Dealing with Survivor's Guilt

[BLoved]

Love, Part I: Endings

A question for those who have experienced the death of a beloved master/mistress/dom(me)/submissive/slave ... did you experience survivor's guilt, and if so, how did you deal with it?

 

[Epmd607]

Love, Part I: Endings

A question for those who have experienced the death of a beloved master/mistress/dom(me)/submissive/slave ... did you experience survivor's guilt, and if so, how did you deal with it?

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=711605

Love, Part I: Endings

How do you deal with survivor's guilt?

..............
Yeah, you're that important.

 

[LaRocha]

I think this guy is ban worthy. With this thread right here. Posting the same thread after being warned, naughty naughty.

 

[the captians wench]

WTF does this have to do with BDSM other than you are asking PYL/pyls?

Look, I'm sorry for your loss, but I just don't understand what any of your question actually have to do with BDSM. They seem more like general relationship questions. Which is fine. But let's call a spade a spade, kay.

 

[BLoved]

A question for those who have experienced the death of a beloved master/mistress/dom(me)/submissive/slave ...

Apparently some people have difficulty staying on topic, or even figuring out if they fit the description I've provided.

We know those of you casual players who have never lost the love of your life have no compassion.

I am more interested in the viewpoints of those who actually have experience.

 

[the captians wench]

Apparently some people have difficulty staying on topic, or even figuring out if they fit the description I've provided.

We know those of you casual players who have never lost the love of your life have no compassion.

I am more interested in the viewpoints of those who actually have experience.

*cough* diversion *cough*

 

[minx1]

I think this guy is ban worthy. With this thread right here. Posting the same thread after being warned, naughty naughty.

I think being banned is part of the master plan, if you will excuse the pun

Why else flood the board again.

Only with banning, will true martyrdom come and in his mind it will add merit to his arguments and convictions for when he moves onto the next board.

 

[BLoved]

I think being banned is part of the master plan, if you will excuse the pun

Why else flood the board again.

Only with banning, will true martyrdom come and in his mind it will add merit to his arguments and convictions for when he moves onto the next board.

They would rather waste your time advertising their hatred than say anything on-topic.

You will find a lot of trolls in the BDSM forums.

 

[minx1]

They would rather waste your time advertising their hatred than say anything on-topic.

You may want to use the "ignore" button to avoid wasting your time in the future.

You will find a lot of trolls in the BDSM forums.

Use the "ignore" button freely.

Thats the thing, I have never felt the need to use ignore Bloved. Not once.

People here dont always see eye to eye. Some get on, some dont. Its life.
No one will ever upset me enough that I need to use ignore lol.

As for trolls, there have been a few over the years but they certainly arent numerous. They have a tendency to arrive on a wave of their own self importance, try to disrupt or do whatever their aim is, before disappearing.

Again, none of them have been that worrying just a little tiresome.

Wenchie is right though.

If you truly want people to take part in a discussion, which I would question as a genuine motive; you may want to make your OP more applicable to the D/s dynamic or how you see the loss, or survivors guilt being different to that of a ''vanilla'' relationship or your thoughts as to how it applies to the BDSM setting.

 

[BLoved]

...

Still off-topic.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/funny-pictures-cat-and-human-argue.jpg

 

[minx1]

Still off-topic.

Yes thats right, the thread is off topic. So perhaps you could make it more applicable for people who want to participate. Thanks

 

[rida]

Love, Part I: Endings

A question for those who have experienced the death of a beloved master/mistress/dom(me)/submissive/slave ... did you experience survivor's guilt, and if so, how did you deal with it?

As I do not believe in the superiority of BDSM based relationship over vanilla ones, I would imagine that PYLs and pyls would feel the pain for the loss and mourn it as in any other relationship.

 

[BLoved]

As I do not believe in the superiority of BDSM based relationship over vanilla ones, I would imagine that PYLs and pyls would feel the pain for the loss and mourn it as in any other relationship.

In other words, you've never experienced it and have no idea what it is like.

 

[sinnocence]

You will find a lot of trolls in the BDSM forums.

Such as yourself. Spot on dude!

 

[Bandit58]

As I do not believe in the superiority of BDSM based relationship over vanilla ones, I would imagine that PYLs and pyls would feel the pain for the loss and mourn it as in any other relationship.

Agreed.
Who's to say that the grief of my mother for the loss of my father after nearly 48 years of vanilla marriage is less than BLoved's grief for the loss of his submissive wife.

My mother suffered, and still suffers, survivor's guilt. Her guilt stems from having to put my father in a nursing home when he became so ill she could no longer care for him herself. He died three months later.

 

[rida]

In other words, you've never experienced it and have no idea what it is like.

Luckily, no.

But statistics is stacked against me for experiencing it, one of this days.
I would hope though that in such a moment, whether I call my relationship M/s, D/s, T/b, vanilla, kinky-vanilla, poly, mono, V, W or whatever would have no bearing on the depth of the emotions stirred by such a tragic event.

 

[BLoved]

Who's to say that the grief of my mother for the loss of my father after nearly 48 years of vanilla marriage is less than BLoved's grief for the loss of his submissive wife.

It is not the purpose of this discussion to compare the loss of a beloved in a relationship involving bdsm and the loss of a beloved in a vanilla relationship.

Love, Part I: Endings

A question for those who have experienced the death of a beloved master/mistress/dom/domme/submissive/slave ... did you experience survivor's guilt, and if so, how did you deal with it?

 

[CutieMouse]

I have not experienced the death of a loved one (D/s or "vanilla"); however, I wanted to let you know BL that your introductory post was the closest thing I've seen you make to an attempt to actually have a conversation here. Asking the question is more likely to open a door to potential conversation, whereas your past attempts of simply quoting your writing came across as closed minded, preachy, and disinterested in discussing the topic at hand.

Your rudeness towards those attempting to join the conversation (Bandit, Rida) has been unfortunate, but I felt it appropriate to mention that the topic of how death impacts power based relationships [in comparison to non-power based relationships] an interesting one.

Thank you for your effort at an actual conversation.

 

[BLoved]

I have not experienced the death of a loved one ...

Does anyone read english on this forum ...

Love, Part I: Endings

A question for those who have experienced the death of a beloved master/mistress/dom/domme/submissive/slave ... did you experience survivor's guilt, and if so, how did you deal with it?

 

[sinnocence]

Does anyone read english on this forum ...

I have not experienced the death of a loved one (D/s or "vanilla"); however...

Apparently you can't either.

No, wait. I forgot. You like to pick and choose bits and pieces according to what will make your arguments look valid.

 

[CutieMouse]

Does anyone read english on this forum ...

Annnnnd you've just shown yourself incapable of graciously accepting a compliment. My mistake; it won't happen again.

 

[Bandit58]

It is not the purpose of this discussion to compare the loss of a beloved in a relationship involving bdsm and the loss of a beloved in a vanilla relationship.

Why not? A relationship is a relationship is a relationship, regardless of any power dynamic/exchange.

Sir is very likely to die before I do. I'm sure my grief will be overwhelming. But I will survive - I'm not a helpless doormat who can't take care of herself.

Regarding the question of survivor's guilt - He would NOT like me to feel guilty. He knows I would have done my utmost to keep Him with me. It would not be my fault if and when He dies. So no, I would not feel any guilt, just grief and sadness that He isn't with me anymore. And grateful for the time that we got to spend together.

 

[BLoved]

Why not? A relationship is a relationship is a relationship, regardless of any power dynamic/exchange.

As you have no experience with the topic, your claim is irrelevant to this discussion.

 

[rida]

As you have no experience with the topic, your claim is irrelevant to this discussion.

I would agree that someone not knowing how it feels to be tattooed could not chime in on how it physically feel to themselves. However we are talking about the loss of loved ones. It should not matter the shape/form of love, isn't it?

ETA: Silly me to believe you wanted a discussion! You are just trying to prove how special and unique you/your situation is!