Where's the love... Er... Feedback

[TheGatekeeper953]

This is probably like asking for a public flogging, but here goes.

I recently posted the first story I've ever written, titled "His Pretty Pets". The first chapter has gotten over 20,000 views, but only about 2500 seem to have followed the series to the end.

I've had several people mark me as a favorite, however I've had only 4 comments. Only 1 of those described what they would have liked to see different.

While the positive comments and favorites stroke my ego, they do little to help me improve my stories. I have another story ready to post, but I've been holding off waiting for feedback from the first one.

I suppose, after reading some of the slams that the really good authors have put up with, I should be grateful that no one has savaged me yet. Feedback, however, would be greatly appreciated.

 

[RedJohnny]

Be careful what you wish for, but it would help if you put a link to the story in the post.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Be careful what you wish for, but it would help if you put a link to the story in the post.

Johnny's right, that is the etiquette here. anyway, we're lazy types.

The Gatekeeper's stories

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Gatekeeper, hi, and welcome to the bearpit.

First, I think you muddle rude comments with valid criticism. It doesn't take much to differentiate and it all goes with putting yourself out there.

You are getting high scores but I must admit I don't understand why. I've only read the first 2 chapters but unless it was a review I would have clicked back earlier.

I can enjoy a good non consent/reluctance and appreciate most BDSM but you go much too far for me. Perhaps I'm just a girlie.

There are no fleshed-out characters or tension/interplay between the players. Your continual use of 'He', instead of developing the protag, takes a lot of the dynamic away as does your limited use of dialogue. In a situation like this, just as the Stockholm syndrome, you must play on the developing relationships between the players, but you don't.

Erotica thrives on interpersonal relationships but you close them off. In reality, this is a bit of a one-dimensional macho diatribe.

The overt mysogyny upset me: the treating of the two girls as needing to be cleansed, the arbitrary punishments - all that turned me off.

Perhaps I'm totally wrong, so ignore me, you are close to the magic pink 'H'.

 

[sr71plt]

I dare say that something like 95% of Lit's readers come here to read a story for personal gratification, not to help the author develop his/her stortytelling skills. If you go into posting stories recognizing this as reality, you'll save yourself a lot of "where's the appreciation?" angst.

No one clicking into Literotica owes anything to authors--not even reads.

 

[TheGatekeeper953]

Thank you

elfin_odalisque
Thank you for your comments. This is the type of feedback I'm looking for.

The use of "He" was an attempt to keep from humanizing him in the early part of the story. He is unknown to the girls and to the reader. He is only "Master" or "Sir". Later, as they grow closer, he is named.

As I considered the BDSM to be rather light, your comments are making me reconsider parts of my next story.

SR71plt
I am not looking for appreciation and I don't think the readers owe the authors anything. What I was hoping for was some critique from other, more experienced authors who might have read the stories. I have seen such comments left on other stories and just wondered why I wasn't receiving it.

 

[sr71plt]

elfin_odalisque
Thank you for your comments. This is the type of feedback I'm looking for.

The use of "He" was an attempt to keep from humanizing him in the early part of the story. He is unknown to the girls and to the reader. He is only "Master" or "Sir". Later, as they grow closer, he is named.

As I considered the BDSM to be rather light, your comments are making me reconsider parts of my next story.

SR71plt
I am not looking for appreciation and I don't think the readers owe the authors anything. What I was hoping for was some critique from other, more experienced authors who might have read the stories. I have seen such comments left on other stories and just wondered why I wasn't receiving it.

First, the impersonal/indefinite use of a pronoun when a sense of separation, mystery, impersonalization (as you say you've done) or internal identification is what the author wants to convey is a perfectly sound technique in writing. We've had several commenters on the board sopohmorically rant about a name not given to the protagonist in the openning paragraph. That's nonsense. Not doing so is perfectly acceptable to get the effect you say you were after.

Second, is your story entered in a contest here? That's the main context I've seen in which another author will comment on the story (usually trying to curry a vote for their own story). Most active authors here are busy writing, not reading, I think.

 

[wet_special]

Most active authors here are busy writing, not reading, I think.

Alright, I am duly chastised. See you guys later.