What is the definition of an Open Relationship

[Babeslady]

Having a discussion with a friend last night and she referred to my marriage as open. As swingers, yes we engage in sex with other people. We prefer to have some kind of friendly relationship if not a version of a friendship with our playmates. However we stop short of calling our marraige 'open' as we generally play as a couple and we don't 'date' our partners.

What do others think?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Having a discussion with a friend last night and she referred to my marriage as open. As swingers, yes we engage in sex with other people. We prefer to have some kind of friendly relationship if not a version of a friendship with our playmates. However we stop short of calling our marraige 'open' as we generally play as a couple and we don't 'date' our partners.

What do others think?

My definition is any relationship that by mutual consent is not sexually/emotionally exclusive. That includes swinging, mistress/gigolo arrangements, poly marriages, separate dating.


It's one of those umbrella terms

 

[Tio_Narratore]

My definition is any relationship that by mutual consent is not sexually/emotionally exclusive. That includes swinging, mistress/gigolo arrangements, poly marriages, separate dating.


It's one of those umbrella terms

...like parasol and bumbershoot?

seriously, I'd have to agree with you, Stella; it is the term that covers a marriage with any form of mutually acceptable non-exclusivity.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Generally speaking, 'open' is an euphemism for 'marriage thats doomed.'

 

[wet_special]

I've actually been in an open relationship. It was doomed. It was good too, for a while

However, I would have to agree that if you both put rules in place, ones that, well.. These rules are serious and important. You can't openly break them, after all as a couple you have taken the time to define these rules so that you know what's ok and what is the limit.

If you start sneaking around and breaking the rules, that's not doing things in the open. So forgive me if it sounds like semantics, but that we are no longer talking about an open relationship. I would define an open relationship one in which you are allowed to go date other people. There are rules but they allow you to openly seek out new partners on your own time. For example, an open relationship might be one where you promised to date someone every Saturday, or Thursday -- but don't call me after 6pm on other nights!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

The problem with open relationships is how they erode/undermine the reasons why people have relationships.

 

[Stella_Omega]

My open marriage has lasted 33 years so far, two kids, jobs lost and gained, career changes, fights and cooperation, separate interests and mutual projects. The key is to keep things flexible-- sometimes there's just too much strain in too many other directions, you close down and stay monogamous for a while. Then you open up again.


You can't expect it to be easy all the time. But then-- what monogamous marriage is easy all the time?

 

[DeceptiveSpeed]

I'm in an open relationship - but we prefer to play together. However we have agreed that if there's someone we want or have the opportunity to have sex present itself, then we just have to notify the other before doing it. Mostly as courtesy, not out of any kind of jealousy.

I've used it twice and she's used it 3 times in two years, so it's not like we're going crazy with it

 

[xssve]

Generally speaking, 'open' is an euphemism for 'marriage thats doomed.'

Given your definition of a healthy marriage presumably is one where "communication" means telling her to shut up and do the dishes.

 

[Babeslady]

Generally speaking, 'open' is an euphemism for 'marriage thats doomed.'

I would have thought that if you were being 'open' in your communication with your partner then your marraige would be functioning well. Doomed relationships are generally those where communication channels are closed and one or both parties are not getting their needs met.

I'm in an open relationship - but we prefer to play together. However we have agreed that if there's someone we want or have the opportunity to have sex present itself, then we just have to notify the other before doing it. Mostly as courtesy, not out of any kind of jealousy.

I've used it twice and she's used it 3 times in two years, so it's not like we're going crazy with it

We are the same as you guys and it seems to be working for us. As someone else said in here it is all about making serious rules that are respected. If the situation changes and changes need to be made to the rules they are discussed openly and honestly and mutually agreed.

Thanks for the feedback people. It has certainly made me see the term in a different light. Open does not necessarily mean 'Open slather to do whatever you like'. Perhaps my friend was right and the term is not that scary

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I recommend The Dawn of Sex as an introduction to the evolutionary roots of such things. It appears that monogamy only appeared with the development of agriculture, property and greed.

 

[CharleyH]

I've actually been in an open relationship. It was doomed. It was good too, for a while

However, I would have to agree that if you both put rules in place, ones that, well.. These rules are serious and important. You can't openly break them, after all as a couple you have taken the time to define these rules so that you know what's ok and what is the limit.

If you start sneaking around and breaking the rules, that's not doing things in the open. So forgive me if it sounds like semantics, but that we are no longer talking about an open relationship. I would define an open relationship one in which you are allowed to go date other people. There are rules but they allow you to openly seek out new partners on your own time. For example, an open relationship might be one where you promised to date someone every Saturday, or Thursday -- but don't call me after 6pm on other nights!

I have to add that if you were in an 'open relationship' it would never have been doomed in the first place. You were in a relationship - period. I have been in a few 'open' relationships. What it means to me is this: if I want to hook up with you for dinner and invite you over for a fuck, I will because I want to do it. If I want to hook up with Bruno or Bella for the same, I will because I have no obligation to you and you can't be jealous about it because I've told you where I stand and will break off our relationship in 0 seconds flat. In an open relationship, emotions are invested, sure, but not deeply. The moment one partner has deeper feelings is the moment an 'open' relationship must be cut off, or something else must happen.

 

[Stella_Omega]

. In my open relationship, emotions are invested, sure, but not deeply. The moment one partner has deeper feelings is the moment my 'open' relationship must be cut off, or something else must happen.

Fixed that for you.

 

[mokkelke]

Having a discussion with a friend last night and she referred to my marriage as open. As swingers, yes we engage in sex with other people. We prefer to have some kind of friendly relationship if not a version of a friendship with our playmates. However we stop short of calling our marraige 'open' as we generally play as a couple and we don't 'date' our partners.

What do others think?

personally i feel an "open" relationship can only be so when both partners agree to it. in my opinion it stands for two people liking/loving each other but still liking the sexual contact with others and being open about that and having no issues with it. if the people in that kind of relationship are happy with it, so am i.
on the other hand and that is again just a personal view, if you are NOT in an open relationship, yet you feel like you have to screw everything on two legs and a fuckhole just to feel "happy and content" without your partner knowing, you're just a cheater and are better off just having one night stands(just do it safe ;-) )
just stressing again, this is a personal view and i'm pretty sure some will agree and others will disagree.

 

[Stella_Omega]

just stressing again, this is a personal view and i'm pretty sure some will agree and others will disagree.

In discussions about personal preferences, personal issues-- I never disagree with the statement "This is a personal view."

And I certainly agree with your views as you've stated them here!

 

[Handley_Page]

My open marriage has lasted 33 years so far, two kids, jobs lost and gained, career changes, fights and cooperation, separate interests and mutual projects. The key is to keep things flexible-- sometimes there's just too much strain in too many other directions, you close down and stay monogamous for a while. Then you open up again.

You can't expect it to be easy all the time. But then-- what monogamous marriage is easy all the time?

You ain't old enough.

 

[Katyusha]

Thanks for the feedback people. It has certainly made me see the term in a different light. Open does not necessarily mean 'Open slather to do whatever you like'. Perhaps my friend was right and the term is not that scary

Nothing about it is scary when both you and your partner are good with it.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You ain't old enough.

Oh poo, I bet you say that to all the over-50 butch women with gender issues.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

You ain't old enough.

She just started young, that's it.

 

[Handley_Page]

She just started young, that's it.

Ah, of course. I wasn't thinking straight. It must be the new pills.


Oh poo, I bet you say that to all the over-50 butch women with gender issues.
I'd be tempted to run away real quick if I ever met one. But I'd really like to understand more.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

My open marriage has lasted 33 years so far, two kids, jobs lost and gained, career changes, fights and cooperation, separate interests and mutual projects. The key is to keep things flexible-- sometimes there's just too much strain in too many other directions, you close down and stay monogamous for a while. Then you open up again.


You can't expect it to be easy all the time. But then-- what monogamous marriage is easy all the time?

Better put rebuttal to JBJ's claims than I have heard in quite a while.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Better put rebuttal to JBJ's claims than I have heard in quite a while.

Whoever the hell that is.

But thanks