BDSM & Pregnancy

[kittyn_]

Well, I can only find very bare references to the issue, but nothing actually useful or informative, so I figured I'd throw this one out.

If anyone here has any experience with being pregnant and BDSM activities, I'd like your take on the subject. I just find it strange that for a subject (BDSM) that is, at the core more or less sex, there is so little information involving an obvious side effect (pregnancy).

I'm pregnant (My second brat) and while I know what my male and I do to make things more 'ok/safe' for the developing baby I'm carrying around, I'm curious on what other people have done/would do.

I'm pretty sure most of what happens commonly for us is 'safe' anyway, but for our own peace of mind we lighten things up anyway.

But yeah, heres my list of changed stuff, and I'd appreciate yours:

-Careful with where you're hitting or smacking, if he's near or on my back, make sure it's up high enough to be over ribs.
-No stretching anything (talking vaginally, obviously) past what it could normally take (this may just be me, but my body 'overcompensates' and tightens itself down significantly, even after any swelling has passed)
-It hurts to kneel, so cut it out as a requirement. I still do, but on my own and for as long as I know I can get my ungainly waddling self back up
-No 'serious' breast play. Wrong kind of hurt completely ruins anything sex and is no fun for anyone involved.

There's other things, but I'm not able to think of anything else major right now, so...

I'm sorry for the long post, but I'm curious, and while I'm sure someone will just say 'Don't, problem solved,' and that's not really an option.

Anyway, debate and theory (and useful information) go!

 

[Stella_Omega]

When I was pregnant, my appetite for sensations went way up! I ate up spankings like a shark, so to speak. I asked for needle play, and when I saw someone with an elaborate scar I started fantasising about branding-- anything to do with skin, I wanted.

And I fisted every woman I could get my fist into. Good times...

 

[IrisAlthea]

It is easy to overstretch tendons and ligaments, during pregnancy, so it´s a good idea to stick with comfortable positions.

 

[Soumis]

Long depressing post, sorry

I'm going to come off as quite the downer here, but I'm a labor and delivery nurse in a high risk, high volume department, so most of what I see is worst case scenario. Take it as you will.

A lot of things can lead to preterm labor/contractions. It's important that you stay hydrated as dehydration is a frequent contributor to preterm labor.

Take your prenatal vitamins! If they make you feel ill talk to your provider about switching brands or providing you with anti-nausea meds. If you bleed during the delivery or surgery they can make a big difference in how your body responds!

I'd also avoid nipple/breast play later in the pregnancy. The hormones released are reliable enough that we tell people at work to do some nipple play when they want to cross that line into active labor. I would look up a book on prenatal massage. It'll include a lot of hormone releasing hot spots to avoid particularly on the feet and hands. Or to not avoid if you're ready to start the party.

You'll find that's it's easier to vagal during your pregnancy, so if your feeling faint, don't push through it. Your body's first concern is always you. The baby is on it's own if your body feels like your well-being is threatened. I'd proceed with anal play with caution consequently. There's a reason a lot of people are found on the floor of their bathrooms.

On that note: no breathplay. If your oxygen supply is diminished, so is baby's.

If you're not comfortable talking to your ob/gyn or midwife about your lifestyle than I would find a new one, get comfortable, or not practice bdsm during your pregnancy. Granted, I'm talking worst case scenario, but if you cannot explain to your healthcare provider what activities may be influencing your pregnancy, landed you in the hospital, or worse, even on accident, than don't do them. Best case scenario your provider is having to guess/work with bad lies, worst case is worse.

I'd avoid putting a lot of pressure on your legs both in impact play, bondage, and kneeling. Lower body circulation is impaired particularly later in pregnancy and I wouldn't want to cut it off further or encourage clot/thrombus formation. Although women don't generally have to be told this, if it's uncomfortable lying on your back don't do it. Or in this case, don't let someone do it to you.

Another concern with impact play is in your choice of toys. Is the upper back safe like you said? Sure, but are some implements easier to control than others, of course. I wouldn't use things that have the potential for wrapping. No matter how perfect the aim, accidents can and will happen, particularly as your body changes dimensions.

Electricity: no. Just no. Involuntary contractions are not the way to go. I'm also not sure what level of current would be required to disrupt a baby's heart, but I wouldn't want to find out.

Hot tubs/hot baths: also a no. Sorry, but you want to avoid drastic prolonged raising of your core temp. Call your provider if you have a fever because infection is another one of those fun causes of preterm labor.

If you're into water sports, you might be thinking yay! I have to go all the time now! Which is true, but it's important you don't put yourself into a position where your bathroom access is limited or discouraged. A full bladder can irritate your uterus and going infrequently increases your risk for infection. A uti is a very dangerous complication in pregnancy.

Three particular complications. If you are diabetic expect your insulin needs to change. Your provider should be following you more closely. Same if you have hypertension. High blood pressure + pregnancy lowered seizure threshold = recipe for disaster. Monitor yourself closely if you haven't been before. If you're Rh negative your provider is probably going to give you some version of rhogam/rhophylac twice. Once at around 20 weeks and once after delivery. This prevents your body from making antibodies to fetal cells endangering future pregnancies. Trauma increases the risk of fetal cells in maternal circulation, so impact play probably does too. I'd be incredibly cautious about impact play if you're Rh negative.

When to go to the hospital:

If you have contractions that increase with walking, and rehydrating.
If you have a fever over 100.3.
If you have nausea, vomiting, diarrhea. Goes back to the take care of you first. If your dehydrated, so is baby. Not to mention your blood volume will be depleted and your blood pressure will be lower, all meaning baby isn't getting what it needs. A certain volume/pressure is needed to maintain blood flow through the placenta.
If you have leaking of fluid or bleeding.
If you have abdominal pain.
If your blood pressure is higher than 130/90 or more than 20 over your baseline if your starting our with great low blood pressure. Particularly if your baseline is low.
If you have a headache that persists with tylenol, blurry vision or spots, or consistent right sided flank pain.
If your urine is dark and/or bloody.
If you have decreased fetal movement.

I wish I could be more happy go lucky about it, but there is no way of telling how your body and your baby are going to respond. Even if you've been pregnant before everything about this pregnancy could be different. I've had patients in multiple car highway collisions where they were flipped and other people in the car died and baby and mom came out better than everyone. I've had patients with the worst complications for no reason at all. I know people that have maintained their bdsm lifestyle, but I've seen a lot of lost babies. Better safe than sorry.

Keep in mind that pregnancy is an emotional roller coaster on its own and emotion can play a big part in your body's response to pregnancy.

Here's a website of kink aware professionals: http://www.ncsfreedom.org/kap/index.php?option=com_keyword&id=270

Positive note: Time to practice those kegels! And congrats!

 

[kittyn_]

Thanks for the well thought reply Soumis, even if it is insanely long
While you may term your post 'depressing' it's the kind of response I wanted, I like having information available and knowing what risks I deem 'acceptable'. (Not many, on the whole.)

Some of what you mentioned (ie, electricity) simply doesn't apply, or at least not at the moment, so I'd never have thought about it.

I'm one of those 'worst case scenario' people who always can see exactly what can go wrong, but some things I just don't think about, such as breath play. It's been something that we do since..well, since I met my male, and I don't think about it enough to go 'Eh, no, remember the baby.' And that's half of the 'why' I posted anything about it on here. I'd like to be able to think about and say 'don't' to these things before being in the moment and not thinking at all.

Oh, another reason for my curiousity is simply the knowledge factor, and that finding information on the subject is ridiculously difficult and I don't think it should be. You can find information for BDSM 'guidelines' for everything from diabetes, mental illnesses, and about every major health concern I've heard of, but not something as 'simple' as a pregnancy.

 

[Soumis]

I didn't want to make any assumptions about your play, hence the length.

Most of my info is adapted from abuse and trauma situations that correlate physically with bdsm. Though I have done some community service in clinics where this comes up.

You could be one of those people that survives a flipped vehicle with a perfect pregnancy. You may not be. Feel free to pm if you want.

 

[ElizabethDarcy]

Soumis is completely right, I would only add a couple of caveats: be very careful with pain in the last trimester. Weird things sometimes trigger contractions and pain can be one of them. And be extra careful with your emotional state, pregnancy is not a good time for humiliation or even some of the coldness or gruffness that can be part of some couples' play. Your needs (physical, emotional) are not just important, but critical during pregnancy. Have fun.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Soumis, can you turn that into an essay?

 

[Soumis]

Soumis, can you turn that into an essay?

Sure, why not. I actually spoke to a couple of docs and midwives at work after posting, so I can add a bit more. Pretty sure they thought I was a bit off before this, but if they didn't...

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sure, why not. I actually spoke to a couple of docs and midwives at work after posting, so I can add a bit more. Pretty sure they thought I was a bit off before this, but if they didn't...

It's just about nonexistent on google-- less than 700 hits, which is picayune!

This one is good; http://www.mistressmatisse.com/preggers.htm

 

[trojan_man_co]

Being a male and not pregnant or with somone pregnant this post has no real bearing on me, HOWEVER i would say that this is one of the most informative and well needed forms i have seen in a while. I would like to especially thank you kittyn for starting it and soumis your info is extremely valuable and i truly think this is a wonderful thing you guys are doing. As stella pointed out, this is obviously a Rarely covered issue something that could have potential VERY serious consequences if your not carefull. So I hope this will reach out to all the women out there who might find them selves in similar predicaments’.