The use of the words "slut" and "whore"- what are your thoughts?

[laceandcogs]

Insta-disclaimer: All statements below are my opinion. I could always stand to learn more about this lifestyle and about the different dynamics at work in relationships- everyone could. I'm not denigrating anyone or any relationship that works for both parties involved, I just want input on what I think. Either you can handle participating in this discussion in an intelligent and respectful fashion, or you can't. Make that decision before you post, please and thank you.

Hello, A/all.

I have long been aware of, and intrigued by, my submissive nature. I have interacted with Dominants in the past, and I have noticed an apparent commonality- the use of the words "slut" or "whore" to refer to One's sub. Perhaps this is just my own mental block, but I absolutely despise their use in this context, and I would really like the feedback of this community- you're some of the smartest, most well-spoken deviants I have ever had the pleasure to converse with!

Here are my arguments:
1) There is a large difference between domination and subjugation. When one is dominated, it involves a consensual, respectful, maybe even worshipful offer of one's servitude. It means that the submissive has consciously and intelligently made a free choice to elevate the needs/desires/pleasure/etc of the Dominant above their own. There's nobility to this. There is an honor conferred, a trust established. Subjugation is honorless- the subjugated party never had the opportunity to assent or refuse. It's like a lion priding himself on bringing down a gimpy gazelle with pneumonia- it says nothing of the lion except that "he" enjoys crushing the weak.

I feel that if the relationship dynamic is really domination, then the Dominant knows that the submissive is not a slut, nor a whore, but a desirable person of worth who has chosen to kneel to Them, chosen to submit, offered their loyalty, fealty, affection, love, lust... I think you can all see where I am going with this. If the relationship is one where the submissive gets "rode hard and hung up wet", that's obviously not the dynamic I'm looking at- I think a that a sustained D/s relationship requires the respect of both parties.

2) I would venture that Dominants usually outline a policy of monogamy to their submissives. I know that if I considered myself One's sub, I wouldn't be giving my body to anyone else without the explicit order- and thus obviously the knowledge and consent- of my Dominant. Being that slut and whore are terms explicitly constructed to cast negative judgement on the sexual promiscuity of a given person, they don't seem to apply in a monogamous relationship.

3) These words are laden with misogynist sentiment. I don't think I'm alone in calling myself both a submissive and a feminist. And I'm not naive enough to think that all D/s relationships involve a female sub and a male Dominant. But I have never seen a story, a post, an anecdote- not even a sig- in which a male sub advertised himself as "X's little slut" or "X's loving whore". If both of my above points are invalid, surely then there should be evidence of male subs being "sluts" and "whores"?

4) If I'm a whore, and you're balls deep in me, Mister, what exactly does that make you? You didn't trip and fall into my pussy... (grins) Obviously, this is my most facetious and irreverent argument, but the side of me that craves a beating can't help but make it.

Thoughts? Responses? Anecdotes? Phone numbers?

 

[MisterSir]

I'll pass. Sluts give themselves away freely, whores go with whoever ponies up the cash, I have no desire to imply any submissive of mine is anything but mine to have or to give away as I pleased.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm not in a monogamous relationship, and the four of us call each other "slut" and "whore" all the time. It's the truth; we are slutty. Nobody takes offense. As far as humiliation goes, if "slut" and "whore" are all you can come up with, you fail at life. The "my slut" and "my whore" shit some dominants do is lame, IMO.

 

[laceandcogs]

I'll pass. Sluts give themselves away freely, whores go with whoever ponies up the cash, I have no desire to imply any submissive of mine is anything but mine to have or to give away as I pleased.

Pretty much exactly what I was getting at in point #2.

 

[Seurat]

Top or bottom, I agree with:

I'll pass. Sluts give themselves away freely, whores go with whoever ponies up the cash, I have no desire to imply any submissive of mine is anything but mine to have or to give away as I pleased.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

She is my slut, my whore, my little girl, my slave, my girlfriend, my bitch, my fuck toy, my sweetie and more.

She is whatever I want to call her. In the end, it doesn't matter what I call her because above all she is mine.

 

[FloggingMolly]

She is my slut, my whore, my little girl, my slave, my girlfriend, my bitch, my fuck toy, my sweetie and more.

She is whatever I want to call her. In the end, it doesn't matter what I call her because above all she is mine.

Agreed 100%. For me, those words are not an insult, but an odd term of endearment that further marks his ownership of me.

 

[Netzach]

I find them so oft-repeated as to be kind of meaningless and toothless in the context of D/s relationships. My husband is neither. He's "kitty" or "naked slave boy." He's not a slut or a whore at all, they're not "him" he's not into humiliation nor would he wear it well at all, whether en femme or pure boy.

I do think it's interesting that it's cute as fuck if I were to label myself T's "slut" but if I were his "heeb" it would be weird. By community standards.

Needless to say those words don't factor in much in that relationship. There's nothing naughty or transgressive at this point about the fact that I like to bang his brains out, I simply do and the heteronormative manly fucking thing is something I do with him alone and would do with anyone he wants me to do it with and that's about it.

The print that says "bisexual" on him was pretty bold type, so there's nothing wrong with being a cocksucker either, to the point where it's just not that sexy to say it aloud. There's nothing degenerate about the way he makes himself sexually available, it's not whorish it's just fucking hot. We're kind of peas in a pod in that regard.

With my male slave who IS into humiliation I'm more apt to call him "shithead" a stance not many people would tolerate let alone get wood from. I like that Dennis Leary named his ill fated dog "asshole" on Rescue Me, that's another favorite. "Little asshole."

 

[fuckmeat]

As far as humiliation goes, if "slut" and "whore" are all you can come up with, you fail at life. The "my slut" and "my whore" shit some dominants do is lame, IMO.

I agree with this. I think that over-use of words like that is just plain lazy and uninventive. I'm also not actually promiscuous so on that level, it isn't going to make me blush.

I also have no problem with being addressed as a slut, whore, cunt or whatever - by a trusted PYL. I take issue with self certified dominants who expect to be able to treat anyone who identifies as a sub rudely and disrespectfully.

Not all subs enjoy humiliation but I crave it and it's part of why I identify as a slave and put my Mistress's needs far above my own. I may not be a slut or a whore but when she has called me that, she is treating me as though I am. I don't view it as being called a whore in the traditional sense but more, a whore for her and the harsh treatment I crave from her. It's also kind of a theoretical thing. If she ordered me to serve someone else, I would. I would be a slut if she demanded it of me and we both know that. I don't know, it's hard to explain. It makes sense to us anyway.

Explicit language isn't always about disrespect.

 

[DiscusDave]

My opinion lies like this... I feel like those terms can be and are used successfully in many dynamics. The monogomy point you made only works for some. Not every dynamic is between two and only two individuals.

I do feel that those terms can also inadvertantly (or sometimes purposely) puth their negative connotation onto the person being called it. But in the caring, trustful, and consentual dynamic you spoke of, if a person wishes to not be referred to as those things, the respect should be enough to be able to express their distaste of that. Just in the same way as stating any other limits a person might have.

Although I definitely see the validity in thinking that the Dom/me has the right in their ownership/power over the sub to refer to them by whatever nomenclature they may please.

I have used terms that incorporate one or more of those words in them: i.e. "rope slut", "cum slut", "cam whore" and so on before. All of which seem to have a different contextual meaning.

I'd be curious to know your opinions on phrases like those.

 

[be_ignited]

1) There is a large difference between domination and subjugation. When one is dominated, it involves a consensual, respectful, maybe even worshipful offer of one's servitude. It means that the submissive has consciously and intelligently made a free choice to elevate the needs/desires/pleasure/etc of the Dominant above their own. There's nobility to this. There is an honor conferred, a trust established. Subjugation is honorless- the subjugated party never had the opportunity to assent or refuse. It's like a lion priding himself on bringing down a gimpy gazelle with pneumonia- it says nothing of the lion except that "he" enjoys crushing the weak.

I feel that if the relationship dynamic is really domination, then the Dominant knows that the submissive is not a slut, nor a whore, but a desirable person of worth who has chosen to kneel to Them, chosen to submit, offered their loyalty, fealty, affection, love, lust... I think you can all see where I am going with this. If the relationship is one where the submissive gets "rode hard and hung up wet", that's obviously not the dynamic I'm looking at- I think a that a sustained D/s relationship requires the respect of both parties.

I don't feel disrespected, unworthy or undesirable when he uses these words. I feel turned on. Really turned on. He isn't preying on me--I'm actively seeking out this sort of play. And I would be with or without him.

The virgin-whore dichotomy is a real hot-button for me. The whole "good girls don't" thing is something I really enjoy playing with sexually. Being called a slut, whore, etc. is freeing because, as a "slut" I can want the things I want without feeling (as) guilty about it. Plus, I enjoy humiliation. I like feeling a bit guilty, too. And these sort of words just sort of scratch the surface.

3) These words are laden with misogynist sentiment. I don't think I'm alone in calling myself both a submissive and a feminist. And I'm not naive enough to think that all D/s relationships involve a female sub and a male Dominant. But I have never seen a story, a post, an anecdote- not even a sig- in which a male sub advertised himself as "X's little slut" or "X's loving whore". If both of my above points are invalid, surely then there should be evidence of male subs being "sluts" and "whores"?

I also consider myself a feminist. And I don't consider use of these words in my relationship any more inherently 'un-feminist' than submitting to a man (which is to say, I don't think they are at all).

Also, I have seen these terms used by male submissives. While I was browsing through stories on this site today, in fact. Also in abundance on msub profiles on Collarme. (I haven't noticed them used as often by female dominants, though fwiw).

 

[Netzach]

I

3) These words are laden with misogynist sentiment. I don't think I'm alone in calling myself both a submissive and a feminist. And I'm not naive enough to think that all D/s relationships involve a female sub and a male Dominant. But I have never seen a story, a post, an anecdote- not even a sig- in which a male sub advertised himself as "X's little slut" or "X's loving whore". If both of my above points are invalid, surely then there should be evidence of male subs being "sluts" and "whores"?


Thoughts? Responses? Anecdotes? Phone numbers?

Oh, also - this is VERY commonplace, very normal, and most FemDoms I know love calling their boys "sluts" and "whores" and "bitches" like it was mainstream hiphop.

There just aren't many F/m people here. Not enough to wind up and let loose in our bragging.

 

[DiscusDave]

Oh, also - this is VERY commonplace, very normal, and most FemDoms I know love calling their boys "sluts" and "whores" and "bitches" like it was mainstream hiphop.

There just aren't many F/m people here. Not enough to wind up and let loose in our bragging.

I don't really think that's ever stopped you from letting loose from time to time about it though Netzach. And if so, I encourage you to more often.

 

[sb2009]

I am absolutely not going to get into the deep part of all this because Netaztch is about five thousand times smarter than I am....

so I will add my simple idea that for me, it's hot when he calls me a slut. When his fingers are buried deep in my pussy and I'm dripping wet and he's beaten my ass so I'm red and burning and have marks and stripes and my jaw hurts from sucking his cock...and he murmers "slut" in my ear....I find it very very hot.

So that's me. ( I'm one of those feminists who think doing what I want is feminism. As well as raising my daughters to understand that women haven't alwasy been able to do things we do now, and that there are still things women have yet to be able to do.)

 

[laceandcogs]

These answers are exactly why I brought this question to you lot. (smiles) Thank you all very much for giving me a lot to think about.

 

[00Syd]

There are bigger things to worry about.

 

[CutieMouse]

Warning - I am at the end of an ass-kicking of a day, currently being unwound from with a glass of wine (and thus probably far more vocal on the subject than usual)...

My opinion of the whole "slut/whore" thing has... matured over time. A few years ago, it was the fastest way to a ride on the CutieMouse tongue-lashing train. The term was debasing. Degrading. Totally inaccurate and inappropriate [thinking with regards to myself]. How dare anyone ever call me THAT! I was a good girl! Kinky, but not THAT! Not a whore or a slut!

These days, there is one man who gets to call me "whore" - regardless of if I'm in a relationship, or not. From him, I see it as a [disturbingly accurate] endearment. (I should note we've known one another for years now, which is half the reason I'm okay with it. LOL) One of the reasons it "works" is that it is in part a recognition of the dichotomy that is my life - I am as straight and narrow an Ice Princess as they come... except that with the right man, I'm not.

The other thing that helped my view of the term evolve, was studying the history of the term "whore". In Ancient Greece, Hetaera [whores] were essentially paid companions - they were also somewhat respected, highly educated, cultured, successful businesswomen. (A friend recently informed me they were also the only women who paid taxes). Ultimately, the misogynistic vitriol attached to the word is kinda [IMO] like the societal glory paid to the concept of virginity - a construct, and little more.

I would argue the negative connotations of the word say more about the people trying to insult, than those who are the target of the insult.

 

[Netzach]

I don't really think that's ever stopped you from letting loose from time to time about it though Netzach. And if so, I encourage you to more often.

Thanks, and it's nice to hear from you again! I'm not shy, I just rarely have people to riff off of in that sense.

 

[coquettish]

Been there, done that, got the tee shirt, and it's not my thing. I have no objection if it's YOUR thing, but I don't want to be refered to as such.

 

[satindesire]

The only person that could/can refer to me as anything degrading as "slut" or "whore" and not get punched is my Mister.

Context is key.

Most of the time, I'm "Sweetheart" "punkin" or "baby girl".

 

[sinnocence]

Agreed 100%. For me, those words are not an insult, but an odd term of endearment that further marks his ownership of me.

Agreed 100% as well.

But like Satin said, he is the only one that can get away with it.

 

[Netzach]

I'd be fine if he wanted to, but it just doesn't resonate.

 

[FloggingMolly]

Yep, other people would get yelled at... then he'd hit them.

 

[GoldunAngel]

Most of the time i am "babe or baby"...but at the end of the day. i am His slut and His bitch. Because what i do, i do for Him and Him alone.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I have long been aware of, and intrigued by, my submissive nature. I have interacted with Dominants in the past, and I have noticed an apparent commonality- the use of the words "slut" or "whore" to refer to One's sub. Perhaps this is just my own mental block, but I absolutely despise their use in this context, and I would really like the feedback of this community- you're some of the smartest, most well-spoken deviants I have ever had the pleasure to converse with!

Ever play pickup ball? Some guys talk trash and some don't. It doesn't mean the trashtalker doesn't respect the trash recipient. It's style and strategy.

2) I would venture that Dominants usually outline a policy of monogamy to their submissives. I know that if I considered myself One's sub, I wouldn't be giving my body to anyone else without the explicit order- and thus obviously the knowledge and consent- of my Dominant. Being that slut and whore are terms explicitly constructed to cast negative judgement on the sexual promiscuity of a given person, they don't seem to apply in a monogamous relationship.

I'm simply speaking about my own situation, but...she's not a slut. At all. By any definition (except maybe the Taliban's). she's not a whore; she's my whore, and my slut, which is completely different. To me, anyway. It reinforces our sexual dynamic.

I think if it really turned my crank to call her lil' satan or a fucking dill pickle spear, she'd be cool with it, because she knows that, I, in fact, do not hold her to truly be a demon or vinegarized cucumber (Although she hates dill pickles, so there may be something sadistic going on there ).

Yes, "slut" and "whore" do seem to be dried husks at times. How about "Slore"?