appearance modification

[FloggingMolly]

Has anyone participated in this sort of thing? I'm thinking primarily in terms of hairstyle, coloured contacts, picking clothing etc, but also extending to choosing/designing tattoos or piercings?

Did you enjoy it, from either PYL or pyl point of view?
What would your limits be?

 

[Seurat]

I have made my pyl dress completely out her style, wigs (didn't work do to poor quality) and subtle things, like the addition of glasses or different styled make-up. We have a hard limit on anything permanent, and it worked for us for a little while.

I have friends where the wife does the contacts, hair color, and both do tats and piercings. They also do costumery (sp?), but have no problem with premanent modification. Works well for both of them.

 

[BiBunny]

I'd do whatever he wanted if he were remotely interested in things like that.

 

[KoPilot]

S loves it when I dress up in all sorts of ways as per his specifications. We often joke about spending all of our combined income (when we get around to cohabitation) on costumes and uniforms for me to wear and for him to tear off. And since we're both nerds, characters from various media are included in the above. (Slave Leia's metal bikini, anyone?)

He also has a heavy influence on how I do my hair... he loves particular styles and unnatural colors, but I just have to be careful about dyeing it these days because my hair's a bit weak.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Before I go to the hair salon I have to get approval on hair color, style and length. I will make requests such as ask permission to go a little darker to allow my hair to be healthier or something of that sort but he has the final word.

He is very into feet. I must keep feet perfectly soft and free of corns etc (which is difficult because I work on my feet, have to wear dress shoes and have odd sized feet. It's a constant battle) I also have to keep my toe nails neatly polished.

When I visit him I am not to wear pants at any time.

I am not allowed to get a tattoo, he isn't fond of them. We have discussed a labia piercing but he hasn't decided yet whether he wants one for me or not. Other than that he has final veto.

 

[satindesire]

Has anyone participated in this sort of thing? I'm thinking primarily in terms of hairstyle, coloured contacts, picking clothing etc, but also extending to choosing/designing tattoos or piercings?

Did you enjoy it, from either PYL or pyl point of view?
What would your limits be?

Oh yes, absolutely. I've changed the way I look for Mister several times, and I really enjoy it.

He picks out my clothes when we go shopping, so I always know I'm dressing in the things he likes. He picks my nail and hair colors, and when/if I use self-tanner. He also chooses my hair style and length. He takes me to the salon, picks out my shoes, even tells me how much makeup to wear.

I find appearance modification one of the most enjoyable things about being in a BDSM relationship! We both get a kick out of it. He likes very polished "done" women, very manicured, and so keeping myself tidy and pretty and feminine for him really makes me feel good inside.

 

[ShyVixen]

I know certain styles that my PYL likes, he might even mention in passing something that might look nice and I'll try and accomodate because I know he likes it. But he doesn't pick my clothes or tell me what to wear, how to look.

Some very small dark part of me would like to be 'micro' (might not be micro management for everyone but that's how I see it ) managed in such a way, but the pressure to ALWAYS look good would get to me. There are many times when I just want to slob around in a pair of leggings and do because I know I can.

Plus time and budget are an issue with me. If I had unlimited time and funds...who knows.

 

[Kojote]

Has anyone participated in this sort of thing? I'm thinking primarily in terms of hairstyle, coloured contacts, picking clothing etc, but also extending to choosing/designing tattoos or piercings?

Did you enjoy it, from either PYL or pyl point of view?
What would your limits be?

Only once in earnest (and with success).
She used to 'style' her hair in a bun.
I hated that one wholeheartedly and decided it has to vanish long before we got into our current relationship (where I have the final decision on most things).

Oh wait. It's the reverse of what you asked for, isn't it?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Mr's mentioned on a couple of occasions that if we were together fulltime, I'd be in a world of trouble, because he'd make me be more feminine.

He thought it was a playful threat.

I'm not too sure if he knows that I secretly adore the idea.

I'd like to now, I just don't know how to.

 

[Kojote]

Mr's mentioned on a couple of occasions that if we were together fulltime, I'd be in a world of trouble, because he'd make me be more feminine.

He thought it was a playful threat.

I'm not too sure if he knows that I secretly adore the idea.

I'd like to now, I just don't know how to.

Tried to play along and ask him how he is dreaming of accomplishing it?
Maybe he'll give something away...

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Tried to play along and ask him how he is dreaming of accomplishing it?
Maybe he'll give something away...

It's going to take a lot more than that.

I've realised that while I'm completely at ease with my sexual self, my feminine self and I are not bosom buddies.

But I do play along sometimes. Both dresses I own, he picked out.

What i'm trying to get at, is I need a very girly friend to teach me these things.

 

[Kojote]

It's going to take a lot more than that.

I've realised that while I'm completely at ease with my sexual self, my feminine self and I are not bosom buddies.

But I do play along sometimes. Both dresses I own, he picked out.

What i'm trying to get at, is I need a very girly friend to teach me these things.

I thought you could try to reply to the 'if we were together fulltime, I'd be in a world of trouble, because he'd make me be more feminine' thing.
Tease him to fill this threat with content and use it for development...

But I think I have some kind of picture for the problem. Seen it in other women before.
Umm... The dresses you pick out tend to be practical? Or unfashionable? Or 'male'?

I agree on the thought that some kind of close friend (not necessarily a woman but somebody with a certain sense for feminine style) would be a very good idea...
Somebody else than you yourself has to know you pretty well to pick the right clothing reflecting not only your feminine side but also your personality. Otherwise you could end up feeling terribly awkward…

 

[eastern sun]

I have changed my appearance, down to complete makeovers. When I do it to please someone else, it takes my husband's breath away.

I'm not allowed to make any permanent changes (i.e. tattoos or cosmetic surgery), but he enjoys my efforts to please other people by changing my clothes, body shape, or shaving patterns. What's interesting to me is the layering of demands as multiple partners seek different styles of woman.

(On a side note - I've always wondered whether my ass got fatter because he developed an interest in fat asses. Or whether he developed the interest because mine got bigger. The old chicken and the egg conundrum. . . As soon as I put on weight, though, he clearly stated that I didn't wear fat as well as other women, indicating it was time to take it off. stat.)

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I thought you could try to reply to the 'if we were together fulltime, I'd be in a world of trouble, because he'd make me be more feminine' thing.
Tease him to fill this threat with content and use it for development...

But I think I have some kind of picture for the problem. Seen it in other women before.
Umm... The dresses you pick out tend to be practical? Or unfashionable? Or 'male'?

I agree on the thought that some kind of close friend (not necessarily a woman but somebody with a certain sense for feminine style) would be a very good idea...
Somebody else than you yourself has to know you pretty well to pick the right clothing reflecting not only your feminine side but also your personality. Otherwise you could end up feeling terribly awkward…

I don't pick out dresses. I pick jeans.

I need to learn all about dressing pretty, and doing hair and make up. I only feel awkward these days, because I'm not practiced enough to know what I'm doing, and that leaves me feeling self conscious. Once I had things nailed down in my brain, including *my* style, and practical applications of such, I'd be ok.

 

[Kojote]

I need to learn all about dressing pretty, and doing hair and make up. I only feel awkward these days, because I'm not practiced enough to know what I'm doing, and that leaves me feeling self conscious. Once I had things nailed down in my brain, including *my* style, and practical applications of such, I'd be ok.

Think so, too.
Due to the lack of experience a second view (from a friend) would help to establish some clothing related self assurance.
But you could try on your own. Sometimes the clothing salespersons are actually helpful or even right in stating that something looks good.
Just monitor them closely and try to find out where they are lying.


[edit]

I don't pick out dresses. I pick jeans.

That's really not very feminine. Sounds like me...

I'm not allowed to make any permanent changes (i.e. tattoos or cosmetic surgery), but he enjoys my efforts to please other people by changing my clothes, body shape, or shaving patterns. What's interesting to me is the layering of demands as multiple partners seek different styles of woman.

Mind me asking how you change body shapes?
Corsets? Or some Ms. Elastic stuff?

 

[Black_Bunny]

I wear my hair, pick my clothes, and am getting laser hair removal, based on what my Dominant's said he prefers although he hasn't directly commanded it.

I mentioned that I'd like him to pick my clothing for me, and at the time he screwed his nose up and said "no, that's not necessary." Then the other day as we prepared to go out, I had a skirt on that I had specifically bought because he told me he likes skirts, and this one was long enough to be worn out in public... and he told me to change into jeans! "Skirts are for the bedroom, jeans are for when you're going out where other guys will be perving on you." (He told me he liked my ass in the jeans, so I didn't mind )

He knows I've been planning a tattoo for a while, and the other day out of the blue he drew something on paper and said "this is what you should get".

The thought of him choosing that stuff for me... oh god it is hot

 

[Kojote]

I wear my hair, pick my clothes, and am getting laser hair removal, based on what my Dominant's said he prefers although he hasn't directly commanded it.

I mentioned that I'd like him to pick my clothing for me, and at the time he screwed his nose up and said "no, that's not necessary." Then the other day as we prepared to go out, I had a skirt on that I had specifically bought because he told me he likes skirts, and this one was long enough to be worn out in public... and he told me to change into jeans! "Skirts are for the bedroom, jeans are for when you're going out where other guys will be perving on you." (He told me he liked my ass in the jeans, so I didn't mind )

He knows I've been planning a tattoo for a while, and the other day out of the blue he drew something on paper and said "this is what you should get".

The thought of him choosing that stuff for me... oh god it is hot

Reading this I just found out how much trust actually may be necessary for letting someone else chose the design of a tattoo.
The thought kinda horrifies me…

For myself that is.
The thought of leaving this kind of permanent mark on her body is… appealing somehow…

Strange and rather inconsistent, isn’t it?

 

[FurryFury]

Has anyone participated in this sort of thing?

I'm thinking primarily in terms of hairstyle,

Yes. I have changed my hair and color for fun. I've also put wigs on my husband.

Coloured contacts

No, putting things in my eyes or anyone elses eyes is a fairly hard limit.

picking clothing

Yes. I chose clothing based on venue, role and intent.

etc, but also extending to choosing/designing tattoos or piercings?

I'm not into body modification or IMO, mutilation, of that sort on me or most people. I tend to like people's bodies as is.

Did you enjoy it, from either PYL or pyl point of view?

Yes

What would your limits be?

Nothing that can't be changed should be done until we are both 100% into it.

 

[Kojote]

Right on both counts

Another thought that just sprung up into my head from reading your reply in the other thread (slut/whore issue):

He doesn't like you to 'dress provocative in public. No skirts as you mentioned.
How does he feel about your pictures over here?
If this question is to intimate please feel free not to answer.

I am asking because for me the thought of other men drooling about my girl is rather appealing. I like to show her off and let them gather like hyenas around a wounded gazelle before walking over and making clear to whom she belongs… (some kind of lion metaphor in here, too )
From what I saw here I got the feeling you would like this kind of show, too. But the ‘dressing thing’ seems to imply that your Dominant isn’t into this kind of fun.
Or did I misinterpret that?

 

[Homburg]

There are people in this game that don't do this?

Well, okay, Syd has said that she would change her style for no one, but I would bet that if Seb said something like, "Wear the white boots tonight," it would not be a problem.

I think exercising control over another person's presentation to the world is about as fundamental as it can get. Your presentation is core to your identity, and changing it can be a change in identity.

 

[Netzach]

One of the most fun things I ever did was "forced" femme on a butch genderqueer.

Femme clothing, she told me was dealbreaking, horrid, heinous annoying.

I wasn't trying to break her or bend her, but for some reason I just popped this thought out.

"What about - big goth dreads with tubing and shit in them, a black shiny corset, huge GWAR boots and stuff."

Femme drag did NOTHING for her, but high GOTH drag totally made her eyes light up. I made her over for her wife and some photos, it was absurd fun. Not wildly D/s or anything, just one of the most fun times with aesthetics I've ever had.

I pick my lingerie with a thought to what T likes, I've found a lot less lace in there ("scratchy") than there used to be, and a lot more light colors than I'd usually have. I'd change anything about my look he made me think he didn't like, but in the absence of noise that way I just do whatever. I had a goal weight of 125, but he told me it was 135 instead. Both are off in the distance at the moment, but now that I'm feeling good it's back on track.

 

[FloggingMolly]

We haven't done much of this. Pre-D/s, I did try to dress/look nice for him, but not to the same degree as now.

I still pick my own clothes when buying, partly cos I work in fashion and have to be on trend at work, though he does veto some things. I try at home to wear what he'll like, though I'm not told what to wear.

Currently, I have red hair dye waiting to be applied. I've had it red before, and he's always loved it, so now he'll be having it red again (I'd done it as golden brown, which I really liked). I don't _dislike_ it red, but it wasn't in my plans. I really get something out of knowing that he's choosing how he wants me, changing me to please him.

I wish now that I'd asked more input on my tattoo, so that he could have marked me like that.

 

[BiBunny]

There are people in this game that don't do this?

Yes. *Pouts*

 

[Sugar_Spice]

Oh yes, absolutely. I've changed the way I look for Mister several times, and I really enjoy it.

He picks out my clothes when we go shopping, so I always know I'm dressing in the things he likes. He picks my nail and hair colors, and when/if I use self-tanner. He also chooses my hair style and length. He takes me to the salon, picks out my shoes, even tells me how much makeup to wear.

I find appearance modification one of the most enjoyable things about being in a BDSM relationship! We both get a kick out of it. He likes very polished "done" women, very manicured, and so keeping myself tidy and pretty and feminine for him really makes me feel good inside.

Ooo- this makes me curious...

I totally get it whilst he wants you to look without the bounds of what you feel to be attractive/ sexy. -That's easy!

-But what if he wanted you to cut your hair really short, or to look in such a style that, even though he liked it; just didn't make you 'feel' sexy/ wasn't the way you wanted him to 'like' you (say, boyish / 'cool', but not 'girly', or whatever) ?

-What if he wanted a new style that you just didn't find sexy? (say cutting off long hair... not that if suffered missing this on my guy at all.... sniff!)

 

[FloggingMolly]

I know it was aimed at SD, but I thought I'd reply

Somethings would be a hard limit, including mega-short hair for me, which he'd respect. Fortunately, we have similar tastes.