cyber versus real play

[switchbitch]

BDSM and cyber
I find cyber play has a very different dynamic. Dominating isn't just saying “ do this now you slut” while in real play your dominant may have the ability to turn you to jelly by uttering this as he or she stares at you with knowing, demanding, forceful eyes in cyber play it can feel like an excuse to swear at an unknown person.
So much of dominating for me comes from being totally aware of my subs reactions to different kinds of stimuli whether it be pain, pleasure or simply an indifferent smile. The knowledge of which buttons to push to reduce a submissive to my will comes the focus I bring to bear on their reactions, there is no need in most cases for the sub to speak.
As a submissive the feeling of total trust that my dominant knows what I need whether I'm aware of it or not or indeed whether or not I have voiced any such need is an integral part of my submission.
In cyber play response must be verbalised by the submissive which often seems to undermine the submission when playing with inexperienced cyber doms.
In dominant mode I find I need long and detailed discussion with the sub to find the key to their submission and constant feedback during play. It can be quite frustrating.
Do any other players have similar frustrations or have you found any ways to overcome these problems?
although I also posted this on the BDSM Forum I would love to have some feedback from the darkroom loungers.

 

[Plasmaball]

The problem is both parties having different expectations of what the other should do and say. I've had quite a few climaxes fail because she didn't say that right trigger. That's the down side of cyber. It's harder to read people and needs.
You can dominate a person but you really have to keep it simple. The partner or sub also has to do their part and express the reaction correctly. It shows they are doing it and enjoying. A simple yes sir, or yes ma'am doesn't really work.

Honestly people just need to be mindful of the other they play with. Sometimes more words are better.

 

[book614]

I've never really done dom/sub in a chat... I'm still pretty new to chatting.... so I hope it's okay for me to comment on this, but for me in my desire to be a sub I've thought a little about how it would work. I'm not sure if you mean you have a sub who you are trying to "break" to your will in the play like they are pretending to resist or if they are totally willing forom the begining but I know for me if I were to try it, I'd want to tell my dom my reactions thats what i do in normal chatting. And if I'm chatting on IM then there's always the Voice Recordings to let them hear your moans, or whimpers. I'm not sure if this helped anyone at all...

 

[TheCarver]

Cyber is okay over voice chat. Typing out sex is sort of a turn off in many ways. I do like providing the masturbation fodder for people though. But whacking off and typing to someone is rather frustrating.

Just saying.

 

[switchbitch]

Cyber is okay over voice chat. Typing out sex is sort of a turn off in many ways. I do like providing the masturbation fodder for people though. But whacking off and typing to someone is rather frustrating.

Just saying.

I have to agree. Fortunately I have voice-activated software so I can use both hands. But even with the software you still have to retained sufficient focus to be able to read the screen. And sometimes the software plays silly buggers because it's not very good at trying to verbalise sounds (some of the rubbish it prints out if I am panting and groaning is absolutely hilarious and quite mood disruptive).real flesh to flesh is always going to be more satisfying but cyber has its moments too.

 

[TheCarver]

I have to agree. Fortunately I have voice-activated software so I can use both hands. But even with the software you still have to retained sufficient focus to be able to read the screen. And sometimes the software plays silly buggers because it's not very good at trying to verbalise sounds (some of the rubbish it prints out if I am panting and groaning is absolutely hilarious and quite mood disruptive).real flesh to flesh is always going to be more satisfying but cyber has its moments too.

I've been topped, topped others, been dominated and dominated others. Out of all the possibilities, I've enjoyed very few on a purely physical aspect. There was once where I was taken by a centaur that really did it for me. That was typing only though.

I was domme'd once via voice chat and it was overwhelming. I'm sort of like you in that I love flesh on flesh. The other works but only with a lot of talent from the giver. Of course there was this one person I would talk to on the phone that could get the job done every time. She was extremely talented.