Colonel Hogan
Madness
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2005
- Posts
- 18,372
The two most frequently asked questions by new posters to the GB (that’s “general board” to you) are also the two questions most likely to generate a hostile response from long time forum members.
Rookie posters are often puzzled by this emotional display, not unlike parents who bring their unruly children to public restaurants and wonder why other diners seem annoyed with ear-piercing screams and the random, high-speed launching of eating utensils and partially masticated food portions.
Let’s take a closer look at these seemingly innocent inquiries in an attempt to better understand why veteran GBers hold you, the questioner, in utter contempt.
I’m trying to find a particular story… Typically these requests are the first posts of people “just passing through.” They come without introduction or preamble and with the implied presumption that the regulars who interact here are akin to ad hoc librarians whose all-encompassing knowledge of smut literature is free for the picking, 24/7, 365 days per year.
Get a clue. To begin with, the specific narrative for which you are searching was hardly a classical piece of literature worth collecting. It ain’t exactly Anna Karenina or the Hunchback of Notre Dame if you catch my drift, although the video starring the two of them is said to be worth a weekend rental. That’s not to say your story hasn’t been bookmarked by somebody, somewhere, sometime. After all, we live in a world where people collect matchbook covers from hotels they should have been humiliated at actually having stayed in. But it is true that most people here have better things to do with their time (though their presence on this forum might seem to argue against it).
Also, your helpful descriptions in locating your lost treasure simply aren’t. We don’t quite know how to break this to you, but “cheating wife has a one night gang bang with six black studs on a pool table in the back room of a bar” serves, at best, to filter your search as to phylum, class and order. “Family” and “genus” still stand between you and your “species,” if you’ll permit the analogy.
We understand that, from your perspective, asking for assistance to find a particular story seems no more objectionable than stopping a New Yorker on the street and asking for directions to Carnegie Hall. But in fact, it’s not like that at all. Locating a specific story about people fucking on an erotic web site is more analogous to asking the same New Yorker, “Excuse me, but do you happen to know where I could find John Smith”? Answer: “YEAH!! IN THE WHITE PAGES, YOU FUCKING LUNATIC!!”
Our response is likely to be just as intemperate.
Is chat still down? What’s up with chat? Anyone else having trouble with chat? There are a million different ways to ask this question, but in whatever form, we are sure to see it at least two or three times per week.
The answers are: “Probably,” “Who-the-fuck cares?” and “No.” Let’s take the last one first since it is the most significant.
No one in the GB is likely having trouble with chat because almost no one here uses it. One reason is philosophical. Chat rooms are all about synchronous communication. Internet bulletin board forums like this one are asynchronous. If you don’t understand the difference between synchronous and asynchronous communication, that alone would probably explain why you frequent chat rooms.
Another reason GB members avoid chat is that it is primarily populated by producers and researchers for NBC’s reality show To Catch a Predator as well as those middle aged married men auditioning for the program.
But perhaps the best explanation for our lack of empathy with your problems on chat is simply that WE AREN’T YOUR FUCKING TECH SUPPORT!! We are users of the site just like you. We don’t code it. We don’t host it. HOW THE FUCK WOULD WE KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH CHAT?
***********
Hopefully this has given you some insight into why GBers can be a bit churlish for no apparent reason and why your high school teacher was certainly lying to you when she attempted to encourage your class participation by suggesting “there’s no such thing as a stupid question.”
Sorry, but those of us here know of at least two, and there are an endless supply of idiots who repeatedly ask them.
We're looking at you, Chuckie.
Rookie posters are often puzzled by this emotional display, not unlike parents who bring their unruly children to public restaurants and wonder why other diners seem annoyed with ear-piercing screams and the random, high-speed launching of eating utensils and partially masticated food portions.
Let’s take a closer look at these seemingly innocent inquiries in an attempt to better understand why veteran GBers hold you, the questioner, in utter contempt.
I’m trying to find a particular story… Typically these requests are the first posts of people “just passing through.” They come without introduction or preamble and with the implied presumption that the regulars who interact here are akin to ad hoc librarians whose all-encompassing knowledge of smut literature is free for the picking, 24/7, 365 days per year.
Get a clue. To begin with, the specific narrative for which you are searching was hardly a classical piece of literature worth collecting. It ain’t exactly Anna Karenina or the Hunchback of Notre Dame if you catch my drift, although the video starring the two of them is said to be worth a weekend rental. That’s not to say your story hasn’t been bookmarked by somebody, somewhere, sometime. After all, we live in a world where people collect matchbook covers from hotels they should have been humiliated at actually having stayed in. But it is true that most people here have better things to do with their time (though their presence on this forum might seem to argue against it).
Also, your helpful descriptions in locating your lost treasure simply aren’t. We don’t quite know how to break this to you, but “cheating wife has a one night gang bang with six black studs on a pool table in the back room of a bar” serves, at best, to filter your search as to phylum, class and order. “Family” and “genus” still stand between you and your “species,” if you’ll permit the analogy.
We understand that, from your perspective, asking for assistance to find a particular story seems no more objectionable than stopping a New Yorker on the street and asking for directions to Carnegie Hall. But in fact, it’s not like that at all. Locating a specific story about people fucking on an erotic web site is more analogous to asking the same New Yorker, “Excuse me, but do you happen to know where I could find John Smith”? Answer: “YEAH!! IN THE WHITE PAGES, YOU FUCKING LUNATIC!!”
Our response is likely to be just as intemperate.
Is chat still down? What’s up with chat? Anyone else having trouble with chat? There are a million different ways to ask this question, but in whatever form, we are sure to see it at least two or three times per week.
The answers are: “Probably,” “Who-the-fuck cares?” and “No.” Let’s take the last one first since it is the most significant.
No one in the GB is likely having trouble with chat because almost no one here uses it. One reason is philosophical. Chat rooms are all about synchronous communication. Internet bulletin board forums like this one are asynchronous. If you don’t understand the difference between synchronous and asynchronous communication, that alone would probably explain why you frequent chat rooms.
Another reason GB members avoid chat is that it is primarily populated by producers and researchers for NBC’s reality show To Catch a Predator as well as those middle aged married men auditioning for the program.
But perhaps the best explanation for our lack of empathy with your problems on chat is simply that WE AREN’T YOUR FUCKING TECH SUPPORT!! We are users of the site just like you. We don’t code it. We don’t host it. HOW THE FUCK WOULD WE KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH CHAT?
***********
Hopefully this has given you some insight into why GBers can be a bit churlish for no apparent reason and why your high school teacher was certainly lying to you when she attempted to encourage your class participation by suggesting “there’s no such thing as a stupid question.”
Sorry, but those of us here know of at least two, and there are an endless supply of idiots who repeatedly ask them.
We're looking at you, Chuckie.
