Who thinks chatting sexually on Lit is cheating
- Thread starter Pussy4u
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TypicalDeviant
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Well, what would your husband say if he found out about your conversation? It's not our opinion that matters.
Yes. Yes, it is.
rida
rope grupie
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What do you mean by "chat sexually on Lit"? You mean in the chat rooms or flirting on threads on the forum's boards?
Either way, it depends on what your partner think about it.
For me and my Hubby is not cheating.
However, if you need to ask strangers about it, it means you fear what the answer is for your marriage and it is not the one you wish to hear.
That been said, you are the only one that can decide if "chatting sexually on Lit" is something you want or need and worth the consequences. And who knows, perhaps if you ask your partner about it, he/she might even be ok with it.
Either way, it depends on what your partner think about it.
For me and my Hubby is not cheating.
However, if you need to ask strangers about it, it means you fear what the answer is for your marriage and it is not the one you wish to hear.
That been said, you are the only one that can decide if "chatting sexually on Lit" is something you want or need and worth the consequences. And who knows, perhaps if you ask your partner about it, he/she might even be ok with it.
intothewoods
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If you develop an emotional relationship with someone outside of your marriage and without the knowledge of your husband, it is a kind of cheating. Just chatting? Eh. But if your husband thinks it's cheating, then that might be the end of your marriage.
If you two have different ideas about what is and should be exclusive to your relationship, that is a far bigger deal than whether or not chatting is cheating.
If you two have different ideas about what is and should be exclusive to your relationship, that is a far bigger deal than whether or not chatting is cheating.
infinity706
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Yeah, it really depends on your relationship. I haven't even had any problem with my partners doing it, but then, I wouldn't care if they had reasonably safe, responsible sex with anyone they wanted as long as they used a condom. I do know some people that having friends of the opposite sex counts as cheating, though.
Netzach
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This.
FloggingMolly
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For us, flirting on the forums isn't liked, but isn't cheating, however we would both have problems with cybering etc.
'cheating' to me is where one party does something that breaches the rules that you have established together.
'cheating' to me is where one party does something that breaches the rules that you have established together.
culloden
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In my marriage it would be. And if you're asking the question, I suspect you already know the answer as it pertains to yours.
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midwestyankee
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To echo what others here have said, cheating is in the eye of the beloved.
WriterDom
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It's always pathetic when I see a wife resort to such things. Usually she's pretty miserable in the marriage, but there are other factors like kids and finances that keep her from leaving. Many times there is abuse too. Verbal if not more.
Men are far worse. They'll do it for no reason at all. Tiger and his 121 women. Sorry, but I see no honor in that, and I don't buy the whole addiction excuse.
Men are far worse. They'll do it for no reason at all. Tiger and his 121 women. Sorry, but I see no honor in that, and I don't buy the whole addiction excuse.
greystardust
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Well there are a lot of people who love their partners and spouses but need, yes need, a separate and different outlet. Chatting and cyber sex in my opinion is not cheating. It's an outlet and a relief.
It's also safe, very safe.
You know pussy4u, you are a person with desires and needs just like everyone else. And all this moral righteous bullshit, in which people deny themselves their needs (either actually deny them, or pretend to deny them in the public eye...) is not healthy at all. It's also not healthy having to blurt every need and fantasy onto your partner, especially if your partner, (who you love, okay...) isn't into that particular stuff.
People often can't handle the guilt. And instead of handling it, they throw it onto their partner, by "being open" etc. And that probably just makes it worse, because it hurts the partner, and doesn't help the guilt anyway.
So, I say go for it. As long as it's online, there's no physical risk, and it's a way for a person to express themselves and learn about themselves. And if you feel like a cheat, take the pain and be brave and also be caring to the one you love by being discreet.
It's also safe, very safe.
You know pussy4u, you are a person with desires and needs just like everyone else. And all this moral righteous bullshit, in which people deny themselves their needs (either actually deny them, or pretend to deny them in the public eye...) is not healthy at all. It's also not healthy having to blurt every need and fantasy onto your partner, especially if your partner, (who you love, okay...) isn't into that particular stuff.
People often can't handle the guilt. And instead of handling it, they throw it onto their partner, by "being open" etc. And that probably just makes it worse, because it hurts the partner, and doesn't help the guilt anyway.
So, I say go for it. As long as it's online, there's no physical risk, and it's a way for a person to express themselves and learn about themselves. And if you feel like a cheat, take the pain and be brave and also be caring to the one you love by being discreet.
Bandit58
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It's always pathetic when I see a wife resort to such things. Usually she's pretty miserable in the marriage, but there are other factors like kids and finances that keep her from leaving. Many times there is abuse too. Verbal if not more.
Men are far worse. They'll do it for no reason at all. Tiger and his 121 women. Sorry, but I see no honor in that, and I don't buy the whole addiction excuse.
I did that near the end of my first marriage. I was lonely, unhappy and had very low self esteem due to emotional abuse. I was aware that my husband would not like it if he found out, but by then I really did not care.
Pussy4u, if you are doing this behind your partner's back, I call it cheating. I am sorry you are feeling so lost and confused and - admit it - guilty. I felt all those things. If you can't talk to your partner about it (and I could not, he would not have understood and would have got very angry and jealous) then you may need to weigh up whether you want to stay with him
Stella_Omega
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I agree -- I am sorry as well, that you are going through this, it must feel pretty miserable. I'm wishing you strength in whatever decisions you end up making....
Pussy4u, if you are doing this behind your partner's back, I call it cheating. I am sorry you are feeling so lost and confused and - admit it - guilty. I felt all those things. If you can't talk to your partner about it (and I could not, he would not have understood and would have got very angry and jealous) then you may need to weigh up whether you want to stay with him
george51
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You are a tough lot. But I agree with this.
Stella_Omega
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As do I and my partners-- But!
Pussy4u's partner may not feel that way, and neither might she. It sounds as if she doesn't.
BertrandRussell
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As others have said, it depends upon what you and your husband have agreed upon. In some relationships it is cheating, in others it is not. But you and your husband have obviously not discussed it, or you wouldn't be here asking the question.
So in the absence of agreement, I'd fall back on the question of does it harm him? That is, does he lose anything when you do it? If you are here looking for an affair or for his replacement, then that harms him and, yes, it is cheating. If you just do it for entertainment, and you get aroused and then go have sex with him, it benefits him, so then it is not cheating.
In summary: is he better off or worse off when you do it?
So in the absence of agreement, I'd fall back on the question of does it harm him? That is, does he lose anything when you do it? If you are here looking for an affair or for his replacement, then that harms him and, yes, it is cheating. If you just do it for entertainment, and you get aroused and then go have sex with him, it benefits him, so then it is not cheating.
In summary: is he better off or worse off when you do it?
Lizzie_Borden
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I didn't think it was much of a deal, because of how *I* myself viewed it and what I got out of it.
Mr thought differently.
And I think *you* think differently OP, because, in my eyes, with a nick like that, you're already looking to give it away.
Mr thought differently.
And I think *you* think differently OP, because, in my eyes, with a nick like that, you're already looking to give it away.
fuckmeat
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I think that, like intothewoods said, there's chatting and there's chatting. It really depends what you're up to, how your husband will feel about it and what the risk is of things developing and going beyond whatever moral boundaries you set for yourself.
If you chat with random strangers, even if you cyber with them, there's little or no emotional connection. If you chat with a few people regularly, they become acquaintances that you have emotional investment in to one degree or another. If you chat just with one other person, that has even more scope for developing into a threat to your marriage, especially if your marriage isn't that great right now. The grass never seems greener than when the patch you're standing in has wilted a little. Then there's the risk that you might be persuaded into other forms of communication like webcams, phone/skype or even a real meet, however innocent your intentions might be... or not.
What all this represents is the level of deception involved if you choose not to tell your husband. Many believe the risk is worth the gratification and many believe they are protecting their spouse from needless upset and suspicion. They believe they are fulfilling a need that their partner can't or won't, making themselves happier, more fulfilled and able to enjoy their relationship without resenting their partner for not being into X. Whether that's something you believe yourself is down to you. If it really is harmless fun, it's down to you to keep it that way and not become seduced into letting things develop further than they should. If you discuss your chat habit with him, it's down to you to reassure him that you still love him and that there's no threat to the relationship. Then you have to keep your word and maybe be prepared for him to want to check up on you occasionally.
You should also consider how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot and you caught your husband jacking off while cybering with some stranger in a chatroom. How would you feel if you told him about your chatting and he confessed to already having done so?
Also, if there's something you feel you're not getting within your marriage that's important to you, can you honestly say you've done your best to convey your needs to your husband and see whether he will try to meet them or compromise somehow? I know it's hard to suggest that your primary partner isn't ticking every box but surely that's an easier conversation than telling him you've already taken the step of getting that box ticked (albeit in cyberspace) elsewhere?
If you chat with random strangers, even if you cyber with them, there's little or no emotional connection. If you chat with a few people regularly, they become acquaintances that you have emotional investment in to one degree or another. If you chat just with one other person, that has even more scope for developing into a threat to your marriage, especially if your marriage isn't that great right now. The grass never seems greener than when the patch you're standing in has wilted a little. Then there's the risk that you might be persuaded into other forms of communication like webcams, phone/skype or even a real meet, however innocent your intentions might be... or not.
What all this represents is the level of deception involved if you choose not to tell your husband. Many believe the risk is worth the gratification and many believe they are protecting their spouse from needless upset and suspicion. They believe they are fulfilling a need that their partner can't or won't, making themselves happier, more fulfilled and able to enjoy their relationship without resenting their partner for not being into X. Whether that's something you believe yourself is down to you. If it really is harmless fun, it's down to you to keep it that way and not become seduced into letting things develop further than they should. If you discuss your chat habit with him, it's down to you to reassure him that you still love him and that there's no threat to the relationship. Then you have to keep your word and maybe be prepared for him to want to check up on you occasionally.
You should also consider how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot and you caught your husband jacking off while cybering with some stranger in a chatroom. How would you feel if you told him about your chatting and he confessed to already having done so?
Also, if there's something you feel you're not getting within your marriage that's important to you, can you honestly say you've done your best to convey your needs to your husband and see whether he will try to meet them or compromise somehow? I know it's hard to suggest that your primary partner isn't ticking every box but surely that's an easier conversation than telling him you've already taken the step of getting that box ticked (albeit in cyberspace) elsewhere?
FurryFury
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If you are keeping it a secret from your husband, yes it's cheating. It's better than actually fucking someone in a hotel room mind you but to me it's cheating.
