The 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'

[BLoved]

And since when does the BDSM community have the market on NSA/one night stands? And for that matter, who said a NSA/ONS had be involved for a rape to occur?

The topic of discussion is the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm', n'est pas?

 

[Keroin]

Helen Keller was Keroin's bitch. Read the scholarship.

She put some serious braille welts on her ass that spelled out "poopy pants."

Word.

 

[chy_girl]

In other words, casual players and their advocates are obsessive/compulsive when it comes to abusing others.

No, in other words, we go pretty much by a "live and let live/agree to disagree" model here and you have demonstrated behavior that is so fucked up we agree to disagree with you... vocally. And because you are rude and inconsiderate and have no issue stomping all over us with general and sweeping accusations, not to mention vast numbers of erroneous statements and putting words in our mouths.

Besides, you've posted more than anyone else.

 

[BLoved]

No, in other words, we go pretty much by a "live and let live/agree to disagree" model here and you have demonstrated behavior that is so fucked up we agree to disagree with you... vocally. And because you are rude and inconsiderate and have no issue stomping all over us with general and sweeping accusations, not to mention vast numbers of erroneous statements and putting words in our mouths.

I encourage readers to read the discussion and judge the matter for themselves.

Besides, you've posted more than anyone else.

I believe the count is something like 300+ posts from me advocating love and challenging casual advocates to justify the lack of ethics inherent in casual 'bdsm', and 700+ posts from others trying to distract readers from the fact they cannot justify the lack of ethics in casual 'bdsm'.

Again, I encourage readers to read the discussion and judge the matter for themselves.

 

[Stella_Omega]

No one blames the victim if she is raped during a vanilla date.

Advocates of casual 'bdsm' blame the victim if she is raped while on a NSA/One Night Stand.

The double standard is rather obvious, and one novices ought to notice: if you are raped by a casual player, the casual community will blame it on your "stupidity".

Bullshit. Absolute, unmitigated bullshit. If anything, the BDSM community in general-- from leather pride events to Thursday night bar meets-- is more aware, more careful and more protective of newcomers than any vanilla group I have ever come across.

The BDSM community is one of the few places where someone's sex life is other people's business.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

In other words, casual players and their advocates are obsessive/compulsive when it comes to abusing others.

I know I am!

I wake up in the morning and advocate the hell out of "casual playing," (mostly to my dog). Then I check the iron 25 times to make sure it's off, lick the light switch, recite Woodrow Wilson's plea for the League of Nations seven times (seven only, mind you!) and then, look out, baby, 'cause it's abuse time! I usually abuse 4 or 5 victims of all types before 10 a.m. Rock and Roll!

 

[BLoved]

Bullshit. Absolute, unmitigated bullshit. If anything, the BDSM community in general-- from leather pride events to Thursday night bar meets-- is more aware, more careful and more protective of newcomers than any vanilla group I have ever come across.

And what kind of "vanilla group" would that be?

The BDSM community is one of the few places where someone's sex life is other people's business.

So to be a member of said community one must abandon their right to privacy?

 

[Keroin]

I know I am!

I wake up in the morning and advocate the hell out of "casual playing," (mostly to my dog). Then I check the iron 25 times to make sure it's off, lick the light switch, recite Woodrow Wilson's plea for the League of Nations seven times (seven only, mind you!) and then, look out, baby, 'cause it's abuse time! I usually abuse 4 or 5 victims of all types before 10 a.m. Rock and Roll!

10am? Amateur.

I've done all that PLUS knitted a sweater out of dryer lint by 8:17am.

 

[FloggingMolly]

10am? Amateur.

I've done all that PLUS knitted a sweater out of dryer lint by 8:17am.

lightweight! I've done all that, as well as reform modern politics, caught oysters and conquered Rome by 8:16

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

10am? Amateur.

I've done all that PLUS knitted a sweater out of dryer lint by 8:17am.

Braggart.

I gave up knitting sweaters for Lint, and I've yet to get started again.

 

[Stella_Omega]

And what kind of "vanilla group" would that be?

Good question! What kinds of BDSM groups are you talking about?

So to be a member of said community one must abandon their right to privacy?

Yep. Especially now that they are bringing in those independent third party supervisors.


You are far, far better to remain far, far away from those nosy people. Someone might start worrying about your girlfriend's well-being.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

No, in other words, we go pretty much by a "live and let live/agree to disagree" model here and you have demonstrated behavior that is so fucked up we agree to disagree with you... vocally. And because you are rude and inconsiderate and have no issue stomping all over us with general and sweeping accusations, not to mention vast numbers of erroneous statements and putting words in our mouths.

Besides, you've posted more than anyone else.

In other words, he's succeeded in uniting this board. Doesn't that sort of awesome power demand your respect?

 

[Keroin]

In other words, he's succeeded in uniting this board. Doesn't that sort of awesome power demand your respect?

I'll tell you what demands my respect...

http://forum.ntreev.net/trickster/cfs-filesystemfile.ashx/__key/CommunityServer.Discussions.Components.Files/67/6378.200771916462_5F00_pingu.jpg

 

[Keroin]

lightweight! I've done all that, as well as reform modern politics, caught oysters and conquered Rome by 8:16

Yes, but you are using a European clock. The Canadian hour only has 55 minutes. Thus, I actually finish my tasks several days ahead of you.

Besides, how hard is it to conquer Rome?

"Hey, look over here! I have wine, pasta and curvaceous, scantily clad women! And if you don't let me conquer you, I'll tell your mother!"

Pfft.

 

[intothewoods]

Note the common theme: only stupid people get victimized, rape victims have only themselves to blame.

"What were you doing wearing that dress in that part of town?" asks the rapist's defense lawyer.

In other words, it is not the obligation of casual players to be ethical, it is the responsibility of the victim to be paranoid. Anything bad that happens is the victim's fault, or so say the advocates of casual 'bdsm'.

Excuse me, but I have never said that. A one night stand in and of itself does not equal victimization or rape. Everyone should be ethical, but that doesn't preclude me from being smart and using my instincts.

 

[Stella_Omega]

In other words, he's succeeded in uniting this board. Doesn't that sort of awesome power demand your respect?

From chaos to order, yep.

 

[BLoved]

Good question!

I notice you've not answered.

What kinds of BDSM groups are you talking about?

Casual 'BDSM' and Emotional Abuse: The Case for Love

You are far, far better to remain far, far away from those nosy people. Someone might start worrying about your girlfriend's well-being.

The only reason a casual player shows any 'concern' for someone is if they hope to take advantage of that person.

"No Strings Attached", remember?

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I'll tell you what demands my respect...

http://forum.ntreev.net/trickster/cfs-filesystemfile.ashx/__key/CommunityServer.Discussions.Components.Files/67/6378.200771916462_5F00_pingu.jpg

From chaos to order, yep.

You will be(loved) assimilated.

 

[BLoved]

A one night stand in and of itself does not equal victimization or rape. Everyone should be ethical, but that doesn't preclude me from being smart and using my instincts.

Nor does it preclude people reading the opinions of those who disagree with the lack of ethics in casual 'bdsm'.

Perhaps you'll tell us what "a one night stand in and of itself" means.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Nor does it preclude people reading the opinions of those who disagree with the lack of ethics in casual 'bdsm'.

Perhaps you'll tell us what "a one night stand in and of itself" means.

fucking and leaving.

 

[rida]

There is no proved direct correlation or causation between enjoying sex for sex's sake &/or S&M play for its own sake and being an abuser or survivor of abuse or lacking in self-esteem or being dysfunctional.

Not everyone that is not looking for an emotional connection in each and every sexual or S&M interaction is an abuser or survivor of abuse or lacking self-esteem or being dysfunctional.

The fact that intimate behavior causes chemical reaction that foster pair bonding when that pair bonding is not continued and fostered is not abusive nor dysfunctional in an of itself nor it damages self-esteem in and on itself.

The fact that such pair bonding is continued and fostered is not necessarily healthy or sane or not abusive in and on itself.

No String Attached does not mean that an emotional relationship will not happen. It only means that it is not the goal or the scope of the interaction. It also does not mean no responsibility nor accountability.

ETA: "in and on itself" means that the action described does not carry an ethical value per se, but that intentions and other elements need to be considered.

And before you go off in the "anyone that does not seek love is dysfunctional and has a damaged self esteem and anyone that would fuck/beat them is an abuser taking advantage of a potential victim" I'll send you back to the beginning of this post.

 

[intothewoods]

Nor does it preclude people reading the opinions of those who disagree with the lack of ethics in casual 'bdsm'.

Perhaps you'll tell us what "a one night stand in and of itself" means.

We're on a public forum. If I didn't want someone reading my opinions, I wouldn't post them. No one is preventing anyone from reading everything here.

I mean, person x wants to have sex, and person y also wants to have sex, so they decide to have sex.

fucking and leaving.

Ding ding.

 

[CutieMouse]

Except no one is expecting to be tied up in a vanilla relationship.

The risks for an encounter involving bdsm are quite different from those involved in a vanilla encounter.

Except that you're assuming that because I identify as a submissive, I allow myself to be tied up.

BTW, I don't, as I find bondage to be quite boring.

 

[Homburg]

So you would have us believe people in committed love-based relationships have chosen to humiliate themselves with assorted forms of immaturity to defend a form of abuse they don't practice?

No, goat-fucker. I am telling you flat out that you are wrong, as are a lot of other people here. And it has nothing to do with participation or advocacy, and everything to do with defending the people that you are viciously bad-mouthing in your unrelenting ignorance.

Wouldn't that be a statement, then, on the cowardice of casual players that they cannot speak for themselves?

No, again, you are wrong.

First, it does not say that they cannot defend themselves. My statement used the words "many" and "most", not "all". I realise that you are utterly fucking blind to the difference between the concepts of ""some" and "all", but everyone else here learned about it in our formative years. Said concepts being so ingrained, it is not unusual for me to use those words even when addressing narrow-minded poltroons such as yourself.

Secondly, it speaks more to how incorrect you are, and how it inspires those that actually have experience in the field to attempt to educate you regardless of whether they are active or not.

--

My god, man, are you intellectually deaf to what is actually put in written word?

"Intellectually deaf" is both an awesome, and entirely accurate, phrase.

--

As do I, including the right to be informed of all the risks they are taking, something advocates of casual 'bdsm' hate.

Go to the rest of the board, goat-fucker, and you will see post after post discussing possible dangers. I know, reality, it buuuuurns! After a while, it just stings, and eventually, you get used to it.

--

Good question! What kinds of BDSM groups are you talking about?

Yep. Especially now that they are bringing in those independent third party supervisors.

for both of these lines

 

[Stella_Omega]

Except that you're assuming that because I identify as a submissive, I allow myself to be tied up.

BTW, I don't, as I find bondage to be quite boring.

bummer, dude