"Lifestyle"

[FungiUg]

Is BDSM a lifestyle for you? If so, what makes it such?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

No, it's just how I choose to conduct my personal relationships. Healthy eating is a lifestyle

 

[Black_Bunny]

Awesome topic, can't wait to see how others respond!

Yes it is for me. What makes it that way is the way I feel and the way I choose to conduct myself. It's the way I think about non-sexual things as well as the sexual, the way I conduct myself around my partner when in private, when with others, the way I submit to him in front of others, the way we are connected on a level that others probably don't understand. If we were to split up, I would seek out a Dominant as a partner because I don't want to live life the 'non-BDSM' way.

Lizzie, if you are conducting your entire relationship that way, isn't that your lifestyle?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Lizzie, if you are conducting your entire relationship that way, isn't that your lifestyle?

It could be. I just don't really see myself subscribing to all the sets of behaviours etc that seem to come along with "the lifestlye". Nor do I see it as a cultural thing. Nor do I feel like it makes me belong anywhere, it's not a 'community' thing.

It's just me.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

It is a lifestyle~every personal relationship I have ever been involved in (whether as Top/bottom or Daddy/baby girl) is based on power exchange between myself and my s/o. I can not imagine having a regular "vanilla" relationship.

What makes it a lifestyle for me? The fact that I can't imagine NOT having BDSM for the basis of all my personal relationships. The way I relate to others (whether they are more or less Dominant than myself) is ingrained. I can't change that, nor do I want to.

My household has rules, cast iron, not to be negotiated. Respect, communication, openess and inventive punishments for rule breaking *nods* and that is just with my children! (My boy says it's worse than boot camp!) My s/o is expected to live by those rules, as well. And, to an even greater extent, so am I. (As I wouldn't be a good Daddy/mommy/Top or G/f if I wasn't willing to include myself in rules)

I honestly think that if I hadn't learned about BDSM elsewhere, I would have had to make it up for myself. It's the only thing that fits.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I guess so. It's not like I do my thing in certain rooms only.

 

[Netzach]

I hate that word. It's an important part of my life.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I'm in the same camp with Luna. It is my "lifestyle" because it's how I live. It's who I am. It isn't an external list of rules and behaviors, I try to fit into, it isn't about making my relationships match some sort of "community" outline. All of my intimate personal relationships are, and will continue to be authority transfer and/or SM based. There's no room for vanilla outside of my children, and even there I still have some authority transfer going on even though they are adults. I've given them their autonomy, but I'm still "Dad" and the head of the family.

For me, my "community" is about people who share this as the core of who and what they are. My community accepts that other people are free and welcome to explore this lifestyle or not, and are welcome to come and go in the community as their lives and hearts move them.

HTH,

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I hate that word. It's an important part of my life.

Agreed, I hate the word as well.

To me, it's just life, not a lifestyle.

 

[where]

No. despite being sexually submissive and getting off on bondage and pain, it is strictly bedroom only. I'm not sure I could live with someone who considered themselves my superior (or indeed inferior). I admit that sometimes I fantasise about being with someone who would just take control and manage the finances and make all the big decisions, but I don't think I'd like it in reality and having spent 20 odd years of putting someone else's needs before my own, both emotionally and sexually, if I ever get out, then it sure as hell won't be into the same kind of relationship.

 

[JMohegan]

Lifestyle = "the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc., that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group."


No. Intimate relationships aside, there is nothing about BDSM that defines or directs my "mode of living." My habits, attitudes, tastes, and so on, are shared by kinky & non-kinky friends and family members alike.

 

[Netzach]

My lifestyle is more a corporate coffee swilling in-debt freelancer indie rock kid kind of thing.

SM is kind of like what I go into the phone booth and transform into when the call is issued.

 

[Keroin]

Nope.

BDSM is one small aspect of my life. Fun, yes. Satisfying, yes. Necessary, yes. But definitely not a lifestyle.

 

[rida]

My lifestyle is more a corporate coffee swilling in-debt freelancer indie rock kid kind of thing.

SM is kind of like what I go into the phone booth and transform into when the call is issued.

[hijack]
Now I have this image of Super Netzach entering a telephone boot and flying out wearing a corset and boots going to flog the good guys that deserve it




[/hijack]

 

[ownedsubgal]

no, BDSM is not my lifestyle. but M/s absolutely is.

 

[Homburg]

My lifestyle is more a corporate coffee swilling in-debt freelancer indie rock kid kind of thing.

SM is kind of like what I go into the phone booth and transform into when the call is issued.

This, especially the phone booth part, because that shit rocks.

 

[intothewoods]

When I think bdsm lifestyle, I think of people who go to all the parties and events. Basically people whose entire lives are entertwined with the kink social scene. I am friends with some of those people, but it's not my life.

 

[KoPilot]

BDSM activities stay in the bedroom, but being the "small" subtly permeates all interactions I have with S. Dunno if you could call that a lifestyle, though.

 

[CutieMouse]

Mmmmmm... no. I mean I am who I am [including what I am], which never stops [regardless of relationship status or whatever else], but it isn't like I *have* to have the outward trappings, or symbolism, or overt dynamic, or be surrounded by like minded people (active in the munch/seminar/public dungeon scene) in order to feel my life is well balanced. Lately, I try not to even bother with the labels thing [regarding myself] if possible; when asked I'm more likely to say something like "I don't run the show" than "I'm submissive".

 

[fuckmeat]

M/s is my lifestyle. I say this because there is never any time when I mentally remove my slave chains and function as a 'normal' (hate that word but can't think of a better one) vanilla person. In the western world I live in, 'normal' is two people with equal standing. Decisions are made jointly and responsibility is also equally shared (ideally). Any major disparity can legally be constituted as abuse and justification for separation/divorce or even criminal charges.

This is why I'm here on an anonymous forum seeking cameraderie, why I can't talk frankly about G and I's dynamic with relatives or friends. Even within the local GBLT community, we remain different and on the periphery. Society doesn't understand M/s or just how deep a consensual power-exchange rabbit hole can go. They view it as symptomatic of psychiatric illness or simply condemnable depravity that allows self certified 'dominants' to be abusive tyrants.

So for me it is very much an alternative lifestyle. It's almost an alternative sexuality. I could never have a vanilla relationship now. At 24 I am already so sexually deviant and so needful of power exchange that despite being bisexual, there is an extremely small percentage of people who would make a suitable life-partner for me. M/s shrinks the dating playing field far more than homosexuality would. Of those who would love to be my Master or Mistress, most are internet poseurs, fakes, abusers, psychos or the oh so desirable Ontario yeti. People who want a healthy, compatible, lifelong M/s dynamic are frequently prepared to cast their net globally in desperate pursuit of the ying to their yang. It doesn't get much more alternative than that.

 

[DVS]

Nope. Just enjoy playing the game, when I have someone to play with. Don't get me wrong. When I play the game, I like getting involved...immersed. But, that takes a partner who is just as willing. And if I were to ever find someone who enjoys it just as much as I do, that would be nice. Is there a service I can call for that?

 

[Homburg]

It's another definitional argument. Meh.

If you like the word, fill your boots.

 

[JMohegan]

When I think bdsm lifestyle, I think of people who go to all the parties and events. Basically people whose entire lives are entertwined with the kink social scene.

This is how I think of it, too. People actively seeking to create a sub-culture, through language, dress, events & activities, and general behavioral norms.

 

[ownedsubgal]

It's another definitional argument. Meh.

isn't everything around here?? lol

 

[00Syd]

Eh, I guess so. About 95% of my social life is entertwined with the BDSM "community" at this point. If I'm not going to a munch, class, discussion group, kinky book club, kinky weekender, kinky burlesque show, fetish/bdsm party, or any other permutation of 'kinky social event,' then I'm hanging out with kinky friends at some other sort of neutral or vanilla event. But then at the same time, my relationship is like BDSM-light compared to some other people around here, so in that sense, I'm not "living the lifestyle" or whatever. I dunno. Like others have said, it really depends on how you define the word.