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ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

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satindesire said:
You know what's hilarious about that? He goes on an on about how he's the ultimate lover, yet he's CONVINCED that the "ultimate sex" is a "throat job" like every woman's tonsils are her clitoris. :rolleyes:
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He's watched "Deep Throat" a few times too many.
 
Just goes to show: your ass-hattery can come back to haunt you even five years later (the post that x_wired_x pulled out is from 2005.)
 
FungiUg said:
Just goes to show: your ass-hattery can come back to haunt you even five years later (the post that x_wired_x pulled out is from 2005.)
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:D Sorry, I could not resist the 30 minutes 'o pleasure. I had to fan myself, got a little excited.
 
Ok, who put me on the asshat list? I've gotten TWO just this week.
 
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That thread sure made my afternoon :)

Thanks to all contributors - willing and unwilling (or is that unwitting?) ones *chuckles*

I haven't been around for quite a while but got stuck here for some recreational reading this afternoon and you guys sure made me chuckle and even laugh out loud a few times - and it made me remember a load of those mails/pm's during my more frequent online meanderings.

Again, thanks for a few good laughs and have a lovely Sunday,
Hecate
 
So this isn't kink based asshatery, but lately I have been reminded what fabulous asshat material a personals ad can be.

Amusing personals ad story #1 -

Some kid [30 year old] emailed me the other night -

"hi i j___ how you"

First contact. No punctuation, no capitalization, no grammar, no concern whatsoever about first impressions/etc. And I wrote my profile in such a way that it pretty much says 'You better bring your god-dammed A Game, because you're gonna need it.' Grammar is your friend. Friiiiieeeeeeeeennnnnnnd I say!

So after thinking on it a bit, I decided to respond.

"J - I'm sure you're a very nice guy and all, but please accept this friendly word of advice in the spirit it is intended - punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc are all part of the first impression one makes, especially in the written form. You might want to consider such things in the future; good luck in your search."

So he responds [twice!] saying no wonder I'm divorced and desperate for money (WTF?), and how sad it is that I'm some broken down 40 year old who's only lover is a vibrator that's out of batteries. And broken. And something about me being a puta - whatever the hell that is. And in the second email he sends a cyber "rose". Because we all know that sending a picture of a rose and a teddy bear is how REAL MEN get a woman to ignore she's just been insulted. LOL

So I responded huh... we'll add reading comprehension (38, not 40) to the list of thigns to work on, and cute picture or not, insults won't get you laid. Now toddle off and play with the 20 year olds like a good boy.

Right before I blocked him, I got some random 3 paragraph ramble about how ugly I was, and what a dried up old bitch I was, and how I was lucky we weren't in the same room because his sexual magnificence was so AMAZING I wouldn't even be able to comprehend so how dare I even talk to him like that because I wasn't even worth his time!*

*Which is why he contacted me in the first place, of course.

***

Amusing personals ad story #2 -

Someone actually interesting (self-described cultured, but primal alpha male type) answered my ad a week or so ago, and after exchanging a handful of emails asked to speak on the phone. I hate speaking on the phone, rarely (if ever) do it, and explained so. He countered with "Oh. Well I guess that means goodbye. Good luck!" I replied with "You too! If you decide you'd like to have a drink sometime here's my email ___; if not, no worries!" And promptly forgot about it/him.

8 days (almost to the hour), I got an email in my box, asking if I might be interested in a glass of wine. I love men.
 
CutieMouse said:
8 days (almost to the hour), I got an email in my box, asking if I might be interested in a glass of wine. I love men.
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>_> Wtf dude?!

This is what I dub the "boredom email". He's tried getting laid in meat life and is 'saving' this for that kind of 'emergency'. :rolleyes:

What I find most hilarious about your entire post was the first guy actually having the audacity to call YOU ugly. WHATthehellEVER. He'd be looking under the couch cushions to try and buy you a drink if he ever met you IRL.
 
satindesire said:
>_> Wtf dude?!

This is what I dub the "boredom email". He's tried getting laid in meat life and is 'saving' this for that kind of 'emergency'. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Um... I actually don't see it that way, at all. I set a boundary (preferring face to face instead of the phone); it took him a week or so to decide I was interesting enough to accept the boundary, rather than try and bully his way past it. Now he has (we might meet up for drinks tomorrow night; he's agreed to text rather than call), so we'll see what happens. It's just drinks for god's sake. :rolleyes:

I just found it amusing, because I figured he'd email in a week or ten days (once he realized I meant what I'd said about the phone), and he did. It was almost textbook.

FungiUg said:
Thank you. We love you too. Even to the point of random sudden offers of marriage. ;)
Click to expand...

Indeed.

;)
 
CutieMouse said:
So this isn't kink based asshatery, but lately I have been reminded what fabulous asshat material a personals ad can be.

Amusing personals ad story #1 -

Some kid [30 year old] emailed me the other night -

"hi i j___ how you"

First contact. No punctuation, no capitalization, no grammar, no concern whatsoever about first impressions/etc. And I wrote my profile in such a way that it pretty much says 'You better bring your god-dammed A Game, because you're gonna need it.' Grammar is your friend. Friiiiieeeeeeeeennnnnnnd I say!

So after thinking on it a bit, I decided to respond.

"J - I'm sure you're a very nice guy and all, but please accept this friendly word of advice in the spirit it is intended - punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc are all part of the first impression one makes, especially in the written form. You might want to consider such things in the future; good luck in your search."

So he responds [twice!] saying no wonder I'm divorced and desperate for money (WTF?), and how sad it is that I'm some broken down 40 year old who's only lover is a vibrator that's out of batteries. And broken. And something about me being a puta - whatever the hell that is. And in the second email he sends a cyber "rose". Because we all know that sending a picture of a rose and a teddy bear is how REAL MEN get a woman to ignore she's just been insulted. LOL

So I responded huh... we'll add reading comprehension (38, not 40) to the list of thigns to work on, and cute picture or not, insults won't get you laid. Now toddle off and play with the 20 year olds like a good boy.

Right before I blocked him, I got some random 3 paragraph ramble about how ugly I was, and what a dried up old bitch I was, and how I was lucky we weren't in the same room because his sexual magnificence was so AMAZING I wouldn't even be able to comprehend so how dare I even talk to him like that because I wasn't even worth his time!*

*Which is why he contacted me in the first place, of course.

***

Amusing personals ad story #2 -

Someone actually interesting (self-described cultured, but primal alpha male type) answered my ad a week or so ago, and after exchanging a handful of emails asked to speak on the phone. I hate speaking on the phone, rarely (if ever) do it, and explained so. He countered with "Oh. Well I guess that means goodbye. Good luck!" I replied with "You too! If you decide you'd like to have a drink sometime here's my email ___; if not, no worries!" And promptly forgot about it/him.

8 days (almost to the hour), I got an email in my box, asking if I might be interested in a glass of wine. I love men.
Click to expand...


Well, asshats are the same, whether they're kinky or not.

That said puta is spanish for whore. I'd have iggy'd him right there.
 
CutieMouse said:
Um... I actually don't see it that way, at all. I set a boundary (preferring face to face instead of the phone); it took him a week or so to decide I was interesting enough to accept the boundary, rather than try and bully his way past it. Now he has (we might meet up for drinks tomorrow night; he's agreed to text rather than call), so we'll see what happens. It's just drinks for god's sake. :rolleyes:

I just found it amusing, because I figured he'd email in a week or ten days (once he realized I meant what I'd said about the phone), and he did. It was almost textbook.
Click to expand...

....uh....okay. Sorry? :rolleyes:
 
CutieMouse said:
So this isn't kink based asshatery, but lately I have been reminded what fabulous asshat material a personals ad can be.

Amusing personals ad story #1 -

Some kid [30 year old] emailed me the other night -

"hi i j___ how you"

First contact. No punctuation, no capitalization, no grammar, no concern whatsoever about first impressions/etc. And I wrote my profile in such a way that it pretty much says 'You better bring your god-dammed A Game, because you're gonna need it.' Grammar is your friend. Friiiiieeeeeeeeennnnnnnd I say!

So after thinking on it a bit, I decided to respond.

"J - I'm sure you're a very nice guy and all, but please accept this friendly word of advice in the spirit it is intended - punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc are all part of the first impression one makes, especially in the written form. You might want to consider such things in the future; good luck in your search."

So he responds [twice!] saying no wonder I'm divorced and desperate for money (WTF?), and how sad it is that I'm some broken down 40 year old who's only lover is a vibrator that's out of batteries. And broken. And something about me being a puta - whatever the hell that is. And in the second email he sends a cyber "rose". Because we all know that sending a picture of a rose and a teddy bear is how REAL MEN get a woman to ignore she's just been insulted. LOL

So I responded huh... we'll add reading comprehension (38, not 40) to the list of thigns to work on, and cute picture or not, insults won't get you laid. Now toddle off and play with the 20 year olds like a good boy.

Right before I blocked him, I got some random 3 paragraph ramble about how ugly I was, and what a dried up old bitch I was, and how I was lucky we weren't in the same room because his sexual magnificence was so AMAZING I wouldn't even be able to comprehend so how dare I even talk to him like that because I wasn't even worth his time!*

*Which is why he contacted me in the first place, of course.

***

Amusing personals ad story #2 -

Someone actually interesting (self-described cultured, but primal alpha male type) answered my ad a week or so ago, and after exchanging a handful of emails asked to speak on the phone. I hate speaking on the phone, rarely (if ever) do it, and explained so. He countered with "Oh. Well I guess that means goodbye. Good luck!" I replied with "You too! If you decide you'd like to have a drink sometime here's my email ___; if not, no worries!" And promptly forgot about it/him.

8 days (almost to the hour), I got an email in my box, asking if I might be interested in a glass of wine. I love men.
Click to expand...

WOW! the first one sounds just like my ex-husband XD seriously!
 
CutieMouse said:
So this isn't kink based asshatery, but lately I have been reminded what fabulous asshat material a personals ad can be.

That first one was absolutely friggin hilarious.. I was busting out laughing.

There are guys that post threads in the personals practically begging women to have phone sex with them..why would a woman want a man that desperate that obviously has zero game? I've talked to some terrific, intelligent women on here, and all it took was more big head and way less little head.


thanks for posting that, im glad i stopped in here to read it.
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I'd like to nominate [name that suggests a talent for sperm production] for asking me if I am masturbating not once...not twice!...but about three times in the past two days.

Unsolicited, I should add.

Seriously. I am not the canvas to your load.
 
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Firebrain said:
I'd like to nominate [name that suggests a talent for sperm production] for asking me if I am masturbating not once...not twice!...but about three times in the past two days.

Unsolicited, I should add.

Seriously. I am not the canvas to your load.
Click to expand...

I immediately pictured you behind the wheel... AreYouMasturbating?AreYouMasturbating?AreYouMasturbating?


neci_please_me said:
oh my goodness! :D
this is one of the best lines i have read in a while.
Click to expand...

Check out the paintgirl, getting all hot with the canvas reference!

...I am so stretching you and hanging you somewhere with nice light. :D
 
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