Hi, So another one of my desires in life is to be dominated and to submit fully to someone. I have always felt this desire deep down and had a boyfriend long ago who fulfilled this for me. I am married now and have been very open with my husband about my wishes, however his personality is very passive and it is just not in him to be controlling in bed or rough with me. He is willing to do this for me but I also don't want to make him uncomfortable or make him feel hes not enough....Is there a book or something that may give him some ideas? We have also talked about finding a master for me and he was open to it, but how on earth do you go about finding someone or just learning more about this lifestyle? Thanks for any advice! : )
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- Thread starter calligurl
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frdrcnjohn
Wandering the Boards
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I hope you find what you are looking for
SimonBrooke
Literotica Guru
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There are books. This page has a lot of useful links. But fundamentally if it isn't him it isn't him, and forcing him to go somewhere he's not comfortable will not enhance his sexual performance. Sadly, this seems to be a problem a lot of people (particularly women) seem to experience - finding, once they have an established and otherwise satisfactory relationship that their own sexual tastes develop in ways their partner can't follow. Monogamy has many benefits, but it also has drawbacks.
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
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If you and your husband are book book-people, I'd suggest the following:
When someone You Love is Kinky (Easton & Liszt)
The New Topping Book (Easton & Hardy)
The New Bottoming Book (Easton & Hardy)
And he might gain insight from The Loving Dominant (Warren)
Now, having said all that... if being controlling and dominant in the bedroom isn't his thing, it isn't his thing. Asking or expecting him to change his sexuality is (IMO) a recipe for disaster - and I'd be saying the same thing if he were here looking for similar advice regarding you.
When someone You Love is Kinky (Easton & Liszt)
The New Topping Book (Easton & Hardy)
The New Bottoming Book (Easton & Hardy)
And he might gain insight from The Loving Dominant (Warren)
Now, having said all that... if being controlling and dominant in the bedroom isn't his thing, it isn't his thing. Asking or expecting him to change his sexuality is (IMO) a recipe for disaster - and I'd be saying the same thing if he were here looking for similar advice regarding you.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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I'd start with a quick look through the bdsm library for ideas. As for finding you a dom, I'd start looking at your local munches. There is a place, in the library, that has a link to a site that lists all the munches, by area. Beyond that, there is always collarme.com and alt.org, but it's rare to hear a success story from those. We also have a bdsm personals area you could check out if you want.
Good luck.
Good luck.
SpiritRider
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I also don't want to make him uncomfortable or make him feel hes not enough....
We have also talked about finding a master for me
Those two sections of your post struck me as very important. I know you said he was ok with finding you a "master" but it sounds at this point he might be feeling he has no choice if he wants to keep you.
We have also talked about finding a master for me
Those two sections of your post struck me as very important. I know you said he was ok with finding you a "master" but it sounds at this point he might be feeling he has no choice if he wants to keep you.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
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We won't get sidelined into the question of who should compromise for whom for the sake of a marriage, okay?
I appreciate the advice and book ideas...it is hard to convey through an email (for me at least) my relationship with my husband but it is a good one and we are open..***** for us is about having experiences and he knows with out a doubt he does not HAVE to do anything and I would not threaten or leave him over this. If he does not want to do it, or if it turns out its just not him then I accept that.
Thanks though for the advice! : )
Thanks though for the advice! : )
FungiUg
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I'll reiterate everyone's wishes that you find what you are looking for.
It's a bit of a tricky situation to be in. I was in a similar situation with a previous relationship (dominant with a non-submissive partner) and it did not end well. Admittedly there were other factors at play there.
My question to you is: which aspect of submission are you particularly keen on? If it's the mental aspect of serving a dominant, then you may have no other option but to look outside your marriage to fulfill that need. But if it's things like bondage, sensation play and the like, there's no reason your husband can't learn to top and do those things to/with you.
It's a bit of a tricky situation to be in. I was in a similar situation with a previous relationship (dominant with a non-submissive partner) and it did not end well. Admittedly there were other factors at play there.
My question to you is: which aspect of submission are you particularly keen on? If it's the mental aspect of serving a dominant, then you may have no other option but to look outside your marriage to fulfill that need. But if it's things like bondage, sensation play and the like, there's no reason your husband can't learn to top and do those things to/with you.
