When did you know? How did you know?

[EustaceMcGargle]

I believe I've known I was submissive from at least the age of 3 or 4. I distinctly recall playing house with my female cousin (2 months older than me) and I always liked it best when she played the 'mommy' and told me what a bad boy I was and tried to spank me.

While we have never talked about it, I suspect she also knew she was dominant from roughly that age on because as we matured, our dominance/submission play also matured. It didn't really end until I was around 17 or so. (just before we left for college).

We've never talked about this, but I have heard through the 'grapevine' over the years that she still likes a man to be especially obedient and tolerant of special needs on her part. I know I still like the women in my life to be strong willed and who will punish me if I forget my place.

SO - When did you know what you were and what events caused you to know? Also have you been able to discuss this event(s) with the people you experienced it/them with?

 

[FungiUg]

I remember reading some Gor books by John Norman when I was in my teens. The books were pretty trashy SF/fantasy, deliberately written to appeal to young guys. But the concept of using a woman as a sexual slave did ring bells with me, and stayed as a fantasy all through my 20s until I encountered my first submissive in my 30s and started to discover what BDSM really was.

 

[sacrificedangel]

I remember enjoying the thought of spanking from a young age. I just didnt understand it until much much later when I met a dear friend who rather enlightened me. The only other hint I had was a Black Lace book when I was about 14, which literally left me gasping. I still have that book. And it is still one of my favorites.

 

[EustaceMcGargle]

I remember reading some Gor books by John Norman when I was in my teens. The books were pretty trashy SF/fantasy, deliberately written to appeal to young guys. But the concept of using a woman as a sexual slave did ring bells with me, and stayed as a fantasy all through my 20s until I encountered my first submissive in my 30s and started to discover what BDSM really was.

I also liked the Gor novels when I was a teen-ager. Even though it was about male domination and I was pretty much submissive by then, I WAS a male teen-ager. I could get excited looking at a door knob at the time.

 

[EustaceMcGargle]

I remember enjoying the thought of spanking from a young age. I just didnt understand it until much much later when I met a dear friend who rather enlightened me. The only other hint I had was a Black Lace book when I was about 14, which literally left me gasping. I still have that book. And it is still one of my favorites.

What is a Black Lace book? Am I missing something as a guy?

 

[FungiUg]

I also liked the Gor novels when I was a teen-ager. Even though it was about male domination and I was pretty much submissive by then, I WAS a male teen-ager. I could get excited looking at a door knob at the time.

Very true about male teens. I'm not sure I "liked" the books. The first couple were okay, after that the story line rapidly devolved.

What is a Black Lace book? Am I missing something as a guy?

Adult version of Mills and Boon. Look under erotica in your bookstore.

 

[VelvetSin]

I didn't realize exactly what I liked and wanted or to what extent until I was shown, but I remember reading The Beauty series by Anne Rice under her pen name when I was in my teens. It was, um, very intriguing...until my mother found them. The books may have disappeared, but they raised a lot of questions. I haven't read them in all this time. I may have to order some copies. Mom is coming for a visit in a few months and I need something to decorate the coffee table.

 

[blackberryblond]

I didn't know know until about a year and a half ago... but looking back, that explains a lot about me. I always wanted to be chased and caught by the boys on the playground when I was as young as 4 and all the way up through elementary school... a college boyfriend gave me the Beauty trilogy and pink fuzzy handcuffs when I was 24 (/facepalm for not recognizing and taking advantage of that!)....

 

[Marvencwe]

I realized what it was called in high school when I got into the adult sections of the library and I finally could put a name to the phenomenon.

As far back as I can remember, I always loved playing games where one party (me, usually) was
"tied up"--I had a number of "captive" stories that I used to persuade playmates to act out, and the part where I was "rescued" was always a disappointment. I even experimented by tying myself up solo, causing my parents some concern when they caught me doing so.

I tried to tell my first husband, but he didn' t understand in the least and his halfhearted pretense at it was almost worse than nothing at all.

 

[Stella_Omega]

hah, I remember wanting to tie by boyfriend to a tree when a bunch of us were out camping... That would have been just around 17. I did not know my knots and he got free easily, the stupid idiot. I woulda given him a blowjob.

But I had masochistic fantasies when I masturbated from way the hell young --like four or five years old. Why? I do not know. And they were extremely incoherent, since I knew nothing about sex, or what the male genitalia I kept envisioning (on myself) could or couldn't do.

Boschian in fact...

 

[EustaceMcGargle]

hah, I remember wanting to tie by boyfriend to a tree when a bunch of us were out camping... That would have been just around 17. I did not know my knots and he got free easily, the stupid idiot. I woulda given him a blowjob.

But I had masochistic fantasies when I masturbated from way the hell young --like four or five years old. Why? I do not know. And they were extremely incoherent, since I knew nothing about sex, or what the male genitalia I kept envisioning (on myself) could or couldn't do.

Boschian in fact...

Tied up AND a blow job? I'd call that Christmas on a camping trip!

 

[~Haze~]

I believe I've known I was submissive from at least the age of 3 or 4.

But I had masochistic fantasies when I masturbated from way the hell young --like four or five years old.

Masturbating at 4 years old? That's pretty young. No... that's very young. I am not sure that a 4 year old's brain is capable of indulging such thoughts. At least on their own. And a 4 year old's body?

I am not sure about the development of the female body (and just inquiring about it would probably get me arrested and have me registering as a sex offender for the rest of my life), but (it's my contention---and from my own experience) a 4 year old male body isn't capable of sexual gratification.

I guess it's possible - although I have my doubts - that a child might start to identify a social situation where feel comfortable (like in the first post). But I have my doubts because a 4 year old child still has a lot of development ahead and that development can go in any direction.

Personally... I started to learn about sex at the young age of about 7 or 8 and it took a few years before my body and brain started to identify with the experiences I had and things I learned.

I don't even think I have memories of being 4. And if I do, I remember certain things but just not sure when they happened.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Masturbating at 4 years old? That's pretty young. No... that's very young. I am not sure that a 4 year old's brain is capable of indulging such thoughts. At least on their own. And a 4 year old's body?

I am not sure about the development of the female body (and just inquiring about it would probably get me arrested and have me registering as a sex offender for the rest of my life), but (it's my contention---and from my own experience) a 4 year old male body isn't capable of sexual gratification....

Both male and female bodies are capable of feeling sexual *stimulation* and responding to it at ages younger than 4. They may not reach satisfaction, but they do touch or rub their genitalia and evidence reaching pleasure. This is, by many, considered masturbation, even though sexual completion isn't reached until later in their development.

 

[~Haze~]

Both male and female bodies are capable of feeling sexual *stimulation* and responding to it at ages younger than 4.

I don't want to hijack, so I'll keep it brief.

I'm going to say that I'm still a skeptic. (I googled it and I must say, just clicking the links, even on WebMD, felt painfully inappropriate.)

The links I saw all shared the same sentiment. At 4, children might engage this behavior, but it's because they're mimicking something they saw.

I know everyone develops at their own pace and there might be a rare child who's overly developed at 4, but for the most part, for most 4 y/o's, it's not sexual - they're just acting out something they were exposed to or witnessed and not for gratification's sake

At 6, 7 or 8? MEH... that I could believe.

They may not reach satisfaction, but they do touch or rub their genitalia and evidence reaching pleasure. This is, by many, considered masturbation, even though sexual completion isn't reached until later in their development.

What do you mean by "evidence reaching pleasure"?

Of course they're going to touch themselves. It's part of their body. Touching alone does not equal masturbation. At least I hope not, because that means I'm masturbating 9 hours a day.

:mellow:

 

[KoPilot]

I was into playing weird games as a kid... always played the smaller thing in creature games, or the pet/animal. I always enjoyed being roughed up a bit too, whether it was in a roleplay context or just horsing around with cousins. I didn't suspect anything peculiar until shortly after I hit puberty. At which point I started reading porn... lots and lots of porn. At first I liked the fluffy vanilla stuff, but the novelty of erotica soon wore off, and I moved onto the more kinky material. Rape and violent/forced sex was the only stuff that held my interest, and it's still the only kind of erotica that I like.

Not entirely sure when I made the leap from thinking ''I like violent porn'' to ''I'm into bdsm'' as more a reflection of identity than something I happen to be interested in, yannow? I guess that happened at some point in the last year, though.

 

[EustaceMcGargle]

I don't want to hijack, so I'll keep it brief.

I'm going to say that I'm still a skeptic. (I googled it and I must say, just clicking the links, even on WebMD, felt painfully inappropriate.)

The links I saw all shared the same sentiment. At 4, children might engage this behavior, but it's because they're mimicking something they saw.

That's bullshit. My 3 year old grandson (We call him 'the genius') has to be constantly reminded not to touch himself. And I can assure you he has NEVER seen that behavior from other people.

I know everyone develops at their own pace and there might be a rare child who's overly developed at 4, but for the most part, for most 4 y/o's, it's not sexual - they're just acting out something they were exposed to or witnessed and not for gratification's sake

At 6, 7 or 8? MEH... that I could believe.



What do you mean by "evidence reaching pleasure"?

Of course they're going to touch themselves. It's part of their body. Touching alone does not equal masturbation. At least I hope not, because that means I'm masturbating 9 hours a day.

:mellow:

Is it intentional, willful masturbation? Probably not. But he is touching himself because it feels good to him. That is masturbation just because it is pleasurable. An orgasm is not required for it to be masturbation.

I'm sorry you have trouble with the word. But pretending it doesn't exist in children won't make it go away.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I don't want to hijack, so I'll keep it brief.

I'm going to say that I'm still a skeptic. (I googled it and I must say, just clicking the links, even on WebMD, felt painfully inappropriate.)

The links I saw all shared the same sentiment. At 4, children might engage this behavior, but it's because they're mimicking something they saw.

I know everyone develops at their own pace and there might be a rare child who's overly developed at 4, but for the most part, for most 4 y/o's, it's not sexual - they're just acting out something they were exposed to or witnessed and not for gratification's sake

At 6, 7 or 8? MEH... that I could believe.



What do you mean by "evidence reaching pleasure"?

Of course they're going to touch themselves. It's part of their body. Touching alone does not equal masturbation. At least I hope not, because that means I'm masturbating 9 hours a day.

:mellow:

<Sigh> You must need some brush-up on Googling techniques. From Wikipedia:

In the book Human Sexuality: Diversity in Contemporary America, by Strong, Devault and Sayad, the authors point out, "A baby boy may laugh in his crib while playing with his erect penis (although he does not ejaculate). Baby girls sometimes move their bodies rhythmically, almost violently, appearing to experience orgasm. Italian gynecologists Giorgio Giorgi and Marco Siccardi observed via ultrasound a female fetus masturbate to orgasm.[28]​

That search took all of maybe 5 seconds to find the Wiki article on masturbation, and another 5 to find the link to "Frequency, Age and Sex."

 

[intothewoods]

<Sigh> You must need some brush-up on Googling techniques. From Wikepedia:

In the book Human Sexuality: Diversity in Contemporary America, by Strong, Devault and Sayad, the authors point out, "A baby boy may laugh in his crib while playing with his erect penis (although he does not ejaculate). Baby girls sometimes move their bodies rhythmically, almost violently, appearing to experience orgasm. Italian gynecologists Giorgio Giorgi and Marco Siccardi observed via ultrasound a female fetus masturbate to orgasm.[28]​

That search took all of maybe 5 seconds to find the Wiki article on masturbation, and another 5 to find the link to "Frequency, Age and Sex."

Er...what? A female fetus masturbates to orgasm? I'll have to check out that link because that sounds highly implausible.

I think everyone is kinda right here, it's just a question of terminology. Yes, a 4 year old is not masturbating to completion. In most cases, it's not so different from other repetitive self-soothing behavior at that age. I'm not entirely sure how to explain this, but I believe it's just physically/biologically/chemically/whatever different in a four year old than in a kid where the sex hormones have kicked in. The urges are different. Soothing versus gratification. Maybe that's a distinction without a difference, but it just doesn't quite seem accurate to me to say that a four year old playing with his/herself is the same thing as an eleven year old masturbating. On the other hand, from a parental perspective, I think the reaction is the same. No shame, but that's something we do in private, yada yada.

 

[~Haze~]

<Sigh> You must need some brush-up on Googling techniques. From Wikepedia:

In the book Human Sexuality: Diversity in Contemporary America, by Strong, Devault and Sayad, the authors point out, "A baby boy may laugh in his crib while playing with his erect penis (although he does not ejaculate). Baby girls sometimes move their bodies rhythmically, almost violently, appearing to experience orgasm. Italian gynecologists Giorgio Giorgi and Marco Siccardi observed via ultrasound a female fetus masturbate to orgasm.[28]​

That search took all of maybe 5 seconds to find the Wiki article on masturbation, and another 5 to find the link to "Frequency, Age and Sex."

You're funny. Well, not really. It has nothing to do with my (stated) reluctance to google 4 year old child and masturbation in the same search.

Too bad you wasted 10 seconds of your life to make a point in a discussion that you're involved in. Another 5 seconds and maybe you could have included links that work.

If you don't want to engage then don't. Simply ignore the post. Being a drama queen gets you no where. Well - it was entertaining.

That's bullshit. My 3 year old grandson (We call him 'the genius') has to be constantly reminded not to touch himself. And I can assure you he has NEVER seen that behavior from other people.


Is it intentional, willful masturbation? Probably not. But he is touching himself because it feels good to him. That is masturbation just because it is pleasurable. An orgasm is not required for it to be masturbation.

I'm sorry you have trouble with the word. But pretending it doesn't exist in children won't make it go away.

Lawl. Who's pretending it doesn't exist? First of all... maybe I wasn't clear enough (by saying things like I think, I believe, I am not sure I guess, and I'm a skeptic) that I was expressing an passing opinion in a discussion/conversation.

I never said that children don't touch themselves. I only said I have doubts about 4 year old male children masturbating.

Of course they're going to touch themselves. It's part of their body. Touching alone does not equal masturbation.

 

[seemeemee]

As a young pre-teen/teenager

I would think up pretend scenarios laying in bed at night. It evolved into pretending and self tying/blindfolding myself naked. I was ususally a spy or secret agent etc, caught, stripped, tied up and tortured.

As I have gotten older I always enjoyed some pain and rough sex play, and certainly very adventurous sexual encounters, from a blow job in the bar parking lot to a man I had just met for some pot, to dating (actually just screwing, cause it was fun) my college history teacher and his brother (unknown to both of them), to having sex in Grant Park, by Buckingham fountain in Chicago. It has only been really recently though that I have truly discovered my deep need and desire to be dominated, controled and displayed. Fortunately my husband is good with that has discovered the joy of forced face fucking, whipping and other delights.

Okay, now I need a break, getting myself worked up here.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I never said that children don't touch themselves. I only said I have doubts about 4 year old male children masturbating.

Ah-- I see.

I was born female, the merkin is courtesy of photoshop.



And as a female child, I would imagine myself in masochistic situations-- with a penis.

I'm not sure I masturbated to orgasm every time, but masturbation it definitely was.

Seemeemee, wish I'd met you when I lived in Chicago!

 

[FungiUg]

Mom is coming for a visit in a few months and I need something to decorate the coffee table.

I wonder if you can get coffee table illustrated editions?

 

[FungiUg]

I only said I have doubts about 4 year old male children masturbating.

It's getting them not to do it in public that's the trick, but most boys (from what I understand) masturbate from a very early age, simply because it feels good.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... Too bad you wasted 10 seconds of your life to make a point in a discussion that you're involved in. Another 5 seconds and maybe you could have included links that work. ....

Link fixed. Sorry I made an error when posting it. I *am* human... I think.

 

[AmelieStar]

I have to say I remember being about 3/4 years old, touching/rubbing myself through my clothes and my Mum catching me. I distinctly remember her telling me that if I was going to do things like that then I was to go to my room and do them.

I don't think I knew what I was doing, but the rubbing on the cushion against my 'tuppence' (as I called my pussy back then), felt nice.

I used to pretend I was captured by pirates, tied up (I used to get my nursery mates to wrap me up in offcuts of carpet we had in the outdoor play area), and chopped into tiny pieces. All the while I was thinking about this I would be rubbing myself and again it felt nice.

I carried on doing this till I met an older boy when I was 10. He was 15 and used to pin me to the floor behind some bushes in the park and force me to touch his cock. I could never wait to see him in the park again.

When the first proper sexual experiences came when I was 15, I became quite promiscuous because I was disappointed with the level of care and attention or fumbling and lack of knowing what they wanted from the boys I was seeing. Until I met a lad who was very direct, knew what he wanted and how he was going to do it. He used to pretty much take what he wanted when he wanted it. THAT used to get me hot.

I started writing a book, short fantasies that I could masturbate to; all of them included both men and women, voyuerism, domination, bondage, non-consent etc; even as I read them now I look back and see how submissive I made myself.

I would say I didn't really really knew what BDSM was until I found this site - initially for the free stories way back in 2003; I registered under a different username which I kept up until last year. This site and my first Dom (who I met on here), were the ones to teach me what real D/s was all about.

I crave those days, I'm not nearly as lucky as I was then anymore; most of the things that get me off are now sadly confined to fantasy.