Hey Femdoms, do you ever worry your sub will "snap" one day?

[ImWrite]

Perhaps a weird question but it was one I was pondering recently and I thought I'd ask.

Now what I mean by Femdom is a female that dominates a submissive male. And I wonder if they ever worry that they'll go too far in a scene where he'll just snap. Meaning at the very least instantly no longer interested in being your sub or at the worst turning violent against you.

I guess I see the possibility that the woman might go a bit too far, say, with pain and bondage to his junk and that would bring him to the snapping point. You may say that's why we have safe words. Well those aren't a guarantee against this possibility.

I don't know... like I said it's probably a weird question and I have no idea what kind of response I'll get but I gave it a shot anyways...

 

[CutieMouse]

Why would male submissives be any more likely to "snap" than female submissives?

 

[chy_girl]

Why would male submissives be any more likely to "snap" than female submissives?

^That.

And what reason would he have for snapping if he's voluntarily submitting CBT and *liking* some aspect of it?

 

[ImWrite]

Why would male submissives be any more likely to "snap" than female submissives?

I didn't say there weren't. I'm just curious about males snapping. Plus isn't there more of a threat if it's a male that becomes violent?

Why would one snap? It doesn't take much imagination to think that it could go beyond what he thought he could handle. Maybe the dom is trying to stretch him, challenge him and she goes too far. Say for instance she does something that causes great pain to his testicles. His instinct might kick in at that point and possible cause him to snap.

 

[chy_girl]

I didn't say there weren't. I'm just curious about males snapping. Plus isn't there more of a threat if it's a male that becomes violent?

Why would one snap? It doesn't take much imagination to think that it could go beyond what he thought he could handle. Maybe the dom is trying to stretch him, challenge him and she goes too far. Say for instance she does something that causes great pain to his testicles. His instinct might kick in at that point and possible cause him to snap.

Yes, dear, but men who go for the CBT tend to *like* great pain to their testicles. That's what the B stands for.

Ok, so putting aside the male stereotype, you might be missing the pyl or masochism angle. There's a difference between being given pain in scene/play/BDSM and being given pain outside of scene/play/BDSM. If some random person on the street grabbed a handful of my hair (with or without pulling really hard) it would officially be the beginning of the end. My Mistress or Sir grab a handful of hair and pull really hard I tense, go limp, and start purring like a kitten in seconds. It's an apples and oranges kind of thing.

 

[Stella_Omega]

That's what the big steel chains are for.

And the whip, the pistol and the chair. Never go into the ring without your props!

 

[dexwebster]

Plus isn't there more of a threat if it's a male that becomes violent?

I'm curious as to why you think this is true, and what level of misanthropy we're talking. You think men are mindless brutes with no self-control? You think they're bigger and/or stronger and therefore more physically dangerous than us *cough* petite and delicate females?

If it's the first one, you clearly don't know the same men I do, and if it's the second you clearly don't know the same women.

 

[Homburg]

You think they're bigger and/or stronger and therefore more physically dangerous than us *cough* petite and delicate females?

If it's the first one, you clearly don't know the same men I do, and if it's the second you clearly don't know the same women.

I am just shy of 6' tall and weigh about 300lbs. I lift weights, and have a martial arts background. While I have met, and trained with, women that could kick my ass barehanded, they represent such a small shred of the populous that they're almost statistically insignificant.

And this is not some misplaced misogyny talking. It's simple physics. The average woman weighs about half of what I do. Most men that weigh that much aren't going to fare well against someone of my mass. The laws of Physics don't care about gender.

Now, if you had simply said "dangerous" instead of "physically dangerous", I would take less exception. A woman is every bit as capable of being dangerous in general as a man, just not so much physically due to (broadly speaking) marked differences in mass.

 

[JMohegan]

Perhaps a weird question but it was one I was pondering recently and I thought I'd ask.

Now what I mean by Femdom is a female that dominates a submissive male. And I wonder if they ever worry that they'll go too far in a scene where he'll just snap. Meaning at the very least instantly no longer interested in being your sub or at the worst turning violent against you.

I guess I see the possibility that the woman might go a bit too far, say, with pain and bondage to his junk and that would bring him to the snapping point. You may say that's why we have safe words. Well those aren't a guarantee against this possibility.

I don't know... like I said it's probably a weird question and I have no idea what kind of response I'll get but I gave it a shot anyways...

I don't think it's a weird question.

A close friend of mine is a female D-type who really gets off on the danger implicit in the disparity between her physical size & strength, and the physical size & strength of the guys she has chosen as partners.

Not sure "worry" is the right word to describe her reaction. It seems to be more of a thrill of danger thing she gets when the guy glares, yells, strains against the ropes - that type of thing.

Yes, dear, but men who go for the CBT tend to *like* great pain to their testicles. That's what the B stands for.

Ok, so putting aside the male stereotype, you might be missing the pyl or masochism angle. There's a difference between being given pain in scene/play/BDSM and being given pain outside of scene/play/BDSM. If some random person on the street grabbed a handful of my hair (with or without pulling really hard) it would officially be the beginning of the end. My Mistress or Sir grab a handful of hair and pull really hard I tense, go limp, and start purring like a kitten in seconds. It's an apples and oranges kind of thing.

What you might be missing is that not all bottoms in BDSM encounters end up purring like kittens.

Some get pushed close to the line of personal tolerance. And though they appreciate being pushed in general, by definition "close to the line" means there's a risk they'll slip over. Hence the thrill.

 

[dexwebster]

And this is not some misplaced misogyny talking. It's simple physics. The average woman weighs about half of what I do. Most men that weigh that much aren't going to fare well against someone of my mass. The laws of Physics don't care about gender.

I agree that the differences are there broadly speaking--I can geek out about gender dimorphism and secondary sex characteristics as much as the next guy--but the assumption that it's a universal constant is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. This is what happens when I am also just shy of six feet and weigh 250 (though that's admittedly on the heavy end for me, but that's what happens when you're waiting on knee surgery), and have been on the end of a few too many, "here, let me handle that for you, little lady"-s.

I would think that you, frankly, are about as much of an exception to the rule as I am. I probably couldn't beat you, but I'm pretty sure I'd do just fine against most "average" guys I see in my local scene.

And all of this is still predicated on the idea that a male bottom will "snap" and go into a Hulk-like rage and be a danger to his partner (and the examply specifically used something that is a threat to the metaphorical and literal masculinity, which I found interesting in a nerdy way).

 

[00Syd]

That's what the big steel chains are for.

And the whip, the pistol and the chair. Never go into the ring without your props!

This owns.

 

[chy_girl]

What you might be missing is that not all bottoms in BDSM encounters end up purring like kittens.

Some get pushed close to the line of personal tolerance. And though they appreciate being pushed in general, by definition "close to the line" means there's a risk they'll slip over. Hence the thrill.

Nope, the purring like a kitten was merely an example of something applying directly to me to help illustrate one part of my BDSM experience that would result in a violent reaction if done by someone who isn't my PYL - casual play partners included.

Pushing personal tolerance and toeing the line does happen with submission. It's one of the challenges that I personally love about my submission and heavy bottoming. But to imply that there is more danger because the one on the bottom is male is a bit on the ignorant side. The right level of flight response and the smallest, slightest, meekest sub is going to turn into a hurricane.

Whether a person fights or runs doesn't depend on their anatomy. There are plenty of men who are going to chose to run, plenty of women who are going to chose to fight, and vice versa. On the flip side, in my experience and what I've been able to gather from others on the topic, the response to fight or flight is going to look differently when it's concerning one's Dominant than Joe Blow off the street.

Why draw the gender line?

 

[Netzach]

I'm still here and this hasn't happened. I am more worried about guys fainting on me, which has happened twice, and then my physical stature suddenly was of concern, but I can hip-carry a dude pretty well, learned of all places in Modern dance.

Anyway, no, this doesn't really worry me. I was told to worry about it by a million MDoms "totally worried about my safety" when I was young. Barf. I think a rape fantasy boner is always the backdrop of this question.

See you ask this question because you can't fathom actually wanting the things a submissive actually wants, or even a bottom. A CBT bottom who wants to be taken to the point of rage almost always (always) wants to be tied down to the point of feeling he has no options. Bondage, if you have a clue what you are doing, can level ANY disparity.

I guess the infinitely small possibility that this *could* happen is just one of the exciting risk aspects of playing, frankly, as JMo mentioned. For me, anyway. It's always about "wow, I'm going to heap on more abuse, I'd be slapping my face and telling me "enough" if it was me!"

 

[JMohegan]

Nope, the purring like a kitten was merely an example of something applying directly to me to help illustrate one part of my BDSM experience that would result in a violent reaction if done by someone who isn't my PYL - casual play partners included.

Pushing personal tolerance and toeing the line does happen with submission. It's one of the challenges that I personally love about my submission and heavy bottoming. But to imply that there is more danger because the one on the bottom is male is a bit on the ignorant side. The right level of flight response and the smallest, slightest, meekest sub is going to turn into a hurricane.

Whether a person fights or runs doesn't depend on their anatomy. There are plenty of men who are going to chose to run, plenty of women who are going to chose to fight, and vice versa. On the flip side, in my experience and what I've been able to gather from others on the topic, the response to fight or flight is going to look differently when it's concerning one's Dominant than Joe Blow off the street.

Why draw the gender line?

That small, slight sub can act as hurricanesque as possible, but against a significantly larger, stronger person that "hurricane" will still be at a serious disadvantage. Woody Allen v. Serena Williams? My money's on the latter.

Perhaps the OP is a female D-type, or a male s-type. So that's the assignment of gender roles that interests him/her. So what? Nobody gets their panties in a wad reading all those M/f posts to the effect of: "omg, I get so turned on when he's standing over me and he gets that evil look in his eyes and I'm not sure how far he'll really go!"

See you ask this question because you can't fathom actually wanting the things a submissive actually wants, or even a bottom.

Okay, that's a distinct possibility too!

 

[Netzach]

I think that even if I were some giant dude playing with some pixie chick, I would be worried about full-bore physical freakouts, because she can still hurt my face and she can totally hurt herself.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think that even if I were some giant dude playing with some pixie chick, I would be worried about full-bore physical freakouts, because she can still hurt my face and she can totally hurt herself.

If she gets a knee up, she can totally own my nuts.

 

[richard_daily]

I am just shy of 6' tall and weigh about 300lbs. I lift weights, and have a martial arts background. While I have met, and trained with, women that could kick my ass barehanded, they represent such a small shred of the populous that they're almost statistically insignificant.

And this is not some misplaced misogyny talking. It's simple physics. The average woman weighs about half of what I do. Most men that weigh that much aren't going to fare well against someone of my mass. The laws of Physics don't care about gender.

Now, if you had simply said "dangerous" instead of "physically dangerous", I would take less exception. A woman is every bit as capable of being dangerous in general as a man, just not so much physically due to (broadly speaking) marked differences in mass.

Bullshit...

A 5'1, 100 lb woman with a knife in her hand could stop just about any man.

There's no evidence to support a domme being afraid of her subs... This is just paranoia.

 

[Kitty_Schrödinger]

Perhaps a weird question but it was one I was pondering recently and I thought I'd ask.

Now what I mean by Femdom is a female that dominates a submissive male. And I wonder if they ever worry that they'll go too far in a scene where he'll just snap. Meaning at the very least instantly no longer interested in being your sub or at the worst turning violent against you.

I guess I see the possibility that the woman might go a bit too far, say, with pain and bondage to his junk and that would bring him to the snapping point. You may say that's why we have safe words. Well those aren't a guarantee against this possibility.

I don't know... like I said it's probably a weird question and I have no idea what kind of response I'll get but I gave it a shot anyways...

Nope. Never happened. I don't have even slightest fear in me when it comes to this subject. The trust is essential, for both sides.

I'm more afraid they will want 'more'- to the point I am not comfortable anymore with what I'm doing.

But I think, if one is a Pro and does home visits, without proper background checks etc- yeah, I guess it can happen Dominant female might be afraid of who she will meet and might have fear of them being fake. There is a lot of weridos out there.

 

[Kitty_Schrödinger]

Why would male submissives be any more likely to "snap" than female submissives?

True!

That's what the big steel chains are for.

And the whip, the pistol and the chair. Never go into the ring without your props!

yes!

 

[JMohegan]

I think that even if I were some giant dude playing with some pixie chick, I would be worried about full-bore physical freakouts, because she can still hurt my face and she can totally hurt herself.

Not speaking for all males here, obviously, but that honestly isn't the way my mind works. Right or wrong, I've never worried about that type of thing with an intimate partner. I just assume I can physically handle whatever might come up.

Mental issues are a different story. At times, I have worried that I might go too far. Lose her trust or piss her off to the detriment of the relationship, something like that.

Bullshit...

A 5'1, 100 lb woman with a knife in her hand could stop just about any man.

Depends on the agility and skill of the male. Swap the knife for a gun and you've got a point - though I can't really see why it's relevant.

Do you often play with armed females?

 

[rosco rathbone]

I think manimals who may snap if pushed too far falls under switch play.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think manimals who may snap if pushed too far falls under switch play.

I love to write about switch play. I usually set it up so that the dominant realises that s/he craves all the submission the sub is so clearly enjoying.

I am working on a story in which a male top gets "raped" by his male puppy sub.

 

[Netzach]

Not speaking for all males here, obviously, but that honestly isn't the way my mind works. Right or wrong, I've never worried about that type of thing with an intimate partner. I just assume I can physically handle whatever might come up.

Handle yes, de-activate no. I've seen some really ugly shit happen in a public "takedown" scene by accident - the struggling woman was the one who ended up with the dislocation.

 

[00Syd]

I am working on a story in which a male top gets "raped" by his male puppy sub.

OMG that sounds SO HOT. I would love to read this story when it's done!

 

[Stella_Omega]

OMG that sounds SO HOT. I would love to read this story when it's done!

I'll let you know!