Is BDSM intrinsecally sexual?

[BLoved]

They do and I do appreciate the sentiment.

Having said that, I do not agree with your zealous belief that all casual forms of BDSM are emotionally unhealthy and therefore harmful. G has suggested and encouraged me to find a casual play-partner, she has even browsed BDSM personals for me, because she wants me to be happy and she knows how much caring for her can take out of me. I posted a BDSM Personals ad here myself a little while ago looking for a casual play-partner but I have since decided that it's not the right time for me to do this. By casual, I'm thinking of someone I can build some trust with and see on a regular basis. More of a FWB that I can enjoy meals, drinks and play with. It will probably happen at some point in the not too distant future but G has left it entirely to my own discretion.

So, while I am very pleased and flattered that the love in our dynamic comes through in my posts, I don't like you holding us up as an example to illustrate an opinion with which neither G or myself would agree.

While I could be wrong, somehow I doubt G is going to feel special knowing you're making love to someone you don't love.

I'd advise against it, but some folk need to learn things the hard way.

 

[ownedsubgal]

While I could be wrong, somehow I doubt G is going to feel special knowing you're making love to someone you don't love.

you are someone i desperately wish to ignore, and will probably do so for good after this post, but i feel the need to state the obvious: sex is a biological drive and urge. sex is not "making love."

 

[BLoved]

As for the main topic:

Ask 100 monogamous women whether they'd be comfortable knowing their husband is off topping some submissive woman ...

Ask 100 monogamous men whether they'd be comfortable knowing their wife is off bottoming for some dominant man ...

I think the vast majority, if not all, would view bdsm as sex.

 

[LaRocha]

I think this makes my point quite well:



That is an example of an emotionally healthy BDSM relationship.

The Little Things

The way she looks at you when she thinks you're not looking.

The way her hair smells when she rests her head on your chest.

The way your heart hurts every time you think of her, and the way it hurts every time you're near her.

The way you feel anger towards those who have hurt her, and the way you feel gratitude towards those who have helped her.

The way she laughs, the way she smiles, the way she sleeps in your arms at night.

The little things mean so much ...

This is just maudlin mush, there's not one iota of BDSM in it. And it actually has nothing to do with sex either. Sex doesn't have to be a part of an emotionally healthy relationship.

However, sex does have to be a part of an emotionally healthy or unhealthy BDSM relationship. But then again, you can just take the BDSM out of that equation, because BDSM has nothing to do with whether or not a sexual relationship has the quality of being emotionally healthy or not.

 

[BLoved]

This is just maudlin mush, there's not one iota of BDSM in it.

~smile~

Perhaps none of your brand of 'bdsm', but it is the essence of mine.

However, sex does have to be a part of an emotionally healthy or unhealthy BDSM relationship. But then again, you can just take the BDSM out of that equation, because BDSM has nothing to do with whether or not a relationship is emotionally healthy or not.

You continue to focus on what, and ignore the why.

 

[BLoved]

sex is a biological drive and urge. sex is not "making love."

I'd pity your sexual partners, but they are probably not making love to you either.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'd pity your sexual partners, but they are probably not making love to you either.

Fucking.

The word is;

Fucking.

It's a very good word for a very pleasurable partnered activity.

 

[BLoved]

Fucking.

The word is;

Fucking.

It's a very good word for a very pleasurable partnered activity.

My my, what a surprise to find so many having difficulty with the concept of "making love".

~smile~

 

[Stella_Omega]

My my, what a surprise to find so many having difficulty with the concept of "making [b love[/b]".

~smile~

She pointed out that there was a difference.

What a surprise to find out that you have a problem with that.

~smirk~

 

[ownedsubgal]

I'd pity your sexual partners, but they are probably not making love to you either.

i pity those who must actually be in your presence and listen to your completely ignorant, nonsensical, contradictory and verging on insane drivel.

as for me, i am well aware of what defines "making love," and genital contact just isn't it. making love is my Master and i hand in hand taking a lazy stroll in the park, cooing over the cute ducks and geese, and him teasing me when the wind blows my dress up. making love is the two of us lying on the bed in the middle of the day, my head on his chest and his hand on my hair, getting lost in his heartbeat. making love is the way he looks at me when he says "you are my Heart," with deadly intensity. making love is him hand feeding me soup when i am too ill to get out of bed.

we are making love in all of these moments and in countless others. but we are not making love when tab a goes into slot b.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Fucking.

The word is;

Fucking.

It's a very good word for a very pleasurable partnered activity.

shush now, you don't want to traumatize the fellow.

 

[BLoved]

She pointed out that there was a difference.

What a surprise to find out that you have a problem with that.

~smirk~

I am well-aware there are a lot of losers who have sex because they lack the wherewithall to make love.

A lot of people simply cannot handle an emotionally intimate relationship, or they get bored with their partner, or they don't care about their partner, or they feel they are owed something for all they put up with ... it all boils down to the same thing.

Since they don't respect themselves, and don't respect their partner, they call it "sex", because "making love" just doesn't fit what they are doing.

 

[BLoved]

i pity those who must actually be in your presence and listen to your completely ignorant, nonsensical, contradictory and verging on insane drivel.

as for me, i am well aware of what defines "making love," and genital contact just isn't it. making love is my Master and i hand in hand taking a lazy stroll in the park, cooing over the cute ducks and geese, and him teasing me when the wind blows my dress up. making love is the two of us lying on the bed in the middle of the day, my head on his chest and his hand on my hair, getting lost in his heartbeat. making love is the way he looks at me when he says "you are my Heart," with deadly intensity. making love is him hand feeding me soup when i am too ill to get out of bed.

we are making love in all of these moments and in countless others. but we are not making love when tab a goes into slot b.

Strange that you can list so many intimacies as "making love", but the most intimate experience of all you have to deny there is any "love making" whatsoever.

Fortunately for my Beloved I am not in denial about our love-making.

Dogs have sex, people "make love" or, due to their dysfunctional attitude towards love, they also "have sex".

 

[Stella_Omega]

they call it "sex", because "making love" just doesn't fit what they are doing.

You got one thing right, at least.

~smile~

 

[BLoved]

You got one thing right, at least.

~smile~

Indeed.

We can thank the spread of AIDs, venereal diseases, and unwanted pregnancies on those having "sex".

 

[Stella_Omega]

Indeed.

We can thank the spread of AIDs, venereal diseases, and unwanted pregnancies on those having "sex".

Unsafe sex, certainly. Also, unsafe love-making.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Indeed.

We can thank the spread of AIDs, venereal diseases, and unwanted pregnancies on those having "sex".

your delusion knows no bounds. i have no idea why i entertained this "discussion" with you, clearly my masochism goes deeper than i realized. but i'm over it now, and will leave the others to enjoy you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

your delusion knows no bounds. i have no idea why i entertained this "discussion" with you, clearly my masochism goes deeper than i realized. but i'm over it now, and will leave the others to enjoy you.

If you are using firefox, add the plugin in my siggy. Poof! bloved is all gone!

 

[BLoved]

Unsafe sex, certainly. Also, unsafe love-making.

It is impossible for a closed relationship to spread AIDs to anyone but those involved.

Casual players are another matter.

Why should anyone infected with AIDs care whether a condom rips or not?

Especially when it is a one-night stand/no-strings attached.

 

[BLoved]

i have no idea why i entertained this "discussion" with you

It's called "obsessive-compulsive disorder" and you're not the only one suffering from that problem.

 

[Stella_Omega]

There's no faster way to attach a string than by making someone sick or pregnant.

 

[BLoved]

There's no faster way to attach a string than by making someone sick or pregnant.

Considering how often a casual player tests for AIDs I'm quite sure there are more than a few casual communities infested with it.

 

[ownedsubgal]

If you are using firefox, add the plugin in my siggy. Poof! bloved is all gone!

i just used the board's iggy feature. there are now a grand total of 3 folks on my list, i had forgotten there were any others. but this thread sure looks a lot nicer now.

 

[BLoved]

i just used the board's iggy feature. there are now a grand total of 3 folks on my list, i had forgotten there were any others. but this thread sure looks a lot nicer now.

~smile~

More hi-jacking for the sole purpose of expressing personal animosity.

 

[00Syd]

Considering how often a casual player tests for AIDs I'm quite sure there are more than a few casual communities infested with it.

Oh goddamn it, shut the fuck up. You haven't ever evern experienced what you consider the causal community, and you have absolutely no idea how importantly people take safe sex. What are you basing this comment on? Collarme.com? Please. Step away from the computer for a few minutes, for everyones sake.

AIDS is a problem everywhere, in every community, and it's a problem that people involved in multiple relationships do a GREAT DEAL to combat. So shut the fuck up about things you don't know, and stop insinuating that I'm some diseased, pregnant, emotionally abused, damaged abuser with your horse shit.

Jesus fucking christ.

And yes, I fuck. A lot. With lots of different people. People who I'm not in a relationship with, Oooooh. I even have gangbangs and I ENJOY them, ooooh! I'm practically the anti-love boogie-monster.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

/rant.