AllenWmsUSA
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2010
- Posts
- 873
Guys, before you post that incredibly insightful thought that is just burning a hole to get out of your cranium, please read through this list of Fucking Frequently Asked Questions (FFAQ). You'll find your incredibly lame ass question listed along with the reality reply. Please, no need to thank me, just a bro helping out a bro. Ladies, however, you can thank me (PM for details on acceptable shows of gratitude).
1. "Does anyone want to see me on webcam?"
No. There is no one in the world as fascinated by your dick as you are. That's as true today as it was the day you accidentally discovered it in your youth. It's the most amazing thing in the world to you, but the cold hard truth is there are several billion others just like it. Hard news to hear, I know. But you're a better man with that knowledge going forward. If you're lucky, the old saying is true and there is someone for everyone and a woman does walk this earth who will some day take an interest in looking at your junk.
2. "Does anyone want to meet up this weekend in [insert city here]?"
No. That's how women end up dismembered and stuffed in a 55-gallon barrel. People do meet in real life from here, but it's going to take some effort on your part over an extended period of time for you to maybe, possibly, have a real life rendezvous with someone here. Don't give up hope, but do keep in mind that most women don't want a date to end up in their grisly death. They are entitled to be a little cautious and decline your entirely non-tempting invitation. And after you strike out, please remember that derogatory remarks about all the women of [insert city here] are bad form.
3. "Does anyone want to talk about [insert your fetish here]?"
Maybe. But probably not. Let's be honest, you're a whack job and your fetish is fucking weird. I think you know that. When no one is interested, don't get all bent out of shape and blame the Lit community at large for its lack of interest. Also, studies have also shown that posting the same thing over and over will not produce different results. A lack of interest on Monday in discussing your fondness for putting a lit match on your balls will probably carry over to a lack of interest on Tuesday as well.
4. "I'm bored at work, who wants to chat with me?"
Nobody. At what level is a person going to be flattered enough to jump on that invitation? Wow, what a thrill it is for me to possibly be more entertaining and interesting than your soul-sucking dead-end job. Gosh, my heart is a flutter. Your boredom at work is your problem. Maybe community college would have been a good option after all. No one is interested in being your boredom relief pitcher out of the bullpen.
5. "Are there any ladies from India?"
Probably. There are over a billion people in India so statistically speaking, some of them have to be women. If you were to look out your window right now, I bet you would see a shitload of women from India. Try that instead because they're not here. But not until you tell me what the hell is wrong with my Windows Vista. And I know your name isn't really "Steve."
6. "Whatever, whatever, whatever?" (with zero information provided in profile or post)
Dude. Lazy has never been considered an attractive quality. Ditto for stupid. If you are too lazy or too stupid to fill out your profile and/or to provide some pertinent information in your post, why is a woman supposed to pop the legs open for you? You know all about yourself but unless you're looking to seduce Miss Cleo, you're going to have to fill in the blanks for the non-psychics in the crowd. C'mon now, corral all of your ambition and gumption and fill out that profile!
7. "I just sent you a PM" (in response to obvious spam post)
Fellas, fellas, fellas. Slow down and use your brain. Do attractive nymphos between the ages of 18 and 22 want to fuck you in real life? No. So do you really think they want to fuck you on the interwebs? Again, no. Not for free anyway. One of the truly enlightening moments in a person's life is when they understand and come to terms with their place on the attractiveness food chain. Embrace who you are, love yourself, and always remember that a 30-year-old "4" will never, ever, ever, be with a 19-year-old "10". Not without an exchange of currency, anyway.
1. "Does anyone want to see me on webcam?"
No. There is no one in the world as fascinated by your dick as you are. That's as true today as it was the day you accidentally discovered it in your youth. It's the most amazing thing in the world to you, but the cold hard truth is there are several billion others just like it. Hard news to hear, I know. But you're a better man with that knowledge going forward. If you're lucky, the old saying is true and there is someone for everyone and a woman does walk this earth who will some day take an interest in looking at your junk.
2. "Does anyone want to meet up this weekend in [insert city here]?"
No. That's how women end up dismembered and stuffed in a 55-gallon barrel. People do meet in real life from here, but it's going to take some effort on your part over an extended period of time for you to maybe, possibly, have a real life rendezvous with someone here. Don't give up hope, but do keep in mind that most women don't want a date to end up in their grisly death. They are entitled to be a little cautious and decline your entirely non-tempting invitation. And after you strike out, please remember that derogatory remarks about all the women of [insert city here] are bad form.
3. "Does anyone want to talk about [insert your fetish here]?"
Maybe. But probably not. Let's be honest, you're a whack job and your fetish is fucking weird. I think you know that. When no one is interested, don't get all bent out of shape and blame the Lit community at large for its lack of interest. Also, studies have also shown that posting the same thing over and over will not produce different results. A lack of interest on Monday in discussing your fondness for putting a lit match on your balls will probably carry over to a lack of interest on Tuesday as well.
4. "I'm bored at work, who wants to chat with me?"
Nobody. At what level is a person going to be flattered enough to jump on that invitation? Wow, what a thrill it is for me to possibly be more entertaining and interesting than your soul-sucking dead-end job. Gosh, my heart is a flutter. Your boredom at work is your problem. Maybe community college would have been a good option after all. No one is interested in being your boredom relief pitcher out of the bullpen.
5. "Are there any ladies from India?"
Probably. There are over a billion people in India so statistically speaking, some of them have to be women. If you were to look out your window right now, I bet you would see a shitload of women from India. Try that instead because they're not here. But not until you tell me what the hell is wrong with my Windows Vista. And I know your name isn't really "Steve."
6. "Whatever, whatever, whatever?" (with zero information provided in profile or post)
Dude. Lazy has never been considered an attractive quality. Ditto for stupid. If you are too lazy or too stupid to fill out your profile and/or to provide some pertinent information in your post, why is a woman supposed to pop the legs open for you? You know all about yourself but unless you're looking to seduce Miss Cleo, you're going to have to fill in the blanks for the non-psychics in the crowd. C'mon now, corral all of your ambition and gumption and fill out that profile!
7. "I just sent you a PM" (in response to obvious spam post)
Fellas, fellas, fellas. Slow down and use your brain. Do attractive nymphos between the ages of 18 and 22 want to fuck you in real life? No. So do you really think they want to fuck you on the interwebs? Again, no. Not for free anyway. One of the truly enlightening moments in a person's life is when they understand and come to terms with their place on the attractiveness food chain. Embrace who you are, love yourself, and always remember that a 30-year-old "4" will never, ever, ever, be with a 19-year-old "10". Not without an exchange of currency, anyway.
