The 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'

[Netzach]

Compare:



with Love

Compare

"I love getting hurt it makes me wet/hard"

to

"I get hurt only to prove my love, when he hurts me he loves me."

YOU Sir are Mr. Danger Fuckhead. At no point am I claiming to be anything other than a Sadist into self gratification. At no point is H, my property, claiming to be anything other than a masochist. YOU are selling a bill of bullshit. A huge tidy bit of complete bullshit, a dangerous pitbull that you dress up as a fluffy bunny, relying on the fact that yes, a lot of people ARE that stupid. You lash out at every woman who demonstrates that she isn't.

See, it gets you hard to hurt her, but you can't cope with that bit of reality, you realize that it just makes you another schmuck out there who likes what everyone else here likes - how to set yourself above in your own mythology? How to get the purer, less sexually motivated women who *really* want to be abused and will tolerate it in the name of love?

Yes, love is not found at parties events or munches - all things set up to INCREASE personal safety- it's found driving around in the fucking woods and with the first man you encounter, when you're alone. Do you not see how deranged that sounds? Throwing all regard for your own personal safety to the wind and let love take care of you - great way to pick up Ted Bundy.

It allows your "beloved" to feel superior to the sea of boring sheeplike people who have to resort to singles events or dating to find their partners and of course they're too stupid to know how UNFORTUNATE they are. Yes. It's a quick high of feeling built up for people who have never ever been built up and know nothing but abuse.

You are sad, dangerous, misguided, and clearly isolated from people, so you decide you have to be better than them. Better than their foibles, their biology, their mistakes, their stinky HUMANITY.

The reason this thread goes on is because I've never seen a more compelling portrait of Mr. Dangerous Internet "Dom" Fuckhead, nor a lot of others here, I warrant. It's hard to let that go unchecked.

 

[Stella_Omega]

In the 2+ years I quested for my Beloved I've interacted with hundreds of casual players/advocates on fetlife, collarme, bondage.com, mydungeonspace, and here.

They are all the same when it comes to a lack of ethics.

The people in this discussion and the ones that led up to it are no different.

When hundreds of people show the same deceit, the same immaturity, the same two-facedness ... in other words, when they are "all assholes", one has to question the casual 'bdsm' paradigm that it should attract so many dysfunctional predators.

In this thread, the nearly unanimous response has been; "You have insulted every person here, you indulge in enormous sweeping generalizations and you have not one shred of authority for your statements. So, since you won't speak reasonably, and you won't shut up, we might as well have some fun on your account."

I am quite sure this is what you are calling "immaturity and deceit and "all assholes," everywhere else as well.

Ah, well.

 

[Homburg]

BDSM without ethics is no better than rape.

Except for that whole "consent" thing.

Your lack of perspective is revolting.

BDSM sans ethics = casual BDSM = spanking someone you don't know at a party with their permission = RAPE

...

You are fucked in the head.

 

[FloggingMolly]

You know what, all this talk of casual BDSM, meeting new people who are like minded, has only pushed me to go to munches _more_. I was never tempted before. If you hadn't started this tirade about the evils of casual BDSM, I may never have gotten interested. Congratulations, you've done exactly the opposite of what you set out to do. I'm even gonna invite my sweet innocent sub single female friend to come along

Clearly, you're made of 100% pure, unadulterated, true Fail.

 

[00Syd]

Is this thread still going? Jesus.

 

[warrior queen]

Other Forms of Casual Encounters

Adultery (Cheating)

It is not unusual I see an advertisement from a woman claiming to be attached seeking discreet encounters.

how very interesting that you only put women into this category, and completely ignored the fact that the over-whelming majority of ad's for cheaters are from men.
and that a good proportion of those male ads are asking for BDSM encounters.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

So what can we conclude when "everyone on the board" focuses their immaturity and lack of self-restraint on one individual who disagrees with their paradigm?

That they tolerate diversity?

It is in the manner that they handle adversity that their dysfunctions appear.

It is called "two-facedness".

And when they are so willing to manifest their immaturity and lack of self-restraint in public, what can we surmise about their practice in private, where there are no witnesses to their abusive behaviour?

What can we assume about their behaviour when it comes to uncooperative novices?

Peer pressure, character assasination, insults ... these are all forms of attack against a person's self-esteem.

Shall we conclude the casual players/advocates are used to getting their way by attacking the self-esteem of others, including novices?

In what way is that a healthy practice for those who disagree?

Casual players/advocates were challenged to provide the ethical basis for their behaviour, and we have 39 pages of evidence demonstrating they have no self-restraint in public and no ethics to justify what they do.

In other words, they are incapable of discussing their 'ethics' in a mature and responsible manner because they have no ethics, they know it and they are desperately trying to divert attention away from this fact.

You are a poopy pants. You smell.

 

[satindesire]

You are a poopy pants. You smell.

*TEAPSEW!!!!!!*

*wipes mouth grumping*

Christ On a pogo stick, you could at least put a warning on your posts?!

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

*TEAPSEW!!!!!!*

*wipes mouth grumping*

Christ On a pogo stick, you could at least put a warning on your posts?!

When I can occasionally encourage someone to spit a little caffeinated beverage on their computer, it gives me the strength to march on, toward my inevitable death.

 

[chy_girl]

When I can occasionally encourage someone to spit a little caffeinated beverage on their computer, it gives me the strength to march on, toward my inevitable death.

You are such an optimist.

 

[satindesire]

When I can occasionally encourage someone to spit a little caffeinated beverage on their computer, it gives me the strength to march on, toward my inevitable death.

*still grumping* You owe me an iced tea, buddy.

 

[FloggingMolly]

You are a poopy pants. You smell.

I saw the reply before the identity of the poster, yet I knew it would be you

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

*still grumping* You owe me an iced tea, buddy.

You are such an optimist.

Talk to satindesire. Her glass is half empty.

I saw the reply before the identity of the poster, yet I knew it would be you

I'm speaking truth to poopy pants!

 

[BLoved]

Compare

"I love getting hurt it makes me wet/hard"

to

"I get hurt only to prove my love, when he hurts me he loves me."

YOU Sir are Mr. Danger Fuckhead. At no point am I claiming to be anything other than a Sadist into self gratification. At no point is H, my property, claiming to be anything other than a masochist. YOU are selling a bill of bullshit. A huge tidy bit of complete bullshit, a dangerous pitbull that you dress up as a fluffy bunny, relying on the fact that yes, a lot of people ARE that stupid. You lash out at every woman who demonstrates that she isn't.

See, it gets you hard to hurt her, but you can't cope with that bit of reality, you realize that it just makes you another schmuck out there who likes what everyone else here likes - how to set yourself above in your own mythology? How to get the purer, less sexually motivated women who *really* want to be abused and will tolerate it in the name of love?

Yes, love is not found at parties events or munches - all things set up to INCREASE personal safety- it's found driving around in the fucking woods and with the first man you encounter, when you're alone. Do you not see how deranged that sounds? Throwing all regard for your own personal safety to the wind and let love take care of you - great way to pick up Ted Bundy.

It allows your "beloved" to feel superior to the sea of boring sheeplike people who have to resort to singles events or dating to find their partners and of course they're too stupid to know how UNFORTUNATE they are. Yes. It's a quick high of feeling built up for people who have never ever been built up and know nothing but abuse.

You are sad, dangerous, misguided, and clearly isolated from people, so you decide you have to be better than them. Better than their foibles, their biology, their mistakes, their stinky HUMANITY.

The reason this thread goes on is because I've never seen a more compelling portrait of Mr. Dangerous Internet "Dom" Fuckhead, nor a lot of others here, I warrant. It's hard to let that go unchecked.

Amazing what they'll say when money is involved:

A lot of people would call my financial use of my slave, H, abusive of him. However I can't possibly imagine slavery that involves no material enrichment for the owner that I'd still call slavery.

 

[BLoved]

I never even implied that "love" and "abuse" were SYNONYMOUS, and I'm insulted that you would even try such a thin-skinned straw man tactic with someone of my intellect level. I clearly stated that HE LOVED ME AS MUCH AS HE COULD. I can quote my post, if your short term memory is lacking?

I was in a long-term BDSM relationship for four years that was VERY abusive. He nearly took my life. He loved me (as much as he could) and I certainly did love him, passionately, but it was still abusive.

Abusers are not lovers, and lovers are not abusers.

Feel free to find a dictionary definition for the word "love" where "abuse" appears.

 

[BLoved]

Bullshit. Plenty of abusers do what they do for the supposed betterment of their victim. Sure, it's twisted and not fluffy with kittens, but what you've stated is ridiculous.

Find a dictionary definition for the word "love" where "abuse" appears.

Abusers are not lovers, and lovers are not abusers.

 

[BLoved]

Not everyone here has behaved in an immature manner.

I invite everyone to read the discussion, as well as the discussions that led to it.

 

[BLoved]

In this thread, the nearly unanimous response has been; "You have insulted every person here, you indulge in enormous sweeping generalizations and you have not one shred of authority for your statements. So, since you won't speak reasonably, and you won't shut up, we might as well have some fun on your account."

I am quite sure this is what you are calling "immaturity and deceit and "all assholes," everywhere else as well.

Ah, well.

I invite everyone to read this discussion.

 

[BLoved]

Except for that whole "consent" thing.

What is "consent" when based on deceit and misinformation.

 

[BLoved]

Other Forms of Casual Encounters

Adultery (Cheating)

It is not unusual I see an advertisement from a woman claiming to be attached seeking discreet encounters.

how very interesting that you only put women into this category, and completely ignored the fact that the over-whelming majority of ad's for cheaters are from men.
and that a good proportion of those male ads are asking for BDSM encounters.

As you can see, they will twist anything to say what they want it to say.

Same tactic used on novices to 'convince' them to do whatever they are told to do.

Apparently, because I was a single straight male seeking a female beloved, I must be a misogynist for not also looking over the ads run by men.

 

[warrior queen]

As you can see, they will twist anything to say what they want it to say.

Same tactic used on novices to 'convince' them to do whatever they are told to do.

Apparently, because I was a single straight male seeking a female beloved, I must be a misogynist for not also looking over the ads run by men.

unfortunately, when you claim to be some kind of 'expert' on what is and is not abuse, and what is and is not love, you must include every form and gender in your discussion.
you however, have chosen to single out females - and that makes you not only ignorant of the subject you claim to know so much about, but also bigoted and dangerous.
btw, i've highlighted one section of your response, because it was my understanding that it was indeed YOUR response.... and not from 'they' as you claim.

 

[BLoved]

You know what, all this talk of casual BDSM, meeting new people who are like minded, has only pushed me to go to munches _more_. I was never tempted before. If you hadn't started this tirade about the evils of casual BDSM, I may never have gotten interested. Congratulations, you've done exactly the opposite of what you set out to do. I'm even gonna invite my sweet innocent sub single female friend to come along

Clearly, you're made of 100% pure, unadulterated, true Fail.

Currently appearing in the journal of a casual player at collarme:

"This is effecting me so much I am terrified i may take my own life so I am going to the hospital."

This would be the woman who is a part-time pro domme, the woman who tried to talk an 18-year old novice into being a pro, the woman who tried to talk an 18-year old novice into signing a no-limits slave contract with the man whose behaviour led to the above quote.

I hope your "friend" realizes how willing you are to risk her life so that you can make a point on a bdsm forum.

 

[BLoved]

unfortunately, when you claim to be some kind of 'expert' on what is and is not abuse, and what is and is not love, you must include every form and gender in your discussion.

~smile~

I will provide the examples I think best illustrates my point.

If you wish to believe there are people out there who are unaware that husbands cheat on their wives, so be it.

Personally, I don't think people are that stupid.

 

[Scotsman69]

This record was cracked long ago. Bye X

 

[BLoved]

Why are some people so desperate for consent?

Over and over again there are several people who make it very clear that any advice given to a submissive should be viewed as a mortal insult regarding her ability to live her life and make her own decisions.

Whenever I read these kinds of comments the words "touchy" and "thin-skinned" come to mind.

If indeed these be adults capable of making their own decisions then surely they can read anyone's opinion and form their own conclusions without someone telling them they should all be insulted.

This need to slam advice intended to help those who are vulnerable to manipulation and fraud really only serves the purposes of those who benefit from exploiting the vulnerable.

Easy to ambush the ignorant, much more difficult to ambush the informed.

And it is that appeal to the ego, claiming advice should be ignored to prove a person can make his or her own decisions, that demonstrates the lack of concern for meaningful consent.

Only the most naive or deliberately short-sighted could believe all consent is meaningful.

And I think we can rule out naivety in the case of those who have spoken on this issue in the past.

So I am thinking about the motives behind deliberately viewing each consent as meaningful whether it is or not, and not bothering to take the time or interest in finding out, and slamming any effort to offer advice and insight to anyone who might be at risk, to help them reduce their risk, and insulting those who are at risk (thus demonstrating a complete lack of compassion for anyone whose consent they mistakenly assume is meaningful).

"Tough noogies." might be an appropriate summation.

Now, when I review that paragraph, what I see is systemic exploitation of ignorance, driven through the suppression of information, misinformation, and a complete disregard for anyone but themselves.

And that makes me wonder ...

Are they so desperate for consent they will take it any way they can get it?

Do these personality traits look like they'd have trouble disregarding any or all symptoms of someone not giving meaningful consent?

If they are not concerned for meaningful consent, then what concern do they have for consent at all?

By its nature casual play does not involve a lengthy interview process. More than likely there is none at all.

There is simply not enough time or effort to discover whether a person's consent is meaningful or not.

For casual play to occur, the assumption must be made consent is meaningful, knowing full well there will be cases where it is not.

And it is that selfish pursuit for casual playmates that drives the disregard for whether consent is meaningful, just as it drives the disregard for anyone who is victimized by this disregard.

Thus the near pathological hatred for anyone who speaks on behalf of their victims.

It is their need to expunge their guilt that turns me into their scape goat.