Another reason why BDSM will never gain acceptance in the US

[intothewoods]

What's the difference between a cougar and a MILF?

A cougar is a 40-something woman who hooks up with/dates 20 something or much younger men. She isn't necessarily a mom.

MILF stands for Mother I'd Like to Fuck. A hot mom. Can be any age. I tend to use the word to refer to moms who dress really sexy in an obvious way as opposed to moms who just happen to be attractive, but that's not universal.

 

[satindesire]

A cougar is a 40-something woman who hooks up with/dates 20 something or much younger men. She isn't necessarily a mom.

MILF stands for Mother I'd Like to Fuck. A hot mom. Can be any age. I tend to use the word to refer to moms who dress really sexy in an obvious way as opposed to moms who just happen to be attractive, but that's not universal.

Exactly. I bristle when I'm called a 'cougar' but MILF doesn't bother me at all. Guys especially need to learn the difference.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'd like to think of myself as a BAMFYLF
BadAss Motherfucker You'd Love to Fuck.


That's my aspiration anyways...

 

[JMohegan]

I wouldn't use either term to describe a woman I respect, no matter how good looking. They're as objectifying as "nice piece of ass" or "hot chick."

Possibly I'm old-fashioned.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I wouldn't use either term to describe a woman I respect, no matter how good looking. They're as objectifying as "nice piece of ass" or "hot chick."

Possibly I'm old-fashioned.

Or at the better end of of the bell curve.

 

[intothewoods]

Exactly. I bristle when I'm called a 'cougar' but MILF doesn't bother me at all. Guys especially need to learn the difference.

I do not like being called a MILF. I'm not yet cougar age, but on TV shows they seem kind of fun. I could see it being as desperate as the stereotypical guy going through a midlife crisis, but I guess since I don't know any cougars in real life, it just seems mildly amusing.

 

[satindesire]

I do not like being called a MILF. I'm not yet cougar age, but on TV shows they seem kind of fun. I could see it being as desperate as the stereotypical guy going through a midlife crisis, but I guess since I don't know any cougars in real life, it just seems mildly amusing.

I just hate the "cougar" stereotype. I don't own a lot of leather miniskirts, I don't smoke and I don't cruise college campuses for 19 year old boys.

I don't mind the MILF stereotype only because I think it's hilarious that you can call a not-quite 30 year old woman a MILF. I'm -barely- a mom. My oldest isn't even one yet. XD;


By this I hope you guys realize I'm totally being sarcastic and teasing about the cougar stereotype...

 

[intothewoods]

I'd like to think of myself as a BAMFYLF
BadAss Motherfucker You'd Love to Fuck.


That's my aspiration anyways...

Love it.

I wouldn't use either term to describe a woman I respect, no matter how good looking. They're as objectifying as "nice piece of ass" or "hot chick."

Possibly I'm old-fashioned.

I guess I think of cougar as more behavior-based rather than physically descriptive.

 

[satindesire]

I'd like to think of myself as a BAMFYLF
BadAss Motherfucker You'd Love to Fuck.


That's my aspiration anyways...

What's the phonetic pronunciation of that, anyhow?!

 

[intothewoods]

I just hate the "cougar" stereotype. I don't own a lot of leather miniskirts, I don't smoke and I don't cruise college campuses for 19 year old boys.

I don't mind the MILF stereotype only because I think it's hilarious that you can call a not-quite 30 year old woman a MILF. I'm -barely- a mom. My oldest isn't even one yet. XD;


By this I hope you guys realize I'm totally being sarcastic and teasing about the cougar stereotype...

See, I've never heard the leather miniskirt thing. The ones I've seen on TV have been well-dressed and successful, just with younger boyfriends (not 19!).

 

[satindesire]

See, I've never heard the leather miniskirt thing. The ones I've seen on TV have been well-dressed and successful, just with younger boyfriends (not 19!).

Psst, you missed the color=wheat!

 

[JMohegan]

Or at the better end of of the bell curve.

Aww, thanks!

I guess I think of cougar as more behavior-based rather than physically descriptive.

Okay, but have you noticed that when the genders are reversed, it's still the female who gets labeled? Trophy wife, or gold digger, or some other such thing.

 

[intothewoods]

Psst, you missed the color=wheat!

I didn't miss it. I don't think you're seriously suggesting that all cougars wear leather miniskirts or something. It's just interesting to me that I don't really have that image in mind.

Aww, thanks!

Okay, but have you noticed that when the genders are reversed, it's still the female who gets labeled? Trophy wife, or gold digger, or some other such thing.

Oh sure. I mean, in the end it's always "the man" keeping us down, whatever "the man" is exactly. It just has a more positive connotation to me than gold digger.

 

[satindesire]

Aww, thanks!

Okay, but have you noticed that when the genders are reversed, it's still the female who gets labeled? Trophy wife, or gold digger, or some other such thing.

What I find interesting is the fact that not all people find the term "Trophy Wife" negative.

Mister calls me a "Trophy Wife" all the time, and he hasn't been the first of my partners to say that. I personally think it's kind of sweet.

 

[JMohegan]

What I find interesting is the fact that not all people find the term "Trophy Wife" negative.

Mister calls me a "Trophy Wife" all the time, and he hasn't been the first of my partners to say that. I personally think it's kind of sweet.

Some get called whore or slut by their partner, and find that sweet too. I'm sure it's all in the delivery.

 

[satindesire]

Some get called whore or slut by their partner, and find that sweet too. I'm sure it's all in the delivery.

I think that even if someone called me a "Trophy Wife" in a 'mean' way, I wouldn't be bothered by it. Like a racial slur, or an insult. If some small part of me doesn't believe it, it won't bother me.

 

[Netzach]

Aww, thanks!

Okay, but have you noticed that when the genders are reversed, it's still the female who gets labeled? Trophy wife, or gold digger, or some other such thing.

Not always. The pathetic attempt to buy youth will often be laughed at, and the probability that he's a very public cuckold.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think that even if someone called me a "Trophy Wife" in a 'mean' way, I wouldn't be bothered by it. Like a racial slur, or an insult. If some small part of me doesn't believe it, it won't bother me.

This will change as you get older. Insults used to roll off my back too, because I, too felt they were only aimed at me, and i knew i wasn't that so why worry?

But what you will come to understand is that a label like trophy wife" is not only an insult to yourself-- it's an insult to thousands of women, all personified by you--you just happen to be there to receive the insult on their behalf.

 

[WriterDom]

Aww, thanks!

Okay, but have you noticed that when the genders are reversed, it's still the female who gets labeled? Trophy wife, or gold digger, or some other such thing.

It's a man's world. Men tend to get more attractive with age. Husband and wife both born in 1960 divorce. Why wouldn't the man want to upgrade to a 1980 model? Maybe he wants another kid.

A woman doesn't have that choice. Why would she want to take a change on a thirty year old guy knowing how *a lot of* men are and the fact that her beauty is fading by the day. She would much rather find someone she had more in common with and play down the sexual angle.

The entire cougar phenomena is more of a male fantasy than reality in my opinion. True, some might go through a phase where they dabble in younger men but then they find out that he is only more likely to leave the seat up.

 

[culloden]

Husband and wife both born in 1960 divorce. Why wouldn't the man want to upgrade to a 1980 model? Maybe he wants another kid.

I don't think I'd want to trade for a younger woman. And very much younger women - twenty year olds for example, often annoy me. I mean, OMG!! WTF??!! LOL.

Marriage isn't just sex, sex isn't just about youth. There's a lot of value in having the similar experiences and memories that one finds with people of a similar age.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Not always. The pathetic attempt to buy youth will often be laughed at, and the probability that he's a very public cuckold.

Not often enough apparently...see L'Oreal, Lever-Ponds, Chanel and the army of plastic surgeons driving Bentleys through just about every major city in the world. Perhaps "I will often laugh at the pathetic attempt to buy youth," would be a slightly more accurate start to that statement.

 

[JMohegan]

It's a man's world. Men tend to get more attractive with age. Husband and wife both born in 1960 divorce. Why wouldn't the man want to upgrade to a 1980 model?

Because women aren't cars, a 1980 "model" is not necessarily an upgrade from a 1960 version.

But you already knew this, right?

If not, I can't explain it to you, and I'm genuinely sorry. Sorry for the apparent absence of a particular kind of intimate relationship over the course of your life.

 

[satindesire]

Because women aren't cars, a 1980 "model" is not necessarily an upgrade from a 1960 version.

But you already knew this, right?

If not, I can't explain it to you, and I'm genuinely sorry. Sorry for the apparent absence of a particular kind of intimate relationship over the course of your life.

Slightly off topic here...but...

Scientifically, we respond to cues of fertility as cues of beauty. Many men stay fertile and capable of breeding well into their 70's, where as most women go through menopause and cannot breed any longer in their 50's. To imply that women have the same 'shelf life' as men is simply NOT realistic. The same aging cues that tell us that our fertility levels are dropping off in the different biological genders aren't viewed as 'attractive'. Crow's feet are okay on men, but they airbrush them off an actress's face on her magazine covers.

This isn't about personality, you can breed with someone you can't get along with, and it happens all the time unfortunately. Beauty equals fertile hormones. Men have the edge when it comes to that.

No, younger women are not 'always better' than older women, but they are almost always certainly more fertile, and men's hind monkey brain responds to a younger woman's fertility cues without him being able to help it.

Being all snippy to him isn't doing you justice, JM.

 

[WriterDom]

Because women aren't cars, a 1980 "model" is not necessarily an upgrade from a 1960 version.

.

You'd think so with all the time that those who can afford it spend in the "shop."

 

[graceanne]

No, younger women are not 'always better' than older women, but they are almost always certainly more fertile, and men's hind monkey brain responds to a younger woman's fertility cues without him being able to help it.

Being all snippy to him isn't doing you justice, JM.

I was talking to my mom about this recently. I think it was my mom. Anyway, we were talking about why young, in women, is considered more attractive, and that's pretty much what it is. With men, and this is my theory, they're considered more attractive as they age because when our brains were hard-wiring these reactions, an older man gave you and your children a better chance at survival; he would have been able to make a living, he proved he isn't frail in health, and he could (most likely) protect and feed you. Younger men were just starting to learn whichever trade they were going into, they hadn't proved themselves as providers and protectors, yet, and therefore were a risk.