Pain

[Guest]

I don't know if this belongs here as a fetish or part of the things people bring into the Dom/sub world, and I posted a thread before about coming out to my partner about me liking it a bit rough but I've been reading a few personals and some threads from people that don't like pain, when it came as a limit in the lifestyle. I personally love pain, I like inflicting it and moreso I love it when is inflicted upon me. I'm not saying I'd like to get punched in the face or to actually get the shit beat out of me but I have a medium tolerance to pain and I'm always trying to test it.

So what I'm wondering is, do people like pain? Is it something that's more about the lifestyle? I'm sure there are people who are not into BDSM that would like pain, but it would inevitably lead to other things, right? How much of inflicting sexual pain could be considered as violence? I know I'm a bit messed up, but would it actually mean that I like violence?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I don't know if this belongs here as a fetish or part of the things people bring into the Dom/sub world, and I posted a thread before about coming out to my partner about me liking it a bit rough but I've been reading a few personals and some threads from people that don't like pain, when it came as a limit in the lifestyle. I personally love pain, I like inflicting it and moreso I love it when is inflicted upon me. I'm not saying I'd like to get punched in the face or to actually get the shit beat out of me but I have a medium tolerance to pain and I'm always trying to test it.

So what I'm wondering is, do people like pain? Is it something that's more about the lifestyle? I'm sure there are people who are not into BDSM that would like pain, but it would inevitably lead to other things, right? How much of inflicting sexual pain could be considered as violence? I know I'm a bit messed up, but would it actually mean that I like violence?

I don't know if I so much as enjoy pain, as just plain need it sometimes.

Actually no, light pain/sensation play I like. But I do tend to consider that more sensation than pain.

Real, actual pain, is cathartic. It overwhelms the senses, until I can't think about anything else. And then I fly.

And then I cry. And then I feel good again.

Sometimes, I do have a sexual response to the pain. It doesn't do me much good though, because I'm too floaty/lying there like a limp fish to be a good shag afterwards.

I don't think it's a lifestyle thing. Not for me anyway. I think getting involved in this stuff has helped me explore those needs in a more constructive way. I've had issues with depression and anxiety in the past, and when my anxiety was ramping to the max, and a crash was imminent, sometimes I'd hurt myself in an effort to trigger that crash in a time/place that I could control, instead of having a meltdown in public.

I don't know much about a link between liking pain, and violence. There's a thread floating around about it, I think.

 

[Guest]

I don't know if I so much as enjoy pain, as just plain need it sometimes.

Actually no, light pain/sensation play I like. But I do tend to consider that more sensation than pain.

Real, actual pain, is cathartic. It overwhelms the senses, until I can't think about anything else. And then I fly.

And then I cry. And then I feel good again.

Sometimes, I do have a sexual response to the pain. It doesn't do me much good though, because I'm too floaty/lying there like a limp fish to be a good shag afterwards.

I don't think it's a lifestyle thing. Not for me anyway. I think getting involved in this stuff has helped me explore those needs in a more constructive way. I've had issues with depression and anxiety in the past, and when my anxiety was ramping to the max, and a crash was imminent, sometimes I'd hurt myself in an effort to trigger that crash in a time/place that I could control, instead of having a meltdown in public.

I don't know much about a link between liking pain, and violence. There's a thread floating around about it, I think.

I've been dealing with depression for a very long time but I had never tried hurting myself in order to make myself feel better. I do feel that sometimes when I've been playing rough with my partner its like something inside of me is liberating but I never considered it like that. I always felt a thrill when it came to getting hurt, in many ways, phsychological and physical. I want it to be more intense, but I'm not sure how far I would take it.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I've been dealing with depression for a very long time but I had never tried hurting myself in order to make myself feel better. I do feel that sometimes when I've been playing rough with my partner its like something inside of me is liberating but I never considered it like that. I always felt a thrill when it came to getting hurt, in many ways, phsychological and physical. I want it to be more intense, but I'm not sure how far I would take it.

I never did it to deal with the depression, just the anxiety. My head would just be so crowded, with so many escalating thoughts, pain would be the only thing strong enough to cut through all of it and make the cycle stop.

Needless to say, I've since been to a psychologist and have learned how to head these things off *before* they escalate to massive proportions. Things are good now. I'm in a loving relationship, with healthy communication. I'm happy and content and in control of my life (well, as much as a sub can be, huh? )

I know what you mean about not being sure how far you can take it. It's a concept that has fascinated me for years. I'd dearly love to spend some time in the company of a sadist I had genuine and absolute trust in, who was skilled enough to be able to take me to that point without breaking. That I think would take a very deep relationship, to be able to get to that point.

It's also a fucking scary thought.

 

[Guest]

I never did it to deal with the depression, just the anxiety. My head would just be so crowded, with so many escalating thoughts, pain would be the only thing strong enough to cut through all of it and make the cycle stop.

Needless to say, I've since been to a psychologist and have learned how to head these things off *before* they escalate to massive proportions. Things are good now. I'm in a loving relationship, with healthy communication. I'm happy and content and in control of my life (well, as much as a sub can be, huh? )

I know what you mean about not being sure how far you can take it. It's a concept that has fascinated me for years. I'd dearly love to spend some time in the company of a sadist I had genuine and absolute trust in, who was skilled enough to be able to take me to that point without breaking. That I think would take a very deep relationship, to be able to get to that point.

It's also a fucking scary thought.

Its the scary thought that excites me to no end, i'm somewhat of a physical and emotional masochist, i can't help but wonder what would happen beyond the breaking point.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Its the scary thought that excites me to no end, i'm somewhat of a physical and emotional masochist, i can't help but wonder what would happen beyond the breaking point.

Mmmm, being broken is where I draw the line.

 

[FloggingMolly]

Mmmm, being broken is where I draw the line.

For me, I think there is a physical breaking point and an emotional one. The physical one would be intriguing, but the emotional one would be a no go.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

For me, I think there is a physical breaking point and an emotional one. The physical one would be intriguing, but the emotional one would be a no go.

Hmmm. Food for thought.

I'd agree with that. I think. But then, I think the line between the two would be too fine.

Maybe they're more intrinsically linked than I thought.

Maybe you'd end up totally dissociating, to cope?

 

[FloggingMolly]

Hmmm. Food for thought.

I'd agree with that. I think. But then, I think the line between the two would be too fine.

Maybe they're more intrinsically linked than I thought.

Maybe you'd end up totally dissociating, to cope?

Yeah, possibly...

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Yeah, possibly...

It's an interesting thought experiment though.

Schrodinger's Cat.
Maxwell's Demon.
How much pain is too much pain and what would that do to your brain?

 

[Guest]

It's an interesting thought experiment though.

Schrodinger's Cat.
Maxwell's Demon.
How much pain is too much pain and what would that do to your brain?

Interesting, Intriguing. Exciting. Dangerous. OH man.

 

[Dearelliot]

I feel the Sub should suffer some pain ,,,at first...the riding crop or needles etc...whatever fits...and the pain should be a step above what the sub is comfortable withh...because after the first time..discussing the punishment should be sufficent...showing her/him the crop the needles whatever...should cause the desired reaction...Our sub knows that the envelope will be stretched...so the motivating force is there..As our sub learns to grovel and perform. Simply telling the sub "Bring the instrument here!" should elicit the desired response..but a red welt on the behind would seem appropriate in any case, and more if the sub seems to require it.

 

[rida]

I do not like pain, as it does not make me get off. I see it as part of my services to please my PYL(s).

During impact play, there is a moment, I've started to notice, when the pain changes. It starts out shocking and screaming, and then right when I think I cannot take it anymore, it turns into just mind blowing and the further step is when my mind looses control over my body, and it just jerks away on his own accord, the pain just a flesh in my mind. The Sadist's way of hitting is always such that the rhythm is broken and I cannot get used to it. Also when he noticed me drifting of dissociating, he stops long enough for me to recollect myself so that the full impact of the pain cannot be escaped.

What I'm thinking while I'm getting beaten goes from: "I cannot do it, I cannot do it" to: "It hurts! It hurts! Please stop! It hurts!" to "Need to breath. Need to breath." With loose wild thought like "that blow missed" and "am I supposed to count?" or "I'm not going to scream with the next blow!". And when my body starts to run away from the blows the thoughts are "I need to get back in position!" "But it hurts!" "Hurry! Hurry! Back in position!".

During the breaks is when I try to breath deeply and try to tell myself to let the pain wash over. But then the strike arrives and ... my mind gets jumbled up again.

Something that has started to happen recently, the last few months, both with Hubby and the Sadist, and independently to the level of the pain, is that when my mind starts having conflicting thoughts or enters in conflicts with my body, I literally start babbling, as in making bubbling like sounds.

 

[FloggingMolly]

It's an interesting thought experiment though.

Schrodinger's Cat.
Maxwell's Demon.
How much pain is too much pain and what would that do to your brain?

That puts me in mind of Dr Seuss...

 

[etoile_noir78]

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[Eva1173]

I love to read the discussion in this thread.... I knew about the D/s part for a while, and I'm just testing my waters here, but now...The rope part, that's not so much my thing, even though i'm ok with it....the Pain part though, that surprised me, it definitely is my thing!!
I'm just thinking about what steps to take to find out what the best way is to test my limits there....


but yes, pain, I love it

 

[Guest]

I had an experience with a girl once, she had told me she liked it rough but I wasn't prepared for what she had in store... during sex she started going nuts, scratching my back deep - not a playful scratch but full on, drawing blood style. I grabbed her arms and pinned her down, she fought back and from then on we more or less fought our way through the session. Biting, scratching, punching - it was anything goes and I remember thinking to myself at one point "shit... this is getting out of hand"

I had her pinned down and thought I was in control but at the point of orgasm she bit me hard on the arm, the combination of the pain and pleasure at the same time was intoxicating.

Not an experience I have repeated, and not even sure if I would want to be on the other end of it again but something I look back on fondly now.

Ahh to have been that girl. I had a similar experience with my current partner except there was no sex involved but I know that he enjoyed it as much as I did. When you mentioned punching, that made me think about a couple of situations in which he's accidentally hit me, to a couple of times where we've been playing around trying to slap each other and take it a bit too far. I'm aware that it can become a bit of a delicate subject when you go from pain with a sexual connotation to actual punching or slapping. I dont think I would like to get punched in the face for starters but I think I might need to slow it down on the slaps.

I mean, how much of the pain inflicting is actually permissible, when it goes a bit too far and is no longer something consensual.

 

[mattguize]

I mean, how much of the pain inflicting is actually permissible, when it goes a bit too far and is no longer something consensual.

I think thats the real question. at what point does inflicting permissible pain go a bit too far and is no longer consensual?

To be honest, i dont know. I think it differs for each physical relationship entered into. Personally, i would struggle to bring myself to strike a lady. I may spank and slap, but never strike. That may be because non of my play-partners have ever asked for it. And it may be because I've always been taught that to strike a woman is wrong.

But perhaps it's got something more to do with the fact that such a relationship requires a trust between the two; an acknowledgement, whether spoken or silent, of where the line is. so that the pain inflicted is permissable and always consensual.

My two pennies worth.