Be my guest

[Keroin]

Last week, we got a last minute call from one of L’s brothers, letting us know that he and his wife were going to be passing through and could they stay for a couple of days. Even though we had a ton of work we had to do, we rarely get to see family so we said yes with the caveat that we would have to work for five or six hours during the day and that we were leaving on Friday afternoon to go camping, (but we also told them they were welcome to come camping as well).

This was the first time we’d ever hosted this couple in our home and…wow…holy lack of manners.

Over our years together, L and I have hosted many guests in our various homes and I have been amazed at how some people do not understand the basics of being a considerate/polite guest. Is it something people are not taught as children? Or what?

So I thought I would create a little thread for folks to vent about their “guests from hell” experiences. You can also vent about “hosts from hell”, if you like.

Personally, one of my largest pet peeves is the guest who shows up expecting to waited on for their stay – as was the case with L’s bro and wife. If you want that kind treatment, honestly, you should stay in a hotel. If I stay in someone’s home, I make sure I am as self-reliant as possible – I offer to cook, to clean, to pay for food, to help out wherever I can. I also respect that my host probably has a life, so I find ways to entertain myself. If they insist on waiting on me and playing tour guide, fine, but that should be a choice they make, not my expectation.

I do NOT sit on their couch for hours, pulling faces and waiting, impatiently, for them to finish working so they can entertain me and then make me dinner.

So, bad guest stories? Anyone?

 

[Primalex]

Over our years together, L and I have hosted many guests in our various homes and I have been amazed at how some people do not understand the basics of being a considerate/polite guest. Is it something people are not taught as children? Or what?

Personally, one of my largest pet peeves is the guest who shows up expecting to waited on for their stay – as was the case with L’s bro and wife. If you want that kind treatment, honestly, you should stay in a hotel. If I stay in someone’s home, I make sure I am as self-reliant as possible – I offer to cook, to clean, to pay for food, to help out wherever I can. I also respect that my host probably has a life, so I find ways to entertain myself. If they insist on waiting on me and playing tour guide, fine, but that should be a choice they make, not my expectation.

You wouldn't have much fun as host or guest in the Middle East for sure. But maybe they weren't tought basic manners.

 

[ImOnIt]

Here is a quote from an esteemed bastion of wisdom.

Host: 'Do make yourself at home!'
Doctor Zoidberg: 'Don't mind if I already did'

 

[graceanne]

Darn you, keroin, and you ways of choosing titles that get songs stuck in my head. DARN YOU!

be

our

guest

be our guest, put our service to the test, tie your napkin around your neck, cherie' and we provide the rest . . .

Misery loves company.

 

[Keroin]

Here is a quote from an esteemed bastion of wisdom.

Host: 'Do make yourself at home!'
Doctor Zoidberg: 'Don't mind if I already did'

LOL. Cute.


I should clarify that if I send out an invitation to someone to come stay with me, or if I have enough warning beforehand, I am quite happy to wait on them and play tour guide. I do enjoy playing host.

It's more the guests who drop in last minute or who ask to stay with us when we are not able to take time off that get under my skin when they then expect us to drop everything and look after them.

You want a free place to stay for a few days? Awesome, just, you know, be considerate.

I also think that people don't look at those of us who work from home the same way they look at people who put on a suit and drive to an office five days a week. Yes, my situation allows me some liberty but that doesn't mean I work any less, or that my time in "the office" is any less important.

 

[Keroin]

Darn you, keroin, and you ways of choosing titles that get songs stuck in my head. DARN YOU!

be

our

guest

be our guest, put our service to the test, tie your napkin around your neck, cherie' and we provide the rest . . .

Misery loves company.

Tee hee.

 

[ownedsubgal]

actually when we have house guests, i do see it as my job to serve them, make them comfortable, cater to them, etc. this goes for friends, family, acquaintances from out of town needing a place to crash, whatever. i take care to fix up the house and to create a "hotel" feel in the bedroom and bathroom they'll be using. in fact for a while i kinda developed an obsession with ordering cute little travel-sized toiletries and perfect fluffy towels.

but even when you are so accommodating you still get the bad house guest every now and then. like people who raid (and nearly empty) the liquor cabinet, or who have really filthy yucky habits. one "friend" of Daddy's spent a couple of nights with us as he was traveling from South Carolina just to attend one of our parties. he seemed like the perfect guest...very appreciative, respectful, always trying to offer us money for the things he used, etc...until i cleaned up the room he used and found several bottles full of tobacco juice hidden under the bed, behind a desk, etc.!! it turned out he was a "secret" tobacco chewer. my thing is, he knows about our strict no-smoking policy in the house...why the heck would he think chewing and spitting tobacco would be acceptable?! blech.

there was also the woman who spent the night once and asked me if she could borrow a tampon as her period started suddenly. i showed her where i kept them, but then the next day after she had left discovered that she took the ENTIRE BOX!!! it was an 80-count box people!! i mean, who does that?? lol

 

[Keroin]

but even when you are so accommodating you still get the bad house guest every now and then. like people who raid (and nearly empty) the liquor cabinet, or who have really filthy yucky habits. one "friend" of Daddy's spent a couple of nights with us as he was traveling from South Carolina just to attend one of our parties. he seemed like the perfect guest...very appreciative, respectful, always trying to offer us money for the things he used, etc...until i cleaned up the room he used and found several bottles full of tobacco juice hidden under the bed, behind a desk, etc.!! it turned out he was a "secret" tobacco chewer. my thing is, he knows about our strict no-smoking policy in the house...why the heck would he think chewing and spitting tobacco would be acceptable?! blech.

Gross. Yeah, I had to clean chewing tobacco off the bathroom wall once, after one of our cowboy friends spent the night. Nice guy but...yuck.

 

[graceanne]

I don't have any horrible guest stories, but I do have a horrible visit story (the difference is it's not one's fault the visit was bad).

I was almost 17, my sister was 10 months old. It was Christmas time, and mom took my sister to get her shots. The moron who was my sisters doctor talked mom into a chicken pox vaccine. For those who don't know, if you give a child younger than 12 months old the chicken pox vaccine they will get chicken pox. The day after she broke out in spots my step dad's brother, his wife, and their three daughters showed up. The day after that my other sister showed up (she was 15). We had 10 people in a three bedroom house, and the ten month old had chicken pox. Coincidentally the same doctor who talked mom into getting my sister the chicken pox vaccine also talked my mom into getting the flu vaccine. About three days later (one or two days after the family showed up) mom got the flu. Then my uncle and my step dad got the flu. For those not counting, all but one of the adults had the flu, the ten months old had the chicken pox, and there were two other children needing care, ages 6 and 4. Neither my sister or their sister (also age 15) had any clue about child care. My mom was doing her best, but she was really dizzy and spent most of her time in bed. And my step dad's brothers wife was next to flipping useless.

Not my favorite Christmas memory, believe me.

 

[Keroin]

I don't have any horrible guest stories, but I do have a horrible visit story (the difference is it's not one's fault the visit was bad).

I was almost 17, my sister was 10 months old. It was Christmas time, and mom took my sister to get her shots. The moron who was my sisters doctor talked mom into a chicken pox vaccine. For those who don't know, if you give a child younger than 12 months old the chicken pox vaccine they will get chicken pox. The day after she broke out in spots my step dad's brother, his wife, and their three daughters showed up. The day after that my other sister showed up (she was 15). We had 10 people in a three bedroom house, and the ten month old had chicken pox. Coincidentally the same doctor who talked mom into getting my sister the chicken pox vaccine also talked my mom into getting the flu vaccine. About three days later (one or two days after the family showed up) mom got the flu. Then my uncle and my step dad got the flu. For those not counting, all but one of the adults had the flu, the ten months old had the chicken pox, and there were two other children needing care, ages 6 and 4. Neither my sister or their sister (also age 15) had any clue about child care. My mom was doing her best, but she was really dizzy and spent most of her time in bed. And my step dad's brothers wife was next to flipping useless.

Not my favorite Christmas memory, believe me.

Good gracious! What a nightmare.

Yes, sometimes its no one's fault, things just don't work out.

L used to invite everyone and their dog (literally), to stay with us, have dinner with us, go on adventures with us, etc, etc. When we had our house in Baja, he invited basically everyone we knew to come and stay with us because only a small percentage of people ever took him up on it. (We lived fairly off the beaten path). Then one year a whole bunch of people showed up...all at once. 18 people visiting for a week was enough to convince him it was time to be a bit more conservative with the invitations, lol.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Gross. Yeah, I had to clean chewing tobacco off the bathroom wall once, after one of our cowboy friends spent the night. Nice guy but...yuck.

*shivers*

 

[MisterSir]

I stayed with a friend of mine for a couple of days last week after some unpleasantness at home and, I can tell you now, I've never felt so awkward. I felt like I was getting under her feet constantly, and I wanted to help out but never got the chance. I felt like an imposition, and I hated it.

 

[graceanne]

Gross. Yeah, I had to clean chewing tobacco off the bathroom wall once, after one of our cowboy friends spent the night. Nice guy but...yuck.

We have the WORST time with people leaving their cigarette butts lying around. K smokes, but he never flicks his cigarette butts on the ground. The weird thing is it's a bigger pet peeve of his than it is mine, and I've never smoked. We keep butt cans and ash trays by each door. When we first got married, he flicked a butt into the yard ONCE, and I kinda made a face. He noticed and asked why and I said 'i just don't think it looks very good'. He never did it again, and will chase down whichever of our sisters flicked there butt and chew their ass over it. "Susan! Ah'm gonna have tah kill ya!" (His accent gets a lot heavier when he's pissed.)

I'm more of a grumble while I clean it up person.

 

[Keroin]

I stayed with a friend of mine for a couple of days last week after some unpleasantness at home and, I can tell you now, I've never felt so awkward. I felt like I was getting under her feet constantly, and I wanted to help out but never got the chance. I felt like an imposition, and I hated it.

I think most people are understanding, especially in that sort of situation. There are lots of times guests have offered to help me out and I've refused and insisted they didn't. It was the fact that they were willing, more than the actual help, that I appreciated.

Why don't you write a thank you note and send it to her? You'd be surprised, as a host, how nice it is to recieve that small bit of acknowledgment.

 

[Keroin]

We have the WORST time with people leaving their cigarette butts lying around. K smokes, but he never flicks his cigarette butts on the ground. The weird thing is it's a bigger pet peeve of his than it is mine, and I've never smoked. We keep butt cans and ash trays by each door. When we first got married, he flicked a butt into the yard ONCE, and I kinda made a face. He noticed and asked why and I said 'i just don't think it looks very good'. He never did it again, and will chase down whichever of our sisters flicked there butt and chew their ass over it. "Susan! Ah'm gonna have tah kill ya!" (His accent gets a lot heavier when he's pissed.)

I'm more of a grumble while I clean it up person.

It is a pet peeve of mine, in general, when smokers flick their cigarette butts on the ground...anywhere. They are garbage, plain and simple. Garbage does not get thrown on the ground.

Actually, our recent guests are both smokers. We took them for a walk down our beautiful, historic main street and L's bro flicked his butt onto the sidewalk. L immediately stopped and said, "What did you do that for?" Big bro went off on this long spiel about how there were no butt cans nearby. I mean, come the fuck on! If I'm walking and eating a chocolate bar, I don't toss the wrapper on the ground just because I can't find a garbage can. My garbage is my responsibility.

 

[00Syd]

My mom has a friend who is a wonderful person to hang out and have a drink with, but a terrible, terrible person to live with. Unfortunately, whenever he's in town he stays in our (TINY) apt. He does a lot of things that rub me the wrong way (like walking around with his gross, hairy belly hanging out of his yellowed tighty whiteys - yuck!), but the worst is the fact that he never takes showers, only baths. And he doesn't just take a quick bath, he soaks in there for hours. And we only have the one tiny bathroom in our one tiny apt. It's awful.

He's the kind of guy who takes "make yourself at home" a little too literally.

 

[graceanne]

It is a pet peeve of mine, in general, when smokers flick their cigarette butts on the ground...anywhere. They are garbage, plain and simple. Garbage does not get thrown on the ground.

Actually, our recent guests are both smokers. We took them for a walk down our beautiful, historic main street and L's bro flicked his butt onto the sidewalk. L immediately stopped and said, "What did you do that for?" Big bro went off on this long spiel about how there were no butt cans nearby. I mean, come the fuck on! If I'm walking and eating a chocolate bar, I don't toss the wrapper on the ground just because I can't find a garbage can. My garbage is my responsibility.

Oh, I agree. When K's smoking and there's no where to put a butt he puts it out, and puts it in his pocket. Not real fun to wash, but I prefer that over him flicking it.

But, then, litter of any kind is one of my big pet peeves.

 

[callinectes2]

My problem isn't overnight adult guests. it is kids visiting my 13 year old for the day, evening, whatever. I don't care what or how much the kids eat or drink when they are here but my rule is all dishes and cups must be put in the sink (preferably the dishwasher) all messes must be wiped up, wrappers put in trash, etc. Most of the kids are pretty good with the rules but one in particular just can't put a cup in the kitchen or a wrapper in the trash to save his life. I am on the verge of banning him from the pantry. I hate to be a bitch, but come on..leaving three granola bar wrappers on my couch ain't cutting it!

 

[TypicalDeviant]

A future in-law of mine is gracious enough to host me and my fiancee whenever we come into town. It's incredibly convenient as she always has clean sheets, we know exactly where to stay, and we really don't have to give her any warning. She takes care of her kids and we take care of ourselves. If our plans coincide - awesome, if not - awesome.

However, her house is a complete mess. Since her husband passed, house cleaning is less of a priority than work and kids (understandable), but there's crap every where. Dirty dishes all over the counter, toys and stuff all over different rooms, table still has dinner on it 4 hours after everyone stopped eating, I could go on.

It irritates me a bit when we stay there as the mess stresses me out, but not enough to stop staying there and it's certainly not my place to say anything. But generally, at least one day when we're there, I'll get up early and clean her kitchen. Last time I did it was before she was hosting family for a holiday dinner. She was so greatful when she got home that she was almost in tears.

I guess that's what family is for, right?

 

[Keroin]

My problem isn't overnight adult guests. it is kids visiting my 13 year old for the day, evening, whatever. I don't care what or how much the kids eat or drink when they are here but my rule is all dishes and cups must be put in the sink (preferably the dishwasher) all messes must be wiped up, wrappers put in trash, etc. Most of the kids are pretty good with the rules but one in particular just can't put a cup in the kitchen or a wrapper in the trash to save his life. I am on the verge of banning him from the pantry. I hate to be a bitch, but come on..leaving three granola bar wrappers on my couch ain't cutting it!

That's a tough one. But yeah, I think if you're trying to set an example and set rules for your own kid then you have to follow through. Sucks to be the bitchy mom, though.

A future in-law of mine is gracious enough to host me and my fiancee whenever we come into town. It's incredibly convenient as she always has clean sheets, we know exactly where to stay, and we really don't have to give her any warning. She takes care of her kids and we take care of ourselves. If our plans coincide - awesome, if not - awesome.

However, her house is a complete mess. Since her husband passed, house cleaning is less of a priority than work and kids (understandable), but there's crap every where. Dirty dishes all over the counter, toys and stuff all over different rooms, table still has dinner on it 4 hours after everyone stopped eating, I could go on.

It irritates me a bit when we stay there as the mess stresses me out, but not enough to stop staying there and it's certainly not my place to say anything. But generally, at least one day when we're there, I'll get up early and clean her kitchen. Last time I did it was before she was hosting family for a holiday dinner. She was so greatful when she got home that she was almost in tears.

I guess that's what family is for, right?

Good on you. I don't do well with messes either but, if I have the time, I usually just clean them up myself as part of my thank you for letting me stay over. More than one host has come home from work to find their house spotless and dinner on the table, while I am visiting. My friend Martha calls me her "wife", lol.

Actually the worst thing for L and I when we stay with others is usually the bed. We're both tall and most guest room beds or pull-out couches are small. I love staying with mom-in-law, and I know she loves having us there, but I swear we don't get a wink of sleep on that teensy weensy guest room bed of hers. Next time, I think we're going to opt for a hotel, just so we don't turn into raving grouches during our visit - 3 days without sleep will do that.

 

[TypicalDeviant]

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who leaves a host's home better than how I found it, even if it's more to satisfy my own need to cleanliness/order than to be nice... ;-)

 

[Keroin]

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who leaves a host's home better than how I found it, even if it's more to satisfy my own need to cleanliness/order than to be nice... ;-)

LOL. I am compulsively clean and organized. I've learned to dial it down but if my surroundings are messy or dirty it feels like a fly banging and buzzing against a window pane in my brain.

I'm beginning to suspect some friends just invite me to stay with them because their fridge needs cleaning out or their linen closet needs to be organized. (kidding, kidding...but,yes, I have cleaned out people's fridges...)

 

[DVS]

A future in-law of mine is gracious enough to host me and my fiancee whenever we come into town. It's incredibly convenient as she always has clean sheets, we know exactly where to stay, and we really don't have to give her any warning. She takes care of her kids and we take care of ourselves. If our plans coincide - awesome, if not - awesome.

However, her house is a complete mess. Since her husband passed, house cleaning is less of a priority than work and kids (understandable), but there's crap every where. Dirty dishes all over the counter, toys and stuff all over different rooms, table still has dinner on it 4 hours after everyone stopped eating, I could go on.

It irritates me a bit when we stay there as the mess stresses me out, but not enough to stop staying there and it's certainly not my place to say anything. But generally, at least one day when we're there, I'll get up early and clean her kitchen. Last time I did it was before she was hosting family for a holiday dinner. She was so greatful when she got home that she was almost in tears.

I guess that's what family is for, right?

On a side note, and it's none of my business, but you mentioned her husband had passed and since then, the house isn't kept as clean as it once was. I could be wrong, but sometimes depression over a loss manifests itself in different ways. The depressed person won't allow themselves to be totally depressed, but priorities will change and as long as nobody questions those changes, or the changes are explained away, they continue. Sometimes, they even get worse.

Explanations for the changes in priorities are usually understandable and explained in just the way you did it, by saying since he's passed, a clean house is no longer a priority. And that could very well be the truth, but it could also be a sadness within.

I'm no doctor, but have experienced this sadness before. Sometimes it fixes itself, once a period of time has passed. Sometimes, the sadness takes hold and doesn't let go. And, these things do take time to heal. I don't know when he died so I can't tell how long this has been going on. Sorry, if I've overstepped my position, and sorry for the thread hijack.

 

[graceanne]

But generally, at least one day when we're there, I'll get up early and clean her kitchen. Last time I did it was before she was hosting family for a holiday dinner. She was so greatful when she got home that she was almost in tears.

I guess that's what family is for, right?

And that is probably why she loves to have you over. Leaving a home cleaner than it was when you arrived is a good way to always be welcome back.

When we go to visit my family in California we normally stay at my grandma and grandpas (not so much any more - my son annoys them). My grandma is dying of MS, and very rarely leaves her bed, and my grandpa is sort of a slob (nothing is left out, but if one of the animals pees he leaves it, and rarely sweeps or dusts). To be fair, he's 80 something years old, but he was never a very clean person - that was always my grandma. My oldest and I have allergies to both pets and dust, so I clean as soon as I get there, and then I REALLY clean (mop, scrub, etc) before I leave. He loves having us over.

Next time, I think we're going to opt for a hotel, just so we don't turn into raving grouches during our visit - 3 days without sleep will do that.

I have a bad back, so when we visit we take a blow up mattress. It's way more comfortable than spare beds or the like.

On a side note, and it's none of my business, but you mentioned her husband had passed and since then, the house isn't kept as clean as it once was.

That's always been the first thing to go with me if I'm struggling with depression.

 

[sexi_sub]

During football season I stay with a friend near my favorite team whenever I can get tickets. I always make sure I get a ticket for her and her husband because we all love going. She's not the best cook, so cooking is my responsibility for her, her husband and child while I'm visiting. I love doing it for them... it just seems natural for me because I'm just so thankful they invite me into their home. I also try to bake and bring some kind of baked good with me or at least make one with their daughter while I'm there.
I can't imagine treating a host with anything but the upmost appreciation. I know how much work most people put into cleaning and preparing before guests arrive so I strive to make sure I am not a burden on them.