BDSM Spilling over into RL

[DeRigger]

Quick background: I am a newbie Dom with an experienced sub girl. We are currently in a long distance relationship but working to fix that. We meet every couple of months and the relationship is still quite vanilla with a lot of talk about the direction that we will take in the future.
I have noticed in the last few weeks work colleagues, family and friends have all been treating me with a noticeablely greater amount of deference, asking my opinion on things that dont need my input. Equals refering to me as boss or chief. I dont believe I am behaving any differently but the evidence is hard to ignore.
I know I'm not strutting around like a peacock or anything but I guess I must be acting more confidently and dare I say it Dommly.
What do I say to people who have started noticing? My girl has said definately dont say what has really happened, people just wont understand, and I tend to believe her.
At the moment I am smiling and saying "I dont know what you mean"
I guess I am asking what has been the reaction of people who are told you are in a PYL/pyl relationship, is it universally bad or are there some who are understanding.
Thanks for listening
DeRigger

 

[Netzach]

I've been doing this for a long time and very publicly in certain ways - I have my face all over my professional presence (I offer phone sessions) and yet - my advice is don't go there unless you have to. I don't "have that discussion" unless close friends are asking me direct questions and even then I explain that what I'm going to tell them is totally TMI do they still want to hear?

A lot of them say yes. I've had overwhelmingly good experiences talking about it with people because I am VERY selective with whom I do. And I make use of kink venues whether presenting a workshop on occasion or posting on Lit to be able to express my precious thoughts LOL - it's what anonymous blogs are for!

I'd just attribute your new found confidence to having a thing going with a really cool girl with most of humanity and save the dirt for just the nearest and dearest and most serious of secret-keeping buddies.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I've been doing this for a long time and very publicly in certain ways - I have my face all over my professional presence (I offer phone sessions) and yet - my advice is don't go there unless you have to. I don't "have that discussion" unless close friends are asking me direct questions and even then I explain that what I'm going to tell them is totally TMI do they still want to hear?

A lot of them say yes. I've had overwhelmingly good experiences talking about it with people because I am VERY selective with whom I do. And I make use of kink venues whether presenting a workshop on occasion or posting on Lit to be able to express my precious thoughts LOL - it's what anonymous blogs are for!

I'd just attribute your new found confidence to having a thing going with a really cool girl with most of humanity and save the dirt for just the nearest and dearest and most serious of secret-keeping buddies.

Boy, talk about a thread-killer... Can't think of a thing to add except:

QFT.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Just say you are in a relationship with a really great girl.

They don't need to know the details.

 

[NomadLady]

I agree with everyone else.....don't say a word, enjoy the newly found respect and have a good time when you get to "really" exert your Dom persona.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I would be careful both in assuming people are seeing you as someone special and attributing it to your newfound relationship direction, and in deciding to share your relationship dynamic with (I assume you were thinking of these people) because of it (or for any reason actually). For instance, I am also an Aussie, and it is quite common to refer to people as boss of chief without any connection being necessary in terms of doing so because you think that person is actually more confident or experienced etc. For instance, my first husband was one of those people who called just about every male 'çhief'. It didn't mean he felt they were better than him, or someone special, it was just the way he spoke. He was not the only person I knew who did this, and then there were others who chose to call people 'boss', though this was IME to a lesser extent.

D/s is fun, and can be the way you choose to live your life, but it also can lead to making the mistake of thinking it gives you a special power (for want of a better word) you can then take into your life with others. Usually people will not appreciate being drawn into your D/s dynamic because you begin to feel it is how they see you. You might very well have skills etc., they don't, family and friends may very well seek your opinion, but don't mistake respect and communication for a sign your domliness if shining through. If I were to begin feeling because all my life people have asked me for advice, have chosen to share their darkest secrets with and asked my opinion that it must be because I am obviously dominant, I would have a very difficult time living my life as a pyl. Mst of all enjoy your journey with the one who has consented to share it with you.

Catalina