New story posted

[LOAnnie2]

My new story "Welcome to College" is posted. It is an NC/R story that's pretty heavy on plot. Feel free to send feedback in some form!


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=502579

 

[smart_and_sexytxgirl]

I liked it! Very good job!

 

[sharkandpen]

My new story "Welcome to College" is posted. It is an NC/R story that's pretty heavy on plot. Feel free to send feedback in some form!


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=502579

I already attached private feedback , but as you know I did enjoy the story.

 

[KillerMuffin]

We have: cute, wholesome, hottie "Becky" who innocently enters a sorority house hoping for fun and good friends. Then we have: *cue dastardly music* "Antonio Azim," the dashingly sinister man who will steal her virginity.

Racial profile much?

 

[PacoFear]

Awww, no Hispanic guy to mow the lawn at the sorority house?

 

[bwallard]

The switching point of view put me off. I'd like it better if you'd stuck to Becky and let her (and us) learn the truth as she does.

 

[latecaller67]

Only piece of constructive criticism I have really is that you might try breaking up a few of those bigger paragraphs.

I enjoyed the changing point of view and think you handled it well. If Trip didn't get his viewpoint told it would have made him infinitely less interesting. I loved the blurting dialogue she had when she first talked to him, so cute. I can perfectly imagine Becky almost solely because of that moment. One of my other favorite things was the resignation Dorothy had when Trip called her.

Anal domination! Woo!

Keep writing, I enjoyed it.