...but I don't have to like it!

[FloggingMolly]

Is it enough just to follow commands? Are you expected to like it, because the PYL wants it?

Or do you do many things grudgingly, accept PYLs tasks and get on with it?



I'm highly bad for the second. Some demands just don't push my buttons, be they things I find boring/a turn off, or things I find painful/unenjoyable/awkward. I'll do it, but it is with reluctance. I am not a very obediant sub, and can be very bratty, especially when faced with such tasks. I'm sure he finds that displeasing, but as yet, I've not found a way to fix it.

ETA: I don't want this to sound like he's cruel and horrible, it's not things that are hard limits or things done purely to make me unhappy, he is a very caring and responsible dom.

 

[CutieMouse]

A steady diet of "suck up and do as you're told" tends to result in a very unhappy mouse.

An occasional, if intense (or sometimes even somewhat frequent) diet of "suck up and do as you're told" tends to result in a squishy puddle of goo mouse.

Odd, odd little brain, eh?

 

[satindesire]

I think that some people can't "just like something" because their partner likes it, and some people can.

I don't like asparagus, but Mister does. I can't change my brain chemistry to magically make it taste good. If he TOLD me to eat it, I'd do it (probably gagging the entire time) but I certainly would NOT like it.

Then again, flavor is something that's sort of pre-wired into our brains, the tongue is almost an unchanging organ. So, YMMV.

But as for something like an activity like...say, laundry? Which I hate? I'd continue to hate it but I'd surely still do it for him. I guess I'm stubborn in my own way.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Is it enough just to follow commands? Are you expected to like it, because the PYL wants it?

Or do you do many things grudgingly, accept PYLs tasks and get on with it?



I'm highly bad for the second. Some demands just don't push my buttons, be they things I find boring/a turn off, or things I find painful/unenjoyable/awkward. I'll do it, but it is with reluctance. I am not a very obediant sub, and can be very bratty, especially when faced with such tasks. I'm sure he finds that displeasing, but as yet, I've not found a way to fix it.

Really, these days, there's not many things that we do that I don't like, as a general concept.

There'll be times though, when I might not be in the mood for a particular activity, and those are the times where I just try and take enjoyment from the fact that he's doing it anyway, and enjoying himself. Other times, I might try and put on a bit of a performance so that he enjoys more, and in that process, find my own enjoyment.

I try not to be sullen and horrid, but sometimes I will get frustrated.

I don't think, as a sub, you're required to love everything that's expected of you, but I think you should not make a song and dance about not liking it. Quiet determination to just get on with it would work best. Not that I'm entirely capable of that. Sometimes I just need to throw my tantrum, work through my feelings, then get the job done. I'm trying to do less of that.

 

[rida]

Really, these days, there's not many things that we do that I don't like, as a general concept.

There'll be times though, when I might not be in the mood for a particular activity, and those are the times where I just try and take enjoyment from the fact that he's doing it anyway, and enjoying himself. Other times, I might try and put on a bit of a performance so that he enjoys more, and in that process, find my own enjoyment.

I try not to be sullen and horrid, but sometimes I will get frustrated.

I don't think, as a sub, you're required to love everything that's expected of you, but I think you should not make a song and dance about not liking it. Quiet determination to just get on with it would work best. Not that I'm entirely capable of that. Sometimes I just need to throw my tantrum, work through my feelings, then get the job done. I'm trying to do less of that.

The above pretty much sums up my view when it comes my interaction with Hubby.

What makes it hard is that he wants me to enjoy what he does. Always. And that expectation/obligation makes it very hard on me at times. Sometimes I can "fake 'till I make it", but other times the displeasure just seeps through and poisons the whole experience. Those are the times I kick my ass, wondering if I should have just said "no" and deal with the consequences of such act. The reality is that 95% of the times I can make it. It is the 5% of the times that has created a lot of struggles and conflicts.

There is a bit of a tangent I've been mulling in my head as a consequence of the above. That is that perhaps Hubby and I need to renegotiate the whole D/s dynamic between us.

 

[graceanne]

I've heard PYL's say that they actually value service that's done that isn't enjoyed more than service that's done that is enjoyed, because it's harder to do something that you don't enjoy than it is to do something you do enjoy.

For instance, if you hate laundry and you do their laundry. Compare to getting a spanking when you love spankings. Which is harder for you to do for them? So which is more valuable in submission?

Of course some of this ties into the whole sadism thing, too. The pervs.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

What makes it hard is that he wants me to enjoy what he does. Always. And that expectation/obligation makes it very hard on me at times. Sometimes I can "fake 'till I make it", but other times the displeasure just seeps through and poisons the whole experience.

That actually came up a lot when we were starting to play with other people. At first, I really didn't want to go there at all. I felt threatened, and scared, and a whole bunch of other things. He'd tell me he wanted me to enjoy myself too. I'd tell him that I'll try and find some sort of enjoyment, but he should just worry about himself, and let me come to terms with it in my own time.

The really bloody annoying thing is though, that he'd then tell me to think less and do more, and that I'd be fine. AND HE'D BE RIGHT.

Grr!

I do try to apply that as a rule now. I trust him, he won't damage me. Once I get going, and get into something, I really do have fun. I just need to get past that initial relunctance bought about by massive over analysis.

Most of the time though, we're pretty good. He doesn't make a point of telling me to enjoy something. He just goes ahead with his plan.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I've heard PYL's say that they actually value service that's done that isn't enjoyed more than service that's done that is enjoyed, because it's harder to do something that you don't enjoy than it is to do something you do enjoy.

For instance, if you hate laundry and you do their laundry. Compare to getting a spanking when you love spankings. Which is harder for you to do for them? So which is more valuable in submission?

Of course some of this ties into the whole sadism thing, too. The pervs.

I've heard that too, but I really think there should be a balance.

I mean, if everything was a chore, and a struggle, and a joyless task, then where's the joy in the relationship as a whole?

 

[Seurat]

the tongue is almost an unchanging organ

For some reason, I really like that phrase.

I mean, if everything was a chore, and a struggle, and a joyless task, then where's the joy in the relationship as a whole?

That would be called, 'married after twenty years".








I really should have slept a little more, shouldn't I? Don't mind me.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

That would be called, 'married after twenty years".

Meh, are you trying to scare me?

 

[fuckmeat]

My Mistress's illness has made me cherish every little thing I can do for her, no matter how distasteful some aspects of nursing the sick can be. It's a great shame that it's taken her illness to make me realise how devoted I truly am to her and how good a slave I can be to her if I do everything to the best of my ability and without complaint. If I had got into this mindset years ago, without such painful motivation, it would have added a whole new depth and intensity to our dynamic.

In the normal scheme of things though, I have been known to be a bratty and reluctant slave. I used to wheedle and procrastinate if a task was something I really didn't want to do. Because I'm such a painslut, corporal punishment in pretty much any form is no punishment at all for me. G quickly learned that unpleasant or mind crushingly mundane chores are far more effective at correcting undesirable behaviour. So I learned not to procrastinate or wheedle, because doing so would add an even less pleasant dimension to the task.

Example: -

G: "The bathroom needs cleaning."

Me: "Awww." Scuffing my foot on the floor like an errant child.

G: "With your toothbrush."

I slope off reluctantly in the direction of the bathroom.

G: If that's not exciting enough for you, I can always cuff you and have you hold the toothbrush between your teeth.

I rush to the bathroom and take up my toothbrush like nothing would make me happier.

So the knowledge that any task can be made more demanding and unpleasant is a good motivator. That said, I will never be able to claim that I 'like' chiselling her skid marks off of the toilet bowl with a toothbrush.

 

[wicked woman]

I've heard PYL's say that they actually value service that's done that isn't enjoyed more than service that's done that is enjoyed, because it's harder to do something that you don't enjoy than it is to do something you do enjoy.

For instance, if you hate laundry and you do their laundry. Compare to getting a spanking when you love spankings. Which is harder for you to do for them? So which is more valuable in submission?

Of course some of this ties into the whole sadism thing, too. The pervs.

I've heard that too, but I really think there should be a balance.

I mean, if everything was a chore, and a struggle, and a joyless task, then where's the joy in the relationship as a whole?

These speak to me.

While almost everything my PYL asks of me I enjoy, there are a few that aren't my favourite. Because the balance is so enjoyable for me, in the beginning I had difficulty seeing it as submission. I understand now and that's fine, but because the balance is so enjoyable for me, I find that when he wants me to do something that I don't enjoy, that's when I really feel my submission to him. That's what helps me through it.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Of course some of this ties into the whole sadism thing, too. The pervs.

QFT

.... when he wants me to do something that I don't enjoy, that's when I really feel my submission to him. That's what helps me through it.

Also QFT (from a PYL viewpoint... )

 

[ecstaticsub]

These speak to me.

While almost everything my PYL asks of me I enjoy, there are a few that aren't my favourite. Because the balance is so enjoyable for me, in the beginning I had difficulty seeing it as submission. I understand now and that's fine, but because the balance is so enjoyable for me, I find that when he wants me to do something that I don't enjoy, that's when I really feel my submission to him. That's what helps me through it.

The bolded, yep that's me too.

I have no hard limits with my PYL. (well, no hard limits that aren't his hard limits also) But about a month ago something came up that he asked of me that shouldn't have been a big deal but flipped a switch in me that, well to make a long story short he decided that it would now be considered a hard limit because of my reluctance.

The next day it bothered me so much that we then had this one thing that was a limit that I asked him to reconsider and just try again gently. He agreed and nothing was said about it again....until yesterday.

It really was sort of simple, probably for most, but it was surrendering something that makes me who I am.

Anyway, I did it. I survived. And that submission felt better than any beating, any painful assfucking,any task, any other thing I had ever done. His simply expressed acknowledgment was the cherry on top.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I will add though that there are plenty of things I do that don't push any buttons, that don't turn me on or even really do anything sexually for him. It's the everyday tasks that make his life easier. I do these simply because they make his life easier. I don't enjoy them, but i don't hate them either. It has nothing really to do with D/s, it's just normal life.

There have also been those things that my PYL thinks I should enjoy, but I don't. I know it disappoints him that i don't enjoy it, but I never fake the enjoyment I just try really hard to re-channel it as enjoying obeying him as opposed to enjoying the activity. Either way it comes off as enthusiasm. Which works for him.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Where's the fun in giving my sub an order she enjoys every time?

 

[satindesire]

That said, I will never be able to claim that I 'like' chiselling her skid marks off of the toilet bowl with a toothbrush.

Blork!

 

[graceanne]

I've heard that too, but I really think there should be a balance.

Oh, definitely.

MSo I learned not to procrastinate or wheedle,

I wasn't saying that while PYL's like us to do things that we don't like to do, that it's okay to have a bad attitude about doing it.

This is actually something I'm working on with my kids. If I ask one of them to do something, and they do it with a bad attitude, I keep asking them to do more stuff for me until I get the proper attitude. That doesn't mean that I expect them to be all 'oh boy! i get to . . .', it means I want a 'yes, mommy' instead of a 'but mom! i don't wanna! why do I always have to help you? why can't sister or brother? i want to watch tv! it's in the middle of my show, and i never get to watch tv!' If it's not okay for my kids to act that way, it sure as hell isn't okay for me to act that way.

For instance; when K had his hernia surgery I set my alarm every night to go off every four hours so I could give him his pain meds. Do I like getting up every four hours? Hell, no. I did not complain, though, because that's bad manners. I guess what it boils down to is attitude. I'm gonna have to do whatever it is, I might as well do it with grace and maturity.

 

[praefect]

It's a goal. For us, in any case. It all depends, as always, what you want out of it, what path you want to take.

For us the goal is submission, complete and absolute, the path to it is always the same. Surrender. Submission through surrender, my will being her will, my pleasure being her pleasure.

We're not there yet, and we won't be for a long time, but we have made great strides towards that goal. When your attitude changes your approach to tasks you don't like changes with it. Your feelings about them. My slave has found tranquility in surrender, doing tasks now with peace of mind that annoyed the hell out of her before.

Like cleaning every day. Waking up and exercising for half an hour before breakfast. She does it with a mantra in her mind that lets her tasks becomes an act of submission.

There was a great amount of fear that had to be overcome to reach that mindspace. Fear of losing her identity, of losing her sense of self, of being taken advantage of. But for the most part, she has managed to overcome it by now.

And yes, doing things the pyl does not want to do have a much higher "value" than those she enjoys doing.

 

[Netzach]

Is it enough just to follow commands? Are you expected to like it, because the PYL wants it?

Or do you do many things grudgingly, accept PYLs tasks and get on with it?



I'm highly bad for the second. Some demands just don't push my buttons, be they things I find boring/a turn off, or things I find painful/unenjoyable/awkward. I'll do it, but it is with reluctance. I am not a very obediant sub, and can be very bratty, especially when faced with such tasks. I'm sure he finds that displeasing, but as yet, I've not found a way to fix it.

ETA: I don't want this to sound like he's cruel and horrible, it's not things that are hard limits or things done purely to make me unhappy, he is a very caring and responsible dom.

It's not me, it's him.

I'd be game to do some things I really really really don't like for him.

But he prefers to have me do things that I do like. I may not entirely *like* that I like them, but that's where the fun lies for him, precisely.

It's not about me, so I gave up on my idea of what he should be using me for.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Is it enough just to follow commands? Are you expected to like it, because the PYL wants it?

Or do you do many things grudgingly, accept PYLs tasks and get on with it?

our relationship operates very differently. i do what i am told, and am expected to do what i'm told. whether i "like" something or not just doesn't play into it. it's what must be done, it's my duty, so i do it. i am no more enthusiastic in completing certain tasks than others, and i do not obey "grudgingly" or with an attitude. i just obey, because this is my life and what i am here for.

 

[Black_Bunny]

I think my PYL likes a variety in my attitude to his orders; some requests he would expect me to do very happily, some with no reaction, and others to fight against a little. He takes great pleasure in overpowering me, 'winning out' in the battle of getting me to do something, so if I always complied happily it would take some of the fun out of it for him. Not to say that I'm argumentative; there are other tasks that he wouldn't want to fight over, and I don't hate the task, so I just get it done.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I think my PYL likes a variety in my attitude to his orders; some requests he would expect me to do very happily, some with no reaction, and others to fight against a little. He takes great pleasure in overpowering me, 'winning out' in the battle of getting me to do something, so if I always complied happily it would take some of the fun out of it for him. Not to say that I'm argumentative; there are other tasks that he wouldn't want to fight over, and I don't hate the task, so I just get it done.

Mmmm, I've also been told that I don't always have to do everything I'm told, and that he likes a bit of a fight. I just need to choose my battles carefully.

He knows he can get me to do what he wants, sometimes he just likes to prove it too, though I think just to himself. He only needs to say that to me, and I just pause and go 'oh, so you can!' lol

(Oh, and I can't say I'm not fond of being physically overpowered at times, either)

 

[Homburg]

I'm not sure I give a toss in the moment. If I seriously want something done, I want it done. Whether the person I am giving the order to enjoys the concept or not will not overly affect my desire right or left. This is not to say that there is no consideration. True painful hate of something can actually ruin my enjoyment of it simply because I feed more off the emotions than a given act in itself. But still, if I want something strongly enough, it will happen, and painful hate will not deter me.

It is a matter of looking at the big picture versus the small picture. If I want something unpleasant right now, it is a blip on the radar when viewed over the course of the relationship. If the relationship works overall, that little blip will not affect it.

And this assumes that you take the other person's core values and identity into account and don't ask for something that will crush their self-view and trust within the dynamic. There are lines you do not cross if you want to maintain the sort of trust that allows you to step across the line here and there.

 

[Black_Bunny]

He knows he can get me to do what he wants, sometimes he just likes to prove it too, though I think just to himself. He only needs to say that to me, and I just pause and go 'oh, so you can!' lol

(Oh, and I can't say I'm not fond of being physically overpowered at times, either)

Yes! They like to prove it! He especially likes to prove it if it's the sort of thing one or so other people can see - not anything demeaning, just a little something to show that he controls me, enough to give him a little 'power ego' boost. Gives me a kind of a rush too

As for being physically overpowered... mmmm I love it too. I hate having my bellybutton played with (it just feels weird) so sometimes he'll do it just so that I will fight him and he can overpower me Same with tickling, even though it feels mega weird to be tickled and aroused at the same time, it's a unconscious reaction to try and stop it so he's guaranteed a fight

Then on the other hand, there's the service type orders... I'm sure he knows I don't "love" getting him a drink or making him lunch but I do it cos I want to please him, and he does not expect a fuss to be kicked up about those orders.