What does a dom risk?

[BLoved]

Sometimes you just take the information you have and make your own decisions based on it.

And if the only thing I ever read about smoking came from the cigarette companies, what then?

Even if most of what I read on smoking came from the cigarette companies, what then?

How is this any different than everything on bdsm coming from those who advocate casual 'bdsm'?

 

[midwestyankee]

And if the only thing I ever read about smoking came from the cigarette companies, what then?

Even if most of what I read on smoking came from the cigarette companies, what then?

How is this any different than everything on bdsm coming from those who advocate casual 'bdsm'?

Neither is true.

Not all information about smoking comes from the cigarette manufacturers.

Not all information about bdsm comes from those who limit themselves to one-night stands.

People can read. I thought you knew that since you try so hard to change the world with your word processor.

 

[CutieMouse]

I noticed you ignored this post of mine, so I thought I'd ask again -

And when she goes online and only finds material on casual 'bdsm', and she buys the books and they only deal with casual 'bdsm', and she is not informed of the risk of emotional abuse or the manner in which it will affect her, what then?

Are you saying that you believe submissive persons are so weak minded, so weak willed, that they are incapable of approaching readings/online forums/books about BDSM with the attitude of "take what works, ignore the rest"? I spent several years reading, asking questions, and researching BDSM. did it prevent me from making the very common mistakes everyone makes re: relationships (kinky or not)? Nope. Did that reading and research change my foundational ethics or morals and turn me into the one-night-stand queen? Nope. No one can talk me into doing anything I'm not already okay with; I propose that the vast majority of submissives are of a similar mindset.

Your comments imply the only BDSM writers out there besides you are working their little behinds off to encourage poor defenseless little submissives to enter the "scene" like lambs to the slaughter; however, it doesn't take much to find well respected, published authors discussing long term relationships with a BDSM dynamic:

The Loving Dominant - by John & Libby Warren (a couple who has been together since 1992)

Partners in Power : Living in Kinky Relationships - by Jack Rinella (a man who has been in a relationship for 10 years. More of Rinella's writings can be found here.)

Another sound bit of advice you ignored, which focuses on submissives being intelligent enough to recognize information and advice which does not apply to their situation, yet educates them re: various BDSM experiences. I know that by "studying" BDSM, I was better able to recognize situations I wanted to avoid.

Another thing I often advise submissives to do [if they of are the research/reading persuasion] is read everything they can get their hands on - books aimed at submissives, books aimed at dominants, books geared towards the kind of relationship they think they want, books geared towards the kind of relationship they might not even think of (or be interested in), books on technique, etc. There isn't any rule that says just because one is submissive, they can't read things aimed at dominants.

The vast majority of information available is supplied by the casual communities and is for the benefit of the casual communities.

Not unlike the cigarette companies saying "smoking is safe".

Except that you totally blew off my link to John & Libby Warren's book The Loving Dominant, 3rd edition - written by a couple who has been together since 1992, and one of the most frequently recommended books on BDSM out there. Which kinda hurts your argument.

 

[minx1]

The vast majority of information available is supplied by the casual communities and is for the benefit of the casual communities.

Not unlike the cigarette companies saying "smoking is safe".

Is this forum a "casual" community?

and if so, who here are the "casual" people you keep referring to? By what definition are they casual?

It just strikes me as a little strange when most of the regular posters to this forum, whether D/s, M/s, poly, whatever....are in long term, loving, committed relationships that with respect have endured longer than a few weeks.

 

[Seurat]

In your case you are buying acceptance within the casual community:

Link 1
Link 2
Link 3

As there are no complaints from you regarding the disruption, and as you fail to mention the effects a low-rating has on a story or essay, and you failed to mention the vote-rigging but tried to portray my decision to remove my work as "You were not ordered, asked, cajoled, or in any other way required to remove your works.", it is clear you will say just about anything to consolidate your gains with the casual community.

So how do we determine the accuracy of your statements when clearly you are seeking to gain acceptance within the community you are defending?

If you cannot comment on the unethical practices of advocates of said community when their abuses appear in public, how likely are you to say anything contrary to your interest in gaining acceptance within that community?

So, yes indeed, this forum is a 'casual community'. Anybody not supporting him fully and loudly is considered part of the community.

 

[minx1]

Is this forum a "casual" community?

and if so, who here are the "casual" people you keep referring to? By what definition are they casual?

It just strikes me as a little strange when most of the regular posters to this forum, whether D/s, M/s, poly, whatever....are in long term, loving, committed relationships that with respect have endured longer than a few weeks.

You have so many threads and as you are busy posting, I thought you might have missed this.

I'd really like to know the answer, since every time you mention casual I look around and wonder who you are talking about.

 

[BLoved]

You have so many threads and as you are busy posting, I thought you might have missed this.

I'd really like to know the answer, since every time you mention casual I look around and wonder who you are talking about.

Casual 'bdsm' is any no-strings-attached (aka love-less) encounter where bdsm-like activities occur.

Casual 'players' are people who engage in such behaviour.

Advocates of casual 'bdsm' are those who may not engage in such behaviour, but see nothing wrong with it.

Casual communities are groups of 'players'/advocates who associate with one another.

 

[minx1]

Casual 'bdsm' is any no-strings-attached (aka love-less) encounter where bdsm-like activities occur.

Casual 'players' are people who engage in such behaviour.

Advocates of casual 'bdsm' are those who may not engage in such behaviour, but see nothing wrong with it.

Casual communities are groups of 'players'/advocates who associate with one another.

Ah, so we are actually in the main a bunch of advocates?

A group of people who believe there isnt a "one shoe fits all" stereotype for people when it comes to relationships. Who believe that everyone has a right to decide what works for them in a consensual and safe environment.
And who offer people who are new to BDSM regular advice on how to explore their interest in a safe and sensible manner.

Yes in that case we are advocates. But moreso we are inclusive and wouldnt presume that the basis of our own relationships is the correct one or one that others should follow.

 

[BLoved]

A group of people who believe there isnt a "one shoe fits all" stereotype for people when it comes to relationships.

We've been through this already:

You believe that your way of handling a relationship is the ultimate superior one to everybody, not just for you.

My way is that of a straight male master.

I do not condemn love-based bdsm relationships between homosexuals, even though homosexuality is not my way.

I do not condemn love-based bdsm relationships where the woman is a mistress and the man a submissive, though that is not my way.

I do not condemn those involved in love-based vanilla relationships, such as my mother's marriage to her third husband.

So how can you claim I believe my way is "the ultimate superior one to everybody"?

I think all of these ways are superior to casual 'bdsm'.

If 'my way' was the only way I'd support, then I would not support any of the above.

I reject casual 'bdsm' because I believe it to be emotionally abusive for all concerned.

Would you argue that I must never define abuse, or that I must support abuse?

Am I to be endlessly chastised for refusing to call abuse "bdsm"?

 

[rida]

Ah, so we are actually in the main a bunch of advocates?

A group of people who believe there isnt a "one shoe fits all" stereotype for people when it comes to relationships. Who believe that everyone has a right to decide what works for them in a consensual and safe environment.
And who offer people who are new to BDSM regular advice on how to explore their interest in a safe and sensible manner.

Yes in that case we are advocates. But moreso we are inclusive and wouldnt presume that the basis of our own relationships is the correct one or one that others should follow.

No, no! You have it all wrong!

The fact that you do not speak up loudly about the fact that there will be abuse put you on the same footing of the abuser or of another low self-esteem brain washed victim that cannot be rescued.

You also mention consent. But how can you be sure that all 200+ participant to the play party are really consenting and not being coerced? Or what if they think they are consenting but because they are victims of the cycle of abuse their consent is moot? You are therefore abusing them by sheer presence at the play party. And of course the fact that you are willing to be in a space where someone with low self esteem (aka whomever engages in public play) is objectified makes you an abuser as well. Afterall no-one with healthy self-esteem would agree to be a bottom for public play, and no-one but an abuser would agree to top for public play. Same goes by participating in a on-line forum where abuse takes place.

So, just because you hang out on the Lit BDSM boards, you are not only and advocate, you are an actual participant of the casual community. Got it?

 

[minx1]

We've been through this already:



If 'my way' was the only way I'd support, then I would not support any of the above.

I reject casual 'bdsm' because I believe it to be emotionally abusive for all concerned.

Would you argue that I must never define abuse, or that I must support abuse?

Am I to be endlessly chastised for refusing to call abuse "bdsm"?

You may have been through this already. But you will have to excuse me....I havent read every thread or post you have made.

what you have been pulled up on is your opinion that two or more people cannot have a relationship, the way they want to have a relationship; which could be on a casual basis, with full consent, respect, friendship etc, in a safe environment....without it being called abuse.
Some people have longer lasting, more 'successful' relationships of this nature than the ones defined by you.

 

[rida]

I reject casual 'bdsm' because I believe it to be emotionally abusive for all concerned.

You also believe that BDSM relationships are superior to vanilla ones.

And that you are justified in starting a relationship because you call it "love based" even when it is too early/not clear if it is indeed love of just a fling, while the ones that would rather abstain from using the word love too early are casual player.

 

[BLoved]

You also believe that BDSM relationships are superior to vanilla ones.

I do, because they require more trust/trustworthiness on a day-to-day basis.

However, considering a love-based bdsm relationship superior does not mean I condemn love-based vanilla relationships.

I heartily approve of all forms of healthy love-based relationship, regardless of race, gender, gender role, gender preference.

And that you are justified in starting a relationship because you call it "love based" even when it is too early/not clear if it is indeed love of just a fling, while the ones that would rather abstain from using the word love too early are casual player.

I've addressed this claim many times in the The 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm' discussion.

Anyone interested in raw footage on who casual 'players' are and how they behave when they're not trying to impress anyone is invited to read it.

 

[4bidnfruit]

You also believe that BDSM relationships are superior to vanilla ones.

I do, because they require more trust/trustworthiness on a day-to-day basis.

However, considering a love-based bdsm relationship superior does not mean I condemn love-based vanilla relationships.

I heartily approve of all forms of healthy love-based relationship, regardless of race, gender, gender role, gender preference.

Well I’ve only been married for 18 years in a vanilla relationship but considering your ignorance on the matter of love, if he nagged me the way you probably nagged her into submission, I would have welcomed xxxxxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xx xxxxx. You’re just a xxxxx that uses the term master to justify your narcissism.

Once I got past your babblings, I am left wondering if the choice of Casual BDSM or any other casual relationship has ever been your choice. The fact that no one wants to play with you does not make you superior, no matter how you spin it. There is an old saying that the guilty proclaim their innocence the loudest and you are giving me a headache. You want to believe the world is against you like a weak little bitch trying to find love on sympathy rather than the man you claim to be.

Yes, bloved.. you will find words to make you feel superior but reality is, you are still just a lonely old man living in a world of guilt. Maybe you need to find a real man to help you through it!

 

[rida]

I do, because they require more trust/trustworthiness on a day-to-day basis.

However, considering a love-based bdsm relationship superior does not mean I condemn love-based vanilla relationships.

I heartily approve of all forms of healthy love-based relationship, regardless of race, gender, gender role, gender preference.

How generous of you.

Too bad you still consider them inferior.

 

[minx1]

No, no! You have it all wrong!

The fact that you do not speak up loudly about the fact that there will be abuse put you on the same footing of the abuser or of another low self-esteem brain washed victim that cannot be rescued.

You also mention consent. But how can you be sure that all 200+ participant to the play party are really consenting and not being coerced? Or what if they think they are consenting but because they are victims of the cycle of abuse their consent is moot? You are therefore abusing them by sheer presence at the play party. And of course the fact that you are willing to be in a space where someone with low self esteem (aka whomever engages in public play) is objectified makes you an abuser as well. Afterall no-one with healthy self-esteem would agree to be a bottom for public play, and no-one but an abuser would agree to top for public play. Same goes by participating in a on-line forum where abuse takes place.

So, just because you hang out on the Lit BDSM boards, you are not only and advocate, you are an actual participant of the casual community. Got it?

Oh thank you Rida!

My mistake. And how foolish of me to forget that abuse never takes place in relationships other than casual ones.

 

[Essene]

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm

Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
Requires excessive admiration
Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

-This is concerning. This will be the only time I bring this up. I'm not going to lambast you in your own threads. Sometimes I find the premise to any one of your threads to be interesting, but the way you respond is alarming.

BLoved, I mean this in the kindest way possible, but I sincerely hope that you seek psychological help/support. Either way, it might be a good idea to discuss with someone the loss of your wife and son. That must have been very hard for you. I'm genuinely sorry for your loss.

I also think it's incredibly unhealthy to spend so much time on a message board especially when you're not attempting to actually socialize and integrate, but to denigrate and instigate.

I would love to see you having a healthy grasp of reality, and living a life outside of Literotica. I'm rooting for you. -Wishing you all the best.

-Essene

 

[BLoved]

Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

Such as those who accuse me of everything under the sun?

Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

Such as the trolls who believe they should have the power to decide who posts and who doesn't?

Requires excessive admiration
Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

Such as the trolls who have devoted nearly three months of this forum for the sole purpose of demonizing me?

Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

That describes the trolls well enough.

-This is concerning. This will be the only time I bring this up. I'm not going to lambast you in your own threads. Sometimes I find the premise to any one of your threads to be interesting, but the way you respond is alarming.

But not the obsessive/compulsive behaviour of the trolls?

BLoved, I mean this in the kindest way possible, but I sincerely hope that you seek psychological help/support.

And I mean this in the kindest way possible, your hypocrisy and turning a blind eye to infractions far more serious than anything I've done betray your intent.

I hope you don't feel the need to demonstrate it again.

While I seriously doubt you have the capacity to outgrow this need, perhaps you will re-consider the need to demonstrate your urge to attack one man while ignoring the howling of a mob out for his blood.

Either way, it might be a good idea to discuss with someone the loss of your wife and son. That must have been very hard for you. I'm genuinely sorry for your loss.

I also think it's incredibly unhealthy to spend so much time on a message board especially when you're not attempting to actually socialize and integrate, but to denigrate and instigate.

I would love to see you having a healthy grasp of reality, and living a life outside of Literotica. I'm rooting for you. -Wishing you all the best.

-Essene

~rolls eyes~

Of course, if that were sent by a compassionate person, they'd have sent it through PM rather than holding such an individual up for public ridicule.

Placing it in the public eye it is just another effort to cast aspersions on my credibility by accusing me of being out of touch with reality.

ho hum.

You people really need some new material. We've been doing this for months now and you still feel the need to accuse me of everything you can imagine.

It isn't working.

Not only are you not getting me to do what you want, you're not even getting the lurkers to ignore me.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Repeated verbal abuse is not getting you what you want, but it is providing me with ample ammunition with which I can demonstrate the casual community and its advocates are abusive and immature.

It is abundantly clear to one and all you do not think twice about trying to attack the self-esteem of others in public. Why should we doubt the same pattern of behaviour applies to those you exploit in private?

 

[sinnocence]

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Such as creating countless threads that are filled with the same shit you posted the previous day?

Such as quoting yourself and the irrelevant quotes of others to try and make a point? (At which you always fail.)

Such as posting links to promote your stupid ass stories in said countless threads?

Such as picking apart someone's valid argument and only using what will make yours seem that way as well? (At which you always fail.)

 

[BLoved]

Such as creating countless threads that are filled with the same shit you posted the previous day?

Such as quoting yourself and the irrelevant quotes of others to try and make a point? (At which you always fail.)

Such as posting links to promote your stupid ass stories in said countless threads?

Such as picking apart someone's valid argument and only using what will make yours seem that way as well? (At which you always fail.)

~smile~

Yet more evidence of obsessive-compulsive harassment.

Expect this from the casual community.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j164/nancitaf/AttentionWhore.jpg

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

http://guanabee.com/shocker_5.7.08.jpg

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/lolcats-funny-pictures-leroy-jenkins.jpg

Double internet points for anyone who knows how to finish it.

 

[minx1]

~smile~

Yet more evidence of obsessive-compulsive harassment.

Expect this from the casual community.

expect this constantly from someone who has no valid response.

 

[sinnocence]

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/lolcats-funny-pictures-leroy-jenkins.jpg

Double internet points for anyone who knows how to finish it.

LEEEEROY JENKINSSSS.