewhat service-oriented. Remember that as PYL, you're responsible for 100% of your part of the relationship, just as she's responsible for 100% of *her* part of the relationship. That means you have to be prepared to meet her needs, as she is (apparently) prepared to meet yours.

 

[girlowned]

Next time she asks, tell her that what you want her to do is to quit asking that question. If you want something done, you'll let her know.

If she wants to be ordered around more than you want to do the ordering, well... that's why you have a front door.

**i just checked the thread again and saw your response, so now i know it's during play. But i'll leave this here in case you find it helpful.**
i have to agree with JMohegan on the point in bold above. But from what you said, it sounds like she asks this when you two are not actively involved in something. If that is the case, maybe think about giving her tasks/duties to perform when you do not require her attention. A list she can keep handy to review when she needs it. (Of course you tell her the tasks and she writes the list. ) It can be anything from household chores, journal writing, grooming, exercising, reading (books on subjects you want her to know more about are good, so is recreational reading), story writing, extending her vocabulary, research, outside chores, taking care of pets (walking, grooming, cleaning up after), or anything you desire to add to the list.

Heh, that'd work for some relationships--but I'd actually like to order her around, I just never seem to have an order on the tip of my tongue when we're playing. Perhaps I should take some time beforehand and make a list of orders appropriate to various situations.

And you hit on what i would have suggested to do for during play also. Though i think it would be hard to make that kind of list as every situation is different. But it will help when you are stuck in the moment.

Having said that, it sounds like this is a good opportunity for you to give her an assignment. Have her research (and/or think about) the things you like to do to and with her the most, and have her make her own list of things she can do in the moment. Have her show you her list, and let her know the things you find appropriate and desirable.

You can also turn it around on her, when she asks "What do you want me to do?", ask her what she would like to do in that moment. Maybe you have her so turned on that she is dying to get her mouth on you, and maybe you would love it if she did but just don't realize it until you hear her say it.

 

[NomadLady]

Next time she asks, tell her that what you want her to do is to quit asking that question. If you want something done, you'll let her know.If she wants to be ordered around more than you want to do the ordering, well... that's why you have a front door.

The phrase "shut your hole and know your role" comes to mind here...

 

[vintage63]

I'm always caught flat-footed. I have no problems tying her up, holding her down, causing pain and pleasure in all sorts of subtle and un-subtle ways.

But I'm never thinking in the mode of things I'd like her to do, and when she asks I can think of nothing to say. Also, the fact that she asks me to tell her to do things indicates to me that I should be ordering her around more often.

When I first read this I took an entirely different approach to it. I was wondering if she is not sure she is pleasing you and asking for direction. Maybe before you give her tasks it would be a good idea to see where it's coming from.

cheers

 

[JMohegan]

Heh, that'd work for some relationships--but I'd actually like to order her around, I just never seem to have an order on the tip of my tongue when we're playing. Perhaps I should take some time beforehand and make a list of orders appropriate to various situations.

Oh, well if you actually want to be more instructive, that's different.

Here's my suggestion. Start with two extremes.


Extreme 1 - You lie down on your back, arms behind your head, and issue a single command. "Get me off. Be as creative and erotic as possible." Then you say nothing else, literally nothing, till she's finished.

Pay attention to the specifics of what she does. The parts you like, you can order her to do again in the future. Where there's room for improvement, there's opportunity for future correction.


Extreme 2 - You sit in a comfortable chair with a glass of single malt or beer or whatever. She stands in the middle of the room. Without ever touching her, or allowing her to touch you, you give a series of erotic commands. Removing clothes, touching herself, applying clips to herself, dripping wax on herself, singing, dancing, self-flagellation, whatever.

Restraining your physical self, you give free rein to let your imagination develop. Sit back, and enjoy the show.

 

[JMohegan]

I have no problems tying her up, holding her down, causing pain and pleasure in all sorts of subtle and un-subtle ways.

As an alternative to tying her up or holding her down, remember that you can always order her to assume a specific position, and then tell her to HOLD STILL.

It's a nice way to incorporate "ordering around" into impact play, for example - even though you're the one doing the swinging.

Very challenging for her, very satisfying to watch. Win, win.

 

[CutieMouse]

As an alternative to tying her up or holding her down, remember that you can always order her to assume a specific position, and then tell her to HOLD STILL.

It's a nice way to incorporate "ordering around" into impact play, for example - even though you're the one doing the swinging.

Very challenging for her, very satisfying to watch. Win, win.

It always surprises me more people don't think of stuff like this.

guy: So are you into bondage?
me: Not really.
guy: But how else do you stay still while ___ happens?
me: My lover says "Don't move... by the way this is going to hurt; a lot."

Like you said - win/win.

 

[Netzach]

I'm always caught flat-footed. I have no problems tying her up, holding her down, causing pain and pleasure in all sorts of subtle and un-subtle ways.

But I'm never thinking in the mode of things I'd like her to do, and when she asks I can think of nothing to say. Also, the fact that she asks me to tell her to do things indicates to me that I should be ordering her around more often.

Have a sit around and decide what I want session with yourself for a few seconds every AM. Some ideas will float to the top. Don't play for like 4 days while you do this, you'll be very aroused and have no trouble picking something you want.

 

[graceanne]

As an alternative to tying her up or holding her down, remember that you can always order her to assume a specific position, and then tell her to HOLD STILL.

It's a nice way to incorporate "ordering around" into impact play, for example - even though you're the one doing the swinging.

Very challenging for her, very satisfying to watch. Win, win.

Yup. I love/hate when K does that.

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

To the OP, i love that you posted this question here since it means (at least to me) that you are intent on making her happy as much as she desires to make you happy.

It is hard to provide useful information without more details, particularly if she asks for direction during play or if she asks for direction in general. Brainstorming a list of tasks for her to complete (during play or otherwise) is probably a smart move for you. Then you will be prepared with ideas when she asks. From there, other opportunities and interests will likely present themselves (since you are more "aware" of thinking of/ looking for directions she could follow for you).

 

[DVS]

When you have time to yourself, draw up a list of things you enjoy her doing, when she would ask this question. Itemize this list and give her a copy. Make this list of tasks or sexual acts as specific as you wish and she must memorize this list. When she asks the question, just mention a number. She must remember what was on the list and preform it to your satisfaction.

The longer the list, the more she will have to remember. You won't have to come up with things off the top of your head, so the pressure is always on her and off of you.

 

[Duncan1981]

I answer with a wouldn't you like to know! Buys me time to think of something good to do later.

 

[Susano]

Thanks for the insights and input, everyone!

When I first read this I took an entirely different approach to it. I was wondering if she is not sure she is pleasing you and asking for direction. Maybe before you give her tasks it would be a good idea to see where it's coming from.

cheers

This could be the case; I tend not to be very loud even when I'm very happy. If she is not sure she's pleasing me, what would you recommend?

 

[vintage63]

Thanks for the insights and input, everyone!



This could be the case; I tend not to be very loud even when I'm very happy. If she is not sure she's pleasing me, what would you recommend?

Talk about it. If she is not sure then tell her. She will only grow from it and want to please you even more

cheers

 

[Etoile]

"Shut up and suck."

 

[graceanne]

"Shut up and suck."

If she's anything like me, you might want to be more specific. If I got a demand like that I might suck on the tip of K's nose or something like that. Then laugh my ass off.

But I'm the one it's not safe to say 'blow me' to, cause I'll blow a raspberry on the head of the penis.

 

[girlowned]

Thanks for the insights and input, everyone!



This could be the case; I tend not to be very loud even when I'm very happy. If she is not sure she's pleasing me, what would you recommend?

Think about when you are playing with her. How do you know how she is reacting to what you are doing to her? You take in her noises, voice if she is allowed to speak, body language, the look in her eyes, the changes to her body like hardening nipples and swollen lips. But if you are unsure of her reaction, what do you do? You tell her to tell you how it makes her feel.

This should be no different with the PYL. One thing i do not agree with is a PYL that thinks they never have to show their pyl praise or encouragement of any kind. How do we know we are doing a good job, or doing what you want, if you do not tell us in some way?

If you are not good with words then use encouraging noises and body language, or even touch your girl in encouraging ways. You can even have her read this thread, it shows a lot about how much you care for her and want to please her as she pleases you. *smiles*

Good luck Susano

 

[Aurantica]

Think about when you are playing with her. How do you know how she is reacting to what you are doing to her? You take in her noises, voice if she is allowed to speak, body language, the look in her eyes, the changes to her body like hardening nipples and swollen lips. But if you are unsure of her reaction, what do you do? You tell her to tell you how it makes her feel.

This should be no different with the PYL. One thing i do not agree with is a PYL that thinks they never have to show their pyl praise or encouragement of any kind. How do we know we are doing a good job, or doing what you want, if you do not tell us in some way?

If you are not good with words then use encouraging noises and body language, or even touch your girl in encouraging ways. You can even have her read this thread, it shows a lot about how much you care for her and want to please her as she pleases you. *smiles*

Good luck Susano

Fantastic point. Feedback is a must.

 

[Duncan1981]

This is ment to be funny.

Look down at her with all the love in your eyes and then tell "I dunno what the fuck you wanna do?"

 

[lovebound]

Have her assume a position, tell her to hold still, and leave her that way. Ignore her. Read a book, watch tv, leave the room, reenter the room, whatever. See how long she can keep it up. Or periodically get her to come over and service you, or fetch a drink, then send her back to her 'parking spot.' Make a day of it.

Well, at least I find that really hot.

 

[Duncan1981]

Have her assume a position, tell her to hold still, and leave her that way. Ignore her. Read a book, watch tv, leave the room, reenter the room, whatever. See how long she can keep it up. Or periodically get her to come over and service you, or fetch a drink, then send her back to her 'parking spot.' Make a day of it.

Well, at least I find that really hot.

Done this a few times...works wonders and I enjoyed watching her pout.

 

[Que]

This is ment to be funny.

Look down at her with all the love in your eyes and then tell "I dunno what the fuck you wanna do?"

Yeah but you gotta say it in the voice of one of the vultures from "The Jungle Book."