How best to end a D/s bond?

[scraggles]

Im new to the D/s lifestyle..and as a New Submissive am at a hard place for the first time...I have an online Master,( my first) and know now I need to end the relationship.. however I am very strongly bonded to him mentally...but we recently met for first time.. IRL and its just NOT there for me physically...and the sex not that great.. how do I proceed? I would miss him so much online.. Dont want to hurt him and will miss him so much from an online stand point.
Any advice will be appreciated, Thanks

 

[rosco rathbone]

Jeeze, that would hurt. "You were so good online....what happened??"

 

[scraggles]

so your advice?

 

[thejabber27]

so your advice?

Just talk to them and be honest, it'll be hard but it's the best way.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Yeah... honest communication is better for both of you in the long run, even though it will hurt both of you now. It will hurt less now than it would if you were to try to maintain things through a lie and still end up breaking things off later. Suck it up, be kind, but be honest. Let the both of you move on.

 

[EustaceMcGargle]

so your advice?

Lie! Honesty is over rated. When it comes to sex, the truth sucks. Who wants to be told your dick's too small, or your snatch smells, or it creeps your partner out when your mom comes down to the basement in mid coitus and offers to serve brownies. (I have always hated that one, mom means well)

I'm serious, surely you can think of a lie that the guy will never find out about. But even if he does find out in a couple of years, neither of you will be as emotionally invested as you are now and you both can move on from it.

Truth is for people who don't care about other people's sexual pain or insecurities.

 

[vintage63]

I hate to say I agree...... lie.
OR, is it possible that you would want to, could, go back to online. If you both enjoyed online and grew in your submission then why not. See if it's possible.

I had online, then RL, and now we might go back to online. For very different reason but online was so good I will have that if I can.

I guess I am saying is it's not just black and while.

 

[kellieanne]

well ok this is for the comic in me...but well you could always just send him the song by Brad Pasily...Cooler Online....lol sorry...it is a bad spot to be in..I agree with the guy that says lie a white lie is never a bad thing.

 

[BiBunny]

"I just don't think we're compatible."

 

[FungiUg]

Dont want to hurt him and will miss him so much from an online stand point.
Any advice will be appreciated, Thanks

I think the idea that you can continue things when the chemisty isn't there just ends up being more hurtful. So it's not about not hurting him, it's about minimising the hurt to both him and you. Time to be honest and talk about it not working for you.

You may be able to keep a friendship, but that will depend on how he reacts. I know I'm not too good at it myself. In the mean time, make other friends and connections online or in person.

It happens to us all, and it hurts, but that's part of being out there looking for the person you want.

 

[sweepthefloor]

Expectation leads to frustration. I always expect nothing, and warn potential lovers so that the end all hurts less.
I can't imagine it. I would think that if some man got into my head, there is no chance that I could not be had in person.
I suppose now, you just have to tell the truth. I am not fond of the "let's be friends" if I am the one ending it.

 

[satindesire]

Nevermind. *sigh*

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

"I'm really glad we gave it a chance in person. I think we're amazing online, or on the phone, but something just breaks down when we actually get in the same room. But the relationship we have means so much to me, that I'd like to continue it if you're game."

 

[JMohegan]

"Now I finally understand what JMohegan's been saying about people who don't actually know each other filling in the blanks with fantasy."


Okay, maybe that's not the best thing to actually say. But that's what people should be thinking!

 

[Homburg]

"I just don't think we're compatible."

This.

Tell him and just walk away. Wanting to keep the friendship when he wants more is more cruel than simply ending it.

 

[SyntheticXSins]

Personally, I'd just tell it like it is. As a sub, I know the feeling, knowing that the relationship is mentally stable but physically unable to be sustained. It happens a lot and is a huge part of the sub/dom relationship. You need to be open with your dom, at all times, even at the end of the relationship, because communication is such a huge part of it. If he's a decent dom, he'll understand your needs, and understand that where he may have it together mentally, he's not what you physically need. It may hurt a little, especially for you, but, in time you'll find another and it'll get easier as time passes (Corny I know). Just know that as a sub, you're giving a gift to your dom, and you just need to keep searching until you find the right one to submit and give that to. And you shouldn't have to settle, no matter what.

 

[TheJestersAdvocate]

As others have said, be honest. Lies have a way of coming out eventually, especially with those you care for. It would be terrible (at least in my own opinion) to believe I was making someone happy or that someone had the impression they made me fulfilled, yet that was the furthest thing from the truth.

I wouldn't necessarily try going back to the way things were.....if anything, try just talking and being friends (as cliche as that may seem) it would be a sign that you're not just into the sensations you experience from your online playing, but that you actually value his presence, though for whatever reason, the physical allure just wasn't there. *

Whatever you happen to do, I wish you the best of luck and pray that things are resolved as peacefully as possible with you both getting hurt as little as possible.

ETA - Do no be trying to do the whole "friends" thing either, just to get back into his good graces. I doubt you would do that, though I implied myself that staying friends could in a manner be used to underhandedly maneuver your way back into his life. Just be a pal to be a pal. And if he doesn't want to be friends....give him time. You both deserve the chance to heal, vent and deal with this however needed.

 

[FungiUg]

Wanting to keep the friendship when he wants more is more cruel than simply ending it.

Yeah. Good point.

 

[scraggles]

Thanks all.. for the great advice and comfort you have provided..still not sure when and how I will break this off..but KNOW I have to soon.

 

[CeriseNin]

"I just don't think we're compatible."

Yup.

There's no need to lie at all. If he presses, tell him you just didn't feel the *click* in real life.

 

[CeriseNin]

Thanks all.. for the great advice and comfort you have provided..still not sure when and how I will break this off..but KNOW I have to soon.

Sooner the better.

 

[rosco rathbone]

so your advice?

Avoid online masters like the plague.

 

[x_wired_x]

Avoid online masters like the plague.

I wouldn't say that. Just don't think everyone who claims to be one is one.

 

[lyinaboutitall]

Yep...I have to go with everyone else on this...Be Honest. Tell him that you are just not feeling it.

 

[Keroin]

So many smart ass responses on the tip of my tongue...I shall abstain.

BiBunny's comment regarding compatibility works best. It is simple and to the point, without assigning blame or negative judgment. Resist providing details if they're asked for. Just because someone says they really want to know "why" in the moment, doesn't mean that they really, really want to know in the big picture.

Also, as much as it sucks to break up with someone, remember that you are doing this person a favour. The longer you avoid the inevitable, (and I think you must admit it's inevitable), the more of his time you are wasting - time he could be spending searching for someone he truly does have a RL connection with.



Or of course there's always the "I'm in the witness protection program and I'm being relocated, I must sever all contact with you immediately and I am not allowed to discuss details" excuse that has worked so well for me in the past.